Amanda’s Reviews > Flawed Perfection > Status Update

Weak plot, poorly written dialogue.

“Matching WHAT?” our mother’s screeched together.

Grammatical error. Again.

“When they stand like that,” Mark began to explain; “their tattoos touch, giving them superpowers to kick all our asses at volleyball!”

are these people in their mid-twenties or twelve?

As my eyes drifted they landed back on Monica standing next to a girl who looked much like me, with a bit more junk and too much bleach in her hair. They were both scantily clad in skinny jeans with more holes than fabric and barely there tank tops that their oversized busts threatened to burst out of.

This heroine can take her holier than thou personality and get the fuck out.

“Commitment-probe, remember?” I finally managed to answer as I played with the hem of my shirt.

That should be phobe, right?

Dialogue is badly written with too many usages of "I/he/she/they said" variations. When writing, one does not have to point out that someone is actually saying it, quotation marks will do that for you.

lol. I'm not going to like Adam and his hypocrisy either. He thinks its okay for him to have sex with women who don't care about him, but when the heroine reminds him that she has needs, he says she deserves better. Like, seriously, dude, you're a moron.

“They’re never good enough for you—you choose these high maintenance big boobed bitches, who don’t respect you for anything but your sculpted body,”

Classy. Maybe if she gave these women a chance before labeling them "big boobed bitches" she might find out they can be nice despite their big boobs.

“Now, this is the kind of apology I wanted!” he chuckled

"chuckle" should never be used as a speech tag. Unless it's an alien specie whose language consists of different ways of chuckling.

She was my problem and every other skank he dragged in at the wrong time.

I can tell I'm not going to like this heroine. Out heroine was beyond rude but of course this woman who throws herself on Adam is a skank and a bimbo. I mean, how could you possibly be anything else when you are well endowed in the chest department.