Lindsey’s Reviews > When Breath Becomes Air > Status Update

“Graham Greene once said that life was lived in the first twenty years and the remainder was just reflection.” -that has to be one of the dumbest things I’ve ever read. I’ve been sitting here contemplating how that can be twisted to make sense, or if it’s just some pseudo intellectual nonsense. Looked up the real quote. Paul here is the pseudo intellectual. Neurosurgeon ego — still no one deserves cancer.

“The tricky part of illness is that, as you go through it, your values are constantly changing. You try to figure out what matters to you, and then you keep figuring it out.” - sometimes it’s not possible to do what you originally wanted either, and that’s where you also figure out what want can replace it.

“”I got out of bed and took a step forward, repeating the phrase over and over: “I can’t go on. I’ll go on.”

Because I would have to learn to live in a different way, seeing death as an imposing itinerant visitor but knowing that even if I’m dying, until I actually die, I am still living.””

-I relate to this feeling, I had both physical & mental pain. Felt like I couldn’t go on, yet I did.

““Will having a newborn distract from the time we have together?” She asked. “Don’t you think saying goodbye to your child will make your death more painful?”

“Wouldn’t it be great if it did?” I said. Lucy and I both felt that life wasn’t about avoiding suffering.”—An unfortunate truth.

Also not a good book to read while in a below average mood.

“When there’s no place for the scalpel, words are the surgeon’s only tool.” — when they know there is nothing that can be done, their words will forever impact the family of the person who is dying or has died. He admits that there are times he had been going through the motions and focused on the rote treatment of disease. He was missing the larger human significance.

“”Professor, do you want the peritoneum closed?” Melissa asked. “I read recently that it doesn’t need to be.” “Let no man put asunder what God has joined,” the attending said. “At least, no more than temporarily. I like to leave things the way I found them—let’s sew it back up.”” - I’m not religious but I like what he said. Leave things as they are or make them better imo (if possible).

“Even working on the dead, with their faces covered, their names a mystery, you find that their humanity pops up at you—in opening my cadavers stomach, I found two undigested morphine pills, meaning that he had died in pain” -I try to avoid people and bodies as much as I can because of this. I’m too sensitive. It’s easier to keep a distance, but I still try to understand unpleasant feelings.

“Yet formaldehyde is a powerful appetite stimulant, so you also crave a burrito” I had to google this and apparently it’s a real thing. I’m so sensitive to smell, I still can’t believe it lol I can’t imagine wanting food while smelling that 🤢

“I vented about how I couldn’t believe that parents had abandoned these poor kids…The professor was a mentor, someone who thought deeply about how science and morality intersected. I expected him to agree with me. “yeah,” he said. “Good. Good for you. But sometimes, you know, I think it’s better if they die.”” -The professor has a point when it comes to quality of life, but complicated topic.

Paul enjoyed English literature and thought “literature provided the best account of the life of the mind, while neuroscience laid down the most elegant rules of the brain”. He was driven by what makes human life meaningful and I can imagine moreso when facing your own mortality. This part reminded me of a conversation I recently had with a friend about what makes a life well lived. The conclusion: sharing it.