Jimmy Tudeski > Quotes

“In Lucy's eyes, a penis that doesn't grow, is a very ungrateful penis.”
― Jimmy Tudeski, Uck It List

“When a window is opened up from the inside for you to climb through, then that window isn't there to be climbed through by you”
― jimmy tudeski, Double Trouble

“Choosing a fantasy, that could easily become a reality, then using that fantasy to make the achievable sound fu%king impossible, isn't a real fantasy.”
― Jimmy Tudeski, I Am Stalker

“There's no equality in the blow job, if all you ever do is suck at it!”
― Jimmy Tudeski, Comedian Gone Wrong

“Rebound sex is fine when you want to rebound and bounce back in life, but when you only want to bounce back into a bed with your ex-girlfriend, rebound sex would only ever turn out to be a regrettable thing”
― Jimmy Tudeski, Double Trouble

“How comes every time I write a book and one of my character's say something remotely offensive, do people stick that “Quote” next to my bloody name on social media? I didn't bloody say it, did I?”
― Jimmy Tudeski, Comedian Gone Wrong

“Clearly these were deliberate waterworks to make me feel bad about myself and what would you know, they water-worked perfectly!”
― Jimmy Tudeski, Double Trouble

“This girl was so hot, that even if one of your friends slept with her, you would have ended up gloating about it yourself for him.”
― Jimmy Tudeski, Double Trouble

“My soul might have been hijacked last night, but I definitely didn't sell it, did I?”
― Jimmy Tudeski, Complicated

“It's not blind people who are blind - It's those racist arseholes who see a colour with their eyes wide open, then have a fucking problem with it”
― Jimmy Tudeski, Comedian Gone Wrong 2

“Hence, why Tudeski is only my pen name (stage name – made up name) and I don't use my real surname when I write anything any longer. Clever of me, right? No, not really, my real surname got fucked over by critics long before I actually found out an author could use a pretend name – I just believe it's Tudeski's turn to take some of this shit now!”
― Jimmy Tudeski, Comedian Gone Wrong

“Isn't it weird when you trace over your footsteps to find something out, yet the footsteps only lead you straight back to the same confusing place you started out in?”
― Jimmy Tudeski, Mila Blitz

“How comes when a man likes an attractive female, is he helping to exploit women around the world, yet the moment he doesn't fancy the female in question, he only hates on her because she's empowering women? Seriously, I don't get it - Rihanna and Nicki do exactly the same thing as far as I can see. They both sing, dance and gyrate their sexy stuff on stage, yet one empowers women, the other is being exploited, depending on which one I fancy the most at the point of being asked the sodding question. How the fuck does any of this make sense?”
― Jimmy Tudeski, Comedian Gone Wrong

“When does anyone in the world utter those (Harmlessly flirting) words? When they're caught doing something wrong, right? Then how the fuck is it EVER considered harmless, if someone is ALWAYS going to be hurt by those words being said? There's NO harmless in harmless flirting and the sooner the world agrees with this, the sooner people will stop getting hurt by it being said all the bloody time!”
― Jimmy Tudeski, Comedian Gone Wrong

“Love is the greatest thing life will ever offer you and if you surrender yourself to that love, you must be willing to fight until the very end for it.”
― Jimmy Tudeski, Mila Blitz

“Feeling sexy and enjoying attention isn't a crime, yet it is a crime to stop someone from feeling sexy or good about themselves”
― Jimmy Tudeski, I Am Stalker

“They say the content and the cover are the most important things when it comes to a book or a novel, right? I totally disagree – The reader is the most important thing to a book”
― Jimmy Tudeski, Comedian Gone Wrong

“How long does it take to recover from a sex addiction? Saying that, what is a sex addiction anyway? I mean, I get a gambling or drink addiction could lead to bigger problems in life if you continue to do it, but how can sex addiction lead you anywhere but having more fun and more sex in life? Even if I was a recovering sex addict, would this actually bother me? Fuck yeah it would, because I wouldn't want to be in recovery and having less fucking sex, would I?”
― Jimmy Tudeski, Comedian Gone Wrong 2

“(Aries can be impatient)
I wouldn't call myself impatient. I just like to get things done really fast.”
― Jimmy Tudeski, Comedian Gone Wrong

“Pay closer attention to it's ears, the reason it's named the Rabbit. Is it just me, or do those ears also look like someone making a rude V-Sign hand gesture?

Oh, I get it now. Yes, very funny! Those bunny ears are meant to stimulate the clitoris, right? And of course, statistics and studies in bullshit magazines claim that 1 in every 2 men can't find the clitoris, right? Meaning what I think it means and that the sexist female who obviously designed this device is basically sticking two fingers up at crappy men, because her world famous toy can find the users clitoris quicker”
― Jimmy Tudeski, Comedian Gone Wrong

“I mean, drink driving is bad, drug driving is bad, but what is driving whilst under the influence of a fuc%ing nymphomaniac in your lap? How many years will this get me, if I do manage to keep my eyes on the road and not drive us off it first?”
― Jimmy Tudeski, Uck It List

“Glass half full, or glass half empty, what am I? The answer? I'm not the bloody glass, I'm the fucking tap! Meaning, whatever my glass decides to be on a certain day, empty or full, I control how I feel and the flow of the milkshake inside it”
― Jimmy Tudeski, Comedian Gone Wrong

“Remember, anyone can have car sex, yet it takes a truly active sexual imagine to make that car have sex with you too. The American's call it first base, second base, third base, don't they? I call it, first gear, second gear and reverse.”
― Jimmy Tudeski, Comedian Gone Wrong

“FIGHT FOR EQUALITY, NOT TO SEEK REVENGE, PLEASE!”
― Jimmy Tudeski, Comedian Gone Wrong

“If you don't love the job you do, then it's a job in itself to get up in the morning and go to work”
― Jimmy Tudeski, Comedian Gone Wrong

“I guess being a writer is a little like being a singer, when they're forced to sing that same boring song a million times over to their fans, even though that song was in the charts something like twenty years ago. We must read our book a million times before releasing it, they must sing the same song a million times after release, right? WRONG! It's nothing like that at all, because a song only takes three minutes to sing, whereas the reading of a book takes a fucking lifetime if you hate it already!”
― Jimmy Tudeski, Comedian Gone Wrong

“If the morning never comes, because the night before didn't end, then surely it's harder to feel like shit the next day if you don't sleep”
― Jimmy Tudeski, Comedian Gone Wrong 2

“My life without Lucy, is a prison sentence anyway”
― Jimmy Tudeski, Uck It List

“Have you arrived at your happy day by day yet, or are you waiting for a happy ending that will never actually arrive? There's no happy ever after – Only, happy right now!”
― Jimmy Tudeski, Uck It List

“Women do have it tougher, fact, but it's not a walk in the park for a man either. Is life really about sexist men, or women taking power back, or is it about equality, sharing, understanding and love?”
― Jimmy Tudeski, Battersea Parker 2