Matt Groening > Quotes

“I know all those words, but that sentence makes no sense to me.”
― Matt Groening

“Of course I’ve gone mad with power! Have you ever tried going mad without power? It’s boring and no one listens to you!
— Russ Cargill”
― Matt Groening

“Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.”
― Matt Groening, The Big Book of Hell

“To alcohol! The cause of... and solution to... all of life's problems”
― Matt Groening

“You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try.'

Homer Simpson”
― Matt Groening

“Solitude never hurt anyone. Emily Dickinson lived alone, and she wrote some of the most beautiful poetry the world has ever known... then went crazy as a loon."

Lisa Simpson”
― Matt Groening

“English? Who needs that? I'm never going to England.”
― Matt Groening

“I didn't lie, I was writing fiction with my mouth."

Homer Simpson”
― Matt Groening

“Where do babies come from? Don't bother asking adults. They lie like pigs. However, diligent independent research and hours of playground consultation have yielded fruitful, if tentative, results. There are several theories. Near as we can figure out, it has something to do with acting ridiculous in the dark. We believe it is similar to dogs when they act peculiar and ride each other. This is called "making love". Careful study of popular song lyrics, advertising catch-lines, TV sitcoms, movies, and T-Shirt inscriptions offers us significant clues as to its nature. Apparently it makes grown-ups insipid and insane. Some graffiti was once observed that said "sex is good". All available evidence, however, points to the contrary.”
― Matt Groening, Childhood Is Hell

“You can't keep blaming yourself. Just blame yourself once, and move on."

Homer Simpson”
― Matt Groening

“Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals ... except the weasel.”
― Matt Groening

“I promise I'll do anything for you, especialy if it's easy.

Homer Simpson”
― Matt Groening

“Keep your expectations tiny you'll go through life not so whiney.”
― Matt Groening

“Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.”
― Matt Groening

“When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.”
― Matt Groening

“The entire world of grown-ups is corrupt and stupid.”
― Matt Groening

“I plead alignment to the flakes of the untitled snakes of a merry cow and to the republicans for which they scam: one nacho, underpants with licorice and jugs of wine for owls.”
― Matt Groening, The Big Book of Hell

“I’ll keep it short and sweet - Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business. ”
― Matt Groening

“I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me, Superman.

Homer Simpson”
― Matt Groening

“This doesn't happen in America! Maybe Ohio, but not in America!"

Homer Simpson”
― Matt Groening

“I'm presently incarcerated. Convicted of a crime I didn't even commit. Hah! "Attempted murder"? Now honestly, what is that? Do they give a Nobel prize for attempted chemistry? Do they?”
― Matt Groening

“Living creatively is really important to maintain throughout your life. And living creatively doesn't mean only artistic creativity, although that's part of it. It means being yourself, not just complying with the wishes of other people.”
― Matt Groening

“I can't believe it! Reading and writing actually paid off!”
― Matt Groening

“Well, most grown-ups forget what it was like to be a kid. I vowed that I would never forget.”
― Matt Groening

“Did you hear something?"

"No."

"Did I hear something?"

"...I don't know...”
― Matt Groening

“You toyed with my heart, like it was a toy heart. (Lisa Simpson)”
― Matt Groening

“D'OH!”
― Matt Groening

“But we all had an agreement to let each other get away with everything! That's Capitalism!”
― Matt Groening

“Hello. I'm Leonard Nimoy. The following tale of alien encounters is true. And by true, I mean false. It's all lies. But they're entertaining lies. And in the end, isn't that the real truth? The answer is: No."
--Leonard Nimoy”
― Matt Groening

“Never! Never, Marge. I can't live the button-down life like you. I want it all: the terrifying lows, the dizzying highs, the creamy middles. Sure, I might offend a few of the bluenoses with my cocky stride and musky odors -- oh, I'll never be the darling of the so-called ‘City Fathers’ who cluck their tongues, stroke their beards, and talk about "What's to be done with this Homer Simpson?”
― Mike Scully