Stephanie McAfee > Quotes

“I’d rather straighten my pubes with a flat iron than go on another blind date.”
― Stephanie McAfee, Down and Out in Bugtussle: The Mad Fat Road to Happiness

“Times are a’changing, my man. Welcome to the new real world where fat people don’t have to hate themselves anymore. Thank God for women like Melissa McCarthy and Adele so we can all start really believing that now.”
― Stephanie McAfee, Ace Jones: Mad Fat Adventures in Therapy

“I didn’t get my nap today. Wouldn’t do for someone to piss me off.”
― Stephanie McAfee, Down and Out in Bugtussle: The Mad Fat Road to Happiness

“Wishing he'd...get the hell out the door before I do something crazy like ask him to whip out his goober.”
― Stephanie McAfee, Happily Ever Madder: Misadventures of a Mad Fat Girl

“I twist and turn and grunt and stretch, all the while praying I don’t squeeze out a fart and gas every one of these limber bitches to death.”
― Stephanie McAfee, Ace Jones: Mad Fat Adventures in Therapy

“Seurity!" I yelled. "I'm being harassed!"

Security officers swarm around me and one orders me to step inside the small office area.

"What's the problem here?" the man behind the desk asks the TSA officer.

"She's harassing me, and I feel that I'm being discriminated against because of my intelligence level," I say.

The man looks at me. "What?"

"This woman attempted to engage me in idiotic conversation and I'm psychologically incapable of reacting in a positive way to such foolishness and we had an altercation after she threatened to throw away my ChapStick.”
― Stephanie McAfee, Down and Out in Bugtussle: The Mad Fat Road to Happiness

“Will you hold on to my penis while I drive?”

“If it’s absolutely necessary, yes.”
― Stephanie McAfee, Ace Jones: Misadventures in a Winter Wonderland

“die”
― Stephanie McAfee, Diary of a Mad Fat Girl