Tom Ellen > Quotes

“Look at Ron and Hermione. Obstacles everywhere. But did Hermione give up on Ron when he was dating Lavender Brown? Did Ron give up on Hermione when he was knocking about with that Bulgarian Quidditch bloke? Did they let the pressure of tracking down the final few Horcruxes tear them apart? No. All the drama they went through made it all the more poignant when they finally got together.”
― Tom Ellen, Lobsters

“No wonder I've never been in love, I'm too busy day-dreaming about it.”
― Tom Ellen

“My phone started flashing on the bed. I looked at the screen, then looked up. "Fuck."
"Who is it?" Negin frowned. "Why do you look so scared?"
"Oh my god, is it ISIS?" Frankie yelled.
"Yes, it's ISIS," Negin yelled back. "They always phone Phoebe before they strike.”
― Tom Ellen, Freshers

“What should I do?" I turned to Negin.
"I don't know."
"Are you a doctor or not?" I screeched.
"As I have said a thousand times, I won't be a doctor for seven years.”
― Tom Ellen, Freshers

“He laughed, clearly not realizing that any credibility he hoped to gain from talking about hotboxing was immediately wiped out by his encyclopedic knowledge of the Harry Potter franchise.”
― Tom Ellen, Lobsters

“Phones have caused all my uni dramas to date. You wouldn't catch Elizabeth Bennet sending a comedy guinea pig picture to Darcy. She'd have to paint it and then send it by horseman.”
― Tom Ellen, Freshers

“And there she was, standing in front of the mirror, more brown than the H&M girl and Pax put together. And wearing the dress. Her dress. My dress.”
― Tom Ellen, A Totally Awkward Love Story

“It's fucking Donald Trump-level wankerdom.”
― Tom Ellen, Freshers

“I guess none of us turned out how we thought we would at nineteen. We all made mistakes and concessions and wrong turnings.”
― Tom Ellen, All About Us

“Wow." Josh stopped and ran a hand over his shaved head. "I mean, yeah, there's no beating that. That's the Usain Bolt of embarrassing texts. That's made me feel a lot better, actually."
"Oh, good. Great. Glad my shit-show of a life could be of service.”
― Tom Ellen, Freshers

“I forgot we could be like this together. I forgot that we fit so perfectly, that I can lose myself so completely in the moment with her.”
― Tom Ellen, All About Us

“So when she's just a random girl from school you don't give her a second look, but as soon as she accidentally informs you that she wants to jump your bones, you're suddenly in love with her. Men are such predictable twats, honestly."
I didn't bother arguing with that, because, to be fair, she had a point.”
― Tom Ellen

“Oh my absolute god!” said Vicky or Sophie or Sarah. “You’ve got a girlfriend?” “Ah, how sweet!” added Sophie or Sarah or Vicky. “Oh my god!” Sarah or Vicky or Sophie gushed. “You absolutely have to bring her to the drinks on Friday.” The others squealed their approval at this suggestion. “What’s her name?” Her name. No matter how many times I have to explain it, it doesn’t get any easier. “Her name’s Miranda,” I mumbled into my computer keyboard, “but she calls herself Panda because it rhymes with Miranda and also because she likes pandas.” There was a pause while Vicky/Sophie/Sarah, Sophie/ Sarah/Vicky and Sarah/Vicky/Sophie took this in. I waited for the mocking peals of laughter but they never came. “That is actually awesome,” said Vicky or Sophie or Sarah finally. “I wish my name rhymed with an animal.” “Yeah,” said Sophie or Sarah or Vicky. “It would be so awesome to be called, like, Miraffe or Mirelephant.” “Oh my god, yeah,” agreed Sarah or Vicky or Sophie. “I am totes naming my daughter Miraffe.” “What if you have a boy, though?” Sarah or Vicky or Sophie chewed her pen while she considered this. “Maybe I’ll go for a more masculine animal, like Mirhino or Mirocodile.” “Yeah, Mirocodile’s gorgeous, actually.” “Well, I’ve already got dibs, so you’ll have to take Mirhino.” The conversation continued in this vein until all the peanut M&M’s were finished and it was time for us to go home.”
― Tom Ellen, A Totally Awkward Love Story

“The niche stuff is the best stuff.”
― Tom Ellen, Freshers

“He's all right, but he sometimes wears a fedora.”
― Tom Ellen, Lobsters

“Hang on, You've been basing your whole life since you were eleven on the incorrect assumption that lobsters mate for life?”
― Tom Ellen, A Totally Awkward Love Story

“Your life is the decision you make.”
― Tom Ellen, All About Us

“Even a stopped clock is right twice a day …”
― Tom Ellen, All About Us

“the death of someone close to us – changes us,’ I say slowly. ‘Maybe it makes us different, rather than the people around us.”
― Tom Ellen, The Lifeline: The uplifting, heart-warming and life-affirming rom-com love story to read in 2026, perfect for fans of David Nicholls!

“Things don’t happen without a bit of effort, Will. Things happen because you make them happen. You know?”
― Tom Ellen, The Lifeline: The uplifting, heart-warming and life-affirming rom-com love story to read in 2026, perfect for fans of David Nicholls!

“That’s the problem when someone dies: there are no right answers. Every option is the wrong one.”
― Tom Ellen, The Lifeline: The uplifting, heart-warming and life-affirming rom-com love story to read in 2026, perfect for fans of David Nicholls!

“become something. And like I’m a failure because I just haven’t. Everything seems like it was easier in Pride and Prejudice.”
― Tom Ellen, A Totally Awkward Love Story

“read somewhere once that grief is like weather. As in: constantly changing, impossible to predict. You might be expecting clear skies but instead you get storm clouds. That seems about right. But I’m not sure how much longer I can go on, never knowing exactly when I’m going to get caught in the pouring rain.”
― Tom Ellen, The Lifeline: The uplifting, heart-warming and life-affirming rom-com love story to read in 2026, perfect for fans of David Nicholls!