Funny Quotations Quotes

“Sorano returned a half-hearted nod and mumbled on, dreamily.

She seemed completely fascinated by a man in a rabbit costume who kept falling flat on his face whilst endlessly repeating the phrase “How dare they speak the word “motherboard” when the Neon God has no mother?” in a very affronted tone. He was accompanied by swarthy-faced dame, who aimlessly dragged a red piece of string after her.

‘Why are you dragging that string, hey?’ the rabbit-man asked the woman right before taking a spectacular nosedive, face-first into asphalt.

‘But I must drag it, I must!’ the woman replied panicky, ‘for if I try to push it, it bends.”
― Louise Blackwick, 5 Stars

“In my book an erection constitutes personal growth.”
― Amunhotep El Bey, The Quotations Book of life and Death

“A mother’s eyes are like God; impossible to get away from, they see everything.”
― Matshona Dhliwayo

“The easiest way to remember your future wife’s birthday is to marry her on Super Bowl Sunday.”
― Matshona Dhliwayo

“Falling in love with someone is intentional, even if it was their looks that tripped you.”
― Matshona Dhliwayo

“Get high on love, not drugs.”
― Matshona Dhliwayo

“Love turns men into boys; heartache turns boys into men.”
― Matshona Dhliwayo

“Women are heavyweight boxers; only, they punch with words, not fists.”
― Matshona Dhliwayo

“There is nothing wrong with being a puppet if love is the one pulling the strings.”
― Matshona Dhliwayo

“Two things are infinite; a woman’s patience and her husband’s mistakes.”
― Matshona Dhliwayo

“Your wife is smarter than you; know this, and you will live happily ever after.”
― Matshona Dhliwayo

“Ask your wife for forgiveness, even when you’re right.”
― Matshona Dhliwayo

“My mother-in-law belongs in Hell, but the devil is afraid she’ll end up taking over.”
― Matshona Dhliwayo

“Love is my favorite drug; I overdose on it regularly.”
― Matshona Dhliwayo

“An inch to a man’s heart is a mile to his wallet.”
― Matshona Dhliwayo

“An angry wife can be more frightening than an army of disgruntled soldiers.”
― Matshona Dhliwayo

“Hang on, You've been basing your whole life since you were eleven on the incorrect assumption that lobsters mate for life?”
― Tom Ellen, A Totally Awkward Love Story

“If you think that happiness = Life - problems; then you must be suffering from a severe form of dys-life-calculia.”
― Anoir Ou-chad

“She complains that I'm lazy, but I just like to save my energy for dinner.”
― Matshona Dhliwayo

“Women make the world go round; men turn it upside down.”
― Matshona Dhliwayo

“The easiest way to be the prettiest girl at a party is to rig the guest list.”
― Matshona Dhliwayo

“If God had a wife, He would be in trouble too if He dodged His chores.”
― Matshona Dhliwayo

“Be calm when your wife yells at you, calmer when she chastens you, but be terrified when she ignores you.”
― Matshona Dhliwayo

“The world’s most lethal venom is not found on the tongues of serpents, but on the tongues of a disgruntled wife.”
― Matshona Dhliwayo

“By studying human history, we can realize how much of human stupidity has fallen on fertile ground. Is gravity guilty for such an occurrence too?”
― Eraldo Banovac

“Are you crying? There’s no crying in baseball....there’s no crying in baseball!
A League Of Their Own”
― Tom Hanks

“Kitchen Bitchin is Part of the Process, So Get The Hell Out of Grandma's Way!”
― E.A. Green

“Rose jabbed her cigarette at Enid and said, "I served my time in LaLaLand and if any of those bastards tell you to talk into the mike and they pull out the yogurt cannon - just remember - you're a lady! Pull up your knickers, steal their wallet, and get the hell out of there!”
― C. Mack Lewis, Black Market Angels

“Everything I touched seemed to be cursed—the next person who came in contact with that sunbed probably contracted HIV and died of a stubbed toe.”
― Bing Fraser, Unprotected Treks: The Politically Incorrect Blueprint for World Travel

“Feminism? Oh, it's totally unnecessary today. Just like seat belts and life jackets.”
― Anubha Saxena