Dianne Bright's Blog - Posts Tagged "kids"
Take Off Your "Super-Mom" Cape
Parenting Tip: Be real with other moms so they’re not fake with you.
As moms, we try way too hard to do it all. We wear an imaginary cape that says “Super-Mom.” Then when other people see us, they think, "Wow, she's amazing. I wish I could do it all like she does." The super-mom cape makes us feel invincible, so we put up our guard and don't let others into our home to see the dirty tile and the spills on the table from breakfast.
The problem with wearing the cape is that it limits the depth of our relationships. When one mom sees a super-mom, she thinks, "Well, I can't let her know what I'm really like because then she won't think much of me." But this actually hinders certain kinds of friendships– the deeper ones.
Another sad truth about super-moms is that they feel they have to be tough all the time, carrying the world on their shoulders like the Titan named Atlas, from Greek mythology. But the truth is that no one can carry the world besides God, and even He rested on the seventh day.
So try this. When you feel tired or sad, just let yourself feel tired or sad. When you struggle repeatedly with your spouse, just be honest about it. You might just need to meet with a counselor for a few months or simply get started with a book about good communication. On days when you feel like you ordered your kids from the wrong catalog, call a close friend and talk about it. She’ll probably exchange a monster-alien story about her kids too.
If your debts are overwhelming you and you just can't keep up with the Jones family next door, just stop trying so hard. Let the feeling that you have to do it all just melt away so you can get back to living your own life. You can't hold it all together by spending what you don’t have or by going a hundred miles a second trying to change that reality. You will eventually burn out.
When we wear our super-mom capes, we forget to be vulnerable with other moms. This makes us appear invincible but really makes us the exact opposite. A true friendship means you are there for each other during celebratory times and through the trials as well.
Recently a neighbor and I were chatting while the kids played out front. I hugged her as she cried over the loss of her mom and a dear friend. And just a few weeks before that, I shed tears of exhaustion and frustration about how I felt like a failure as a parent. She listened and reminded me that no parent is perfect. The result was a stronger friendship for both of us because we had taken off our super-mom capes.
Of course, the price of being fake is that we will be lonely women. We may have a list of acquaintances, such as our work-out buddies at the gym or our digital acquaintances on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
But try not to miss out on the more significant ones that will help you to get through life’s questions and challenges. Good friends know you from the inside out and value you just for being you. You don’t need to look different for them or act a certain way to impress them.
It makes me think of the Winnie the Pooh friends. Rabbit is a grump, but his friends still value him. Eeyore is pessimistic and pensive, but his friends accept him for who he is. Tigger is the bounciest of all, but even Rabbit learns to love him with his bounces even more than without them.
Piglet is timid and scared, but with his friends' help, he too can be brave like the rest of the clan. Owl is ostentatious and prideful, but his friends take him as wise. Roo is brave and adventurous even though he’s so little. Kanga is strong and trustworthy– holding them all together under Christopher Robin's great leadership.
These are traits we need to have with our own friends: acceptance, trust, and forgiveness. We need to make sure we stick together and that we truly get to know one another. If you're friends with a super-mom, you can start by taking off your own cape first. When she sees that you're being real with her, hopefully she'll do the same with you in return.
Dianne Bright wrote for Scholastic's Parent & Child magazine for two years before delving into fiction. This excerpt is essay #5 from Mommy's Hiding in the Treehouse (2013). Her first novel, Soul Reader, came out in 2015. Follow her on social media: @dibright and Facebook.com/AuthorDianneBright.
Mommy's Hiding in the Treehouse--- With a Glass of Merlot
As moms, we try way too hard to do it all. We wear an imaginary cape that says “Super-Mom.” Then when other people see us, they think, "Wow, she's amazing. I wish I could do it all like she does." The super-mom cape makes us feel invincible, so we put up our guard and don't let others into our home to see the dirty tile and the spills on the table from breakfast.
The problem with wearing the cape is that it limits the depth of our relationships. When one mom sees a super-mom, she thinks, "Well, I can't let her know what I'm really like because then she won't think much of me." But this actually hinders certain kinds of friendships– the deeper ones.
Another sad truth about super-moms is that they feel they have to be tough all the time, carrying the world on their shoulders like the Titan named Atlas, from Greek mythology. But the truth is that no one can carry the world besides God, and even He rested on the seventh day.
So try this. When you feel tired or sad, just let yourself feel tired or sad. When you struggle repeatedly with your spouse, just be honest about it. You might just need to meet with a counselor for a few months or simply get started with a book about good communication. On days when you feel like you ordered your kids from the wrong catalog, call a close friend and talk about it. She’ll probably exchange a monster-alien story about her kids too.
If your debts are overwhelming you and you just can't keep up with the Jones family next door, just stop trying so hard. Let the feeling that you have to do it all just melt away so you can get back to living your own life. You can't hold it all together by spending what you don’t have or by going a hundred miles a second trying to change that reality. You will eventually burn out.
When we wear our super-mom capes, we forget to be vulnerable with other moms. This makes us appear invincible but really makes us the exact opposite. A true friendship means you are there for each other during celebratory times and through the trials as well.
Recently a neighbor and I were chatting while the kids played out front. I hugged her as she cried over the loss of her mom and a dear friend. And just a few weeks before that, I shed tears of exhaustion and frustration about how I felt like a failure as a parent. She listened and reminded me that no parent is perfect. The result was a stronger friendship for both of us because we had taken off our super-mom capes.
Of course, the price of being fake is that we will be lonely women. We may have a list of acquaintances, such as our work-out buddies at the gym or our digital acquaintances on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
But try not to miss out on the more significant ones that will help you to get through life’s questions and challenges. Good friends know you from the inside out and value you just for being you. You don’t need to look different for them or act a certain way to impress them.
It makes me think of the Winnie the Pooh friends. Rabbit is a grump, but his friends still value him. Eeyore is pessimistic and pensive, but his friends accept him for who he is. Tigger is the bounciest of all, but even Rabbit learns to love him with his bounces even more than without them.
Piglet is timid and scared, but with his friends' help, he too can be brave like the rest of the clan. Owl is ostentatious and prideful, but his friends take him as wise. Roo is brave and adventurous even though he’s so little. Kanga is strong and trustworthy– holding them all together under Christopher Robin's great leadership.
These are traits we need to have with our own friends: acceptance, trust, and forgiveness. We need to make sure we stick together and that we truly get to know one another. If you're friends with a super-mom, you can start by taking off your own cape first. When she sees that you're being real with her, hopefully she'll do the same with you in return.
Dianne Bright wrote for Scholastic's Parent & Child magazine for two years before delving into fiction. This excerpt is essay #5 from Mommy's Hiding in the Treehouse (2013). Her first novel, Soul Reader, came out in 2015. Follow her on social media: @dibright and Facebook.com/AuthorDianneBright.
Mommy's Hiding in the Treehouse--- With a Glass of Merlot
A Renewed Friendship
Parenting Tip: Rediscover your own passions and talents; you’re not just a mom!
I looked at her face and couldn’t believe she was one of my closest friends from about five years ago. We used to teach Spanish at the university together. So many months had passed though since we’d even talked or texted.
I almost didn’t recognize her, which was kind of embarrassing. I didn’t want to offend her, as if I’d forgotten her name or something. Of course I knew her name. I called out, “Hey Friend, it’s been a long time!” Then she raced toward me for a hug, as her adorable high-lighted hair bounced against her tan shoulders.
We chatted about how the time had flown by like a matter of seconds– exchanging info about our families and friends. Amazingly, our kids were about the same ages and our husbands even had similar hobbies and career paths.
She just looked so good that I couldn’t believe we were both in our early thirties. Her face looked youthful and her arms and legs looked really fit. I was especially impressed by her energy and zeal for life. She was charging toward goals and felt inspired by activities and aspirations.
Within a few minutes of talking, I became envious of her radiant self-confidence and her refreshing optimism. I felt so distracted by how great my friend looked that I could hardly focus on my own responses.
So I mostly just listened to the words floating out of her beautiful red lips. By the end, we traded Facebook info and caught up on a few gossipy details about colleagues from the past. And then we said goodbye. Even though I felt initially unsettled, I was glad we had bumped into each other.
Those ten minutes in front of the mirror were really awesome. They allowed me to see that I didn’t have to be the lethargic and exhausted mom I’d become. My life was about more than just serving my husband and my three kids.
I knew that I was buried down there somewhere beneath the laundry piles and the dust bunnies. But somehow, I’d let the mounds of dirty dishes and the plethora of days I’d gone without pampering myself to define me as less valuable. My lists of tasks had become about everyone else, so much so– that I’d forgotten how to be me.
That morning, I remembered who I was– beautiful, intelligent, and full of dreams. And the truth is– that life does change dramatically once you add kids to the mix. (We haven’t actually slept, just the two of us, in our own bed for the past decade.) But my life didn’t have to end just because it had changed so much.
I decided to set up a date with my new friend, me. I cleared out some time to rediscover who I was in order to rekindle some of my own personal passions and talents, like taking photographs, gardening, brainstorming book topics in a quiet café, or going out with the gals for a movie. Maybe just one or two evenings a week, but they’re set in stone and even if a natural disaster hits, I’m still going out to Starbucks for a latte. Wanna join me?
Mommy's Hiding in the Treehouse--- With a Glass of Merlot
This excerpt is Essay #2 from Mommy's Hiding in the Treehouse by Dianne Bright. She wrote for Scholastic for two years before delving into fiction. Her first novel, Soul Reader, came out in the spring of 2015.
I looked at her face and couldn’t believe she was one of my closest friends from about five years ago. We used to teach Spanish at the university together. So many months had passed though since we’d even talked or texted.
I almost didn’t recognize her, which was kind of embarrassing. I didn’t want to offend her, as if I’d forgotten her name or something. Of course I knew her name. I called out, “Hey Friend, it’s been a long time!” Then she raced toward me for a hug, as her adorable high-lighted hair bounced against her tan shoulders.
We chatted about how the time had flown by like a matter of seconds– exchanging info about our families and friends. Amazingly, our kids were about the same ages and our husbands even had similar hobbies and career paths.
She just looked so good that I couldn’t believe we were both in our early thirties. Her face looked youthful and her arms and legs looked really fit. I was especially impressed by her energy and zeal for life. She was charging toward goals and felt inspired by activities and aspirations.
Within a few minutes of talking, I became envious of her radiant self-confidence and her refreshing optimism. I felt so distracted by how great my friend looked that I could hardly focus on my own responses.
So I mostly just listened to the words floating out of her beautiful red lips. By the end, we traded Facebook info and caught up on a few gossipy details about colleagues from the past. And then we said goodbye. Even though I felt initially unsettled, I was glad we had bumped into each other.
Those ten minutes in front of the mirror were really awesome. They allowed me to see that I didn’t have to be the lethargic and exhausted mom I’d become. My life was about more than just serving my husband and my three kids.
I knew that I was buried down there somewhere beneath the laundry piles and the dust bunnies. But somehow, I’d let the mounds of dirty dishes and the plethora of days I’d gone without pampering myself to define me as less valuable. My lists of tasks had become about everyone else, so much so– that I’d forgotten how to be me.
That morning, I remembered who I was– beautiful, intelligent, and full of dreams. And the truth is– that life does change dramatically once you add kids to the mix. (We haven’t actually slept, just the two of us, in our own bed for the past decade.) But my life didn’t have to end just because it had changed so much.
I decided to set up a date with my new friend, me. I cleared out some time to rediscover who I was in order to rekindle some of my own personal passions and talents, like taking photographs, gardening, brainstorming book topics in a quiet café, or going out with the gals for a movie. Maybe just one or two evenings a week, but they’re set in stone and even if a natural disaster hits, I’m still going out to Starbucks for a latte. Wanna join me?
Mommy's Hiding in the Treehouse--- With a Glass of Merlot
This excerpt is Essay #2 from Mommy's Hiding in the Treehouse by Dianne Bright. She wrote for Scholastic for two years before delving into fiction. Her first novel, Soul Reader, came out in the spring of 2015.
Just Go For It!
Parenting Tip: Take risks to keep life edgy.
Life is short, so there's no reason to hold back from your dreams, passions, and God-given talents. If you were to die tomorrow, wouldn't you want to know you had given this life your best shot in every area?
If you’ve had Psychology 101, you’ve heard of the term "fight or flight." Put simply, when faced with a threatening situation, you either stay there to fight or you run like hell. I experienced this with surfing a while back.
When a huge set of waves surged in, the response was either to fight it and catch one of the big gnarly waves or to duck-dive under it at the calm point, escaping the thunderous crash. Since I'm not a very good surfer, when faced with a really big wave, I usually just dive under– to be on the safe side. The smaller waves just feel safer to me.
In life though, you sometimes have to stay and fight. Obviously, avoiding imminent danger is a rational choice. But the truth is that many of us shy away from really good opportunities– because they make us nervous or afraid. Running away can feel safer sometimes. But what if by fleeing the scene all the time, you begin to suppress a big part of who you are?
You can't always be an observer. Sometimes you just have to go for it! Those medium-sized waves I do catch make me feel energetic and brave. I’ve had similar feelings while soaring up in a hot air balloon in San Diego, parasailing in Maui, rappelling from boulders in Joshua Tree Park, trekking through the Pyramids in Mexico City, and squeezing through some very strange underground monastery tunnels in Russia.
Taking risks doesn't have to involve life-threatening measures or even take you far from home. Thankfully, you can feel thrilled by playing the drums in a local band. Or taking an online course on the stock exchange. DAY TRADING DIVA has a cool ring to it! But you're too washed up, right? Just a mom who puts diapers on the baby and decides between mac-and-cheese and Hamburger Helper? Whatever! Just go for it, Girl!
What about that beautiful butterfly tattoo you've contemplated for the last decade? Why not now? You could slip on a banana peel or die of an ice cream overdose next week. You never know. So it's time to get a little bit crazy, now, TODAY!
Why not dance your heart out at that upcoming wedding where most people will be too intoxicated to care what you look like anyway? Or even simpler, just give a compliment to that nice person at the drive-through for handing you your coffee with a smile.
Write your best friend a card telling her why you love having her in your life. Leave a note with rose petals telling your spouse that he’s hot. Give your mail carrier a Starbucks gift card on a summer day so she can go and get a Frappuccino during her break. But you’re not really that type– to just give, for no reason. So what, change that today!
Sometimes people just need to be inspired. Your best friend longs to go sky diving but panics at the thought of her parachute not opening. Just text her some local sky diving ads every day for a month until she finally goes, along with some actual statistics about how safe it really is. But that freaks you out… what if she dies and leaves her family? Then you’d be responsible.
All right… give her the schedule for the French cooking class at the junior college instead so she’ll mesh with the locals when she visits Paris someday. Or to mix things up, sign her up for a couple’s massage class to spice up her marriage. Tell her to wrap the schedule in a new pair of thong undies. A trip to the mall anyone?
Next, write out a cool eulogy (ahead of time, obviously). I want my family to describe me as brave, adventurous, and funny. I hope they’ll write something about how I encouraged them to pursue their own dreams too. That’s why I encourage my kids to write their own books, design new game-boards, search the night-sky for new unnamed stars, and invent new gadgets that will someday save moms lots of time and energy.
I hope people remember me as someone who ate gloriously too. Of course as moms, we are usually on a tighter budget than some. Plus we tend to put our kids ahead of ourselves. But that doesn’t mean we can’t head out for Indian or Thai food every once in a while. The kids can eat some white rice with plain chicken and veggies while we devour our favorite curry dish!
Try to live outside the box. Why not run through the rain in your swimsuit to walk down the street to get the mail (at 2Am when no one is up watching you)? Or you could try your hand at property investments because you happen to be great at math– plus, you’re already home a good bit, with time to research.
And another thing, wear what makes you feel amazing! Sometimes we opt for the t-shirt and jeans routine because it's coziest; however, that blue and black shirt with the ruffles adds a bounce to your step. So grab some fun jewelry and some sizzling lip gloss as well.
Now when it comes to hanging out with your significant other, kiss him like you really mean it. Don't make him guess how you feel about him. Even if the kids are freaking out screaming and there’s barely any time for sex, find a little hide-out and smooch– for real, not just a lame kiss on the cheek.
Life is short. As moms, we know this better than anyone, as we observe our kids outgrowing their pants and shoes way too fast. We also see the war wounds of newly present wrinkles and sun-marks on our face. So why wait? Let's GO FOR IT now and encourage others to do the same!
Do one thing for yourself today that celebrates your beauty, giftedness, and passion. One more thing and then I’ll shut up, I swear. Eat your favorite dessert for breakfast tomorrow! Why not? After all, as my middle child likes to say, “YOLO!"
Mommy's Hiding in the Treehouse--- With a Glass of Merlot
For more parenting tips, check out MOMMY'S HIDING IN THE TREEHOUSE, a compilation of humorous parenting essays by Author Dianne Bright. Before delving into fiction, she wrote for Scholastic's Parent & Child magazine and blog. Her first novel, SOUL READER, came out April, 2015.
Life is short, so there's no reason to hold back from your dreams, passions, and God-given talents. If you were to die tomorrow, wouldn't you want to know you had given this life your best shot in every area?
If you’ve had Psychology 101, you’ve heard of the term "fight or flight." Put simply, when faced with a threatening situation, you either stay there to fight or you run like hell. I experienced this with surfing a while back.
When a huge set of waves surged in, the response was either to fight it and catch one of the big gnarly waves or to duck-dive under it at the calm point, escaping the thunderous crash. Since I'm not a very good surfer, when faced with a really big wave, I usually just dive under– to be on the safe side. The smaller waves just feel safer to me.
In life though, you sometimes have to stay and fight. Obviously, avoiding imminent danger is a rational choice. But the truth is that many of us shy away from really good opportunities– because they make us nervous or afraid. Running away can feel safer sometimes. But what if by fleeing the scene all the time, you begin to suppress a big part of who you are?
You can't always be an observer. Sometimes you just have to go for it! Those medium-sized waves I do catch make me feel energetic and brave. I’ve had similar feelings while soaring up in a hot air balloon in San Diego, parasailing in Maui, rappelling from boulders in Joshua Tree Park, trekking through the Pyramids in Mexico City, and squeezing through some very strange underground monastery tunnels in Russia.
Taking risks doesn't have to involve life-threatening measures or even take you far from home. Thankfully, you can feel thrilled by playing the drums in a local band. Or taking an online course on the stock exchange. DAY TRADING DIVA has a cool ring to it! But you're too washed up, right? Just a mom who puts diapers on the baby and decides between mac-and-cheese and Hamburger Helper? Whatever! Just go for it, Girl!
What about that beautiful butterfly tattoo you've contemplated for the last decade? Why not now? You could slip on a banana peel or die of an ice cream overdose next week. You never know. So it's time to get a little bit crazy, now, TODAY!
Why not dance your heart out at that upcoming wedding where most people will be too intoxicated to care what you look like anyway? Or even simpler, just give a compliment to that nice person at the drive-through for handing you your coffee with a smile.
Write your best friend a card telling her why you love having her in your life. Leave a note with rose petals telling your spouse that he’s hot. Give your mail carrier a Starbucks gift card on a summer day so she can go and get a Frappuccino during her break. But you’re not really that type– to just give, for no reason. So what, change that today!
Sometimes people just need to be inspired. Your best friend longs to go sky diving but panics at the thought of her parachute not opening. Just text her some local sky diving ads every day for a month until she finally goes, along with some actual statistics about how safe it really is. But that freaks you out… what if she dies and leaves her family? Then you’d be responsible.
All right… give her the schedule for the French cooking class at the junior college instead so she’ll mesh with the locals when she visits Paris someday. Or to mix things up, sign her up for a couple’s massage class to spice up her marriage. Tell her to wrap the schedule in a new pair of thong undies. A trip to the mall anyone?
Next, write out a cool eulogy (ahead of time, obviously). I want my family to describe me as brave, adventurous, and funny. I hope they’ll write something about how I encouraged them to pursue their own dreams too. That’s why I encourage my kids to write their own books, design new game-boards, search the night-sky for new unnamed stars, and invent new gadgets that will someday save moms lots of time and energy.
I hope people remember me as someone who ate gloriously too. Of course as moms, we are usually on a tighter budget than some. Plus we tend to put our kids ahead of ourselves. But that doesn’t mean we can’t head out for Indian or Thai food every once in a while. The kids can eat some white rice with plain chicken and veggies while we devour our favorite curry dish!
Try to live outside the box. Why not run through the rain in your swimsuit to walk down the street to get the mail (at 2Am when no one is up watching you)? Or you could try your hand at property investments because you happen to be great at math– plus, you’re already home a good bit, with time to research.
And another thing, wear what makes you feel amazing! Sometimes we opt for the t-shirt and jeans routine because it's coziest; however, that blue and black shirt with the ruffles adds a bounce to your step. So grab some fun jewelry and some sizzling lip gloss as well.
Now when it comes to hanging out with your significant other, kiss him like you really mean it. Don't make him guess how you feel about him. Even if the kids are freaking out screaming and there’s barely any time for sex, find a little hide-out and smooch– for real, not just a lame kiss on the cheek.
Life is short. As moms, we know this better than anyone, as we observe our kids outgrowing their pants and shoes way too fast. We also see the war wounds of newly present wrinkles and sun-marks on our face. So why wait? Let's GO FOR IT now and encourage others to do the same!
Do one thing for yourself today that celebrates your beauty, giftedness, and passion. One more thing and then I’ll shut up, I swear. Eat your favorite dessert for breakfast tomorrow! Why not? After all, as my middle child likes to say, “YOLO!"
Mommy's Hiding in the Treehouse--- With a Glass of Merlot
For more parenting tips, check out MOMMY'S HIDING IN THE TREEHOUSE, a compilation of humorous parenting essays by Author Dianne Bright. Before delving into fiction, she wrote for Scholastic's Parent & Child magazine and blog. Her first novel, SOUL READER, came out April, 2015.
Moms Mysteriously Gone Missing
Parenting Tip: Your hard work will pay off; someday your kids will take care of you.
Sometimes it feels that your own identity has gone missing, like you’re one of those puppies on the mailboxes shouting out “Reward, $150.” You know your life is moving forward on the calendar, but you question what you’re actually accomplishing during this busy season.
The mortgage slowly gets paid down, the cars are both running, and most of your basic needs and wants are met. But caring for everyone else around the clock 24-7 leaves you feeling a bit lost in the midst of the chaos.
In spite of your best efforts to juggle it all, it can feel like you're getting a busy signal or an out-of-office auto email response. As moms, our lives have been put on hold, and we can't seem to reconcile the fact that another year has just flown by.
Most moms can relate to the automated operator who plays that annoying music after giving you twelve prompts to choose from five different languages. You’ve been waiting for twenty minutes before realizing you’ve chosen the wrong prompt. It’s not that you planned to lose yourself in so many ways; it just sort of happened.
Here are three ways that moms feel their lives have been temporarily suspended.
First, moms lose a sense of their calendars. It seems unbelievable that school starts at the same time every year and before you know it, everyone is attending the year-end luau party. Included in this super time warp is the involuntary donation of your own personal schedule.
This includes a variety of activities from taxi-cabbing the kids all over town, volunteering at school(s), doing non-stop laundry (especially during baseball season), and grocery shopping, etc. You may not remember what it feels like to eat your toast and to drink your coffee while they’re still hot because your schedule doesn’t really include time for "just you" anymore.
Second, you no longer have any personal privacy. I thought it sounded funny when other moms would talk about how they couldn't even go to the bathroom by themselves anymore. But with three kids of my own now, I totally understand what that means.
Then, there's the family bed where the little ones run in with nightmares, hunger pains, a bloody nose, a request for help with potty-duties, and a plethora of other excuses. Taking a bath has become a limited luxury as well. As soon as they see me in the tub, they launch over the side like little seals (*this was written when mine were little). Then I end up getting out so they can play with the bubbles, LOL.
The third way that life has changed is by the loss of your own farfetched dreams. Wanting to attend culinary school, to visit fabulous gardens in Versailles, or the goal of running a marathon can all get pushed to the sidelines. Now, it’s all about supporting their future aspirations.
Is there really any way you could fit in French lessons or a fancy trip to Paris just for yourself? What about that dream to write a book or to start your own business? In between helping the kids with art projects and packing lunches and snacks for the day's outings, it seems there isn’t really any time for your own dreamy objectives.
But don’t despair. The amazing thing about moms (and dads) is that despite these seemingly large losses, we see them as huge gains. Our crazy little thieves of space and time are the most valuable people in our lives, so we press on and stay the course even when quitting sometimes feels like the easiest response.
Instead of being angry and hostile at what we've put on hold, we plan more meals and give out more hugs. We buy more Band-Aids and more chocolate milk. We're selfless servants, even though our jobs are really hard and underappreciated.
Remember that this is just a season and someday we’ll get back to putting ourselves first. Besides, one day in the not too distant future, our kids will be taking care of us.
Excerpt from: Mommy's Hiding in the Treehouse--- With a Glass of Merlot
Bright has written for a variety of magazines and professional blogs, including Scholastic's Parent & Child. Her first novel, SOUL READER, came out in April, 2015. Her second novel, BLOOD TOWERS, comes out at the end of this year.
Sometimes it feels that your own identity has gone missing, like you’re one of those puppies on the mailboxes shouting out “Reward, $150.” You know your life is moving forward on the calendar, but you question what you’re actually accomplishing during this busy season.
The mortgage slowly gets paid down, the cars are both running, and most of your basic needs and wants are met. But caring for everyone else around the clock 24-7 leaves you feeling a bit lost in the midst of the chaos.
In spite of your best efforts to juggle it all, it can feel like you're getting a busy signal or an out-of-office auto email response. As moms, our lives have been put on hold, and we can't seem to reconcile the fact that another year has just flown by.
Most moms can relate to the automated operator who plays that annoying music after giving you twelve prompts to choose from five different languages. You’ve been waiting for twenty minutes before realizing you’ve chosen the wrong prompt. It’s not that you planned to lose yourself in so many ways; it just sort of happened.
Here are three ways that moms feel their lives have been temporarily suspended.
First, moms lose a sense of their calendars. It seems unbelievable that school starts at the same time every year and before you know it, everyone is attending the year-end luau party. Included in this super time warp is the involuntary donation of your own personal schedule.
This includes a variety of activities from taxi-cabbing the kids all over town, volunteering at school(s), doing non-stop laundry (especially during baseball season), and grocery shopping, etc. You may not remember what it feels like to eat your toast and to drink your coffee while they’re still hot because your schedule doesn’t really include time for "just you" anymore.
Second, you no longer have any personal privacy. I thought it sounded funny when other moms would talk about how they couldn't even go to the bathroom by themselves anymore. But with three kids of my own now, I totally understand what that means.
Then, there's the family bed where the little ones run in with nightmares, hunger pains, a bloody nose, a request for help with potty-duties, and a plethora of other excuses. Taking a bath has become a limited luxury as well. As soon as they see me in the tub, they launch over the side like little seals (*this was written when mine were little). Then I end up getting out so they can play with the bubbles, LOL.
The third way that life has changed is by the loss of your own farfetched dreams. Wanting to attend culinary school, to visit fabulous gardens in Versailles, or the goal of running a marathon can all get pushed to the sidelines. Now, it’s all about supporting their future aspirations.
Is there really any way you could fit in French lessons or a fancy trip to Paris just for yourself? What about that dream to write a book or to start your own business? In between helping the kids with art projects and packing lunches and snacks for the day's outings, it seems there isn’t really any time for your own dreamy objectives.
But don’t despair. The amazing thing about moms (and dads) is that despite these seemingly large losses, we see them as huge gains. Our crazy little thieves of space and time are the most valuable people in our lives, so we press on and stay the course even when quitting sometimes feels like the easiest response.
Instead of being angry and hostile at what we've put on hold, we plan more meals and give out more hugs. We buy more Band-Aids and more chocolate milk. We're selfless servants, even though our jobs are really hard and underappreciated.
Remember that this is just a season and someday we’ll get back to putting ourselves first. Besides, one day in the not too distant future, our kids will be taking care of us.
Excerpt from: Mommy's Hiding in the Treehouse--- With a Glass of Merlot
Bright has written for a variety of magazines and professional blogs, including Scholastic's Parent & Child. Her first novel, SOUL READER, came out in April, 2015. Her second novel, BLOOD TOWERS, comes out at the end of this year.
