Deneen Vukelic's Blog

Growing up can be challenging if you're home environment is charged with people, your parents in particular, who argue a lot. But, there is definitely something you can do about the situation.    When you were little, you might have felt that every time your parents argued, it was your fault.  It didn't matter that they weren't talking about you or your siblings, it was still your fault.  Many kids from a very young age feel this way. Maybe you still feel this way even though you are older and

Growing up can be challenging if you're home environment is charged with people, your parents in particular, who argue a lot. But, there is definitely something you can do about the situation.    When you were little, you might have felt that every time your parents argued, it was your fault.  It didn't matter that they weren't talking about you or your siblings, it was still your fault.  Many kids from a very young age feel this way. Maybe you still feel this way even though you are older and

On the path to inner peace, happiness and fulfillment, all of us at some time or another have allowed others to determine our worth and loveableness (myself included). We have allowed the external opinions from others to determine our internal value. I can tell you for certain that this is definitely not the path to eternal peace, love and happiness. So, what does put us on a path to living a happier, more love--filled life? In a nutshell, it is to "mind your own business."In the literal sense--we all need to stop worrying about other people's stuff, other people's worries, and other people opinions--not only of us, but of everything. We have our own thoughts and feelings and we do not need to have any opinions about anything. That just takes away precious positive energy from us when we take on other people's stuff with our own opinions attached to it. And when you take ownership of your inner thoughts and ideas, you have taken your personal power back!What do I mean by "Mind Your Ore?" Well, what is ore, it's treasure from a mine. It could be a gold, quartz, amethyst, silver, diamonds, etc. YOU are your own mine; your own treasure. When you "mine" what you have to offer the world, you will discover your value, your loveableness, your gifts, your creativity, your __________________ (fill in the blank). Here's a full definition of the acronym O.R.E.OwnershipOwn your personal power. Do not give it away. Do not believe anyone can “take it” away. Do take complete control of your personal power. No one can actually "take away" your personal power. That is just an illusion of your mind and emotions. ResponsibilityWhen you own your own personal power, you take responsibility for your actions, your thoughts, your deeds, your choices. Good, bad or indifferent – all have a positive benefit in your life, be it a lesson, a success, or a pathway to the next steps on your life journey. Keep in mind all mistakes are lessons that pave the way for success.EmpowermentWhen you take responsibility, you empower yourself. When you are empowered, no one can take your personal power away. No one can hurt you. When you empower yourself, you cannot blame anyone for poor choices. By the same token, no one can claim your success as their own. For empowerment then leads to self-confidence and self-confidence leads to acceptance and contentment.You are the ore from your own mine; You are the treasure you seek.So….Mine Your Own OreMind Your Own BusinessThat’s the only business you need be concerned about. And when you mine your ore and mind your business—everything you desire, like love, peace, abundance, success, happiness—will follow. You will be SOARING!

  On the path to inner peace, happiness and fulfillment, all of us at some time or another have allowed others to determine our worth and loveableness (myself included).  We have allowed the external opinions from others to determine our internal value.  I can tell you for certain that this is definitely not the path to eternal peace, love and happiness.    So, what does put us on a path to living a happier, more love--filled life? In a nutshell, it is to "mind your own business."   In the

ARE BULLIES REALLY "BAD?" WOULDN'T YOU LIKE TO UNDERSTAND WHAT GOES ON INSIDE THE MIND OF A BULLY? READ ON TO UNDERSTAND THE MINDSET OF A BULLY...First, you need to understand what goes one behind the scenes. We already know that they have anger issues. Duuuhh. But, did you also know that there are a host of other emotions going on inside of this person, including sadness, hurt feelings, loss of personal power, frustration, low self-esteem/self-confidence, insecurity, depression, resentment, and an overall feeling of not being lovable to anyone, most especially themselves. Where did this come from you wonder? If we understood why they are so abusive and why it's always easy to "hate" them because of what they do to us, maybe we can understand how to begin to help them and ourselves. Second, you need to realize that bullies are not born that way, they are created through a multitude of negative experiences--perhaps unhappy experiences at home, at school, through the loss of a loved one or loss of their home, a particularly traumatic event, and many, many other related reasons that become compounded. Think of a snowball rolling down a hill getting bigger and stronger until it's sooo big that it's out of control and hits someone. This is how a person becomes a bully. It's a compilation of every negative thing that has ever happened to them which they cannot let go of, and so it gets stuck inside of them. They become so angry that they transfer their anger through hurting others the way they hurt inside. The biggest and most revealing truth about a bully is what they do to themselves; which is far worse than what they do to their victims. The cacaphony of negative self-talk and mental abuse they dish out in their minds would be rated R for violence if this was a Hollywood movie. Why, because in their mind, they have already determined that they are unlovable, worthless and don't deserve anything good. They "feel better" by causing someone else pain. What happens next is the pain then becomes a pattern of "pain management." They need to feel better again, so they create more pain by hurting people again and again. This bolsters their already low self esteem and feelings of worthlessness...almost like an addiction. There are other people who also are insecure and have low self-worth and they make perfect victims for bullies. That's why particular individuals who become "victims" are subject to repeated abuse by their bullies. Third, not all, but many bullies also work in one other way. They bully their peers into being their "friend." It's a very unbalanced friendship as the friends must agree and condone the behavior of the bully otherwise the bully will turn on them too. The bully needs these so-called friends to bolster his/her negative ego and continue the pattern of pain fulfillment. Without the support of these friends the bully is weaker, but many of their peers don't realize this because to some degree, they too, are victims of his/her behavior. These friends also have low self-esteem and are insecure so they become easy targets for a bully to befriend. Another important fact about bullies is that they live in a constant state of fear and people who are fearful are always trying to control their environments. In a bully's environment, they control through threats, emotional teasing mindgames and anger. All negative emotions, like anger, come from fear. If a bully is fearful, it means they are always scared. What they are scared of will depend on the origins of their anger. But at the root of their fear is the loss of control and personal power. They also need something else. Believe it or not, they need validation and to feel valued. It's just unfortunate that they choose to seek it through some form of abuse towards their victims.Remember, they don't feel like they have any personal power, so they are trying to take yours.There are different levels of bullying. As a teen if the bullying is either violent, scary, or destructive to the point of you fearing for your safety, you definitely need to ask for help from a trusted adult like a teacher, guidance counselor, parent, or similar. But, there's something else you can do without having to deal face-to-face with a bully. It all goes back to intention. For instance, whenever I'm around people--whether they are friends, acquaintances, members of my community, and I hear gossip or people talking negatively about other people, I never chime in. I simply stay neutral, or I try to explain the behavior by suggesting that there may be another side to the situation or that there's information we aren't aware of that could explain a certain negative behavior. As a matter of fact, I always believe and think the best of every person I meet. If someone has a label from a lot of people that they are selfish and mean, and everytime they see that person, that's what they think, then the energy they receive from that person will continue to reflect that attitude over and over again. But, if you think of that person as kind and helpful, then the energy of that positive thought and intention will flow to them as well, and when you interact with that person, they will be kinder and more helpful with you than with others. This is actually science. It's been scientifically proven that positive energy helps plants grow better, people heal faster, be happier, generate greater abundance, and much, much more.So, what does this have to do with bullies in your school and community. Believe in them. You don't have to subject yourself to their abusiveness to believe in them. Just think positive thoughts about them and visualize the person you would like them to be. Kind, helpful, friendly, patient, giving...any positive attribute you can think of that will help. If you are really feeling generous of heart -- send them unconditional love from your heart region. (More on unconditional love in another story.) When we collectively do this, the energy gains a momentum. That momentum becomes stronger and stronger. Anger and hate only get you more anger and hate. Think of Martin Luther King--he believed in peaceful ways of creating change. You can do this in the safety of your bedroom or during quiet moments in your day. You can mentally send strong, positive intentions to that individual -- that you believe he or she is a good, kind, and loving person. Or you can send thoughts of healing and support and visualize them getting therapy or something they need to feel better. Energetic intention is everything. You, as a teenager, cannot fix them the way a therapist or school counselor can. That's not your job. But you can visualize and send intentions to that person of what they would be like if they were not a bully. Visualize them as the kind of person you would want as a friend. Bullies need a lot of healing to break the patterns of their form of abusive "pain management." They inflict pain because they are in pain.The other thing you can do is the take back your power if you've been the victim of bullying. I'm a spiritual teacher and I teach from a place of God and unconditional love. There are many forms of energetic protection you can do for yourself that creates a barrier from negativity of all kinds--not just the bullying kind. Simply visualize a tube of permeable light substance around you. Permeable in the sense that your positive energy can flow out, but the negative stuff is repelled on the outside and will not enter in. It's kind of like a forcefield of protection, invisible, invulnerable and completely powered by you. You taking back your personal power strengthens your forcefield. Your personal power source is, of course, your Higher Self, and is fueled by the powerful energy of White Light you request from Spirit and the Universe. (Discussions on Spiritual White Light and God will appear in future articles.)You should know that any positive visualization you send to another individual comes back to you threefold -- it builds high vibrational light and energy within you because of your loving intentions.There's the saying, "energy goes where energy flows" and "what you think about is what you become." Don't you want to be happy, harmonious, successful and fulfilled? I leave you with that thought...

Whether you are a teen, a college student, parent, adult professional, grandparent and even a young child, life is far more stressful than it was 30, 20... even just 10 years ago. With all the technology available and the various means of communication to choose from--you can get the feeling like you can't keep up with school, social life, family, work... because there's always something else needs to be done. And, of course, that something needs to be done as soon as possible!Therapeutic-grade essential oils can help manage that busyness and stress in many different ways. I'll tell you a little story that illustrates that point. The other day I was emailing back and forth with a good friend of mine about our work. As I was reading and responding to his emails, I thought I detected a tone that indicated he was stressed out. So, I sent an email asking him if everything was okay and that I thought he sounded stressed. His reply to me, using his exact words were, "it's impossible to be stressed out when you have essential oils." So, as it turned out, what I thought was stress coming from him was in fact, a feeling of being driven and motivated to get our work done. Essential oils are amazing for soothing the emotions of anger, frustration, confusion, feelings of being overwhelmed, fatigue from too much stimulation from technology, work and multi-tasking, sadness, depression, procrastination. The list goes on. Essentilal oils help in a multitude of ways, but one big way is helping you to stay or get into a positive and peaceful state of mind where you can prioritize and determine what to let go of "because it's just not that important" to helping you get focused on what is important in your life. Here are my top five picks for :1) LAVENDER: One of the most versatile essential oils I've ever used and worked with. It helps soothe feelings of stress and frustration for sure, as it helps to calm the nervous system and the brain. It is excellent for calming the mind for sleep at bedtime too; thereby preventing insomnia caused by a mind that can't seem to turn off. On a physical level, lavender is excellent for the skin, healing all sorts of skin conditions from minor burns and cuts, to eczema, allergic reactions like hives. For skin conditions, I mix with a pure, organic lotion or, for more deep healing, coconut oil. For minor cuts, I use a natural ointment where I add a drop of lavender essential oil. On a spiritual level, lavender is excellent for working with the fifth chakra -- the area that addresses our verbal expressions and the ways in which we communicate. Application: You can apply lavender to the temples, the base of your skull, your crown, the bottoms of your feet, and most importantly put a drop on the palm of your hands and inhale deeply several times.2) LEMON: Is an excellent oil for focus and communication. Using a diffuser (that doesn't heat up the oil), in a study room or when you are doing homework, will assist in helping you to focus and retain information. Not only will your studying improve, but you will also have eliminated any bacteria, viruses or other pathogens from the air. If you don't have a diffuser, you can put a drop or two in the palm of your hand and inhale deeply. You can also take a tissue and put a few drops of lemon essential oil on it and set it nearby where you are reading, doing homework or studying. On a physical level, lemon is excellent for stopping a runny nose, and healing colds, sinusitis, and similar conditions. Application: You can always apply lemon on the palms of your hands and the bottoms of your feet. A small warning: all citrus oils are "photosensitive." If you apply directly to any skin that will be exposed to direct sunlight, your skin may react by getting splotchy. If you do apply to your skin, just keep that part of your body away from the sun for up to 72 hours. 3) BASIL:This oil is very good for overcoming feelings of being overwhelmed, frustrated, and stressed. It helps to clear away the fatigue that builds up from those types of emotions leaving you feeling refreshed and clear. It smells sweet and herbal and it really helps you handle multitasking and busyness with grace; thus making you become a person who is calm under pressure. On a physical level, it's a natural muscle-relaxant making it great for soothing muscles and joints after excessive sports or other physical activity.Application: Dilute with a pure, organic lotion or coconut oil, and apply to temples, behind the ears, and back of the neck. Apply undiluted to soles of the feet and palms of the hands for inhaling. If you have a diffuser, diffuse away. Before you leave the house for the day, apply a few drops of basil oil to a clean cloth and put in a plastic bag. You can take out periodically to inhale for keeping you feeling calm and refreshed.4) ORANGE:Lifts the spirits and can create a feeling of joy. It's naturally clean and refreshing smell has amazing benefits to your overall well-being. When you have a feeling of joy and happiness, it opens you up to your creativity and you attract abundance too. It's great to use when doing creative projects or creative thinking. Use this oil when you are feeling down in the dumps, are depressed, sad, and have low energy. On a physical level, orange is highly anti-bacterial, anti-viral. It's excellent for good oral health; it soothes inflamed gums, and is excellent to put on teeth and gums after dental work. Spiritually, it is the oil of attracting abundance. Application: It's an excellent oil to diffuse and use similarly to lemon. It is also another citrus oil, so the same warnings apply as with lemon. (refer to lemon application for reminder). Carry a bottle in your purse or backpack -- you can put a drop in your drinking water to refresh and change your plain water without having to spend extra money for a "flavored" water. As with all oils, you can apply to palms of the hand for inhalation, and on the soles of the feet for overall well-being.5) CEDARWOOD: Of all the essential oils, Cedarwood is the most calming oil of all essential oils. Cedarwood helps with focus and concentration. Simply apply the oil on the thumbs of both hands, rub thumbs together, then apply thumbs to the temples, then put near your nostrils and inhale. This oil is excellent for all types of mental work-- helps to retain what we learn in school and through studying. Helps with uniting both sides of our brain for better brain balance. When our left and right brain are working together, we feel balanced mentally and emotionally. Cedarwood is also excellent alone or in combination with lavender for calming the mind before bed. The combination works well to prevent insomnia and allow the mind to let go of the thoughts and worries of the day, and to drift peacefully to sleep. On a spiritual level: it helps us to feel less alone and more connected to one another, to your community, to your spiritual support system as well.Application: Cedarwood is very mild. You can apply to the base of your spine, your temples, your wrists and of course for inhaling. At bedtime, massage cedarwood with a little olive or coconut oil, or a pure lotion. Give yourself a foot massage before going to sleep. These five oils can be used in combination with one another. For example, lemon and basil go very well together and diffused, smell amazing -- creating a feeling or renewal and focus. You can combine cedarwood with lavender for relaxation, destressing and for sleep. Orange and lemon diffuse beautifully cleaning the air and lifting the spirits and level of creativity. A brief note about the brands of essential oils: It's important to know that not all essential oils are created equal. For full healing benefits, you must use therapeutic-grade essential oils. My personal preference has always been the oils produced by Young Living. I used them professionally as they were the ones I trusted to facilitate the healing of the people who came to see me. The healing benefits of the five oils I've included in this article are happen when you use this level of quality of essential oils.Experiment with them on your own. Enjoy their aroma, feel physically and mentally their healing and experience the uplifting feelings in your emotions and overall well-being. You'll find yourself smiling more, able to take your daily challenges with amazing grace.

  Whether you are a teen, a college student, parent, adult professional, grandparent and even a young child, life is far more stressful than it was 30, 20... even just 10 years ago. With all the technology available and the various means of communication to choose from--you can get the feeling like you can't keep up with school, social life, family, work... because there's always something else needs to be done.  And, of course, that something needs to be done as soon as possible!  

Why is it so easy to think negative or angry thoughts--about ourselves, about family members, friends, classmates, teachers, strangers, etc.? Why do people spend so much energy being angry instead of loving and accepting? What if you could re-channel that negative energy and transform ourselves and our relationships and connections to people around us to be positive and loving in every single instance? I'm telling you that it is definitely possible and very doable.When I was 10 years old, I remember reading a book about fables. There was always one fable that stuck with me throughout my life. It was the story about the Sun and the Wind having an argument over who was stronger. They both believed themselves to be the strongest, so to prove their point, they set themselves up with a little competition. It just so happened that there was a man walking down the street, so the Wind suggested that whoever could get the man to take off his jacket was the strongest. The Wind took his turn first and turned on his wind power full force. He blew and blew and blew to try to get the man's coat off his body. Instead what happened was the man actually held on to the coat even tighter and stronger to protect himself from the Wind. Wind finally had to give up and allow the Sun to have his turn. Well, the Sun began to shine and spread his warmth over the man just by being warm and sunny. The Sun didn't need to be forceful either. After a short while, the man became too warm to keep his coat on, and so removed it. The Sun won the challenge.If you liken the characters to this story to positive or negative energy, love and anger, you can see that positivity and love are always stronger. Let's examine the reasons why love is stronger than anger. How do you feel when you feel loving? I know when I feel loving, I feel happy, strong, positive and my physical body feels healthy and well. I feel smarter and able to conquer any challenge in my life with an expectation of success. When a person feels positive and in a loving state of mind, they usually feel they can handle or do anything. Living within that state of mind then creates positive experiences all around; thus attracting more of the same. Now let's look at anger. How do you feel when you are angry? In the past when I used to experience anger on a regular basis, I never felt well. My body felt stiff, my energy levels were lower and I was always tired. Using negative angry energy is very draining and zaps your energy. You can't feel strong when your energy is low and that's what anger does. In addition, when a person walks around thinking angry thoughts about situations, people, events, and most especially themselves, they attract more of the same. They might bump into another angry person and exchange mean comments to each other. This fuels the anger and keeps it going. Anger in the body is debilitating. It lowers your immune system, can give you stomachaches, create joint pain, headaches, backaches and over time, those minors health issues become disease. Interestingly enough both love and anger have one very big trait in common. They are both highly contagious. Suppose your friend came to school and was very angry about something that happened at home, and perhaps without realizing he begins to take his anger out on you or your other friends. Because he was unable to resolve the situation in a positive way, he is now displacing his anger on to you and your friends. You have two choices you can resolve to protect yourself from their angry outburst by not taking it on, or your can react to this friend with the same angry emotion, thus affecting your overall outlook and attitude. A great way to protect yourself from negative and angry energy is by staying in a state of loving positive energy. Remember love is stronger than anger. You can make this choice.The good news is you can spread love and positive energy the same way! This same friend meets you after school and shares with you how much the teacher loved his school project and how she felt he was talented, smart and creative. Now, this positive vibe is being shared with you as well. Perhaps you friend is complimentary to you--saying your hair looks nice, or you played well in soccer.So, what is the formula or means to create feelings of love instead of anger. It is simply a process of becoming aware of and controlling your thoughts. It doesn't happen overnight. My personal experience has been this. By nature, I have always been a more positive than negative person throughout my life. That being said, I was just like everyone else. I didn't always have control of my thoughts -- would get angry at people for thoughtless behavior, or when I thought someone was unfair or mean. As a mother now, I began to notice that my anger transferred easily on to my children -- who then would begin acting angry themselves.How did I make the change? It was a firm and conscious decision 509 days ago. Yes, nearly 18 month ago, as part of my spiritual journey, I decided to stop being angry, stop judging others' behaviors and start being loving, compassionate, kind, accepting and when pushed too far, staying neutral. Was it easy in the beginning? Absolutely not. Did I give up? Absolutely not. Now, 509 days in and still counting, I'm positive I'd say over 90% of the time. How do I do it? It's constantly being in touch with, in tune with my thoughts. At times, it's just taking a moment to mentally dialogue with myself on how to view a person, a situation, a negative item on the news, a difficult family member. If I feel unable to send them positive loving energy, I simply think neutral thoughts. For instance, the cashier at the market must be having a bad day, or my neighbor is not feeling well, or simply there's something going on within that person that I don't know about, so I will give them space and not judge their attitude or behavior... and most especially not think or send them angry thoughts. My life is so much improved since starting this major attitude shift in my mind. Now, most of the time, my interactions with family, friends, peers and strangers are positive and happy. You can start too. After reading this post, grab a notebook or journal. Write an affirmation that you will begin to think and generate positive and loving thoughts about yourself-first and foremost, and then about everyone else. After you've written your affirmation, then write the date and DAY 1. You have begun your journey. Just like learning a sport, a musical instrument, a language or anything else we choose to learn how to do, you must choose to practice and build your thought process skills everyday to get good at it. When you get good at this particular skill, the quality of your life is immensely, tremendously, stupendously, miraculously, and infinitely better. Share your experiences--the successes and the setbacks with me on my contact page. I'd be more than happy to send you a few words to keep you or get you back on track towards a happier, more rewarding daily life.

  Why is it so easy to think negative or angry thoughts--about ourselves, about family members, friends, classmates, teachers, strangers, etc.?  Why do people spend so much energy being angry instead of loving and accepting?   What if you could re-channel that negative energy and transform ourselves and our relationships and connections to people around us to be positive and loving in every single instance?  I'm telling you that it is definitely possible and very doable.   When I was 10 years

  ARE BULLIES REALLY "BAD?"  WOULDN'T YOU LIKE TO UNDERSTAND WHAT GOES ON INSIDE THE MIND OF A BULLY? READ ON TO UNDERSTAND THE MINDSET OF A BULLY...   First, you need to understand what goes one behind the scenes.  We already know that they have anger issues.  Duuuhh.  But, did you also know that there are a host of other emotions going on inside of this person, including sadness, hurt feelings, loss of personal power, frustration, low self-esteem/self-confidence, insecurity, depression,