Kaiylah Muhammad's Blog - Posts Tagged "generational-curses"
My Sex Problem
These damn generational curses... You go through something in your childhood and it negatively affects your adulthood. People tell you, "It happened 20 years ago, get over it." So you try to pretend like you're over it, but your behavior shows that you're not.
Consciously I know you can't use sex to get love. Consciously I know that bringing sex into the equation too early on taints the bond you're trying to build with that person. It takes away the innocence. It takes away the mystery. It takes away the mental and spiritual connection that needs to be built before getting physical.
Consciously I know these things, but subconsciously I struggle so much. Why? Because I was introduced to sex when I was a toddler. I've talked about this in the past, but I'm tired of talking about it because I hate feeling like a victim.
The truth of the matter is, it happened. And no matter how long ago it was, it still affects me to this day. Subconsciously, my perception of relationships, love and sex is really distorted.
I've never been in a relationship for more than 6 months (without breaking up). If I have great chemistry with someone and they stimulate my mind, I automatically want them to stimulate my body without allowing enough time to see what a man's intentions are. Not allowing enough time for a man to fall in love with my mind and my spirit, instead of my vagina.
Having sex too early on gives me a false sense of closeness to that person. And having sex too early on can distort that person's perception of me. I know so many women can relate to this... And I wish I could end this post with some life changing advice... And I could, but it wouldn't be real because I'm still battling this demon myself.
Consciously I know you can't use sex to get love. Consciously I know that bringing sex into the equation too early on taints the bond you're trying to build with that person. It takes away the innocence. It takes away the mystery. It takes away the mental and spiritual connection that needs to be built before getting physical.
Consciously I know these things, but subconsciously I struggle so much. Why? Because I was introduced to sex when I was a toddler. I've talked about this in the past, but I'm tired of talking about it because I hate feeling like a victim.
The truth of the matter is, it happened. And no matter how long ago it was, it still affects me to this day. Subconsciously, my perception of relationships, love and sex is really distorted.
I've never been in a relationship for more than 6 months (without breaking up). If I have great chemistry with someone and they stimulate my mind, I automatically want them to stimulate my body without allowing enough time to see what a man's intentions are. Not allowing enough time for a man to fall in love with my mind and my spirit, instead of my vagina.
Having sex too early on gives me a false sense of closeness to that person. And having sex too early on can distort that person's perception of me. I know so many women can relate to this... And I wish I could end this post with some life changing advice... And I could, but it wouldn't be real because I'm still battling this demon myself.
