T. Watley's Blog: Heart To Heart - Posts Tagged "life"

Without realizing, I added alot of myself into the 3 lead female characters in A Fantasy Real. One of the things that stuck out to me when I read the finished product was insecurity. This is something that has plagued me my entire life. I have always worried about what people thought of or how people saw me. It has proven to be crippling in some instances as I have gotten older. Writing and having my book published has been a great accomplishment for me. I had to endure the criticisms and rejection from my publishers and readers. It helped my skin get a little thicker. Marketing has been the real challenge. I have to put myself out to the world and await their acceptance or rejections. Some days are harder than others and I shut down completely. What really makes me proud is that I keep going. Even though I may feel like giving up or even say it, I still try again. What is my motivation? My kids. There are 4 people watching my every move. It is so important for me that they know anything is possible if they put their minds to it. That they are just as good as anyone else and they don't have to worry about acceptance as long as they accept themselves. That is what I push for daily, self acceptance. Does it work everyday? No. But if I keep trying I will get there and you will too. There will always be stumbling blocks in life and you will fall. Falling is fine as long as you keep getting up.

If you have something to share or if this post was helpful please leave it in the comments below.

T. Watley
A Fantasy Real: When Life and Lust Collide

At some time in our lives I think we all come to a place where we question the decisions we have made this far. This happens to me often. Often times I wonder what the plan is for me or if there is one at all. During these times I try to either redirect my thoughts or either go over all my mistakes. Why is it easier to rehearse your losses than it is your wins? The past is the past and it can't be changed yet we spend so much time rethinking and focusing on it. I don't have the answers for any of these questions. What I do know is that eventually we all stumble upon our purpose. You just keep trying until you figure it out. Everyone is here for a reason. Even if its just to help someone else find theirs. Keep loving, living, and moving people, someone is always watching. Give them something amazing to look at.T. Watley
A Fantasy Real: When Life and Lust Collide

I am 37 years old and have been through enough trauma to last a lifetime so motivational talks really irritate me. It's easy for people who haven't seen much anguish to say keep moving, keep pushing, just believe. The triumph, to me, comes when some one has been through hell and hot water and can still be positive. That is not very easy to do. It is hard to recognize the sun when you have only seen clouds. It all starts to look like more sky. How do you find the sun? What do you do to pull yourself up and feel like things will turn around? These are questions I ask myself daily. Some days I feel I know the answers. Others not so much. Maybe there is no difinitive answer. Maybe you should just do what works for you. Maybe it will all wash out in the end. Maybe we are all screwed up. Maybe we aren't. Who really knows? Maybe nobody.
T. Watley
A Fantasy Real: When Life and Lust Collide

T. Watley

So, it's been some years since I've posted a blog. I am now 41 with 5 kids with ages ranging from a new adult to a toddler. All in the middle of a global pandemic, accompanied by a ripened pimple of racial discord that is about to burst. Like everyone else, my stress level is at an all time high.
On the surface I have been handling things quite well. Even though I am not currently working, all my needs are met and through the grace of the Most High we have been financially stable. In some ways we are doing better now than we were before the pandemic started. Although I am immeasurably grateful that my family has been maintained and are all physically healthy, today I realized mentally things are not as balanced.
Today I realized how much anxiety along with feelings of discord, loneliness, rejection, doubt and uncertainty I was really carrying. Then I realized not only was I carrying it but so are my children. I'm quite sure we are not alone. This is something that is happening worldwide.
On top of that I have entered the over 40 club. What a feeling. Yesterday the thought came to me that what is bothering me about my age is that the picture is not matching. Meaning what little Aisha dreamed is not what adult Aisha is experiencing. Though I am not in a bad place, I am not in the place I envisioned I would be.
So now what? What do you do with that. The hard part about that question is if you are at this age and have not filled in your picture, it usually means you spent lots of time trying and have failed. This age also means that you realize you are mortal and time is going by quickly leaving less and less time for mistakes and failure. Who wants to waste more money and more time failing? Not this not this 41 year old. But now what do I do?
That is the million dollar question folks. What's next? How to move forward without the continuing crippling feeling of another failure. What say you?