T. Watley's Blog: Heart To Heart - Posts Tagged "parents"
The mind of a Quarantined creative
T. Watley
So, it's been some years since I've posted a blog. I am now 41 with 5 kids with ages ranging from a new adult to a toddler. All in the middle of a global pandemic, accompanied by a ripened pimple of racial discord that is about to burst. Like everyone else, my stress level is at an all time high.
On the surface I have been handling things quite well. Even though I am not currently working, all my needs are met and through the grace of the Most High we have been financially stable. In some ways we are doing better now than we were before the pandemic started. Although I am immeasurably grateful that my family has been maintained and are all physically healthy, today I realized mentally things are not as balanced.
Today I realized how much anxiety along with feelings of discord, loneliness, rejection, doubt and uncertainty I was really carrying. Then I realized not only was I carrying it but so are my children. I'm quite sure we are not alone. This is something that is happening worldwide.
On top of that I have entered the over 40 club. What a feeling. Yesterday the thought came to me that what is bothering me about my age is that the picture is not matching. Meaning what little Aisha dreamed is not what adult Aisha is experiencing. Though I am not in a bad place, I am not in the place I envisioned I would be.
So now what? What do you do with that. The hard part about that question is if you are at this age and have not filled in your picture, it usually means you spent lots of time trying and have failed. This age also means that you realize you are mortal and time is going by quickly leaving less and less time for mistakes and failure. Who wants to waste more money and more time failing? Not this not this 41 year old. But now what do I do?
That is the million dollar question folks. What's next? How to move forward without the continuing crippling feeling of another failure. What say you?
So, it's been some years since I've posted a blog. I am now 41 with 5 kids with ages ranging from a new adult to a toddler. All in the middle of a global pandemic, accompanied by a ripened pimple of racial discord that is about to burst. Like everyone else, my stress level is at an all time high.
On the surface I have been handling things quite well. Even though I am not currently working, all my needs are met and through the grace of the Most High we have been financially stable. In some ways we are doing better now than we were before the pandemic started. Although I am immeasurably grateful that my family has been maintained and are all physically healthy, today I realized mentally things are not as balanced.
Today I realized how much anxiety along with feelings of discord, loneliness, rejection, doubt and uncertainty I was really carrying. Then I realized not only was I carrying it but so are my children. I'm quite sure we are not alone. This is something that is happening worldwide.
On top of that I have entered the over 40 club. What a feeling. Yesterday the thought came to me that what is bothering me about my age is that the picture is not matching. Meaning what little Aisha dreamed is not what adult Aisha is experiencing. Though I am not in a bad place, I am not in the place I envisioned I would be.
So now what? What do you do with that. The hard part about that question is if you are at this age and have not filled in your picture, it usually means you spent lots of time trying and have failed. This age also means that you realize you are mortal and time is going by quickly leaving less and less time for mistakes and failure. Who wants to waste more money and more time failing? Not this not this 41 year old. But now what do I do?
That is the million dollar question folks. What's next? How to move forward without the continuing crippling feeling of another failure. What say you?
Heart To Heart
Discussing the issues that lead to personal growth. Facing fears, attacking hurt and overcoming pain. I am growing and want to provide a space to help others grow too. The goal is to help each other.
- T. Watley's profile
- 5 followers
