Deidra Riggs's Blog

This post is all about granny panties. You’ve been warned.

The Highwaist by CUUP. Not me in the picture. Ha!

I asked on Instagram if you could recommend a great pair of granny panties. I didn’t specify what I was looking for, but you came through with the recommendations. You sent links and pictures and testimonials.

In all of your recommendations, there were a few that were repeated, over and over again. On that list? Soma. Auden (sold at Target). Fruit of the Loom. There were others, but these are your overwhelming favorites.

I bought a boatload of panties (and a couple of bras) to try for myself, and I’ve got some pros and cons to share with you. I also have a couple of strong faves.

To reiterate: I was looking for granny panties. I wanted a high rise and lots of coverage. I also wanted them to be pretty. Sexy, even. I wondered if that was possible. When your recommendations started pouring in, I did a lot of google searching to see which recommendations would be worth trying and paying money for.

Because we live in 2022, the algorithm and cookies were paying attention and ads for different brands of panties began showing up in my IG feed. In the end, I decided to try five different brands. Here’s what I tried, what worked, and what didn’t:

Auden: $5/pair

I already had Auden in my wardrobe. I have loved Auden for a very long time. A lot of other people love these panties, too. In fact, they are so well-loved that they are very difficult to find. I wear a size medium in underwear, and so do a lot of you. Whenever I stopped in Target to stock up on panties, I rarely found a size medium brief. That fact alone was one of the primary reasons I began this search.

What works:

Super softNo panty linesHigh riseGreat coverageComfortableNot uglyLots of color options

What doesn’t:

Hard to findThis part is hard to describe, but the crotch of these panties doesn’t always give the best fit. It often shifted during the day and I got sort of a “side wedgie” which was not comfortable at all.Regular wedgie if wearing a dressSoma Vanishing Tummy Floral Lace Retro Brief: $26/pair

I also had Soma panties in my wardrobe, but I wasn’t a fan. Your enthusiastic recommendations made me give them another try and I’m really glad I did. These are very different from the ones I had before. This specific pair — the Vanishing Tummy Floral Lace Retro Brief — made me so happy. They are truly full coverage and incredibly comfortable. I put them on under my dress one Sunday and could not stop raving about them. The main thing I like about them? They stayed exactly where I put them, all day long!

What works:

I really like the style of these. I thought they’d be frumpy looking, but when I put them on, they were giving me and old-school glam vibe and they actually made me feel quite sexy.This pair has a regular leg opening and not a high rise. I find this to be more flattering on me, in this particular style.I bought these in black and the lacy, retro design is everything. These have a strip of silicone inside the leg on the back side, and that’s what keeps them in place. All day long.

What doesn’t:

These were also difficult to find. I went back the next day to buy another pair and there were none in stock. Instead, I bought the “modern” version which has a high leg opening and lace trim. They’re good, too. But the retro style is my jam.Knickey High-Rise Brief: $17/pair

These showed up in a Google search I did one day, and I’m super happy they introduced themselves to me. I bought them online and, when they arrived and I tried them on, I immediately ordered a second pair. These are great! They are more cheeky than brief and that makes them sexy in their own way.

What works:

Organic cotton. These are SO comfortable and breathable.Colors for every skin tone. Great fit.High rise.No wedgie. I wore these under pants and they stayed where I put them. I’m not sure I would trust them under a dress all day long, but I’ve got my Somas for that.

What doesn’t:

These just work. I love them for everyday wear. These will replace my Auden panties as my cute and sexy everyday granny panties. Negative Sieve High-Waist Brief: $45/pair

Go to the website. Go ahead. I’ll wait. So sexy, right? I love the vibe of this company and they reeled me in with their branding. I like what they appear to be trying to do. I ended up ordering a pair of the Sieve High-Rise Briefs and a bra, both in the coral color and mesh fabric you see here. I wanted granny panties for the comfort and coverage, but I also dreamed a garment like that could be sexy. Negative agrees.

What works:

The panties fit perfectly in medium. Great high rise.Super sexy.The bra is great. It stayed put and I hardly knew it was there.

What doesn’t:

The price. I wasn’t convinced these are worth the price tag.These were the least comfortable of the bunch. The trim around the legs felt slightly binding in the crotch. I knew they were there, and I can’t say that about the other brands I tried.CUUP The Highwaist: $18/pair

CUUP kept showing up in my IG feed and I kept flicking them away because they were talking about bras and I was looking for panties. Thank goodness they wore me down! I fell down a rabbit hole when I clicked on their site. And, yes. I bought panties and a bra.

These panties are like leveled-up Audens. If you like Auden but want something more substantial in terms of materials and construction, these panties are for you. I bought these in slate gray and I think I’m just gonna call them slay. Like the other brands (except for Soma), these are more cheeky than brief.

What works:

So soft, OMG.Great fit.High rise.Super sexy.These are definitely better quality than Auden, and I think they live up to their $17 price tag. They’ll be a good everyday panty for me.I also love the bra. It’s sexy and fits perfectly. I used the quiz on CUUP’s website to choose my size, and it worked!

What doesn’t:

Unlike Auden, you might have VPL (visible panty line) with this pair. They’ll work under jeans, for sure, but I’m not sure if they’ll disappear under lighter fabrics.Very cheeky. Not really a brief.The Bottom Line

I am officially kicking Auden to the curb. It’s just too frustrating to keep going into Target to stock up on panties, only to find that they’re out of stock. If you wear something other than a medium and you want a panty with no VPL, I recommend giving Auden a try.

Negative is also a no for me. They are beautiful, but the price tag is too hefty for a panty that’s not really comfortable.

My new go-tos are Soma (but only the style I reviewed here), Knickey, and CUUP. In terms of price, these are more of an investment than Auden, but I believe it’s worth it to have comfort, sexiness, and wedgie-free days.

One brand I read a lot about but didn’t try is the Naked Classic Nubian Skin Brief. The company is based in the UK and only offers free shipping to the US on orders over $100. Take a look at their website. If you’re in the UK and decide to try them, please let me know what you think!

Lest I leave you wondering, I did not try Fruit of the Loom, even though it was a fan favorite. I decided my Fruit of the Loom days are behind me.

One last thing: Yes. Granny panties can be sexy.

The post Are They Still Granny Panties If They’re Sexy? appeared first on Deidra Riggs.

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“There is a long history of asking African-Americans to endure racism silently; it’s characterized as grace, as strength.” @lesellele (on Twitter).

The grace thing is being over- and mis- used.

When I worked at EVEREVE (the most racist and abusive work environment I’ve ever experienced), the leadership there kept asking me to be gracious.

Melanie Koup (Chief of Stores), Megan Callan (Regional Director), and Megan Tamte (co-CEO) repeatedly placed the grace and patience request on the table.

Once, after a customer hit me in the face and knocked my glasses off my body and onto the floor, I reported it to Megan Fitzgerald, my manager. Her reply? First: “What did you do?”

When my feedback to HR included concern about limited advancement opportunities beyond my position as store manager, Kelly Farrish (Vice President of Talent) replied by saying, “Yes. We hear that a lot…Oh, but Deidra. My goodness! You started as a part-time stylist and now you’re a store manager! You’ve moved up so quickly.”

Megan Tamte once told me, after asking me to be patient while they worked on their diversity issues, “Your dream is not going to come true here.”

And still, “We’re asking for grace. Please be patient.”

I Belong Wherever I Show Up

I belong wherever I show up. I know that to be true. I belong as myself and not as a watered down version of me. 

The other day, Erin reached out to tell me she didn’t like the way I talked about white people. She didn’t like that I was using generalizations. She didn’t think it was fair. I respect her right to feel how she felt. 

Erin and I spent the good part of a day emailing back and forth with her telling me how she didn’t like how I said what I said and me telling her I didn’t appreciate her telling me how to talk about my lived experience. 

In the end, Erin told me (completely unsolicited by me) that, “in the interest of good faith,” I could feel free to share our exchange, but not to use her name.

So. I should not speak generally about white people, but I also cannot speak specifically about her?

People. No. 

I talk about what I want to talk about, the way I want to talk about it. This is my very own space. I write on my very own blog and my very own Instagram feed. You get to decide whether or not to follow along. No one is making you be here. 

Once We Truly See Each Other

Dissent and differing opinions are welcome. Here is the key to that, though: the goal is not to change anyone’s opinion. I am not here to bully you into seeing things my way. I am here to teach you how to see me, just as I am learning how to see you. Once we truly see each other, we can begin to move toward one another.

The goal is to increase our capacity for engaging difference without feeling threatened by differences. The goal is to honor the capacity and desire for growth in each other. 

We are being transformed here, not conforming. It’s a thin and nuanced line we are walking. 

Yes, I get angry. Yes, my feelings get hurt. Yes, I sometimes cry. Or scream. Or disengage. I am human. Aren’t we all?

Grace for Me

When you hear me say I bless your leaving and your staying, you need to understand that the grace I am extending is to myself. The patience I have is for the process. 

I don’t have grace for your fragility or privilege or latent feelings of supremacy. I have understanding. I see it for what it is, even when you do not. I do not have patience for your insistence that I do and say my things in ways that make you more comfortable. I understand why you insist as you do, even when you perceive yourself to be extending grace toward me. You are not.

Inextricably Connected

I recognize we will always be connected to one another. If I am to truly live into the sacredness of the Truth of our eternal connectedness, I must bless your going, without malice in my heart toward you. I do it for myself, and not for you. 

I am not “letting you go” or “releasing you.” I do not claim you, understand? I hold your presence here very lightly, because to do so, for me, is grace.

I believe you will find your way, as I am finding mine. It doesn’t matter if you like me. This work and our living of it is about Love. Love grows and heals and mends and binds, regardless of our enneagram numbers, or astrological signs, or emotional intelligence, or values, or beliefs, or favorite color. We are inextricably connected to each other, forever and always. 

What questions do you have? What emotion/s does this stir up in you? Tell me. 

The post Grace for Me appeared first on Deidra Riggs.

A reader posted the following in the comments of my IG post, in response to my last essay.

I promised the reader a response, and I thought this would be the best place for it. I’m sure others are thinking/feeling some of what this reader expressed. So, this response is for all of that. All of you:

Dear Reader,

I appreciate your comments. I’ll respond to them here and am open to more dialogue with you and others around these issues. 

First, I know you don’t know me, but I hope you don’t hesitate to comment in the future. I also doubt you’ll get “heat.” We don’t do that here. We maintain a growth mindset, and we’re learning to engage with difference, not only commonality. Dissenting opinions, presented with respect and a posture of learning are always welcome. Though, I’m not sure you’re truly dissenting. What I feel is a pushing back. 

Shame

So. Shame. Yes, it’s an unhealthy emotion. In my essay, I’m using the noun form, but not as an emotion. Shame, in the essay, is referring to a loss of respect or esteem; dishonor. When anyone – whether white or otherwise – shows themself to be unworthy of trust, it is dishonorable. That person loses respect or esteem.

Sadly, white people rarely experience this loss of respect when acting toward marginalized groups in untrustworthy ways. Rather, it’s the marginalized person or group who is perceived to be unworthy of respect, esteem, or honor. 

Shame, as an emotion, is ineffective at offering any lasting or significant change. But I’m not referring to shame as an emotion. 

Minimization is Very American

Saying you’ve “never seen people of color differently” tells me you probably operate from an intercultural orientation of minimization. Minimization is neither good nor bad. It’s simply a way to describe how you engage with difference in the world. What I’m hearing is that you tend to seek commonality when interacting with others.

Maybe you believe we are more the same than we are different, or we have more in common than what we disagree about. These are common values held by people in minimization. What I’m hoping to do is get people to move from minimization, and into acceptance and/or adaptation. In these orientations, a person is able to appropriately adapt when faced with difference.

I want people to be able to move through each other’s differences without feeling a need to find “something in common” as a foundation for a friendship or other relationship. When we can adapt to differences, we allow the other person to be fully themselves, rather than minimizing all of who they are, simply to what we have in common. 

Minimization is a very American developmental orientation. It’s natural that you would function out of an orientation of minimization as someone who identifies as American. I’m curious about your connection to your Euro and Native heritage. My research shows that people who are well-informed about and rooted in their culture of origin are more successful at moving out of minimization into acceptance or adaptation. 

Ignorance Rather Than Racism

The ignorance of which you speak is due to systemic racism, and to racism in general. It’s both/and. Which came first? Well, racism is the direct result of an inability to effectively engage with difference when we encounter it in others. Systemic racism, and racism in general, results when someone (or some group) decides difference is “better than” or “worse than” or “more difficult” or “more complicated” than what I’m used to.

Difference, is simply difference. It is neither good nor bad. It simply is.

Choosing not to learn about and/or understand other cultures is privilege. And, privilege is not limited to white people. To be clear, however, privilege is still given to white people. Even today. Even right now. White privilege did not stop “recently.” It still exists. It is alive and well. It is, as you stated, “still a problem.” 

Intimidating. Suspicious. Violent.

Black people have historically been the ones deemed intimidating, suspicious, and violent. We have had those adjectives pointed in our direction ever since white people made up the construct of race.

The truth, however, is that white people have intimidated through colonization and this pattern of colonization has made white people suspect. I’d say violence is stealing land from people, displacing people from their homes, enslaving people, lynching people, refusing people equal status, kneeling on their necks while they die on the asphalt.

Welcome to the Table

You are right to say there is a bit of, “How does it feel now that the tables have turned white person?” going on. Rightly so. We want to know. How does it feel?

None of us can escape the role shame has played and continues to play in the history of this country. More and more, however, white people are beginning to experience shame along with the rest of us. So, yes, we wonder how it feels.

At the same time, there is also a swell of marginalized people saying, to those white people, “Watch how we do this. We’ve been dealing with it for a very long time. We know how. Learn from us.” It’s a welcome to the table, along with sincere curiosity: “How does it feel? To you?”

Progress

White people don’t get to decide what is and is not progress, for people who have been oppressed and disadvantaged for hundreds of years. Marginalized people are the ones who decide that.

Making space, being patient, and working for justice up and until marginalized people decide when progress has been made is the difference between diversity and inclusion. Until marginalized people look up and around and discover we finally, truly belong, progress hasn’t happened. When white people accept that this collective shame (as I’ve defined it here, and which has been misplaced for far too long) is theirs and not ours to bear, we will have moved one small step in the right direction. 

A note about these images: The photographer is Jessica Felicio and her work can be found on Unsplash. I chose these images because of the stories Jessica tells about them. These beautiful women (all the same woman) could be so easily misunderstood, just as white people have misunderstood us, and racism, and their complicity, as well as their connectedness to us in shared dis-ease and loss.

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When I was a little girl, I’d sometimes awake in the middle of the night with an aching pain in my legs. The pain was excruciating, and scary for my little girl self. I’d cry out in pain from my bed and my mom would be there in a jiffy. She held me, and soothed my worried little self, and she would rub my aching legs.

We visited the doctor many times, asking about this strange pain that woke me up in the middle of the night. The diagnosis? “Growing pains.”

I learned to deal with the pain, waking up in the middle of the night for years. I’d lay in bed, not wanting to disturb anyone else, just waiting for the pain to ease so I could go back to sleep.

One night, I awoke in pain and, at a loss for a better solution, rolled myself onto the linoleum floor of the bedroom I shared with my sister. There, I silently practiced the stretching exercises I’d learned in ballet class. Wonder of wonders, the pain eased up and then melted completely away.

Emotional and Psychological Growing Pains

I don’t know if what I felt in the dark hours of those long ago nights was actually growing pains. What I do know is that lately, I’m in the throes of some serious emotional and psychological growing pains.

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I’ve had three conversations over the past three days, and each conversation has resulted in the same reaction in me. I don’t really know how to explain the reaction, other than to say it’s something I’ve noticed rising up in me, in each of these three conversations. I also notice myself falling into sort of a default response which is basically to want to gloss over a critical thing the other person is showing me about themselves.

Each of these conversations has been with white people and, in each conversation, I’ve wanted to gloss over the fact that these particular white people are actually exhibiting growth in their intercultural awareness. It’s the thing we all say we want, and it’s happening. And frankly, I don’t know what to do with these kinds of white people.

A Matter of Trust

For me, it’s a matter of trust. If you’re black or brown or queer or disabled or marginalized in any other way, you get this. The Great Racial Reckoning after George Floyd’s murder seems to have fallen flat, as most of us suspected it would.

Many white people, who work with me to advance justice, equity, diversity, and inclusion in their spheres of influence, say, “I don’t want to hurt anyone.” They say it when digging into their question, “What should I do?” They’ve done a lot of work. They are sincere. They know the next step is to actually do something and not simply talk about doing something.

And yet, when they’ve said that to me — “I don’t want to hurt anyone,” — I’ve glossed over it. In my head I’ve thought, “White people have been hurting people for hundreds of thousands of years. Why do you care about hurting us now?”

Paying Attention

Recently, when talking with two white people, they said the thing and I felt myself glossing over it. But, the same thing had happened two other times in the previous two days. I knew I had to pay attention to it.

So, I sat with the feeling. I noticed it. I told the two white people what was going on in my head and in my heart. I fumbled over the words. I looked off into the distance. I scratched my head.

They waited. They leaned in. They nodded. And I told them what I told you just a few paragraphs ago: “I don’t know what to do with this kind of white person.”

Honestly.

I Expect that White People Will Fail to Rise to the Occasion

Black and brown and queer and disabled and other people on the margins want those in power to realize and accept the sacrifice required. I want that, too. However, I don’t believe, in the big picture, that white people actually realize what is required of them.

The truth? I expect white people will consistently fail to rise to the occasion. Why? White people fail to rise to the occasion, over and over again. White people fail to hang in with us for the long haul. White people fail to recognize how systems advantage them and disadvantage (read: dis-ease and kill) the rest of humanity. Generally speaking, white people don’t care. Not enough. Not long enough. Not about me.

But then, I catch a glimpse of a white person defying expectation. I see a single white person, or two, or three, actually beginning to move through the world as if they are serious about this. As if they are willing. As if they are committed to something more than a performance. I want to trust it. But can I? Should I?

Shame on Who?

When white people turn out to be untrustworthy, that’s their shame. That is totally on them. But the weight of that shame isn’t borne by them. If they’re untrustworthy, they go back to their white life. No biggie.

But, if I choose to give a white person the benefit of the doubt…

If I choose to believe that white person is truly willing to make the sacrifice…

If I choose to let a white person in, and I choose wrong, the consequences, to me and mine, may be quite literally life threatening. I don’t need to cite news stories to convince anyone of this.

So, shame on who?

Stretch into the Pain

My late night leg pains taught me to stretch into the pain. My life as a black woman in America has taught me not to depend on or trust white people to help ease the collective pain that results from the history of colonization, capitalism, and crimes against humanity.

It’s a strange combination of emotions that I’m dealing with.

I’ve decided to stretch. I’m going to take these few white people at their word and I’m going to move forward, knowing they/you are out there. It’s painful to stretch in this way. It’s dangerous. But I value growth. I want to grow. I want you to grow. So, my forward movement isn’t going to look the way it used to.

Tougher Questions

Moving forward, I’ll be interrogating myself. I’ll be using my voice. I’ll be asking everyone — white people and everyone else, including myself — tougher questions. And I’ll be expecting honest answers. I’ll be patient, but I won’t be a pushover.

I appreciate the warm and fuzzy comments and the heart emojis that people post in response to my words here, on Instagram, and among my Patreon crew. But I’m not seeking affirmation. I’m seeking transformation, and that does not happen by simply agreeing that what I’m saying is worth a heart emoji.

Moving forward, I’ll be pushing for more interrogation from the people who show up in my spaces. I’m taking you at your word. I believe you want to be better; to do better. I believe it’s new territory for you. This part is new for me, too.

The good news is this: we are all growing. The challenge? To stretch into the pain.

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This year, approach Black History Month with curiosity and creativity. You have it in you to take all the learning you’ve done and transform it into concrete actions. Actions that will move you forward in your quest for more justice, equity, diversity, and inclusion.

I created the perfect resource for you to use during Black History Month. “30 Days to Being Actively Anti-Racist on Social Media” is an ebook written just for you. It’s a practical guide and includes steps you can take each day to use your social media platforms for good.

If you find yourself asking, “What can I do?” this is the resource for you. If you’re ready to move beyond posting quotes and replays of Dr. King’s, “I have a dream,” speech, this is the resource for you. If you feel like you’re spinning your wheels when it comes to being anti-racist, you probably are, and this is the resource for you.

Work through this resource on your own, or as part of group. This is an unconventional, yet important resource for your book club, church group, work cohort, walking crew, mastermind group, or family. The ebook is $15, and you can purchase it here.

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I asked you to recommend books for me that are light, fun, funny, frivolous, and practical, and you came through! Clearly, you like to read.

The Learning Never Stops (But Don’t Skip the Joy)

It’s been a very, very significant two years. Each of us have been challenged in different ways. And so, we hunkered down. We did a lot of learning about race, religion, sexuality, faith, policies and politics and politicians, climate change, economics, immigration, health and science, working from home, getting along with others, and so much more.

That learning never stops; it should never stop. From here on out, we all have to keep digging and researching and reading the important, serious, heavy books. But, also? If reading is something that has historically brought you joy, I want to remind you: don’t skip the joy.

In the past two years, I’ve read mostly serious, heavy books. They were important reads, and I’m glad I read them. But, I found my interest in reading, generally waning, and that’s a red flag for me. A waning interest in reading is not me at all. That red flag let me know I wasn’t reading enough for fun.

Once, my friend, Will, told me I had permission to quit reading books that I didn’t like. Just because the whole world is raving about the book and it’s on everyone’s must read lists, doesn’t mean I have to like it, too. Will’s was probably the best reading advice I’ve received in a very long time, because it allowed me to be honest with myself about why I loved reading in the first place. Now, whenever I quit a book in the middle of a sentence, and release myself from slogging through something I don’t like, I think of him, with gratitude.

I Want Books I Can’t Put Down

This year, I want the experience of reading a book that I can’t put down. This year I want books that have me thinking about the characters and wondering what’s going on with them while I’m at work or driving around town. You know what I mean?

This year, I want to read books that inspire me to try new paint colors, or photography lighting, or social media content, or new ways to organize shoes. Because I don’t want to skip the joy.

This year, I want to read books that reignite my love for words and reading and story and beauty. And let me be clear: I am not above listening to an audiobook and saying I read it.

On Instagram, I asked you to tell me which fun and pretty and delightful books must be on my list for 2022 . The recommendations are below. You offered up a LOT of titles and I’m going to use your suggestions as my jumping off point.

Caveats

This list will be here for the duration. Pin it or save it to refer to later, when you find yourself in need of a book that will make you laugh out loud or savor beauty or simply lose yourself in a fun story for a while.

I typed up this list just like you gave it to me. You’ll notice some of these recommendations include authors and others don’t (which is neither good or bad, but I figured you’d be curious). I didn’t add links because, honestly, you offered up a LOT of titles!

I am really excited about this list. Why? Well, because I’ve read a few on the list, and I’ve heard of some others, but most of these suggestions are completely new to me.

If you do decide to purchase one of these books, please buy from bookshop.org. You’ll support local bookstores and get great books. If you missed my request on Instagram and have fun book recommendations of your own to add to the list, send me an email (info@deidrariggs.com), or a DM on Instagram with your suggestions, because who doesn’t love a good book recommendation?

And, since I know you’re wondering which book I’m going to read first, I’m going with, The House on the Cerulean Sea* (also the most-recommended book on this list). Have you read it?

The List

The House on the Cerulean Sea

The Switch by Beth O’Leary

Everyone’s an Alien When You’re and Alien Too by Jomny Sun

City Girls by Elizabeth Gilbert

Song of Achilles

They Can’t Kill Us Until They Kill Us

A Man Called Ove by Fredrick Backman

Lady Sherlock Holmes series by Sherry Thomas

Nora Ephrons’ essays/memoirs

The Lazy Genius Way by Kendra Adachi

The Royal Holiday by Jasmine Guilloroy

The Rivers of London series

Death Wins a Goldfish

Such a Fun Age by Kiley Reid

Dial A for Aunties

The Art of Gathering by Priya Parker

Clanlands by Sam Heughan and Graham MacTavish

As You Wish by Cary Elwes

The Guncle

Cathedral of Wild by Boyd Varty

Pride, Prejudice and Other Flavors

How to Stop Time

Bridgerton series audiobooks

Here For It by R Eric Thomas

Restored Home by K Byucks

Wintering by K May

The Art of Noticing by R Walker

Something that May Shock and Discredit You by Danny Lavery

Born a Crime by Trevor Noah

The Last Black Unicorn by Tiffany Hadish

Just as Long as We’re Together by Judy Blume

Green Lights by Matthew McConaughey

The Vanishing Half by Brit Bennett

Broken by Jenny Lawson

Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine

Clap When You Land by Elizabeth Acevedo

The Wedding Date by Jasmine Guillory

Why Not Me by Mindy Kaling

A Very Punchable Face by Colin Jost

The Chosen

The Book of Lights

The Promise

My Name is Asher Lev

The Gift of Asher

Enola Homes

Agatha Christie

All the Lonely. People by Mike Gayle

The Midnight Library by Matt Haig

Joyful

The Souther Bookclubs Guide to Slaying Vampires by Grady Hendrix

Malibu Rising by Taylor Jenkins Reid

The Glatshare

Twenties Girl by Sophie Kinsella

Undomestic Goddess by Sophie Kinsella

Lamb

The Gospel According to Biff

Famously Happy by Jenny Lawson

Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris

Anxious People by Frederik Backman

Preistdaddy by Patricia Lockwood

Firekeeper’s Daughter by Angeline Boulley

A Gentleman in Moscow by Amor Towles

Losing It by Kai Hibbard

The Unhoneymooners

The Last Flight

Nobody Will Tell You This But Me

Simon Snow books by Rainbow Rowell

The Night Circus

Intimacies by Katie Kitamura

Home to Harmony by Philliip Gulley

My Lady Jane

The Last Thing He Told Me

Awestruck

7 Husbands of Evelyn Hugo

Almost Lost Arts by Emily Freindrich

One to Watch by Stayman-London

*affiliate link |Photo by Thought Catalog on Unsplash

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Once upon a time I didn’t use a planner. “I am not a planner,” I said to me. “I live in the moment,” I responded. “Planning is for people who are not me,” I said. But then I realized I was always writing notes everywhere. Even on my hand. Which is not necessarily a bad thing, but one good washing of the hands and that note is lost forever.

I also noticed how I’m always putting appointments and stuff on the calendar in my iPhone. With reminders.

So. Maybe I’m a type of planner, I decided. But which type?

I dipped my toe in the world of planning. The first year, I bought a planner at Target. It was one of the Blue Sky versions. I liked it because it was affordable, and cute. The next year I bought a Lily Pulitzer planner because it was pretty and it had stickers. Then, last year, I used a blank journal. I liked it because someone gave it to me and it had a hardcover and zero frills.

I’ve Been Looking for a Planner

If you follow me on Instagram, you know I’ve been looking for a planner. I have some prerequisites for this planner. I want it to be elegant and simple. I need space to take notes and write down where I need to be and when. I also want room to doodle. I prefer something without a spiral binding.

People. There is an entire planning world! It’s a culture in and of itself. I am not part of that culture, but I’m super curious. They have stickers and markers and highlighters and grids and post-it notes and washi tape and groups you can join to plan more about planning. They are taking the world by storm. I salute them. Also? I am not them. I fell down the planner rabbit hole and it totally stressed me out. So, I climbed out of that hole and finally pulled the trigger on a planner that someone dropped in my DMs on Instagram.

Lots of people sent me lots of pictures of their planners and links to planners I should consider. For me, it came down to the following five options:

1. The Layered Living Planner from HerSpace Co.

I like this one because it’s pretty and it has a classy feel to it. Mostly, though, I like it because it’s produced by a black-owned company and you know I’m here for that. If you like pretty, sturdy, and lots of tracking and goal-setting, you might appreciate this planner. Especially if you’re looking for ways to support black-owned businesses in 2021.

In the end, this planner had too much for me. It’s called the Layered Living Planner, and it helps you set goals in twelve different layers of your life. While I need some structure in my life, this felt like too much structure for me, and too much to keep track of on a daily basis.

2. Hobonichi Techo

I was SO close to getting this one. So close. I love the design. It’s simple, but elegant. And the Japanese aesthetic really appeals to me. I liked the idea of having a planner that is not in a language I know. It feels as if it will help to keep me aware of my connectedness to a different culture, even though I’m not part of that culture. The grids provide order without feeling overwhelming or like too much pressure. This planner is so versatile, you can customize it to be what you want it to be, and I really gravitate to that type of design.

This feels like a tool for advanced planners, and one I may use in the future, but I don’t think I’d be able to figure out how to maximize what it offers. Sort of like my iPhone, which I know can do so much more than I’m aware of. So, I’m keeping this planner in mind for the future, but not this year.

3. Karst Stone Paper Weekly Planner

This planner paper is made out of stone. What in the world? I was totally smitten by this planner because…trees! No trees are used to make it! YAY! The layout and design are simple and…it’s made out of stone! I know I tend to be an early adopter and that often leaves me wishing I had waited, so I did a search and found a box-opening video on YouTube that helped me slow my roll on this one.

Turns out, the planner is shipped in a beautiful cardboard box, which is nice. But…the cardboard seems to negate the use of stone to make the actual planner. Additionally, the paper-made-of-stone seems difficult to write on. A Sharpie seems to work best, and I love a good Sharpie, but I like other pens, too. Also, the book is heavy. So, I’m going to keep an eye on this one to see if any improvements get made. It’s a great idea, but I’m not quite ready to hop on the bandwagon yet.

4. The Bullet Journal

I reeeeeeeallllly like The Bullet Journal. I’ve been looking at it for years. It’s simple, elegant, sleek, and customizable. It can be whatever I want it to be. People send me pictures of how they’re using their Bullet Journal and I swoon. Seriously. I may still get one, but I didn’t get one this year.

The thing that trips me up about The Bullet Journal is that it’s a little bit too free-form for me. I strike a fine balance between never liking to be told what to do, and needing someone to give me direction. The Bullet Journal is very open ended and I’m not sure I’d know where to start with it. So, it’s on my list and I may pull the trigger soon and get one to try.

So, which one did I buy?

5. 2022 Zero-Waste Weekly Planner from Wisdom Supply

This is the one for me this year. It feels like it doesn’t take itself too seriously. It’s simple and elegant, and even a bit of a throwback. There’s no fuss about it, and I like that. But what I LOVE about it is that it’s zero waste. And the company is owned by women.

This planner is all I need. At least, I think it is. I’ll use the monthly calendar to keep track of appointments, and the weekly planning section to list and check off daily to-dos, and take notes or doodle when I’m in a meeting or need to process some ideas for a blog post, a book chapter, or an Instagram story. And, I’m super intrigued by their aluminum, refillable pens which also help reduce the amount of stuff I contribute to a landfill. The company seems pretty solid, and I’m grateful to the IG follower who introduced me to them.

Once I get my planner, I’ll schedule a date for myself to write an update for you and tell you how it’s going. Will I be happy with my choice? Will I buy the Bullet Journal? Will I go back to writing notes on my hand? There’s only one way to find out.

Tell me about your planning/planner adventures. What system do you use? How did you decide? Which system/s are your least favorite? In general, what’s your relationship to planning? I can’t wait to hear your answers!

Photo credit: Hero image by Daniel Thomas on Unsplash

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Hello! If you’re shopping small businesses this holiday season, check out these top three sellers from my JEDI Shoppe:

ebook: 30 Days to Being Actively Anti-Racist on Social Media – $15

I created this ebook in the wake of George Floyd’s death, when so many people were asking, “What Can I Do?” This is my small offering in response to that question.

The ebook is a place to begin, especially if you or someone you care about spends a lot of time on social media. Work through this ebook on your own, or as part of a group. Each day offers prompts for you to consider and actions you can take to create an online and/or in-real-life space that helps cultivate a world we all know we deserve and are capable of creating.

Click here to purchase.

 

 

book slam: Burying White Supremacy: Resurrecting a Badass Christianity – $15 + the book

Registration for this event closes on Monday morning, so grab your friends and register now.

It’s difficult to accept the role that Evangelical Christianity has played in racism, sexism, and homophobia. Until we face it head on, we won’t be able to move to something better. This book slam is not for the faint of heart. It’s for those who have been struggling with how to reconcile the faith they grew up with, with their desire to actually do justice in the world. It’s called a Book Slam because the book is hard-hitting, and you may want to slam it shut a few times.

The Book Slam will meet on December 6, at 7:30PM EST, via Zoom. To register, purchase the book, and then Venmo $15 to @deidra-riggs, then watch your inbox for details.

Buy the book here. Send $15 to Register for the Book Slam here.

 

 

online course: JEDI Mastermind Course – $739

Discover effective, appropriate, and authentic methods for understanding, teaching, training, and advancing justice, equity, diversity and inclusion as a leader in organizational settings and as personal development. Gain valuable insight for the development of individual growth plans, group training and development, and community awareness programs.

This is an eight-week cohort certificate program. It meets once each week, with an additional three hours of homework and cohort collaboration each week, and a final project for each participant. The next session begins in January. Payment plans are available. Employers may cover or split costs. To learn more, download the course description. Class payments made via PayPal. Class size limited to four participants each session.

For more information about the JEDI Mastermind Course, email info.jedicoaching@gmail.com

 

Thank you!

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The truth of the matter is that I was ready to throw in the literal towels. I have a deep affinity for textiles of all types. Tablecloths. Dishtowels. Curtains. Rugs. Comforters. Linens. Towels. All of it! I love it all.

I wanted towels like the ones I’ve used at fancy hotels and I cannot tell you how many towels I’ve purchased over the years. I’ve tried white towels, yellow towels, printed towels, striped towels. No matter what, they all seemed to have a short life once they hit our household. They got (there is no other way to say it) gross. It felt as if, no matter how much I washed them, they never were clean.

And then I heard about stripping.

Here’s the thing: the detergents and fabric softeners I was using caused build-up on my towels (and my sheets and my jeans and my tee shirts and all my other textiles). Instead of getting as clean as possible, my towels and other items were getting coated. Yep. They smelled good and they felt soft, but they weren’t really clean. Not only that. My towels lost their absorbency.

So, just before I made a run to HomeGoods to buy more new towels, I gave stripping a try.

It was super easy. I filled up the bathtub with super hot water. To that hot water, I added 1/2 cup of Borax, 1/2 cup of Washing Soda, and 1/4 Fels-Naptha soap flakes. To make the soap flakes, I used a box grater. So easy! Then, I swirled everything around in the water until it was dissolved, and I added four towels to the mix. The towels soaked for about five hours and then I drained the tub, wrung the water from the towels, and put them in the washing machine on the express cycle, using hot water and one rinse cycle.

When it was time to switch the towels from the washer to the dryer, I knew I would not need to go to HomeGoods for new towels. The stripped towels were so clean! Clean laundry. I mean, there was a noticeable difference between the towels that went into the tub and the ones that came out of the dryer.

Lots of people say the water in the tub is super dirty when you take the towels out, but I didn’t really think it was that bad. More than anything, stripping the towels removed them of the coating that had been smothering them. The laundry detergent (anything like Tide, Gain, Cheer, etc.) and fabric softener (think: Downy, Snuggle, and even dryer sheets) we used to buy contain chemicals that make textiles smell nice coming out of the dryer and feel soft when folding the laundry. But, those chemicals trap in odors and even bacteria that we were using over and over again.

Not only that, but the Borax/Washing Soda/Fels option is better for the environment. There is less chance of gunking up the inner workings of the washer and dryer, and the more natural ingredients mean harmful chemicals aren’t being released into the environment.

My stripped towels passed the ultimate test. They smell amazingly clean — as in, absent from odors — when using them after a shower, and they are noticeably more absorbent.

The cost of my new laundry products was less than $20 and will last for many loads of laundry. You only need about a tablespoon of Fels soap and 1/4 cup each of Borax and washing soda for each load. The Borax and Fels combine to get textiles clean and fresh, and the washing soda softens the water so that the Borax and Fels can get into and through the fibers to lift the dirt and germs away.

Stripping isn’t just for towels, by the way. I’ve stripped my clothes, sheets, and comforters and I’m so glad I did. Using Borax, Washing Soda and Fels is my new go-to laundry hack. I can’t imagine ever going back.

Have you tried stripping? Will you? Let me know what you think!

Photo by Denny Müller on Unsplash; This post contains affiliate links.

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The Intercultural Development Inventory (IDI) is similar to assessments like Meyers-Briggs, Strength Finders, and the Enneagram. You’re probably familiar with those. The difference is that those assessments measure aspects of our personality, but the IDI measures intercultural competence.

Intercultural competence is the capability to shift cultural perspective and appropriately adapt behavior to cultural difference and commonality.

The results of personality tests are often fixed and unchanging, but the results of the IDI can change from one season of life to an other. Personal history, education, the communities in which we live, the books and shows and podcasts we consume, our faith practice, and so much more, combine to impact our intercultural competency.

Why Take the IDI?

The IDI is the perfect starting point for you if you’re

committed to anti-racist work,seeking to learn more about people who are different from you,invested in justice advocacy,functioning in environments where you feel a need to regularly code switch,parenting/mentoring/teaching children who want to be kind and just in the world,desire peace and mutual flourishing for all people,working to build intercultural competence for you and/or your organization.

The IDI is considered “the premier cross-culturally valid assessment for building cultural competence.”

I’m a Qualified Administrator of the IDI. Register to take the IDI and you’ll also receive a one-hour, one-on-one coaching session with me. I’ll go over the results of your assessment and together we’ll map out a customized plan to help you grow in intercultural competence.

FAQ

How Much Does it Cost? Total cost is $239. Registration includes the assessment, a one-hour coaching session, and a customized plan for you. Members of my Patreon community receive a discount, based on their level of membership.

How Long Does it Take? The assessment takes about thirty minutes to complete.

Can I Take it More Than Once? Yes. It’s a good idea to repeat the assessment from time to time, often annually. We do not recommend retaking the assessment right away in an attempt to “get a better score.”

Can My Group Take The Assessment? Yes. If your book club, PTA, church group, family, organization, or company wants to take the IDI, we are here for you! The costs and logistics vary for this type of assessment and include group as well as individual debriefs and plans. To set up a chat to learn more about group opportunities, please complete this form.

I’m Not Ready. What Can I Do Instead? If you’d like to take a beat and think about it, feel free to check out these resources: This post, about white privilege. This book, ONE: Unity in a Divided World. This ebook, 30 Days to Being Actively Anti-Racist on Social Media.

If you’ve found your way to this page, chances are good you’re ready to take the assessment. I look forward to working with you to begin building the world we all want — the one that’s out there waiting for us.

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