Sheila Matharu
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in Italy
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September 2018
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“Dreams…I lived life searching for big answers…. I wanted to make a difference, change the world. Now, I realise the world will be fine without me, and I wish that I had focused on living well instead….”
― Darkness
― Darkness
“Don’t the stories we tell shape the views of our listeners? You ask me about Darkness, but whose Darkness do you know? Why was he presented to you?” asked Nagasaki dispassionately.
She did not reply, startled by the unexpected answer. His questions confused her, and it suddenly occurred to her that, perhaps, her dreams have been orchestrated by someone.”
― Darkness
She did not reply, startled by the unexpected answer. His questions confused her, and it suddenly occurred to her that, perhaps, her dreams have been orchestrated by someone.”
― Darkness
“As for everyone else, there have been cases when I have felt taken advantage of…when people have taken from me without giving back. I have felt wronged and have judged those people as unfair. And it has bothered me. I have asked myself: What should I do? Should I refrain from being generous? Should I change? And every time I have considered this, I have realised that there are certain situations, generally seen as difficult, sad, or unfair, that allow us to express our higher self. I aspire to be more than my biology. I can choose. I am endowed with reason. My death is certain and my time limited, but I can choose how to live. What would make me into someone I can be proud of, someone who counts among the heroes of my own life? Would it be a person who practises calculated goodness or one who strives to be good for its own sake? And if goodness is to be my demise, given that a demise is unavoidable, is it still not better to die loving than to succumb in any other way? …I don’t know…. I’m not sure I’ve made much sense…. I am still searching for the answers. All I have right now are glimpses and intuitions.”
― Darkness
― Darkness
“Things happened so casually. There was no added friction to the running of time, no solemnity…. Life kept going as it always did…as if what had happened was nothing at all. But it wasn’t to me. Suddenly, I was not at home in any place anymore. They all became strangers—faceless, emotionless people I could not understand or relate to. And I slowly distanced myself from their world…and, since then, I haven’t really been there for most of it…. When they lowered their coffins into the ground, I found myself in a horror movie with no one to save me. I understood that I would not see them again. But oddly, they appear in my mind all the time. I see their smile; I can hear their laughter. It makes me smile back…I forget they are gone…and my step quickens to take me home to them. For a few seconds, I believe they are waiting for me as if no time has passed at all….”
― Darkness
― Darkness
“As for everyone else, there have been cases when I have felt taken advantage of…when people have taken from me without giving back. I have felt wronged and have judged those people as unfair. And it has bothered me. I have asked myself: What should I do? Should I refrain from being generous? Should I change? And every time I have considered this, I have realised that there are certain situations, generally seen as difficult, sad, or unfair, that allow us to express our higher self. I aspire to be more than my biology. I can choose. I am endowed with reason. My death is certain and my time limited, but I can choose how to live. What would make me into someone I can be proud of, someone who counts among the heroes of my own life? Would it be a person who practises calculated goodness or one who strives to be good for its own sake? And if goodness is to be my demise, given that a demise is unavoidable, is it still not better to die loving than to succumb in any other way? …I don’t know…. I’m not sure I’ve made much sense…. I am still searching for the answers. All I have right now are glimpses and intuitions.”
― Darkness
― Darkness
“Not really, No. I don’t think of the poem as being negative. To me, it evokes a feeling that can never truly be expressed in words, the feeling of losing someone…. Aside from whether we think of death as a passage to something else or as the end of everything, aside from whether the thought of it fills us with fear and anguish or leaves us indifferent, there is an unfillable longing, a desperate ache for the person who was loved and is lost.”
―
―
“I don’t know…I would like to believe that the purpose of life is to be good…but I can’t. I feel like I would be fooling myself. I really wish I could; I think life would be much easier if I had a positive outlook. But, on certain days, when I think about it, I feel like picking goodness as the purpose for my existence is completely subjective and has more to do with what I want than the actual ‘reality’ of life…. I don’t want the purpose of my existence to be a personal invention. I need it to be ‘real’…Am I making any sense?”
― Darkness
― Darkness
“When in doubt about whether an action is good or bad, I ask myself whether it will hurt another person. Regardless of whether we can pinpoint the ultimate meaning of existence, aren’t people important?”
― Darkness
― Darkness
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