Ivy Keating's Blog - Posts Tagged "emotions"
Take Control
As a therapist, I enjoy doing research on goal attainment. I was reading about primary and secondary emotions, and it's clear we can help ourselves reach our goals if we act before negative secondary emotions kick in. Being aware of what happens after our initial response passes can have a huge impact on whether we continue to try or if we give up on something we desire.
Our primary emotions are our gut reactions. They're the first thing we feel. If you're trying to find an agent for your new novel, and you receive a rejection letter, you may feel sad or disappointed. Our initial reactions should always be accepted and validated.
Secondary emotions are the ones we have time to put thought into. They are how we've learned to react to our initial feelings. In the example of receiving a rejection letter, if you feel disappointed you may have learned that when you have this feeling it's tied to not being good at something. If this happens, you may start to feel insecure, and therefore not send your book out again.
Our secondary emotions can also help us. If you're rejected by an agent and feel sad, maybe you've learned that sadness often means there's a situation that needs changing. Now you may be feeling motivated.
The key to success is how you act in between your primary and secondary emotions. Think about where your secondary emotions are leading you. If you find they are taking you down a negative path, take the focus away from your feelings. Focus on what behaviors will help you move forward.
Don't let your emotions stop you from reaching your goals. Stay in control of the situation, and avoid letting negative secondary emotions hold you back. The right behavior can keep you on the road to success.
Our primary emotions are our gut reactions. They're the first thing we feel. If you're trying to find an agent for your new novel, and you receive a rejection letter, you may feel sad or disappointed. Our initial reactions should always be accepted and validated.
Secondary emotions are the ones we have time to put thought into. They are how we've learned to react to our initial feelings. In the example of receiving a rejection letter, if you feel disappointed you may have learned that when you have this feeling it's tied to not being good at something. If this happens, you may start to feel insecure, and therefore not send your book out again.
Our secondary emotions can also help us. If you're rejected by an agent and feel sad, maybe you've learned that sadness often means there's a situation that needs changing. Now you may be feeling motivated.
The key to success is how you act in between your primary and secondary emotions. Think about where your secondary emotions are leading you. If you find they are taking you down a negative path, take the focus away from your feelings. Focus on what behaviors will help you move forward.
Don't let your emotions stop you from reaching your goals. Stay in control of the situation, and avoid letting negative secondary emotions hold you back. The right behavior can keep you on the road to success.
