Ivy Keating's Blog - Posts Tagged "positiveadvice"
Right or Wrong
When you ask someone's opinion, whether it's on a book you've written or how you look in a new sweater, you open yourself up to criticism. But, how do you know when to listen to advice or ignore it? How do you know what's right or wrong for you?
The first thing to consider is, who is giving you the advice? Does this person have expertise in the field? In the example of writing a book, if the critique is from a publisher, the critique should be considered seriously.
Next, think about your expertise on the subject. In the example of writing a book, are you a new author? If you are, then definitely listen to criticism. This doesn't mean you have to change anything, but it's definitely a learning opportunity.
Most importantly, understand yourself. What are your limitations? What do you need help with? What are you good at? What are you confident about? You must really know you and be secure with what you are presenting. This will help you know from within if a change is needed.
The decision to change something about your work or wardrobe has to feel right for you. Keep an open mind to feedback, particularly from people who have knowledge on the subject, but the final decision must come from within.
The first thing to consider is, who is giving you the advice? Does this person have expertise in the field? In the example of writing a book, if the critique is from a publisher, the critique should be considered seriously.
Next, think about your expertise on the subject. In the example of writing a book, are you a new author? If you are, then definitely listen to criticism. This doesn't mean you have to change anything, but it's definitely a learning opportunity.
Most importantly, understand yourself. What are your limitations? What do you need help with? What are you good at? What are you confident about? You must really know you and be secure with what you are presenting. This will help you know from within if a change is needed.
The decision to change something about your work or wardrobe has to feel right for you. Keep an open mind to feedback, particularly from people who have knowledge on the subject, but the final decision must come from within.
Focus and a Good Night's Sleep
Years ago, I learned a trick for what to do if I couldn't fall asleep. The solution was to stop trying. Get up, walk around, even turn on the light, and then - after a few minutes - settle back in bed and close my eyes. It worked!
I think the reason this trick was successful was because it took the focus away from the pressure and the negative feelings of not being able to do something. Negative feelings stifle productivity.
Did you ever notice how sometimes the best ideas come to us when we're not trying? While submitting my second novel for consideration an agent asked me what inspired the story. My answer was the Great Lakes. What an odd answer for a fantasy novel with magical creatures, but I remember thinking about the lakes and wondering what kind of imaginary world could be built around them. Without pressure or doubt it's easier for ideas to flow.
If you are trying to start a project or find yourself having trouble finishing one, ask yourself if negative thoughts are blocking your ability to succeed. If you have to refocus, step away from the project, even for 10 minutes, and come back to it. This simple action may be all you need.
I think the reason this trick was successful was because it took the focus away from the pressure and the negative feelings of not being able to do something. Negative feelings stifle productivity.
Did you ever notice how sometimes the best ideas come to us when we're not trying? While submitting my second novel for consideration an agent asked me what inspired the story. My answer was the Great Lakes. What an odd answer for a fantasy novel with magical creatures, but I remember thinking about the lakes and wondering what kind of imaginary world could be built around them. Without pressure or doubt it's easier for ideas to flow.
If you are trying to start a project or find yourself having trouble finishing one, ask yourself if negative thoughts are blocking your ability to succeed. If you have to refocus, step away from the project, even for 10 minutes, and come back to it. This simple action may be all you need.
What a Character!
A great character in a book is similar to a good friend in the sense that they're both someone we want to spend time with. But, unlike our good buddies, great characters can be rotten to the core. So, what is it about certain fictional players that draw us in? Three of my favorite attributes are their intrigue, image, and depth.
Intrigue is what about them holds our interest. It's why someone should care about the character. What personality traits do they have that make them unique, or what behaviors do they exhibit that a reader could empathize with.
Image is what the reader makes a character out to look like. We don't really need to know if the protagonist has straight hair or curly, but if we can picture them-it closes the gap between our worlds.
My favorite trait to analyze is depth. Depth is how solid the character is. Can I get a feel for how they would act in any circumstance: even outside the story? Does the player feel authentic? This is done by showing the character's actions in a variety of situations and, every time, showing their behaviors are true to their personality and physical limitations. If a character is flawed or chaotic or rotten to the core-their actions still must make sense for their reality.
If you're a writer, think about the characters you've created and analyze them. If they're bland, inconsistent, or hard to imagine, they will have a negative impact on your story. Interesting, well developed, players will be the ones readers want to hang out with.
Intrigue is what about them holds our interest. It's why someone should care about the character. What personality traits do they have that make them unique, or what behaviors do they exhibit that a reader could empathize with.
Image is what the reader makes a character out to look like. We don't really need to know if the protagonist has straight hair or curly, but if we can picture them-it closes the gap between our worlds.
My favorite trait to analyze is depth. Depth is how solid the character is. Can I get a feel for how they would act in any circumstance: even outside the story? Does the player feel authentic? This is done by showing the character's actions in a variety of situations and, every time, showing their behaviors are true to their personality and physical limitations. If a character is flawed or chaotic or rotten to the core-their actions still must make sense for their reality.
If you're a writer, think about the characters you've created and analyze them. If they're bland, inconsistent, or hard to imagine, they will have a negative impact on your story. Interesting, well developed, players will be the ones readers want to hang out with.
You Decide
Tomorrow is election day, so I thought a blog about 'decisions' is fitting. Every decision we make helps shape our lives. So what can we do to guarantee we're making the best choices?
When making an important decision, it's helpful to consider if you can stand by your choice regardless of the result.
Before I was offered a contract for 'Camouflage,' a publishing house asked me to make changes to the story. I had to decide if their requests were purely subjective or based on their industry expertise. It's important to know what warrants change and what doesn't.
Here are three questions to ask yourself in the midst of a difficult decision: 1) What are the options? 2) Which choices will help attain my goal? and 3) Is my decision based on knowledge, research, and/or facts?
If you can answer the questions above, and feel comfortable with your answers, you are likely on the right track.
It's good to know our decisions make a difference. It gives us a feeling of control. In an election, our vote is not a deciding factor, but in our own lives we have the power to steer our destiny.
When making an important decision, it's helpful to consider if you can stand by your choice regardless of the result.
Before I was offered a contract for 'Camouflage,' a publishing house asked me to make changes to the story. I had to decide if their requests were purely subjective or based on their industry expertise. It's important to know what warrants change and what doesn't.
Here are three questions to ask yourself in the midst of a difficult decision: 1) What are the options? 2) Which choices will help attain my goal? and 3) Is my decision based on knowledge, research, and/or facts?
If you can answer the questions above, and feel comfortable with your answers, you are likely on the right track.
It's good to know our decisions make a difference. It gives us a feeling of control. In an election, our vote is not a deciding factor, but in our own lives we have the power to steer our destiny.
Take a Breath
Acting on impulse is letting your emotions make decisions. While some choices have to be made faster than others, it's often beneficial to take a moment and steady our feelings before making decisions.
Here's an example; Today, the cover artist for 'Sarana and the Dark King' sent me a dozen potential designs. When I looked at the first few, I knew they weren't right. Sarana was too exposed. It was completely the wrong look for this female warrior. Immediately my impulse was "there's nothing here that's going to work". As I looked through the other photos, I was only seeing the faults.
I took a breath.
Scrolling through them a second and third time, I started to see the potential. One image of the woman was spot-on, and the font from another rendition was perfect. With a calm head, I could see she actually presented me with all the elements of a fantastic cover.
It's helpful to be in-tune with your emotions. If you're about to make a decision based on impulse, take a breath, think it over. You may discover something wonderful.
Here's an example; Today, the cover artist for 'Sarana and the Dark King' sent me a dozen potential designs. When I looked at the first few, I knew they weren't right. Sarana was too exposed. It was completely the wrong look for this female warrior. Immediately my impulse was "there's nothing here that's going to work". As I looked through the other photos, I was only seeing the faults.
I took a breath.
Scrolling through them a second and third time, I started to see the potential. One image of the woman was spot-on, and the font from another rendition was perfect. With a calm head, I could see she actually presented me with all the elements of a fantastic cover.
It's helpful to be in-tune with your emotions. If you're about to make a decision based on impulse, take a breath, think it over. You may discover something wonderful.
Comfort Zone
As part of the promotion package for my second novel. my publisher requires us to create an "About the Author" paragraph.
The problem is, I find it hard to write about myself. To finish the task, it helped to keep the following things in mind, and I find them useful whenever faced with something difficult:
First, it benefited me to acknowledge that I felt uncomfortable. One might think giving something 'negative' attention keeps you stuck in the problem, but the opposite is true. By validating my feelings, I stopped fighting my thoughts of how difficult the task is. It was like I no longer had to be heard–– I was heard–– and now I could move on.
When faced with a tough situation, after acknowledging you're having difficulty, start the task knowing that it's important to be true to yourself. Everyone has a unique way of expressing things, and this difference is often interesting. My essay may not give information about my family or my favorite books to read, but it will sound authentic.
My last bit of advice, when doing something outside your comfort zone, is to be open to criticism. Listening to someone else's opinion does not mean you have to do what they say. But, if you keep an open mind, they may have some wise words about how to improve what you've done. My editor told me, I really should add something more personal. I put this in at the end, and I agree it improves the piece.
I'd like to share my "About the Author" paragraph below. All critiques are welcome. I'm always open to suggestions, especially when writing something out of my comfort zone.
A story can be born out of an image. This is where my stories begin. A site that intrigues me will hold my imagination. I enjoy writing Science Fiction and Fantasy. ‘Sarana and the Dark King’ was imagined from a mental picture of the Great Lakes. The proximity of these bodies of water and the land that surrounds them lend themselves to the formation of separate kingdoms— at least they do in my mind. My challenge as a writer is to take this intriguing setting and create a plot that is both clever and surprising. I enjoy creating characters with depth. I have a master’s degree in social work, and my education has taught me to analyze why people act the way they do. I’m also an animal lover. Books and movies with a man vs nature theme are my favorite. I’m not certain this qualifies, but I’m obsessed with “Grogu” (“Baby Yoda”).
The problem is, I find it hard to write about myself. To finish the task, it helped to keep the following things in mind, and I find them useful whenever faced with something difficult:
First, it benefited me to acknowledge that I felt uncomfortable. One might think giving something 'negative' attention keeps you stuck in the problem, but the opposite is true. By validating my feelings, I stopped fighting my thoughts of how difficult the task is. It was like I no longer had to be heard–– I was heard–– and now I could move on.
When faced with a tough situation, after acknowledging you're having difficulty, start the task knowing that it's important to be true to yourself. Everyone has a unique way of expressing things, and this difference is often interesting. My essay may not give information about my family or my favorite books to read, but it will sound authentic.
My last bit of advice, when doing something outside your comfort zone, is to be open to criticism. Listening to someone else's opinion does not mean you have to do what they say. But, if you keep an open mind, they may have some wise words about how to improve what you've done. My editor told me, I really should add something more personal. I put this in at the end, and I agree it improves the piece.
I'd like to share my "About the Author" paragraph below. All critiques are welcome. I'm always open to suggestions, especially when writing something out of my comfort zone.
A story can be born out of an image. This is where my stories begin. A site that intrigues me will hold my imagination. I enjoy writing Science Fiction and Fantasy. ‘Sarana and the Dark King’ was imagined from a mental picture of the Great Lakes. The proximity of these bodies of water and the land that surrounds them lend themselves to the formation of separate kingdoms— at least they do in my mind. My challenge as a writer is to take this intriguing setting and create a plot that is both clever and surprising. I enjoy creating characters with depth. I have a master’s degree in social work, and my education has taught me to analyze why people act the way they do. I’m also an animal lover. Books and movies with a man vs nature theme are my favorite. I’m not certain this qualifies, but I’m obsessed with “Grogu” (“Baby Yoda”).
No One has Time to Write a Book
Is it lack of time that stops us from reaching our goals? I had a reader ask me, "how do you find the time to write a book?" My first thought was, no one has time to write a book. This past month seemed busier than most. My days were full just when the line-edits and then the galley for 'Sarana and the Dark King' needed to be finalized. But, no matter how busy I was, nothing was going to stop me from working on the novel. So, if it's not time, then what does get in the way of goal attainment?
When there doesn't seem to be enough time to work on your goals, here are 3 things to think about to get you on track.
First - be honest with yourself. Do you really want to do the activity you say you have no time for? In the example of writing a book, do you want to subject your story to scrutiny, relentless editing, and adherence to industry standards?
If you thought through the details of what it will take to reach your goal, and you still want to attain it, the next step is to think about when during the day you could find 20 to 30 minutes. I use this as a rough estimate of daily time needed. I believe that no matter how busy you are, this amount of time can always be found, so it's a good place to start. I am a slow reader and editor. It takes me a lot of time to make any changes, and there's often strict deadlines. Late nights, less sleep, whatever can be shuffled may have to be. The point is, it's not finding the time but committing to it.
Finally, it's brave to take on a challenge. Any change, good or bad, has potential to be stressful. Work from a position of strength. Take care of yourself in general. When we feel strong, it's easier to embark on something new and have the stamina to complete it.
We are all capable of reaching our goals. Know the activities necessary and be certain you want to do all of them, commit to the time it takes, and check if you're up for a new challenge. Don't let time constraints stand in your way. No one has time to write a book - but many have done it, and you can too.
When there doesn't seem to be enough time to work on your goals, here are 3 things to think about to get you on track.
First - be honest with yourself. Do you really want to do the activity you say you have no time for? In the example of writing a book, do you want to subject your story to scrutiny, relentless editing, and adherence to industry standards?
If you thought through the details of what it will take to reach your goal, and you still want to attain it, the next step is to think about when during the day you could find 20 to 30 minutes. I use this as a rough estimate of daily time needed. I believe that no matter how busy you are, this amount of time can always be found, so it's a good place to start. I am a slow reader and editor. It takes me a lot of time to make any changes, and there's often strict deadlines. Late nights, less sleep, whatever can be shuffled may have to be. The point is, it's not finding the time but committing to it.
Finally, it's brave to take on a challenge. Any change, good or bad, has potential to be stressful. Work from a position of strength. Take care of yourself in general. When we feel strong, it's easier to embark on something new and have the stamina to complete it.
We are all capable of reaching our goals. Know the activities necessary and be certain you want to do all of them, commit to the time it takes, and check if you're up for a new challenge. Don't let time constraints stand in your way. No one has time to write a book - but many have done it, and you can too.
Two Minds
There are therapeutic references to people having both an emotional mind and a rational mind. The emotional mind is driven by feelings, and the rational mind acts on facts. What frame of mind is the best for reaching our goals? In many pursuits, such as writing a novel, I believe that in the beginning our emotional mind, the one driven by passion, dominates. However, the rational mind is inevitably needed to succeed.
Our logical mind may question if we have the level of expertise necessary to pursue our dreams, but it's often the emotional mind that stops us from achieving them.
I've had several people ask me, "how do you write a book?" When I ask what type of advice they're looking for, they say they had a story but didn't know where to start. My suggestion is always to write out the entire story. Let your passion drive you, and tell your best tale. When you're finished, research the writing have-tos. These are the things publishers and agents will insist on. They include such things as excellent grammar, more showing than telling, watching for point-of-view switches, and not repeating words. (At least, these were some of the big ones for me.) Basically, focus on embracing your desire and learning from your research; you need to engage both your emotional and rational mind.
I've seen new writers abandon their work because they get lost in the process. Every lofty goal has the potential to overwhelm us. Before you give up on a dream, ask yourself if it's your emotions or your rational mind pushing you to stop. Combat negative feelings such as fear and anxiety with research on what behaviors are needed to achieve success. This relatively simple trick, of changing feelings to measurable actions, may put you back on track.
Our emotional mind may spark our desire, but our rational mind can help us stay the course. Let your "two minds" work together to help you reach your goals!
Our logical mind may question if we have the level of expertise necessary to pursue our dreams, but it's often the emotional mind that stops us from achieving them.
I've had several people ask me, "how do you write a book?" When I ask what type of advice they're looking for, they say they had a story but didn't know where to start. My suggestion is always to write out the entire story. Let your passion drive you, and tell your best tale. When you're finished, research the writing have-tos. These are the things publishers and agents will insist on. They include such things as excellent grammar, more showing than telling, watching for point-of-view switches, and not repeating words. (At least, these were some of the big ones for me.) Basically, focus on embracing your desire and learning from your research; you need to engage both your emotional and rational mind.
I've seen new writers abandon their work because they get lost in the process. Every lofty goal has the potential to overwhelm us. Before you give up on a dream, ask yourself if it's your emotions or your rational mind pushing you to stop. Combat negative feelings such as fear and anxiety with research on what behaviors are needed to achieve success. This relatively simple trick, of changing feelings to measurable actions, may put you back on track.
Our emotional mind may spark our desire, but our rational mind can help us stay the course. Let your "two minds" work together to help you reach your goals!
Calm
We all have feelings of being stressed, overworked, or a whole host of negative conditions. It's often important to get to the source of these issues, but sometimes an in-between step of 'distraction' can be helpful.
There's a common saying, "Negotiate from a position of strength." This can apply to how we handle our mental health. Finding an activity to take our mind off what's fueling any extreme state can help restore calm and make us stronger.
For me, writing is a great distraction. It even works if I start at my laptop when I'm stressed or angry, because inevitably there's a character that imbues the same state. Now I have the benefit of drawing from a feeling I'm relating to. In 'Sarana and the Dark King', the Dark King is an evil character. I'll never reach his depravity, but I allow my emotions to give me a starting point.
A temporary distraction gives us time to gain perspective. Once back in a calmer state, it may feel like we gain that "position of strength" that helps us work things out.
Next time you find yourself overwhelmed, overstressed, or any negative over-the-top feeling, find something to distract yourself for a little while. You won't forget about the difficulty, but you'll be in a stronger place to handle it.
There's a common saying, "Negotiate from a position of strength." This can apply to how we handle our mental health. Finding an activity to take our mind off what's fueling any extreme state can help restore calm and make us stronger.
For me, writing is a great distraction. It even works if I start at my laptop when I'm stressed or angry, because inevitably there's a character that imbues the same state. Now I have the benefit of drawing from a feeling I'm relating to. In 'Sarana and the Dark King', the Dark King is an evil character. I'll never reach his depravity, but I allow my emotions to give me a starting point.
A temporary distraction gives us time to gain perspective. Once back in a calmer state, it may feel like we gain that "position of strength" that helps us work things out.
Next time you find yourself overwhelmed, overstressed, or any negative over-the-top feeling, find something to distract yourself for a little while. You won't forget about the difficulty, but you'll be in a stronger place to handle it.
All the Angles
Is it possible to analyze our own work? Can we really be objective? As I thought about the answers to these questions, I was reminded of the concept of "dialectical thinking": viewing something from many sides.
Seeing things from all angles can foster good communication with others. To think dialectically, one must keep an open mind and listen to the other person's point of view. We can use the same principles to analyze our own creations.
The following is a list of 3 benefits to appreciating all sides of something: 1) It can expand our thoughts. 2) Thinking with an open mind allows us to develop different opportunities. 3) Opening our mind can help us make well thought out decisions.
Understanding the importance of these benefits, can enable us to think objectively. For example: 1) "expand your thoughts" by being open to critique. Praise is great to hear, but it's criticism that will help you improve. 2) If you suspect something is not working, opening your mind will enable you to analyze if a change is needed. 3) Once you can accept that alternative ways of doing something exist, you can explore how to proceed.
We are often attached to what we create. As an author, I feel passionate about what I write. However, I learned that listening to others, particularly the comments of professionals in the field, gave me the opportunity to improve. Keeping an open mind and studying something from all angles is not always easy, but the benefits of learning how to truly analyze one's work will help create a superior product.
Seeing things from all angles can foster good communication with others. To think dialectically, one must keep an open mind and listen to the other person's point of view. We can use the same principles to analyze our own creations.
The following is a list of 3 benefits to appreciating all sides of something: 1) It can expand our thoughts. 2) Thinking with an open mind allows us to develop different opportunities. 3) Opening our mind can help us make well thought out decisions.
Understanding the importance of these benefits, can enable us to think objectively. For example: 1) "expand your thoughts" by being open to critique. Praise is great to hear, but it's criticism that will help you improve. 2) If you suspect something is not working, opening your mind will enable you to analyze if a change is needed. 3) Once you can accept that alternative ways of doing something exist, you can explore how to proceed.
We are often attached to what we create. As an author, I feel passionate about what I write. However, I learned that listening to others, particularly the comments of professionals in the field, gave me the opportunity to improve. Keeping an open mind and studying something from all angles is not always easy, but the benefits of learning how to truly analyze one's work will help create a superior product.
