Shelby Forsythia's Blog

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Recently, I received a thoughtful, timeless question from Claire, one of my students inside Life After Loss Academy.

It might be one of the most frequently shared dilemmas I hear from grieving people:

“Hi Shelby, I would appreciate your thoughts on something I keep encountering. When people I don’t know very well, like work colleagues, greet me, they often say, ‘How are you?’

If I was being completely true and honest to myself at the moment, I would say, ‘I’m bro...

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When someone dies, our society encourages us to default to polite euphemisms, glowing tributes, and carefully filtered memories. We soften sharp edges, rewrite entire histories, and strip away complexity in the name of “respect.”

But for many grievers—especially those mourning someone who was abusive, absent, estranged, or toxic — this cultural norm can feel like a form of emotional gaslighting.

The phrase “never speak ill of the dead” is everywhere. It g...

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Grief is not just about what happened. It’s about what we believe it means for our lives.

In the wake of a devastating loss—whether a death, a divorce, a diagnosis, or another major life event—grievers are not only navigating emotional pain; they’re also confronting a series of internal stories. And those stories can be relentless.

If you’re someone who wants to support a grieving friend, partner, client, or family member, understanding what your griever believes a...

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Grief is hard to live with. But another layer of difficulty is added when others — whether friends or family — won’t talk about the loss.

Maybe they change the subject each time you bring it up.

Maybe they shame you by telling you you’re “too depressing” or you’re “living in the past.”

Maybe they grew up in a culture that doesn’t discuss death, dying, or feelings.

So many grieving people find themselves processing loss in isolation—not because they want to, but because ...

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There are seasons when grief doesn’t just hurt. It hollows you out. It changes your relationship to yourself, to the world, to time, to meaning, and… to hope.

There are days—maybe weeks, maybe longer — when everything feels so heavy that even getting out of bed feels like an impossible feat.

If you’ve been in that place, you know that society’s usual “self-care tips” don’t cut it. You don’t need a new morning routine or a fancy face mask. You need a reason to not ...

Feeling sad after a new baby, wedding, graduation, promotion, or other “positive” life milestone? You may be experiencing this hidden grief.Photo by Jason Dent on Unsplash

We live in a culture obsessed with progress. We’re told to be better. Do more. Keep going.

There’s a loud, relentless push to grow “up and to the right”—like a perfect line on a graph. We’re encouraged to chase new jobs, new homes, better relationships, larger platforms, bigger wins, and brighter futures.

And sometimes we genuine...

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For grievers, it’s never too early to start thinking about the holidays.

Just like they brace for death anniversaries and birthdays, many grieving people begin bracing for the holiday season weeks—sometimes months — in advance.

It’s a season of my own life and grief that I refer to as “the tilt” where, similar to a rollercoaster tilting over the precipice of a steep drop, there is an unavoidable and emotional path ahead. From Thanksgiving through New Year’s, ev...

Three tools for navigating grief and decision making after a lossPhoto by Jens Lelie on Unsplash

Recently, I received a message from a podcast listener that echoes what many of my grieving clients and students have to cope with after a major loss. She wrote:

“My mom died eight months ago, and I still feel like I’m living underneath a giant boulder. Every day, I wake up in this body that doesn’t quite feel like mine, in a life that doesn’t make sense without her. I can’t breathe half the time, and ...

Grief Dreams, Nightmares, and Visitations: How to Understand Their Messages, Meanings, and More After LossPhoto by Alexander Grey on Unsplash

Grief doesn’t stop when we sleep. For many of us, loss shows up in our dreams—sometimes in beautiful ways, sometimes in ways that leave us unsettled, even overcome by despair.

These nighttime experiences, often called grief dreams, can connect us to people and pets we love, reawaken our pain, or reveal truths about our emotional state we haven’t yet faced in...

Grievers deserve more than a single sentence of sympathy.Photo by Aarón Blanco Tejedor on Unsplash

For those of us who have experienced a devastating loss—whether by death, divorce, diagnosis, or another life-altering transition—the silence from friends and family that follows can feel overwhelming.

But perhaps equally disorienting is what does get said. Especially this: “I’m sorry for your loss.”

You’ve heard it before. You’ve probably said it. I have too.

And I want to be clear: “I’m sorry for you...