Yasmeen Musa's Blog

Spoilers below. Five Minute Read

Spontaneously, my husband and I watched Thunderbolts*. We both enjoy Marvel movies (one year, we watched all of them in order), and I like Florence Pugh, so it was an easy decision. We both loved it even though it wasn’t what we expected—it was better.

#1 Power is Bad for Humans

The ‘real’ villain of the story is Valentina, the director of the CIA. The story begins with her sending the Thunderbolts* to kill each other and save her from impeachment and jail time. One of these Thunderbolts* is my fave Florence Pugh, AKA Yelena. The Thunderbolts* quickly figure it out and escape, but Val captures Bob, one of her experiments gone wrong.

Val manipulates Bob, but instead of becoming her puppet, Bob resists, and she loses control over him. So yeah, Val sucks. Her job is about her ego, power and about her constantly manipulating people for her own gain. She is the villain in my eyes (partially) because she has too much power. We all need to have checks and balances. Ways to hold us accountable, because if we don’t, even if we are well-meaning, we can easily become the villain. Ironically, JKR has both written about this extensively and has become it. Dumbledore refuses a job in the Ministry because he understands his own nature. He understands that he cannot handle power and that he makes poor decisions when he has power. Similarly, JKR, once a beloved children’s author, has made it her life’s crusade to go against the most vulnerable group in society again and again.

In short, power is terrible for us. It brings out the worst in us. Val sucks, so does JKR.

#2: Mental Health is Dark

We talk about Mental Health a lot these days, especially on social media, especially to sell us things. But mental health isn’t solved by bubble bath and candles. Mental health is complex and hard. It often takes months, if not years and a lot of different interventions to keep us afloat. Yelena is depressed, we see this in the first line of the movie when she throws herself off a building:

‘There’s something… wrong with me. An emptiness. I thought it started when my sister died, but now it feels like something bigger. Just a… void. Or maybe I’m just bored.’

Yelena is joking, but as the story goes on, the viewer can tell without a shadow of a doubt, she is depressed. Yelena tells her dad:

‘Daddy, I’m so alone. I don’t have anything anymore. All I do is sit, and look at my phone, and think of all the terrible things I’ve done; and then I go to work, and then I drink, come home to no-one, then I sit and think of all the terrible things I’ve done again and ag…’

And that is why Yelena bonds so well with Bob, who finds himself with supernatural powers because he signs up for Val’s experiment in Malaysia to escape his own mental health issues. Val sinks her claws into Bob, and then, when he pushes back on her, turns on him immediately. Bob loses it and appears to start killing people all over New York at random. But Bob, or I should say the ‘bad version’ of him is sucking each person into their own depression because that is where he is stuck. Bob is hurting and hurt people hurt people. I don’t say that to dismiss the harm that Bob does, we all need to be held accountable and have consequences for our behaviour, but there is no doubt that poverty, addiction, abuse and poorly managed mental health lead people down dark paths. So yeah bubble baths are not going to do shit.

#3 The Answer is Community

I cannot find the exact quote online, but when Bob is talking to Yelena about his struggles she initially jokes that he just needs to push it down, but at the end of the film she tells him that talking, while it doesn’t fix things, helps, it makes things lighter. Bob tries to save everyone by attacking the ‘bad’ side of himself, but that doesn’t work, it only sucks him in further, he is ‘saved’ by the Thunderbolts* banding around him. Bob is saved by community.

This is the moment of the film that made me tear up. This is the moment that made this my favourite Marvel movie (Black Widow is now second). It is raw and honest and real. As interesting as Thanos was and as badass as the Avengers defeating him was, often the real enemy is ourselves, and the real solution is community. It’s harder, but it’s real.

I have had many seasons in my life when I have felt blue. To be honest, I am in one of those stages right now, but I have only had one season where I couldn’t manage. Where I couldn’t do it. Where the void had me, it had me good. The thing that pulled me out was people, friends, family, and a good therapist. It was hard. In hindsight, I probably should have been on medication, but I got through. And ultimately, that is why this movie meant so much to me. I saw myself in Bob. I saw myself in Yelena (although I am no where near as cool as her) I just wish we all had our own Thunderbolts*.

Today, I want to talk about a topic I have talked, written, thought, and felt so many feelings about—friendship. I am sure there is some reason I need to dissect in therapy that I care and think so much about this topic; however, there is no doubt that friendship is essential for our health and existence. Loneliness is crushing, and a lot of people struggle with this.

So, What is This Perspective?

This perspective can be found in the book Let Them by Mel Robbins. The entire premise of the book hinges on two ideas:

Let them: Essentially, let people do what they want to do. Let me: Let me do what I want based on what is in my control.

Mel discusses the idea that we cannot control anyone else’s behaviour but our own—hence, let them, let people do what they want, and let me do what I want. I was enjoying the book and finding it mildly helpful…and then I read the chapter where Mel applies Let them to friendship. Oof.

The Great Scattering

Mel talks about how when we finish university, we all scatter. This was definitely true for me. Half of my class ended up in Australia, and while many of my friends stayed in Auckland initially, slowly everyone moved further away. I have friends in London, Tauranga, Adelaide, Hamilton, Auckland, and Whangarei. I live hours away from all of them. It’s hard. But even just Mel’s naming this process helped me feel at peace. This is hard but normal.

The Three Pillars of Friendship

Then Mel talks about the three things that make friendship hard: things that cause people to drift away or make it harder to make and keep friends.

#1: Proximity

We have all come across this. We click with someone and become close friends. Then one or both of us move away. Initially, we keep, but then life gets in the way. We rescheduled multiple phone calls. Months go by between messages, and then suddenly, it’s been a long time since we have connected. Some relationships survive. I have one friend group where, for the last few years, despite us living halfway across the world from each other, we talk most days through reels, memes and random chats. It is wonderful. But this is an exception, not the rule – although I think something about a low-effort group chat helps.

But the summary of Mel’s idea is this: People will move away. We will move away. Proximity makes a lot of relationships harder. Let people stop messaging, calling, and reaching out, and let me reach out when I think of someone without resentment or grudges. Let me not take it personally and accept that some relationships will not survive.

Again, this perspective blew my mind. I would also like to add this: if we let friendships become dormant without resentment, hurt, or anger, if circumstances change and we reconnect, there is so much joy in old friendships.

#2: Timing

In other words, life stage. Another fairly self-explanatory one. It will be much easier to be friends with someone at a similar life stage. So let them be busy with their baby, with their new job, with travel, and let me still reach out when I can/want to.

And again, let me not take it personally. I think that is the best part of this perspective, at least for me.

#3 Energy

Sometimes we don’t click with people, and that’s okay. Sometimes you also click with someone at some point, and then you don’t. As Mel would put it, let the energy not click. Let me concentrate on people I do click with.

Perspective

A few months ago, I listened to an essay by Glennon Doyle on her podcast We Can Do Hard Things – my favourite podcast – where she talks about forgiveness. Glennon’s conclusion is that forgiveness is a perspective. I will not attempt to summarise it more because I would not do it justice, but suffice it to say it moved me, mostly because she is correct. Perspective is E V E R Y T H I N G in life. Mel’s entire book essentially boils down to changing our perspective on other people’s behaviour and refocusing on our own. I am an incredibly sensitive person, I spend a lot of time in my head and heart, I would argue too much, but tis my nature. For me, this perspective felt like a breath of fresh air, especially concerning friendship.

What Is It?

A quick summary: 24 for 2024 is essentially a twist on a New Year’s Resolution – it is a list of things, big and small, hard and easy things that you want to achieve. I first heard about it on Gretchin Rubins’s podcast and love it. If you are curious, here are my 2021, 2022, 2023 and 2024 posts. Do you like goal setting?

The Short VersionDone:Morning RoutineWrite a novelRead twenty booksE-Book of Stuck In OrbitAustraliaGym twice a week$20 a week into the Emergency AccountVitamin D during winterBuy a small handbagGet some black Dr MartensPhoto albumBuy blush and colour corrector + learn how to use itCall a friend once a monthCook one Middle Eastern dish a weekSew a dressNote Done:Work on a poetry bookBench 60kgBuy a carFlossSell my wedding dressYoga 1x a week Bonus – DancingKinda:One Hike a Month$5000 in Stocks The Long Version: Done: #1 Morning routine:

This was much easier to do in winter, and I managed to incorporate my writing, which was my main priority. In summer, I do not wake up early enough to write (I prefer to write in the evenings anyway), but I still read, do some dry eye management and have some quiet time in the morning, which is awesome. This is definitely something I want to recommit to next year. I also really liked how I shifted with the seasons and my needs – routine is great but so is flexibility.

#2 Write a novel:

I did! And I am so proud of myself for it. I managed to finish a third draft, so hopefully, I will submit it to a publishing agency by the end of January next year.

#3 Read 20 books:

For me, it is so important to make time to read. I have recapped my favourite books. You can also follow my Goodreads account. Also – let me know what your favourite books for 2024 were.

#4 E-Book of Stuck In Orbit:

Yes! It is currently only available on Amazon, but I will work on sorting this out for next year.

#5 Australia:

We visited friends for just over a week, and it was lovely.

#6 Gym 2x a week:

Yes! We moved to a gym close to work, which has made a huge difference.

#7 $20 a week into the emergency account:

Yes! And we were definitely glad we had it a few times this year.

#8 Vitamin D during winter:

Yes! And it made such a difference. I just used some that dissolved under my tongue, which made it so easy.

#9 Buy a small handbag:

Yes – although it was a gift. I am going to say this counts anyway, though!

#10 Get some black Dr Martens:

Yes – although also a gift.

#11 Photo album:

Yes! I did one for our wedding and one for our NYC trip from last year.

#12 Buy blush and colour corrector + learn how to use it:

Yes – although I still need practice.

#13 Call a friend once a month:

It was mainly one friend, but I really cherished this. I have also let go of a lot of non-reciprocal friendships – not in an angry way (although I will be honest – there was some sadness) but more so in the sense that I stopped putting tonnes of energy into relationships that undoubtedly were not giving me the same energy levels back. It was hard and sad but also oddly freeing.

#14 Cook one Middle Eastern dish a week:

Yes! And it made me so happy.

#15 Sew a dress:

Yes! It was much harder than I thought it would be and wasn’t the best quality, but I did it.

Note Done:#1 Work on a poetry book:

I will be honest – I didn’t work on this at all, although I did write plenty of poems this year.

#2 Bench 60kg:

Close, but nope – I don’t think this will be on next year’s list, to be honest (it has already been on a few!) I just want to keep consistently benching, which I am.

#3 Buy a car:

We looked into it but ultimately decided it was a 2025 job and that we wanted to go to Europe instead.

#4 Floss:

I did…for three months and then just stopped?

#5 Sell my wedding dress:

I did try, but no one was interested. I may have to think of something creative to do with it instead.

#6 Yoga 1x a week:

Nope – I did it a handful of times, especially when I was sore – and it made a huge difference – but nowhere near once a week.

#7 Bonus – Dancing:

Honestly – I didn’t even look into this.

Kinda:#1 One Hike a Month:

We did more hikes than the prior years – maybe one every 2-3x months?

#2 $5000 in Stocks:

I think I managed 2-3k, which I am still happy with. Small, consistent investing is the way to go, in my opinion.

I am a tiny bit late to the party because I knew I had no self-restraint and binge-watched the show (accurate), but here are my thoughts.

#1 – I LOVED Penelope as Lead

It helps that Nicola is a GOAT, and I am lowkey in love with her, but my obsession aside, Penelope is fantastic, smart, kind, and funny.

I think Colin starts to notice these things because she learns to love herself and steps into her confidence. I love that. The other main reason, of course, is jealousy, and them nailing her wardrobe in every scene!

I also love Pen, selfishly, because if we had more shows like this growing up, I would have done better as a teenager. Let’s be clear. I am not plus-sized. Pen is about the average size of most women. Yet, still, it was revolutionary to see a character like Pen be the love interest, take centre stage, and own herself. This should not be revolutionary, but having grown up in the early 2000s when being rake-thin was glorified, it is! I have legs like Pen’s and grew up absolutely hating them. Eventually, that self-hate led to two years of starvation. So yes, we need representation, and when celebrities are taking diabetic drugs to lose weight – in some ways, we need it now more than ever.

#2 I Fell for My Friend & It was Awkward At First

I have heard a lot of people say that ‘Polin were awkward‘. Sure, they lack the steam of Anonthy and Kate, but having gone through the experience of falling in love with a friend – who is now my husband – I can wholeheartedly say this is pretty realistic. I liked my husband before he liked me. We both struggled with the thought of risking our friendship. Once we were both on the same page, it was effortless, but it was definitely awkward at the beginning.

#3 I Love Polin’s Relationship

I really loved the honesty regarding Colin’s jealousy, their friendship, and, yes, even the awkward beginnings of their romance. I love that Pen didn’t give up her writing.

I also like Colin. He is your classic younger sibling, in the shadow of his siblings, fighting to define himself – I can relate because I have four siblings. But Colin is funny, smart and kind. Kanthony is my favourite story, but still, Polin’s love is beautiful.

#4 I Love Kanthony

I love Anthony, but my favourite character is undoubtedly Kate. Maybe it’s because she is a WOC; strong, stubborn, kind, and wise. I see so much of myself in Kate, but I also want to be more like her. This season is not their season, but they are in most episodes, and I love every second of their screen time.

I loved the influence of Indian fashion on Kate’s clothing. I love their trip to India. As someone who is in an interracial relationship, I often think about how to honour the two sides of myself, and how to teach any kids we might have to do the same. My husband, like Anthony, has embraced my culture. He is learning Arabic. He eats our dishes. He actively encourages me to immerse myself in my culture. It is beautiful to see that represented on screen.

#5 Yes to Female Friendships!

Violet and Agatha, Penolope and Eloise – yes! There is something about female friendship that feeds the soul in a way that nothing else really can. I think it is the energy—the softness, the firmness, the openness—the coexisting of all of these things. I love this focus in a series about romance because we always need our friendships.

#6 Yes to Veering Away from the Books

I have seen a lot of online discourse about people being upset about the producers moving away from the books. This book was first published in 2002; in my opinion, not only is it natural to steer away from the books, but it’s good! And it doesn’t seem to bother the author, so…?

I don’t mean to be sarcastic, but if you love the books – which I do – read them! If you love the show, watch the show! I love both and feel they bring different things to the table. I love that the show is exploring queer relationships. I love that they have chosen to leave some things behind – like Pen losing weight – it is refreshing, fun, and necessary. Ultimately, I think the producers are smashing it, balancing remaining true to the books with adding their own flair. Bravo and I cannot wait for the next seasons!

I married my lovely husband one year ago, and while the marriage has been calm and (mostly) easy, the wedding, at times, was a lot. A year on, I have some thoughts I want to share.

#1 We Spent ~$17,000 – I am Glad We Didn’t Spend a Cent More

Weddings are expensive. The average cost of a NZ wedding is something crazy like $35k. Let me be clear: Money and how we manage it is largely about priorities. There is no right or wrong way to get married and no right or wrong amount of money to spend on your wedding. That being said, for us? This was plenty!

#2 I am Not Sure How I Feel About Wedding Parties

My plan, initially, was to have just family in my wedding party—mostly because, as a child of an immigrant, I know what it is like to feel left out, and I didn’t want anyone to feel like that at my wedding. But then a friend went above and beyond, and I knew I would regret it if I didn’t include her in my day. She is amazing.

Last year I was a bridesmaid for two weddings, and was not only honoured but enjoyed those days.

That said, I cannot help but feel it is a bit cliquey. Who do you include, and who don’t you? How many bridesmaids do you stop at? Do you pay for their dresses? What about their hair and makeup? Do they pay for your bachelorette party? How much are they expected to do? So much politics!

Luckily for me, all my amazing wahine are all still in my life, but I have heard many examples of big falling outs either because of the wedding or after the wedding.

I don’t know the answer because I enjoyed having bridesmaids overall, especially on the day. But I would have also been fine without them, and the people that matter to me would still have been included.

#3 I am Glad I Splurged $1500 On a Wedding Dress

This was a splurge relative to our budget, but so worth it! Feeling beautiful on such a big day is important.

#4 I Loved Our Personal Touches

My bridesmaids wore different dresses but the same colour—black. Our celebrant was a close friend. We quoted Kahlil Gibran. We invited anyone who wanted to make a speech (but they had to keep it under 2 minutes), but there was also no pressure for traditional roles to speak. For example, both my husband and I spoke, but my sister, who was my maid of honour, didn’t because she didn’t want to.

#5 We Should Have Had Someone Video

For budget reasons, we opted not to have a videographer, but even a shaky video of the speeches would have been so special! Oh well, at our ten-year vow renewal, surely?

#6 I am Glad I Had My Makeup Done

I almost didn’t—for budget reasons—but I am so glad I did! For photos, makeup really matters, but more than that, on such a big day, it is lovely to be forced to sit still, no scrolling, no stressing – just relaxing. It was great.

#7 You Need Your People

Despite the temptation to elope, we decided to have a wedding because weddings and funerals are the most common reasons people come together. In a world that is often sad and hard, why not have more excuses to dance, right?

My brother-in-law and his partner flew in from Canada. Our friends came from Australia, and lots of others travelled from all over NZ. It meant so much. And at the end of it, that is what weddings are about: two people, two families—and in our case, two cultures—coming together to share joy and love.

#8 It’s Just One Day

We were lucky enough to have no major issues on the day. Our glassware wasn’t delivered, so my husband had to deal with it in the morning. I was twenty minutes late. My veil fell out – I still don’t know where it is – and I didn’t get my Pinterest photos. But that was it. We had a lovely day, and there isn’t much I would change if I had a do-over.

That being said, I have read and watched so many AITA threads —I have a slight obsession with them —about big things going wrong in weddings: family feuds, infidelity, drunken brawls, and the venue getting messed up.

We had none of that. But even if we did, it would be one day, and ultimately, it is the marriage and the love that follows that matters the most. So, if you are wedding planning and happen to read this, breathe. It will be okay—although make sure your veil is pinned!

My favourite podcast, We Can Do Hard Things, has done a few episodes now exploring Neurodiversity. Specifically, they interview women who have been diagnosed late in life because women are understudied and present with different symptoms – often because we are so used to high functioning. These conversations sparked a train of thought that has been running through my brain in the last few months and one big question; could I be on the autism spectrum? 

Here are some symptoms that have made me query this:

Sensory Overload – I do not like multiple stimuli, and noise is my biggest concern if I am trying to concentrate.Plans Changing – I am getting better, but for a long time, I liked things a certain way and would feel very uncomfortable or downright upset if plans changed. To clarify, I don’t get frustrated when my plans change. I get frustrated when plans change full stop. On a larger level, that is my nature – ask my husband – I like rules, structure, order and routine. One year, I had the same thing for lunch every day, and it didn’t bother me.Social Anxiety – It’s hard to say if this is regular anxiety, but my worst nightmare is cocktail parties. I don’t like small talk at all.Fixation – I get fixated – see many posts about the two years when I starved myself. But even on more minor things, if I like a song, I listen to it on repeat. I would rather rewatch movies and TV shows than watch something new. I fall asleep to Harry Potter every night. My brain likes it.Family History – Two cousins. Coping Mechanisms

I was at a gym consultation recently and the trainer commented – you are very self-aware. Yes. I also have good tools and coping mechanisms to deal with my stuff. I think it’s because, from a young age, I have found it hard to exist in my brain at times, so I learned to manage it better. 

Quiz

I love an online quiz – is it the BuzzFeed generation? – and when the guest had a link for a place you could do a quiz for traits that Autistic people have, I did it. And the answer was yes, I do have a fair number. Of course this isn’t a diagnosis. In NZ you have to be seen by a psychiatrist or psychologist and as mentioned above a lot of our data is not based on women. But am I on the spectrum? Likely.

The Point

As mentioned, I have been mulling this over for a while, and recently, I understood why; I was trying to give myself some grace. Trying desperately to understand why my brain behaves the way that it does because, hey, maybe if there is a label, a diagnosis, maybe I wouldn’t beat myself up so much for the way my brain works.

Then I realised I don’t need a diagnosis to give myself grace, to give myself what I need. I deserve grace; I deserve to have my needs met. Full stop.

Maybe one day, I will mention it to my nurse practitioner. Better yet, when I have more resources, I will pursue a diagnosis with a psychologist or psychiatrist. But for now, I have my coping mechanisms, and I need to learn to give myself grace.

I was talking to my sister the other day, and she wisely said that our problems, the things we have to navigate in our lives, are not our fault, but they are our responsibility. 

It isn’t my fault that I suck at social interactions, that I get sensory overload or that I am rigid. But what I can do is keep working on my coping mechanisms, keep giving myself grace and keep giving myself what I need. I hope you can do that for yourself today.

Helpful Resources Autism NZ We Can Do Hard Things Episode Autism Resources

Spoilers Below

The Good – Excuse the Pun #1 We all have Different Strengths

Shaun has autism. Initially, the board of directors was reluctant to hire him, but they immediately saw that his neurodivergent brain was an incredible strength for him as a surgeon.

Naturally, it is also a detriment at times. In one season, one of the chiefs – not unfairly – puts Shaun into pathology so he does not have to deal with patients.

But this made me think: Even those of us who are not neurotypical have strengths and weaknesses. I am an Optometrist and manage patients daily. There are things about my personality that make me great at my job, and likewise, there are things that make me bad at it that I need to work on. I really like how the show represents that.

#2 Amazing Diversity

I loved that the show had so much diversity (both gender and race), and they did it in a way that made it look easy.

#3 Makes you Think about the Big Questions in Life

Would I rather risk dying on the operating table, getting a titanium femur, or would I want my leg amputated?

Would I rather have a hysterectomy and never have kids or potentially die from cancer?

And if I was making the decision for a loved one, what would I choose for them?

Life is hard, and suffering and death are inevitable. The show unflinchingly highlights this. It also highlights that we—including surgeons—are human. We make mistakes. We fail. That is part of life. Our work is to build systems to reduce suffering as much as possible.

The Bad#1 Melendez

His death was unfair and unnecessary. The very next season, they lose a nurse to COVID. The season before, Lim almost dies. You can highlight the risk of working in medicine without killing off one of your major—and, in my opinion—best characters.

And if you are going to do that, why start a romance with Brown? Ugh.

#2 The Writers Get Lazy with storylines that aren’t about Shaun

What happens to Andrews fertility issues? What about Carly? She disappears when she breaks up with Shaun. I get it; Shaun is the protagonist, but the writers get lazy and, at points, downright sloppy with other characters, and they don’t need to do that for Shaun to be the focus.

#3 Season 4 Slips

Maybe it’s Melendez’s death or the introduction of a bunch of new characters. Maybe it’s because it’s not on Netflix and ThreeNow doesn’t have subtitles. Maybe all of the above, but we watched about three or four episodes of season four, and we are done, at least for now.

OtherThe Surgeons are Very Self-Centred – Naturally

For me, this show highlights the at times myopic nature of medicine. I get it: The surgeons are the main characters. But is that a reason to treat everyone else in the hospital as disposable? The nurses, receptionists, even the anaesthetist?

Again, the story is about Shaun, who is a surgeon, so I understand the desire to focus on them, but you can do that and highlight the stories and contributions of everyone else.

Maybe this hits home so hard because it isn’t that different to real life. How many times as an Optometrist have I seen a GP not refer to us when they absolutely should have? Why aren’t more optomtrsists in hospitals? And why are are allied health so underfunded?

If we had more funding and a better understanding of what allied health is capable of (a lot), we would see a drastic improvement in healthcare outcomes almost overnight. It isn’t about one area being more important than another. Last I checked, you need your blood pressure medication, but you also need to be able to see (at least to drive).

Things are changing; we are beginning to recognise allied health’s pivotal role. But it could be better, it needs to be better. And if it is better, we will all do better. And last I checked, that was the point.

Lots of spoilers below.

#1 Forgiveness & Repair are an Essential Part of a Relationship

This group of five (ish) teenagers goes through a lot; most notably, they date within their group. But one thing that happens again and again is they hurt each other, sometimes in ways that seem irreparable, especially Serena and Blair. But they do repair.

I think a lot about relationships, romantic and otherwise. Dr Becky Kennedy is a clinical psychologist who discusses parent-child relationships. As with many things in life, her wisdom applies to all relationships, especially the emphasis she puts on repair. We are going to mess up. That’s part of the human experience. Often, we hurt the people closest to us the most. But how we show up for repair is what counts. I have seen this time and time again in my long-term relationship, and it is portrayed so well in the show.

We mess up, we show up, apologise, make amends and do better next time. Or at least we try.

#2 Men & Rich People – Definitely Rich Men Get Away with Things

On the note of repair, though…I have very complicated feelings towards Chuck. As I often do, I remember the words of Dr Brene Brown, who reminds us that multiple things can be true at the same time.

So here are these multiple things.

Chuck is very handsome and charismatic, which makes him easier to like. Chuck had a rough childhood, and you would be hard-pressed to find many young men who wouldn’t have made similar decisions. Chuck loved Blair in a way that was true and good – mostly. Chuck became a better person as the seasons went on.

And:

Chuck hurts people often and gets away with it because of his money. While hurt people hurt people – to the victims, intentions shouldn’t matter. Chuck – and most of the characters, to be honest – have massive substance issues, especially with alcohol.

Now, many of these things could also be said for Lily. It is not fair or right, but it is also a reality; money is power, and people with money often don’t get the comeuppance they should.

#3 I Hated Blair & Dan Together

Why couldn’t they have just been friends? I hated it.

On the same note, I hated Rufus and Lily together. Initially, I was rooting for them, but Rufus changed with her. He was no longer his own person and barely objected as Lily did numerous things, like falsely imprisoning a man and withholding her cancer diagnosis from him. In the end, I was happy that they broke up.

#4 The Writers Know How to Grab You

The storyline with Juliet. The storyline with Chuck’s mum. The storyline with Bart. The storyline of Lola and Charlie.

So. Good. 

#5 I love New York

I have a lot of other thoughts, including: Serena has serious daddy issues, and why do I low-key love Georgina now? But they can wait, perhaps for a re-watch. For now, I will say this: After spending a month in my beloved city last year, I loved revisiting it through this show. So, despite how superficial and wild this show can be, I will re-watch. Because it’s cliche, I know, but I love New York.

#1 On Making Mistakes

When you make a mistake, own up to it, don’t beat yourself up about it and try to do better next time.

#2 Travel Every Opportunity You Get

Even if it is hard or you don’t have anyone to go with you. Do it.

I keep thinking about NYC last year and how I almost didn’t go because it was inconvenient, because it needed a bit of planning and budgeting. But we did it, and do I regret it? Absolutely not. I have never regretted any money I spent on experiences.

#3 Take People As They Are

Change is hard; people only do it if they want to, and even then sometimes they cannot. That is why you have to take people as they are, or at least aim for halfway and love them. That being said…see point four below.

#4 Jobs, Friendships & Relationships; Don’t Let Them Drain You >40%

While we need to take people as they are, we only get one life, one precious life. The years are so short; don’t spend time around people or in situations that drain you more than 40%. Don’t get me wrong, no one and nothing is perfect. Everything and everyone has quirks. I know my strengths and weaknesses are often two sides of the same coin. But you can graciously step away from people and situations that don’t serve you; in fact, the older I get, the more essential I think it is to do this.

#5 Back Yourself & Surround Yourself With People Who Also Do

My husband believes in me so much, and this year, I am trying to believe in myself a little more, especially with my writing.

#6 Friendships are so Important; Hold Onto Them

I write and think about friendships so much because society doesn’t even come close to acknowledging how important they are. Hold onto them. Prioritise them.

#7 Talk About Money, Stocks & Savings With People You Trust

We broke the term on our mortgage early after a conversation with a friend that saved us thousands. I invest regularly because of advice from my friend and brilliant CEO of Girls That Invest Simran. We used a real estate agent to help us find our house when the market was particularly gruelling after getting advice from my brother. We live in a capitalist society, and money matters whether we like it or not. It buys us comfort, freedom and time.

#8 Your Body Is Fine Just the Way It Is

In fact, it’s actually beautiful, but it’s okay if you don’t think so today. Be grateful for legs that carry you through life, arms that hug people you love, and hands that will pat beloved pets. That is enough.

#9 You Aren’t Responsible For Other People’s Feelings

No matter how much you love them. Bonus; if you have to contort yourself and constantly adjust your needs and desires for the feelings of other people, red flag.

#10 It’s Cliche, but Love Will Find You When You Least Expect It

And when you find it, that person will love you how you need to be loved. Don’t settle for less. But also, keep working on yourself, creating the person you want to be, the life you want to live. I wrote this years ago and think about it often;

because maybe we don’t find ourselves, maybe we create the person we want to become.

I hope I can spend the next decade creating that kind, brave, assertive person, and I hope you can too, dear reader. Do you have any advice for your younger self you want to share?

I am late to the party, but I have finally finished the last season of Sex Education. Sex Education has been one of my favourite shows, not only on Netflix but of all time. Their ability to discuss hard, complicated topics in a way that is full of love but also humour is incredible.

The Good

So let us start with the good.

#1 Jean is Amazing

Society presents motherhood as an expectation, but also, as easy and Instagramable. It tells us that you will love it and your baby, always. Jean shows the reality of post-partum depression beautifully and, how hard being a parent, especially a mum, is. I have loved Jean in every season, but this season, she shines. She takes on new challenges. She reconnects with her sister. She admits she is struggling, asks for help, and gets on medication. She is brave and wonderful.

#2 Aimee is Amazing

Aimee has always been my favourite character (followed closely by Eric) because she is kind, warm and genuine. You get what you get with Aimee, and I think we could all do with someone like her in our lives. This season, she grows immensely. Her photography is stunning. Her friendship with Isaac is beautiful, and her journey to process her trauma is brilliant. I love Aimee.

#3 Adam & His Dad

One of the best things about this show is how they can take a character, convince us that they suck and then flip the narrative on its head. That was Adam’s journey in the last couple of seasons; this season, it was his dad’s turn. Watching his dad shift from an uptight, shut-off, principal to an amateur chef and supportive dad was one of my favourite things this season. It shows us what can happen when both parties want repair. It shows us that repair can make a relationship stronger. I hope I can be even half as brave as Michael as a parent and as a human. Admitting when I have made mistakes, working on myself, and looking for small moments of joy.

#4 Eric & Otis

At face value, it seems like the relationship of the series is Otis and Maeve, but I think it is the friendship between Eric and Otis. Eric is right; Otis forgets everything when Maeve is around. I liked Maeve and Otis together, but Eric and Otis show us the foundations of a good relationship better. Supporting each other. Having your own friends. Goofing off together. Space. Fighting. Repairing. Loving. Showing up. And then doing it again and again.

So sure, their relationship is not romantic, but that is almost the point. Friendships are so important; for me, at least, they are just as important as my romantic relationship.

#5 Maeve chooses herself

I love Maeve (it goes Aimee, Eric, Jean, Adam, Maeve and Otis), and as a budding writer, I find her so inspiring. My favourite scene is the letter she writes for Otis when she decides to believe in herself and go back to the USA. In 2024, I want to try to believe in myself and my writing like Maeve.

#6 The Trans Chacaracters

Trans folks make up a very small amount of the population and historically have had very little representation. Cal’s journey touched my heart. We all deserve to feel comfortable in our bodies. We all deserve to belong, and I love the representation. More please.

The Bad

Now for the bad, or at least my soppy version of that. This season did not have good reviews, and I get it. It was underwhelming.

But I will say this: endings are hard. Last seasons are hard. In fact, I cannot think of a single show with a good ending. Sex Education was no different. The school was unrealistic and unrelatable. They were trying to represent a lot of folks and tell a lot of stories in a short amount of time. Dare I say it? They were trying a little too hard. But I prefer that; I prefer trying too hard instead of not trying at all. And I think they showed up for their last season. Imperfectly? Yes, but beautifully. Here is to more shows like Sex Education. I am off to re-watch it now.