Amy Vasterling's Blog

The term narcissism seemed well-established in Ama’s time and became thought of as an overused term. Ama saw society had changed, and this, along with much else, needed redefining and exposing so powerful positive change could result.

Ama saw that this term had become muddled, and she saw it as a generalized problem in society. Her approach was to redefi…

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The term narcissism seemed well-established in Ama’s time and became thought of as an overused term. Ama saw society had changed, and this, along with much else, needed redefining and exposing so powerful positive change could result.

Ama saw that this term had become muddled, and she saw it as a generalized problem in society. Her approach was to redefine it and came to call it narcissistic social disordering, which she saw as a needs-based problem.

She saw we were at the height of narcissistic social disorder, seeing it in all of us, including herself. To her, we were all striving to be seen and heard and operated without awareness, controlling others as a result of not having these needs met.

Ama might share a story with a friend about a burden she had, and the friend would override it with their own story of hurt. She saw we’d learned that hurt was to constantly be pushed down, and we were no longer able to hold it back, so we “one-upped.” Nobody listened when there was conflict; they only gave advice or shut it down. Nobody seemed to truly care about each other. It felt to Ama that her childhood home was “every person for themselves,” and now this was also our world society.

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Ama could see the problem throughout the whole of society. The overt control and enabling were fiercely defended. Ama knew it was The Model they defended and what it championed, the hierarchy. She believed people felt better to have a broken system than to have unknowns and have to solve the burgeoning problems in our world. Easier to turn a blind eye and tell oneself “it will be ok” or worse, “just be positive.” Adhering to The Model would only leave us in a status quo life, upholding the ideals of others and never living our own lives. Ama found no use or power in it, so continuing on this way signaled to Ama the potential for humanity to not survive and that humans would undo themselves.

This is also why Ama looked at things outside of the system of education and facts and figures. “You’ll recall Ama saw life as an art, not a science, and now it’s easy to see this”, said Maya. Now we live life like an art, and people are free. We solve our problems almost instantaneously, and in truth, we have very few problems. We are with ourselves, not to be confused with the old term of “being present.” Being with oneself means we can be in the past, the future, right now all at once and have the same neutrality to it because we are in the human expressive expansion that is our birthright. We are truly with ourselves, not perpetuating trying to stay in the moment, which Ama felt was a fool’s errand. Bissa, “we never lost it like in Ama’s time.” Said Maya.

In truth, Ama could see everybody was hurting on earth and was also not telling themselves the truth, but had been conditioned to believe everything was fine when it was only getting worse. Some were comfortable, and others struggled so hard to keep up that it took an emotional and sometimes a physical toll on them.

Ama aimed to stop this in its tracks, and she didn’t hold back. She told everybody who would listen, she turned people’s hearts with perspective to see themselves differently. They quickly adopted this new way of thinking that was fairer to them and others, too.

Ama wanted as many examples for the world to ditch The Model and operate to restore the very foundation on which a country is to be built, maintaining a safe place for its nationals to live, be educated, have medical care, access to clean water, and food. Ama knew the problems were correctable and more than possible. She knew it could happen if it was no longer controlled by money and instead was in the hands of the people. Integrity, curiosity, and vulnerability would restore the nature of humans.

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In the year 2023, the world was 70% fascist, meaning greed and control were running the show in most of our world. Lacking any integrity, dictators ruled over the people in ways they not only didn’t agree to but were forced into unsafe and even abusive to life-threatening situations against their will. A dark time in history when humans were experiencing the highest levels of narcissistic social disorder. Beyond unfortunate were the lives that were lost, the voices and choices that were suppressed, even in places and spaces in our world that had once been free. Double standards and wrongdoing without consequence plowed its way through every system, showing every ill imaginable. While there was little to no justice or recourse.

The fools are fascinated by the (false) shiny words and propaganda. The intelligent were suppressed and slowly silenced. Ama would say that if a child has to grow up with a controlling authoritarian or an enabler, they’ll make more out of the influence of the authoritarian because it is more likely they will try to please the authoritarian and live up to the expectations that come with that. While unhealthy, this will motivate them to make a life of their own.

Conversely, a child who fights against it could also excel to change the tide, as they can feel it’s wrong because that is most often why people rebel. This gave a chance at their own uniquely expressed life and the freedom that comes with it. Ama’s generation was raised by authoritarians and was a highly capable, quiet generation that nobody talked about. This generation was the perfect catalyst and age to be at the helm as wise adults when The Model was falling apart. They were seasoned at living in deep chaos, so they knew it was possible to overturn, even though from the outside it looked almost impossible.

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The enabler had compassion for the generation of their children who were hurting so badly from generational trauma. They had lived through a parent who was a controlling authoritarian, and therefore would do the opposite by controlling their child through feeling sorry for them and consequently enabling them. This was a recipe for children to never move out of the house, to not create constructive plans with purpose. These kids are often glued to media as a source of comfort and entertainment, to what was seemingly “safe”.

Ama watched her peers parent their children, but these parents never set up and stood by any real and therefore fair consequences by which their child could learn. These parents felt sorry for their children and had many reasons why. Failed marriages with narcissists, socially disordered partners. Economic insecurity, and more. I’ll point out that the source of the narcissistic social disorder stems from unmet needs. The same was the problem for the enabler, which is why the tension and strong co-existence between the two.

Mothers would say, “There is no identifiable way to make motherhood a balanced process”. Ama agreed. She thought about this philosophically regularly, and it seemed to her that the hardest position in society was being a mother. Mothers had emotional needs that went chronically unheard and unmet; their only choice was to put on a happy face and endure.

They were depleted and giving in all directions, yet were still told they were not doing a good enough job. There was little to no validation for the emotional, mental, and physical work mothers put into their children. Nobody loved each other; in truth, they were only surviving. Turning to things to be able to tune out, even for just a moment.

For others, they became too perfect an example and secretly felt overwhelmed by it all. Whatever the circumstance, leaving The Model for mothers was an impossibility, but that’s no longer true. Ama believed we’d change one by one and express again into our needs and find the places and spaces where these very needs were well-nourished.

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In the year 2023, the world was 70% fascist, meaning greed and control were running the show in most of our world. Lacking any integrity, dictators ruled over the people in ways they not only didn’t agree to but were forced into unsafe and even abusive to life-threatening situations against their will. A dark time in history when humans were experiencin…

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During Ama’s time, being emotional was frowned on. It was devalued to such a profound degree that it was perceived as a weakness and something to be overlooked, rather than addressed. Ama could now see she lived in a world community filled with angry men. But which men? This Ama could see why women were afraid of most men. Ama came to a point where she …

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During Ama’s time, being emotional was frowned on. It was devalued to such a profound degree that it was perceived as a weakness and something to be overlooked, rather than addressed. Ama could now see she lived in a world community filled with angry men. But which men? This Ama could see why women were afraid of most men. Ama came to a point where she was most scared of white men because she knew they were the destructors and would destroy what was in their path with anger, hatred, and the like. Ama also knew this is not who these men truly are; this is a symptom of The Model and the societal narcissistic social disordering. Many men were unable to see it and would shrug it off.

Ama traveled, and there were times she’d stay in rooms with many people and in environments where there were communities. In groups of young men and women, she’d say this. “Margaret Atwood, (a famous and poignant writer in this era) is quoted in saying men are afraid women will laugh at them and women are afraid men will kill them.”

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Then she’d pause, but barely a second went by when a young man would say, “That isn’t true!” But the women, all of them, would purse their lips, and most of them would lower their gaze to the floor. Ama could see the women knew this to be true. The men wouldn’t even show concern for this statement or the sheer inequity within it. They wouldn’t enquire about how the women felt about it, showing Ama, it’s true. Men are not invested in or concerned about the feelings, thoughts, and experiences of women. This deeply concerned her.

One young man was cooking crepes when Ama told him this, and he stopped and turned to Ama and said, “Wait, I want to sit across from you so I can hear that fully.” This young man was making crepes and offering them to anybody who was around. He said his mother taught him and his siblings to cook because it is easier, better, and less expensive than eating out. He, from a culture that values food, made his mother’s effort an easy one. The young man had ridden his bicycle some 2500 km to be at this point in his journey. He sat in front of Ama and, with gesturing hands, said, “Please say that again”. She did, and he gently said, “Is this how women feel?” Ama told him the reaction from every female she’d met. He was astounded, but for Ama, out of all these men, he was the only one who listened, wanted to know a woman’s experience, and understood.

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In Ama’s time, people were divided and fearful because they were complacent, listening to others instead of listening to what they know is true only for them. Ama knew that at this time it was hard to stand on your own fully because they’d been unknowingly and systematically turned away from themselves and were quick to learn how to acquiesce to The Model to please a parent or teacher when they were young or boss or spouse later in life.

Those who bucked the system were labeled “a problem” or challenging. Anybody who fell outside of things labeled normal thinking, normal behavior, or normal physical ability was to be controlled through shame, fear, and various punishments. While this was positioned as they were “not good enough,” the truth of the matter is they could see this was an ill system and acted against or outside of it.

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There is nothing wrong with this as long as it doesn’t hurt another. When people readily pushed against another, labeling them weak, or dumb, whatever they saw as weakness in somebody, it relieved their own pain, turned into projection for a moment, from living in a broken system that was itself wrong and the true problem.

It worked; the people no longer pushed further and accepted “that’s just the way things are.” However, pressing further is exactly what was needed, but those who did were ill-treated and often then labeled forevermore, the problem. Eventually, Ama could see a time when it seemed vulnerability was more available than before. An energy opened up and made it more possible for all people to tell the truth, to set things straight, and claim what they know is true more and more within their lives. Ama could sense things were ready to change, and Ama, too, was changing.

The Future of Our Past is a reader-supported space for thoughtful inquiry. Subscribe for free to receive new letters—or go paid to access full audio versions. Subscribe now to support the work and deepen the journey.

In Ama’s time, people were divided and fearful because they were complacent, listening to others instead of listening to what they know is true only for them. Ama knew that at this time it was hard to stand on your own fully because they’d been unknowingly and systematically turned away from themselves and were quick to learn how to acquiesce to The Mod…

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Oppression was common in Ama’s time, although it was never spoken about openly, and Ama knew that what you kept hidden would persist and grow far worse. True vulnerability was rare because it was most often unsafe. In truth, a lot of the problems of the time were at a lack of asking questions and instead assuming, deciding for another person, and as a r…

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Oppression was common in Ama’s time, although it was never spoken about openly, and Ama knew that what you kept hidden would persist and grow far worse. True vulnerability was rare because it was most often unsafe. In truth, a lot of the problems of the time were at a lack of asking questions and instead assuming, deciding for another person, and as a result, overriding their needs and wants. This also caused us not to know one another. Can it be that every problem stems from true needs going unmet, and as a result, people are forced to form security in getting basic needs, where possible? Ama thought so. She also knew the real casualty was self-expression, sharing your way of intelligence and contribution that brings with it the deepest, most true connections.

Control eventually became the standard, and it’s no surprise that control comes out of judging another, deciding for them. Turned inward, Ama knew lack of expression became depression through inward questioning and anxiety, or what she called hoop jumping–meaning people jumped through the hoops others set for them instead of performing to their own goals they wanted to meet.

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Ama could see that children were not taught to express who they are, but live by the rules and ways their family told them to. Girls were to be quiet without thoughts of their own, and “boys will be boys,” and allowed to be rough, hurt others, get dirty, and let’s face it, be mean. In many cases, it’s possible they even grew up resenting their mother and projecting it onto their female partner.

How many lives would flourish with The Model removed? This was always on Ama’s mind.

She knew we postured in The Model to hold or advance our position in the hierarchy. Boasting, telling, proving, withholding through avoidance, worry, drama, guilt, and withholding through overthinking (self-abuse) were the ways Ama saw humans postured to stop from having to face The Model, and therefore, it never ended on its own.

Here we are now, 250 years after Ama, and she did it. She cast into motion a movement to free humanity of the psychological, mental, and physical burden the Model set up. She taught people how to leave The Model and become an example of true expression and expansion. She started a worldwide movement toward natural equality. And here we are now living it.

The Future of Our Past is a reader-supported space for thoughtful inquiry. Subscribe for free to receive new letters—or go paid to access full audio versions. Subscribe now to support the work and deepen the journey.