Harlowe Pilgrim's Blog

 By Harlowe Pilgrim

“I love you, little Nanny.”

“I love you, little man.” 

“May we visit the park today, Nanny?”

“Of course we may.  Unless you’d rather visit the zoo.”

He thought on it a second. “Did we visit the zoo yesterday?”

“The day before yesterday, my little man.  Yesterday we went to the library.”

“Ahhh yes … the library … was lots of fun.”

“We could go to the library again if you like.”

“No.  The park I think.  Will we play some games?  Can you think of some games?”

“I can think of some games, b...

by Harlowe Pilgrim, for The Shit Creek Times ("All the shit that's fit to print")

Washington DC
New allegations have come to light in Donald Trump’s latest caper, Hamburger-gate.


Sources say their sources are asking whether the President’s idea to serve fast food to the 2018 national champion Clemson Tigers upon their celebratory visit to the White House just might have been inspired – nay stolen - from the old Don Imus comedy bit entitled “1200 Hamburgers to Go”.
The Imus piece (that’s “120...

You know, I fly a lot.

Not that I have a place to go.  It’s just for the flight attendants.
And I’ve always considered safe sex with a flight attendant to be, she leaves her nylons on.
Why not?  Nylons will stop most things … all but the tiniest sperm cells and bugs.  And then there's the extra toe-curling.
But as with condoms, they’re not really good to wear again after.
Unless you wash them.
I’m talking about the nylons, not the attendants.  Although a washing couldn’t hu...

You know, I fly a lot.

Not that I have a place to go.  It’s just for the flight attendants.
And I’ve always considered safe sex with a flight attendant to be, she leaves her nylons on.
Why not?  Nylons will stop most things … all but the tiniest sperm cells and bugs.  And then there's the extra toe-curling.
But as with condoms, they’re not really good to wear again after.
Unless you wash them.
I’m talking about the nylons, not the attendants.  Although a washing couldn’t hu...

One time, I was lost in the middle of nowhere looking for a pond where I heard the fish were so catchy, they’d all but jump in your boat.

I knew I was close, so I stopped at this little rundown store to ask for directions.
The girl at the corner looked bored.
“Beg your pardon,” I said, “but I’m looking for the fishin’ hole.”
“The fishin’ hole?” The girl was flustered. “Listen, I don’t know what you’ve heard, mister … but that was one fish … one time … and I was drunk as a skunk.”Let me tell you,...

“Show me your honeypot, and I’ll show you me pot of gold.”
“Sure you only want to seemy honeypot?”
“Do YOU only want to SEE me pot of gold?
“Hmmm,” she played with her hair. “Aren’t you kind of tall for a Leprechaun?”
“Aye, an I ain’t that Irish, neither.”




Happy Saint Patrick’s Day!
Enjoy the crawl home!



###
-Harlowe Pilgrim


Copyright 2017 Cock and Bull Publishing, LLC
Harlowe Pilgrim’s books are available at Amazon, iBooks,
Smashwords.com, Books-A-Million, and most other online booksell...

by Harlowe Pilgrim, for The Shit Creek Times ("All the shit that's fit to print")




Yaktattoo, Alaska – Say goodbye to “The Tightest Seal in Alaska.”





Not that a satisfying seal can’t still be had.  But the local company who advertised it now finds itself belly-up.
And not in a satisfying way.
Ironic that the future for Wet Willy Weather Stripping … sucks.
It was only months ago, they began using that slogan and the initial response was promising.
“We got a lot of calls,” an ex-employee told us....

Ladies and gentlemen (yeah right you are), we present for your consideration the ebook

"Harlowe Pilgrim's Oh My Words! 2015"

An album of Harlowe Pilgrim’s short works published in 2015 and featured on Harlowe Pilgrim’s Cock and Bull Blog .

The material included herein is intended for Adult Readers Only.


Features:
“The Ghost Ship Lollipop”You’re wanted on deck.
“The Cat Who Burgled Me”A sexy, funny little thing ...
“Woman Visited by Man with Giant Cock”A satiric report of an oversized animal.
“The...

"Shadow Box" by Harlowe Pilgrim

The air rushed through their hair as the car sped down the road.
“You better watch it … one more ticket and you’ll lose your license.”
“No, I’m good.”
“You’re good?”
“I fixed that other ticket.”
“What? How did you …”
“I brought a pizza down to the police station. That and a …” She put her fist up to her cheek and pushed her tongue into her other cheek. Then she smiled. “No more ticket.”
“Are you … seriously?”
Her friend smirked. “What do youthink?”
She didn’t answer.
“Tas...

Preceded by 
"Water Fallin' " - read it here


###

The wooden plank floor underfoot scarcely muffled the robust piano tune playing in the saloon downstairs.
“Do they play all night, Auntie?”
“Just about. But don’t worry … tired as we are, ain’t nothin’ gonna keep us awake.”
Tallulah smiled and nodded. “I’m feelin’ that.”
“I bet you are. That’s our room, down the hall.”
“I hope it has a washbasin.”
“You don’t look that dusty, honey.” Auntie winked at her.
“Neither do you, Auntie.” Tallulah win...