Harry Whitewolf's Blog - Posts Tagged "funny"

By Harry Whitewolf.


1. Hilary Pitta And The Chamber Of Baguettes.

2. The Whistle Blower Referee.

3. Better Than Shakespeare.

4. God's Last Sausage.

5. Get-Together-And-Have-Some-Nice-Cake-Instead-Of-Fighting Club.

6. The Genres Keep Getting Younger Games.

7. The Greatest, Steam-punk, Bum-drunk, Jam-funk, Slam-dunk Of Naughty Dystopian Nightmare Sci-fi Thrills With Enough Ker-pow To Kill The Genre Dead Book Ever Written!!!

8. My Boring Dad Is The Head Of The Illuminati.

9. The Ruff Guide To Dogs.

10. An Idiot's Guide To Idiot Guides.

11. Cutting Corners: How To Pack Sandwiches Successfully.

12. Blank.

13. Smiley Face Emoticon.

14. Forget The Money And The Career, You're Going To Die.

15. Super Sarcastic And The Satirical Sidekick.

16. Young Fonzie.

17. The Help Your Self Be Selfish For Your Soul Help Secret Soul Help Book.

18. This Is A Trashy Romance And Yet You're Still Gonna Read It!

19. Some Vampires Who Fall In Love With Satan's Cock Whilst Battling Against Werewolves, Monsters, Demons and Dumb Blondes With Big Swords.

20. Describing The Invisible World.

21. Txt Bk. :)

22. Lolita 2: Lol!

23. The Worst Book Ever Written.

24. Sham, Pain And Champagne.

25. Everybody's Reading This, So It's Either Great Or Crap.

26. The Annotated Phone Book.

27. Dark Something.

28. Cold Something.

29. Hard Something: The Revenge.

30. The White House Murders.

31. Keep Off The Grass: A Guide For Parents With Teenage Stoners.

32. The Holy Bible 2: The Next Generation.

33. How To Juggle Cornish Pasties Whilst Simultaneously Strangling Chickens.

34. A Coffee Table Book About Coffee Tables.

35. The Most Famous Pelican In The World.

36. The Tip Top Hip Hop Flip Flop Chip Shop Scandal.

37. Tony Blair Is A Wanker (And I Can Prove It).

38. The City And Sex: Feminism In The Twenty First Century.

39. Blink: A Short Ironic Epic.

40. Oh! The Hokey Cokey For Beginners.

41. How To Become Homeless In 3 Easy Steps.

42. Conversations With Cod.

43. Publish a Book Like This And Earn Millions Just Like Me! (Including 100 Exclusive Tips!)

44. So You Want To Be A Mass Murderer?

45. Charlie And The Chick-Lit Factory.

46. Naked Breakfast.

47. Extra Terrestrial Politics – Part One.

48. Time Is Just A T.V Show.

49. Fifty Shades Of Shit.

50. The Book Of The Film Of The Book That Was Never Made.

1. Henry Thunder And The Secret Of The Copycat Book.

2. Don't Comb My Hamster.

3. Legal Advice For Snake Charmers.

4. Explaining Cockney Rhyming Slang To Septic Tanks.

5. Life Of Fibonacci: A Lame Yann Martel Related Joke.

6. Pot The Green: The Tale Of A Stoner Snooker Star.

7. Part One.

8. Part One: Part Two.

9. Part One: Part Three.

10. When The Bees Have All Gone, We're F***ed.

11. Trip Tips.

12. The Nation's Favourite Terrorist.

13. Cats And Raccoons In Catacombs.

14. The Church Of Atheism.

15. Being Irony: The Tale Of A Piece of Metal.

16. Tony Blair Is A Wanker (And I Can Prove It) Part Two: Bliar Forever.

17. Henry Kissinger Can Kiss My Ass.

18. Frigid Bridget And The Fidgiting Midget.

19. Thou Shalt Not Kill: A Vegetarian Cookbook For Recently Repenting Christians.

20. Shut Harry Whitewolf The Fuck Up.

21. Digital Days Part One: Since The Internet Happened, Everyone Thinks They're A Graphic Designer.

22. Digital Days Part Two: Since The Internet Happened, Anyone Who Can Read And Write Can Claim To Be An Author.

23. Dog Eat Dog Orobouros.

24. What If 42 Really Is The Answer?

25. Hot Hearts Entwined.

26. Hearts Entwined With Love.

27. Love Hearts Hot Entwined.

28. Part Two: Part One.

29. Part Two: Part Two.

30. Part Two: Part Four – What Happened To Part Two: Part Three?

31. What Is It With Bloody Vampires?

32. The Thai Light Saga.

33. The Bruce Forsyth Saga.

34. Pictures Of Cute Kittens That'll Make You Say “Ohhh!”

35. Some Lucky Bastard's Five Star Globe Trotting Journey Tale.

36. Bad-reads.

37. How To Give Up Giving Up.

38. His Shark Materials.

39. Bend Over And Let This Book Shove It To Ya!

40. Stop It With The Opposites.

41. The Forty Steps.

42. Seriously, What Are We Fighting For?

43. Handel's Tricks With Candlesticks.

44. More Bloody Vampires.

45. The Cut In The Hut.

46. The Sodding Something Code.

47. Does Everybody Understand My Humour?

48. Black Cover, Red Lettering: You Can Bet It's A Thriller.

49. Withering Hats.

50. Still Waiting For Godot.

ReejecttIIon - a number two – my new collaborative book with Daniel Clausen is now available. Woo-hoo! What’s more, it’s free on Kindle for five days: 9th March – 13th March (links below). So rather than poo yourself with excitement, why not grab a copy of A Number Two* instead? (*Toilet tissue not included.)

Here’s the blurb:


By reading ReejecttIIon, it’s likely you’ll discover: colorful short stories, funny flash fiction, hilarious cartoons, riveting reviews, wondrous anagrams and other assorted skits and titbits of under-achieving literary genius.

If you’re lucky, you might come across sci-fi tales about the privatization of words, horror stories about hair and ruminations on indie writing. It’s also possible that you’ll find commentary on the hazards of greedy literary agents and stories about washed up movie directors who receive financial backing from space aliens.

Publisher’s Meekly calls it: “a thought-provoking fable about technological hubris and the hazards of bioengineering.” (*This may or may not be referring to Jurassic Park and not ReejecttIIon.)

Reader’s Indigestion says: “this book quietly stands as one of the most powerful statements of the Civil Rights movement.” (*This may or may not actually refer to To Kill a Mockingbird and not ReejecttIIon.)

But why not read this seriously comical scattergun book and see what you can discover about ReejecttIIon for yourself?


And here are the links you’re surely itching to click on:

Amazon.com:

Kindle:
http://www.amazon.com/ReejecttIIon-nu...
Paperback:
http://www.amazon.com/ReejecttIIon-nu...


Amazon.co.uk:

Kindle:
http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B0...
Paperback:
http://www.amazon.co.uk/ReejecttIIon-...


You can also start reading ReejecttIIon here:

https://www.goodreads.com/reader/7516...

Thank you!

My new poetry book Rhyme and Rebellion will be available soon. In the meantime, you might like to check out this fun performance video to accompany it (the first of three, so keep an eye out for the others!):

SHIT POLITICS: https://www.goodreads.com/videos/1088...

My new poetry book Rhyme and Rebellion is now available and it's free on Kindle for the next five days (23rd Sep - 27th Sep) - see the links below.

Here's the blurb:

Swiping, biting, seething, pleading, fresh and funny, Whitewolf’s latest book of verse is a language sandwich filled with shit, shopping, poverty, war, Wi-Fi and wordplay.

Awaken your inner rebel for the modern era, with poems like: Equality For The Poor, You’re So Far Right, Ads, Abs And Apps, P.C. Pussies, Reality And T.V, Puppet Politician and The Google Boogie.


And here are three fun and quirky accompanying performance poetry vids:

BEAT BOMB BOOM: https://www.goodreads.com/videos/1093...

SHIT POLITICS: https://www.goodreads.com/videos/1088...

SHEEP SLEEP: https://www.goodreads.com/videos/1091...


Paperback and Kindle editions available.

FREE ON KINDLE:

Amazon.com: http://a.co/2qZ2ciO

Amazon.co.uk: http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B01LX8P3IB


Thanks to everyone for your support!

Peace, love and rebellion,

Harry.

It's been nearly half a year since my last blog post, which shows how busy I've been in the offline world in 2018. First off: my alter-ego Mr. Wolf is releasing a new kids' book in the next couple of months, and the old kids' books covers have now been replaced. So here are the new covers, including the forthcoming book Mr. Zumpo's Amazing Zoo of Unusual Animals...

If you're a Goodreads regular in my circle, you may have noticed I'm now on GR about a tenth of the time I have been over the last few years. I'm sure I'll be back at some point to badger you all and make crap jokes, but real life's been keeping me too busy to put too much mind to social media. Sorry to those friends I have neglected, and the indie authors whose books I've promised to read... I'll get there!

My time has been taken up with work of one kind or another. I am now a full-time content writer for a U.S. based company, so I've been having to focus and work hard - and learn all those wacky Americanisms I don't know! - in these early stages. On top of that, I seem to now have constant illustration jobs on the go, and am currently illustrating three books. Somehow or other, I've also become the lyricist for a rock band! But that story can wait for another time.

In between more-than-full-time work, there's trying to cram in the creative projects. I'm afraid that you're going to have a long wait for any new poetry, as I've hit a dry phase at present, but there are other projects on the go. Apart from the new Mr. Wolf children's book, I've been busy collaboratively editing an anthology for charity, which we'll have official news of soon, and I've been working on my first proper novel for the last year or so - and I fear it might take another year or so before it's ready.

Get ready for a Great Whitewolf Giveaway next week. If there are books of mine which you have not yet read, then this will be your chance!

Keep sticking it to The Man and keep loving each other,

Harry. x

Are you still wondering what to buy your sister’s mate’s cousin for Christmas? Maybe you’re trying to decide whether you should give money to charity instead of buying presents this year. Well, by buying The Anti-Austerity Anthology, you get a great present and a donation to food bank charities in one!

OK, sales pitch over. But as we proceed towards the end of the year, it feels like a good time to recap the success our anthology has had and to announce that we raised over £260 from sales in the first two months. This first payment was recently made to a very worthy UK food bank charity. Massive thanks to everyone who bought a copy.

The anthology was released in September – two years after Rupert Dreyfus conceived the idea, which should show how much hard work was put into it. Edited by Dreyfus, myself and Mike Robbins, the book contains short stories, poetry, essays (and even comedic advertisements) by some of the indie author scene’s most talented and radical writers. Not only does the anthology address the injustices of austerity, it also showcases a diverse range of writerly talent.

It’s hard to get any indie release noticed. It’s even harder to get it to sell. Especially when your budget is a crumpled tenner you found down the back of the sofa and a pack of Benson and Hedges. So, we, the editors and contributors, were overjoyed to see how well the book sold upon its release and how well received it was in reviews. We can’t thank the outspoken journalist Steve Topple enough for writing a fabulous foreword for the anthology and for helping us to gain some exposure for it. You can read his article about The Anti-Austerity Anthology in The Canary here

Also, I was chuffed to see Steve talk to none other than George Galloway about the anthology on their online Topple/Galloway show. You can watch the video (26 minutes in) here I don’t agree with all of Galloway’s points of view, but I do agree with most of them and he’s one of the few politicians, along with his old mate Jeremy Corbyn, who I’ve had a lot of respect for (no pun intended) over the years.

The anthology also had a little Twitter storm around it upon its release. News of the anthology was retweeted by the writer and political commentator Harry Leslie Smith Penguin-published author Kit de Waal bought a copy. And the book reached number 3 in Amazon UK’s anthologies and was consistently in the top five for a good couple of weeks.

Reviewers have said:

“It is thoughtful. It is frustrated. It is funny. It is angry. It is intelligent. It is inspirational. It is heartbreaking. It is real.”

“It's no easy feat to pull together an assortment of genres and writing styles with a political message and not have the activism trump the art. Kudos to all involved.”

“I strongly recommend the book.”

“This book is the unmissable book of 2018. Never mind all those books on Trump or whatever else you've been reading! This book is iconic in it's mix of authors and styles, in their determination to slay the monster that is austerity, leaving no shadowy excuses behind which it can hide. It is a potent example of how the arts can agitate for change. It also works towards improving the lot of people struggling under such a cruel regime, by donating the proceeds to food bank charities.”

And here’s what I say: Buy this book. By doing so, you will be helping to raise awareness of the injustices of austerity, you will be helping to raise awareness of fantastic indie authors and most importantly, you will be helping to raise money for food bank charities.

Amazon.com: http://a.co/d/cNgbRq0

Amazon.co.uk: http://amzn.eu/d/8mkwSAm

If you don’t want to buy on Amazon, you can buy the book from any good bookshop by giving the ISBN number: 1724577964

Thank you to everyone who has been involved with this project, everyone who has bought a copy of the book and everyone who has supported us.

Wishing you all a wonderful festive time.

Spread the love.

Harry.