Edward Lewellen's Blog

Have you ever experienced that “voice” in your head? Everyone has. Many have wondered; Whose voice is it and why does it seem to nag us with mostly negative suggestions? Let’s take a look into the human mind to discover the answer as it can dramatically change your life! Oh, I’m going to get a little neurosciencey on you, so be prepared, but I know you’ll be fascinated by what I’m sharing!

Consciousness

What “Consciousness” is has been debated for centuries and we still don’t have a definitive answer to this day. The simplest definition I’ve found is “Being aware that we are aware.” As an example, when you look into a mirror, you know it’s you. You recognize you and you know you are separate and distinct from every other person. This is due to the parts of our brain called the Fusiform Gyrus and the Insular Cortex. The Fusiform Gyrus is for facial, number, and letter recognition and the Insular Cortex tells you that you are you and not someone else. The Insular Cortex also attaches social emotions to faces and sensations within the body.

Theory of Mind (ToM)

According to Neuroscientists at MIT, ToM is the ability to “read” other people’s minds; it’s our ability to hold beliefs, and it’s the ability to consider such things as the vastness of the universe and God. ToM primarily involves the Right Temporal Parietal Junction (RTPJ), which develops around 8-years-old. This small region of the brain is located just above and behind our right ear. ToM also involves other important areas of our brain, such as Mirror (Predictive) Neurons, which are subdivided into three distinct areas; short-term, mid-term, and long-term. We learn to anticipate, or predict, what other people are going to do based on previous experiences. When we see a person raising their hand in a specific way, we predict they want permission to speak. When they raise it in a different way, we predict they are going to strike another person. The mid and long-term Mirror Neurons go much deeper. They predict and interpret thoughts, intentions, and behaviors in others; past, current, and future.

Mirror Neurons also cause us to mirror the feelings of others. When you see someone in a movie get shot by a bullet, pierced with a knife, or harmed in some other way, you find yourself holding onto the same body part where the person was harmed. When you watch a sporting event and someone falls down, gets hurt, or wins the event, you “feel” what they are feeling. Interestingly, the only thing keeping you from believing it actually happened to you is the Insular Cortex, it isolates you from thinking you are someone else and experiencing what they are experiencing.

That Voice in Your Head

This amazing tool we have between our ears is extremely complex, yet, we are beginning to understand it much better. That voice in your head is consciousness and part of being conscious is having Theory of Mind. You are conscious that you have beliefs. You are conscious of what you, and other people, are doing, saying, feeling, and thinking. You are conscious of the contemplation of God, the universe, and the human mind. Because we are conscious and we contemplate these things, we form beliefs. Beliefs are rules and generalizations for life we form based on what we are taught and have experienced. These beliefs create our thoughts and our thoughts create our behaviors.

Because these are our beliefs we have formed, this means we can control them. Most people, though, allow themselves to become victims of their beliefs and thoughts. Let me give you a few examples:

“People are always talking negatively behind my back”
“I might as well eat that piece chocolate cake, I’m already fat”
“I can never talk to my spouse about my feelings. They won’t understand, anyway”
“I’m so depressed. Life just isn’t worth living. I should kill myself. Everyone would be happier if I was gone”
“I know what I want to do is a sin, but it would feel so good. I really, really want to do it. It must be the Devil making me feel this way, because I know it’s wrong and I just can’t stop myself”
“I’m no good at my job. I try really hard, but I can’t get ahead. I might as well give up. I’m useless”

My point being is that what I have experienced working with thousands of people over the years is that the voice in our head are our own beliefs ruminating as thoughts. These thoughts literally feel like they are spinning inside us and they churn faster and faster if not kept in-check. It’s Theory of Mind out of control. And, because we are not taught that we can control our thoughts, we believe we are victims to them.

Recognizing that negative thoughts and emotions will insidiously take over when positive thoughts and emotions are absent is a huge step.  So, what can you do to help crowd out the negative emotions and replace them with positive, inspiring thoughts and emotions?

First, pay attention to what you pay attention to. Where attention goes, energy flows.  When you find yourself daydreaming, what is it that you find yourself thinking about?  You may find that you’re dwelling on thoughts that are self-sabotaging and limiting.  If you want to identify what you think about most, take the time to make a note on your phone’s calendar each time you catch yourself thinking about positive and negative things.  This will give you an idea of what your thought pattern is.

Next, when you wake up each morning, plant positive intentions in your mind for the day ahead.  You want to begin to live life intentionally and in the direction you want to go, instead of letting others lead you where they want.  Every time you do this, the pattern will be reinforced and become stronger.  And, what you will discover is that you start finding more joy in life, which means you’re headed in the right direction!

But, what if there are traumatic things that have happened to you in the past that continue to haunt your thoughts?  I’ll discuss that next.

Creating forward motion,

Dr. Edward Lewellen

Many times communication is just an illusion

As you look at the picture above, you’ll see that it creates an illusion. It can appear that you’re looking at a man’s face from the front, or it can appear that you’re looking at his face from the left side. Which is correct? It depends on the person viewing it. Communication is much like that. We can believe we have communicated our ideas and thoughts perfectly, only to find that it was an illusion, our illusion. How do we know what we have communicated? Because of the results. If you don’t receive the results you intended, check to see what you communicated. The onus is put on the one transferring their idea. Not the recipient.

In sales, this can be the difference between your prospects buying from you, and not. With four decades of sales experience, including sales management and sales training, I’ve observed, or made, almost every possible mistake in sales and I want to focus on the idea of the illusion that clear communication has taken place. In this article, I’m mainly directing the content to seasoned sales professionals, but it serves as a warning to newbies, as well.

When we first get into a sales role, we have to learn all about the product and/or service we will be selling. As most new salespeople do, we want to share more details than needed because we are so enthusiastic about what we’re selling. We may feel the need to repeat the basics for the sake of the prospects…and our sake.

Then, because we have become so familiar with our product and/or service and have sold to many customers, we begin leaving out important information. We begin assuming that our prospects have a level of knowledge about our products and/or services that we do.. To our prospects, it’s as if we are telling them a story, but we’re starting in the middle of it. They weren’t introduced to the characters, the setting, and many other important details. We conclude the story all proud of our presentation and expect a round of applause, but all we get is a confused look.

As I said previously, If you don’t receive the results you intended, check to see what you communicated. If, instead of a sale you get confusion, several questions about the most basic part of you’re solution, and/or a wealth of stalls and objections, then you know you didn’t communicate what you thought you did.

The Solution

The solution is very basic. When first interacting with prospects, and even customers, ask them to rate themselves on their knowledge base of what you’re offering. “Ms. Prospect, you said on the phone that you’ve been researching a solution for (Their Problem). How would you rate your knowledge on the subject on a scale of 1-10, with “1” being you know very little and “10” being you’re an expert on it? From experience, I suggest taking the number they give you and dropping 1-2 numbers lower when you start educating them in your presentation. This is because people have an ego to protect and will rarely admit to knowing very little.

This one question will make your closing ratio go through the roof and make a significant contribution to your compensation!  You see, you now have a tool to help you tell your story and to start in the right chapter that will make the most sense for your prospects. If they need the most basic information, then you will be the one to share that with them. If they are already educated on the subject, then you won’t lose them in information they already have, making feel like they’re watching someone else’s home movies.

Once you used this question, I’d love to hear back from you about how it worked for you.

Call me at 972.900.9207 or email me at ed@trans-think,com.

Dr. Edward Lewellen is the leading peak performance and mindset expert, a Master Executive Coach, leadership and sales expert, and a keynote speaker for some of the largest global organizations. His list of clients include executives from small to Fortune 500 companies, as well as the NFL, MMA, Professional Boxing, and more.

Time flies and it’s been 10 years since Transformative Thinking, LLC has had a complete makeover of our website. That’s hard to imagine and long overdue!

We scoured the Internet for websites that were related to the solutions we offer to find the best-of-the-best and modeled our new website after their best features and functionality.

We’d love to have you take a look at it and offer suggestions for usability, recommendations for improvements, and, of course, any accolades to let us know what we did right. 

Here’s the link to the website: www.trans-think.com.

Call me at 972.900.9207, email me at ed@trans-think.com, or reach out to me on LinkedIn.

Dr. Edward Lewellen is the leading peak performance and mindset expert, a Master Executive Coach, leadership and sales expert, and a keynote speaker for some of the largest global organizations. His list of clients include executives from small to Fortune 500 companies, as well as the NFL, MMA, Professional Boxing, and more.

Clarity. Focus. Certainty. Power.

 

When I was a kid, I learned the personal power of resilience.  A company called Wham-O came out with the “Super Ball”. It was advertised as having 50,000 pounds of compressed energy. and to bounce higher than any other ball. I just had to have it!

I loved playing with that ball! The harder I would throw the ball against a hard surface, the higher it would bounce. It was amazing to watch it soar way up into the sky. It was extraordinarily resilient! I had to quickly learn to bounce it straight because, when bounced at an angle, it would go where I didn’t want it to go. This meant I spent time chasing it here, there, and everywhere. The Super Ball was very resilient!

At this time in human history, many are finding it ​difficult to be resilient, to bounce back to ‘normal’. But, who’s to say what’s ‘normal’? Was the previous ‘normal’ really all that great? Could there be a better ‘normal’ that we can aspire to?

Lack of Resilience

Resilience is defined as: “the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness.” Apparently, this characteristic is missing from the masses. As a voracious reader, I constantly see articles and posts on Social Media about people feeling burned out, over stressed, unable to cope, and depressed.  They feel overwhelmed by life. They struggle to make choices and decisions. They often feel stuck, adrift, or thwarted. Here are some of the causes that are mentioned over and over:

Working from an officeWorking from homeBeing on too many video callsBeing in the same jobInterviewing for, and starting, a new jobBeing marriedBeing divorcedThe pandemic, global warming, terrorist attacks, and the list goes on.

What is the underlying cause for all of this? The common thread is fear and uncertainty. People are afraid of what they feel no control over. Let’s face it, we always have reasons to be stressed, fearful and uncertain. That’s life. And when people feel this way, they develop strategies for feeling in control and certain, and some of these make little sense, like hoarding toilet paper. But, hey, if it makes them feel a sense of control and it isn’t hurting anyone, more power to them!

What you can control

One of the greatest stories of resilience is Viktor Frankl. His book, “Man’s Search for Meaning” is amazing from beginning to end. According to the Library of Congress, his book is among “the ten most influential books in the United States.”

Frankl was in some of the worst Nazi concentration camps, his wife, daughter, and siblings were killed by the Nazis, he witnessed his fellow prisoners be tortured and torture their own people, and many more atrocities. Yet, within this chaos and mayhem came some of the most significant discoveries about the human psyche when in the most desperate of times.

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

Ultimately, the question is: “What meaning will you create in this moment?”

Frankl elaborated on this question:

“Living itself means nothing other than being questioned [What will you choose to create?]; our whole act of being is nothing more than responding to — of being responsible toward — life. With this mental standpoint nothing can scare us anymore, no future, no apparent lack of a future. Because now the present is everything as it holds the eternally new question of life for us.”

True resilience is powered by living in the present moment and each of us making the choice of what we will create in this moment. As I have taught for years:

” Now is your point of personal power. Five minutes ago means nothing. An hour, a week, a year ago is irrelevant. Now is your moment where you get to choose what your future will be. Now is your point of personal power!”

It takes a person who has a firm grip on their Core Personality, their mission and vision of their life, and to allow their ego to leave behind the times when they were less than the best that they can be to be strong and resilient.

These people aren’t burnt out, overwhelmed, stuck, or unable to cope. They don’t struggle to make choices and decisions. They aren’t adrift and they don’t feel thwarted.

This is how people become when they are my client. They are like that Super Ball with 50,000 pounds of compressed energy that bounces them into the stratosphere of life. They are controlled and directed to get maximum results. They are business owners, executives, entrepreneurs, and high-ticket salespeople who decided that it was time to unleash their full potential. They come from many walks of life: Self-made billionaires to executives in Fortune 100 companies to people who decided to dominate their industry as an entrepreneur or salesperson.

Would you like to join them?

Call me at 972.900.9207, email me at ed@trans-think.com, or reach out to me on LinkedIn.

Dr. Edward Lewellen is the leading peak performance and mindset expert, a Master Executive Coach, leadership and sales expert, and a keynote speaker for some of the largest global organizations. His list of clients include executives from small to Fortune 500 companies, as well as the NFL, MMA, Professional Boxing, and more.

 

The post Your Personal Power of Resilience first appeared on Transformative Thinking.

 

When I was a kid, a company called Wham-O came out with the “Super Ball”. It was advertised as having 50,000 pounds of compressed energy. and to bounce higher than any other ball. I just had to have it! So, I worked hard and earned the money.

I loved playing with that ball! The harder I would throw the ball against a hard surface, the higher it would bounce. It was amazing to watch it soar way up into the sky. It was extraordinarily resilient! I had to quickly learn to bounce it straight because, when bounced at an angle, it would go where I didn’t want it to go. This meant I spent time chasing it here, there, and everywhere. The Super Ball was very resilient!

At this time in human history, many are finding it ​difficult to bounce back to ‘normal’. But, who’s to say what’s ‘normal’? Was the previous ‘normal’ really all that great? Could there be a better ‘normal’ that we can aspire to?

Lack of Resilience

Resilience is defined as: “the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness.” Apparently, this characteristic is missing from the masses. As a voracious reader, I constantly see articles and posts on Social Media about people feeling burned out, over stressed, unable to cope, and depressed.  They feel overwhelmed by life. They struggle to make choices and decisions. They often feel stuck, adrift, or thwarted. Here are some of the causes that are mentioned over and over:

Working from an officeWorking from homeBeing on too many video callsBeing in the same jobInterviewing for, and starting, a new jobBeing marriedBeing divorcedThe pandemic, global warming, terrorist attacks, and the list goes on.

What is the underlying cause for all of this? The common thread is fear and uncertainty. People are afraid of what they feel no control over. Let’s face it, we always have reasons to be stressed, fearful and uncertain. That’s life. And when people feel this way, they develop strategies for feeling in control and certain, and some of these make little sense, like hoarding toilet paper. But, hey, if it makes them feel a sense of control and it isn’t hurting anyone, more power to them!

What you can control

One of the greatest stories of resilience is Viktor Frankl. His book, “Man’s Search for Meaning” is amazing from beginning to end. According to the Library of Congress, his book is among “the ten most influential books in the United States.”

Frankl was in some of the worst Nazi concentration camps, his wife, daughter, and siblings were killed by the Nazis, he witnessed his fellow prisoners be tortured and torture their own people, and many more atrocities. Yet, within this chaos and mayhem came some of the most significant discoveries about the human psyche when in the most desperate of times.

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

Ultimately, the question is: “What meaning will you create in this moment?”

Frankl elaborated on this question:

“Living itself means nothing other than being questioned [What will you choose to create?]; our whole act of being is nothing more than responding to — of being responsible toward — life. With this mental standpoint nothing can scare us anymore, no future, no apparent lack of a future. Because now the present is everything as it holds the eternally new question of life for us.”

True resilience is powered by living in the present moment and each of us making the choice of what we will create in this moment. As I have taught for years:

” Now is your point of personal power. Five minutes ago means nothing. An hour, a week, a year ago is irrelevant. Now is your moment where you get to choose what your future will be. Now is your point of personal power!”

It takes a person who has a firm grip on their Core Personality, their mission and vision of their life, and to allow their ego to leave behind the times when they were less than the best that they can be to be strong and resilient. These people aren’t burnt out, overwhelmed, stuck, or unable to cope. They don’t struggle to make choices and decisions. They aren’t adrift and they don’t feel thwarted.

This is how people become when they are my client. They are like that Super Ball with 50,000 pounds of compressed energy that bounces them into the stratosphere of life. They are controlled and directed to get maximum results. They are business owners, executives, entrepreneurs, and high-ticket salespeople who decided that it was time to unleash their full potential. They come from many walks of life: Self-made billionaires to executives in Fortune 100 companies to people who decided to dominate their industry as an entrepreneur or salesperson.

Would you like to join them?

Call me at 972.900.9207, email me at ed@trans-think,com, or reach out to me here on LinkedIn.

Dr. Edward Lewellen is the leading peak performance and mindset expert, a Master Executive Coach, leadership and sales expert, and a keynote speaker for some of the largest global organizations. His list of clients include executives from small to Fortune 500 companies, as well as the NFL, MMA, Professional Boxing, and more.

 

The post The Personal Power of Resilience first appeared on Transformative Thinking.

This is it! You know it’s your time to shine! All the external “stuff” going on in the world is only incidental to what is happening in yours.

You transcend the pandemic, the dysfunctional government antics across the world, the office politics, and any issues at home as you become your full potential and all of your possibilities. You can feel a sense of clarity, focus, certainty, and power rising from within yourself, as if it’s a volcano just waiting to erupt!

This the year of YOU!

This is an unmistakable journey that you have ventured on for many months, maybe years, and you can see the timeline of special events, breakthroughs, and break-tos that have brought you to this point. Like an elite athlete who has trained for the Olympics, the question is, “Now what?” For the Olympic athlete, the answer is to participate in whatever event(s) that they prepared for.

What is it that you have been preparing for? A new level in your career? Start a business? Become known as an effective leader? Become the top salesperson in your company or industry?

And what will that do for you? After participating in their event(s), most Olympic athletes go into depression. They had singularity of purpose, but to their eventual detriment. Not you. Your purpose goes beyond what you want for yourself and extends benefits to family, friends, acquaintances, and larger and larger circles of influence.

The path to the greatest YOU is never a straight line

Just like every elite athlete and preeminent executive knows, they didn’t get there by themselves. The list of the best-of-the-best who use coaches is long and includes Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, Marilyn Hewson, and Jeff Bezos. They knew that they wanted to be the best; and the quickest, most powerful way to get there was by hiring a trusted coach. Great coaches see things their clients don’t, they can say things their clients (and others) can’t, and they know things their clients don’t, even at the very top.

Beyond their gratefulness for the impact I’ve had on my clients’ businesses, they express appreciation for the great extent their personal lives have been affected. Happier marriages, happier children, lowered stress and anxiety, and more!

Are you spending too much time running your business and not enough time enjoying its success? Then, why not contact me right now to discover what my clients already know?!!!

 

Call me at 972.900.9207, email me at ed@trans-think,com.

 

Dr. Edward Lewellen is the leading peak performance and mindset expert, a Master Executive Coach, leadership and sales expert, and a keynote speaker for some of the largest global organizations. His list of clients include executives from small to Fortune 500 companies, as well as the NFL, MMA, Professional Boxing, and more.The post Is This Your Year? first appeared on Transformative Thinking.

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My dear friend and colleague, Ali Anani, shared a post on 5/27/20 titled, “Is Truth Difficult to Find?” As usual, his post garnered many comments. Most of those that I saw revolved around how to find the truth among all the false information that’s available.

I thought I would share how each person’s mind automatically sorts out their version of the “truth” as an additional resource for anyone who might be interested. The following is an excerpt from my book, The 90-Second Mind Manager with that explanation:

DELETION

We select only some of the available information and leave out a great deal.

How you have ever written an email and, after reviewing it, decided to hit the “Delete” button on all or part of it? How many times have you started to verbally communicate and, after considering what you were about to say, decided to “delete” part or all of what you were about to say? Consciously, and mostly unconsciously, we filter many thousands of pieces of information in a very short space of time. We selectively delete words in our communication and leave others to fill in the gaps. We often omit nouns and verbs and that will often lead to misunderstandings. (In my book are some examples of deletion we use with others, with ourselves, and suggestions on how to correct them)

DISTORTION

Giving a simplified version that distorts the meaning and fits our belief system.

Some examples of Distortion are:

Mind reading – Imputing thoughts of another person

Statement: “I know he hates me”

Questions to ask: How do you know he hates you?

The answer to that might be: “Because he doesn’t call me anymore.”

Questions to ask: Why does it follow that he hates you because he doesn’t call you anymore?

Lost Performatives – This is when a value judgment is made without saying who made it

Statement: “Sensible people agree that children should take all their vaccinations”

Questions to ask: How do you know they are sensible? How do you know children should take all their vaccinations?

Nominalization – This occurs when a verb is made into a noun, which makes it appear like a thing rather than an action.

“Statement: We need more communication”

Questions to ask: How would you know if you had it? What does good communication sound like? How does it make you feel?

Cause and Effect – Using of such words as: because, if, then, makes, and causes.

Statement: “Your comments made me upset.”

Questions to ask: How did you make yourself feel upset by what I said? How did you decide to give me power over you to be able to make you upset?

Complex Equivalence – The use of words such as: means, therefore, implies.

Two statements are joined or linked and giving them the same meaning.

Statement: “Her text was so brief; she must be upset with me.”

Questions to ask: How does writing a short text indicates she is upset with you? Aren’t texts supposed to be short?

Presuppositions – They presuppose that something is true in order to understand the sentence.

Statement: “Have you stopped beating your dog yet?”

Questions to ask: What makes you think I have a dog? What makes you think I beat my dog at all?

GENERALIZATION

Categorize the world in terms of how things are like or different from other things.

When we generalize everything as positive, it is possible to accept poison with the potion. When we generalize everything as negative, we miss out on great opportunities. This takes away our ability to distinguish details and differences. Here are some examples of generalizations:

Modal Operators of Necessity:

Should, shouldn’t, must, mustn’t, need to, have to, supposed to, and many other words and phrases like them cause the mind to feel that there are no options and immediately create stressful sensations in the body.

A corrective to Model Operators of Necessity is to ask questions. If a person says, I should always be on time for appointments.” You can ask, “What happens if you aren’t?”

Model Operators of Possibility:

Can, will, may would, could (Opens up possibilities and options)

Model Operators of Impossibility:

Can’t, won’t, couldn’t (These set the frame of not having possibility or options) A great question to yourself or someone else here is, “What stops you?”

Universal Qualifiers:

Always, never, no one, everyone, all, none

A corrective for Universal Qualifiers is asking a question, like, “There has never in your entire life when ___ didn’t happen?” Or, “There’s not a person on the face of the earth has ever ____?”

Cognitive Qualifiers:

Cognitive qualifiers direct your mind to think of aspects of an experience that are specified by the kind of qualifier used. A cognitive qualifier prepares the mind to respond in a specified way to whatever words follow. Here are examples: Interestingly, curiously, surprisingly, understandably, sadly, happily, regrettably, and unfortunately.

Imagine saying this sentence to yourself, “I am sitting at the desk”. Now add “happily” before the sentence and notice the picture that comes to mind. Now add “sadly” before the sentence and observe how the picture in your mind that you create is different. Whether you use Cognitive Qualifiers with conscious intent or unconsciously, it doesn’t matter. Whether you use Cognitive Qualifiers with your self-talk or with other people, it doesn’t matter. In any of those instances, you are creating expectation in the psyche to feel a certain way about what is said next. As a 90-Second Mind Manager, you’ll want to use them consciously and with good intent. (End of excerpt)

So, you can see how the human mind creates an environment for each person’s version of the “truth” to be maintained and strengthened based on their belief system. In fact, every belief is based on the assumption that what is believed is the “truth”.

However, these beliefs are not permanent.  They can be intentionally transformed through a facilitated process that I use to help my clients overcome beliefs that are no longer useful for them.  Beyond that, it helps them enjoy life to the full, finding happiness, fulfillment, success, and satisfaction!

Please feel free to comment, like and share this article. And, if you would like to interact one-on-one, please contact me at ed@trans-think.com or 972.900.9207.

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My book, The 90-Second Mind Manager, was published June 15, 2015 and I wanted to share the first chapter with you because it exposes you to some different ways of thinking that can change how you interact with the world around you. And, just think, dramatic differences in thinking can take place in 90 seconds, or less!!!

Enjoy!

Chapter 1

Does the 90-Second Mind Manager Really Work?

Many years ago, I had an experience that really frustrated me, not unlike one you may have experienced sometime in your life.  I was driving home and ready to make the final turn into the road my home is on and was almost hit by a person that made a left-hand turn right in front of me.  As I watched her, it was as if she saw my car and decided to proceed, even though she almost caused an accident.

In that split second of time my emotion went from one of horror that this person was endangering me and my family to one of anger.  You know this feeling.  Once that I knew we were all safe, my adrenaline shot up and my anger went with it.  I instantly decided to follow this person to tell them that they are a thoughtless, mindless, and stupid person.  I followed them to their home, which happened to be on my street.  I sat at the end of their driveway waiting for the person to get out of their car.  I even rolled my window down so that I was ready to tell them to remove their head from a place where the sun never shines.  They didn’t get out of their car and only sat and watched to see what I was going to do.  At my wife’s insistence, I finally turned around and headed home.

Now, after having time to think about the situation, I asked myself what good would have been done had I satisfied my desire to let the person know my feelings about them and their lack of driving prowess.  In reality, probably none.  They put others in danger just so they could get home quickly and, somehow, they rationalized their actions.  What bothers me most about this situation is this; What would have happened had I interacted with this person and let my emotions drive the behaviors?  The possibilities are endless: They range from apologies to violence with one or both of us going to jail.

Here’s what’s important and why I shared this story with you; with the passing of a few seconds of time (no more than 90 seconds to be exact) my reaction to the circumstances could have changed, even though the circumstances remained the same.

Now, think about times when something similar has happened to you.  Do you remember what you felt?  More importantly, can you identify the circumstances that occurred that primed you to react the way you did?  I relate these times to being like leaving voicemail.  Remember a time when you left a voicemail and said something you wanted to take back or said something in a way you wish you wouldn’t have?  When those things happen, you want to be able to push a “Retrieve” button and start over, don’t you?  It would be even better if you and I said and did the right things the first time, every time.

That is the intent of this book. We can reclaim the power we have over our emotions, thoughts, and beliefs so that better decisions can be made and we can create the future we truly desire.

The first example I shared of how The 90-Second Mind Manager has application is one of an everyday occurrence, at least in Dallas, TX.  Do the contents of the book really work in more dramatic, life-altering occurrences?  What I’m about to share with you is a very personal experience to show you how powerful being a 90-Second Mind Manager can be.  And, what area can have more impact on your life than death?

Our social conditioning through our background, environment, and beliefs tell us that when someone we love dies there must be an extended period grief. Yet, did you know that a person could complete the grieving process in one day…maybe less? But, here’s why we don’t: Our culture (our background, environment, and beliefs) in the Western World would frown on that. Our love for the deceased would be questioned because of the seeming lack of compassion and emotion. I experienced this myself when my 36-year-old daughter died the morning of March 31, 2013.

My daughter had experienced three types of cancer for about two years, then, she went into what the doctors called “full remission”. Six months later, her cancer came back…and with a vengeance. It took only a few weeks for her to succumb to the cancer and die.  The last time I saw my daughter alive, I remember seeing her lying in the bed and looking up at me and my daughter’s last words to me were, “Daddy, when I think of God, I think of you.”

During the previous six months, I had orchestrated a two-day business conference with 14 speakers over those two days that was scheduled to take place three days after my daughter’s death.  I was the person that assembled the entire event.  If I didn’t show up, the event wouldn’t happen and I couldn’t disappoint the speakers and attendees who had invested time and money in this event.  How was I going to successfully conduct a two-day conference only three days after the death of my only daughter?  I used the process that I’m going to share with you:

My current environment that I had created as a thought and community leader served as a source of strength, along with the wonderful people I had surrounding me.
My background of past experiences with death of loved ones served to remind me that after the death of someone you love what is most important and most significant is how that loved one is remembered.
My education in religious teachings and philosophies helped me to understand the broader context of death. The choices of meaning a person can give to death and the expectations of different cultures and societies all affects us.  I was also aware that, in reality, people don’t need lengthy and drawn-out grieving processes.
My own belief system of how the human mind and emotions can be easily managed through creating “contracts” with it. For example, at the time of my daughter’s death, I made a contract with my mind and emotions that I would hold off grieving until after the conference and then would I follow through with the grieving process. After the conference, I followed through and completed that “contract”.

As expected, people attempted to make me feel guilty because I didn’t publicly grieve. They wondered how I could carry on with life so quickly and not be absorbed and drowning in grief.  I had grieved the amount a human really needs… not what society or culture demands.

About two weeks after my daughter’s funeral I was lying in bed with my wife (not the mother of my daughter).  Out of the darkness of our bedroom came the sudden remark, “You need to grieve more”.  I replied, “I have grieved.”  To which she replied, “But, you need to grieve more.  You haven’t cried enough.  You need to let it out.”  I sat up in bed and said, “So, you want me to cry and carry on like most people do because you think I need that.  I don’t.  I’ve cried alone and had my times of grieving.  What you’re asking me to do is to give the same meaning that most people do to death:  To feel sorry for myself that she’s no longer here and to feel bad for me.  That’s not the meaning I choose to give to the death of my daughter.  I choose to give her death a higher meaning by celebrating her life.  I choose to remember her alive and well.  I choose to remember the little girl with the fuzzy head of hair that always wanted to stop and inspect the flowers, rocks, and every little thing as we walked.  I choose to remember the beautiful young woman who, even when she was in her wheelchair knowing she was going to die soon, would light up the room with her bright smile and cheerful voice when she entered.  That’s the memory I choose to have of my daughter.”

Isn’t it interesting that, somehow, vague, made-up time frames have been put in place that say “If you don’t grieve this long then you really didn’t love that person”? Think about grown children whose parent has died insist that the surviving parent wait a year or longer before dating. What a burden to place on someone because of a made-up tradition!

In some cultures it is considered in bad-taste to weep and mourn at a funeral. They believe that God always knows the right time for us to leave the earth and that death is graduation. Some also believe that grieving at someone’s death is a lack of knowledge of life and would be showing selfishness. Since the person has gone to a better place, they’re feeling sorry for no one but themselves and the loss they are experiencing. Even here in the U.S., some families have chosen to have a “Celebration of Life” ceremony versus a funeral because they choose to give the meaning of appreciation and happiness to the life of the deceased, instead of mourning their own loss.

As you will discover, becoming a 90-Second Mind Manager has major implications in how you can learn to manage the “little” things in life, as well as life’s most important aspects.

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If you would like to get a copy of The 90-Second Mind Manager, here is a link: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/540978.  Or, you can go to almost any other online bookstore.

Does your organization need a speaker who will not only educate and inform, but entertain so as to get maximum ROI from your people’s time?  Call me at 972.900.9207 or email me at ed@trans-think.com.

Dr. Edward Lewellen is an expert in creating methodologies for people to learn to use their mind; their beliefs, thoughts, and behaviors, and put them back in control of their lives and become top-producers. He is a Master Executive Coach, leadership and sales expert, and keynote speaker for some of the largest global organizations.

Author of:

Life Mastery: The Fully Functional Life

The 90-Second Mind Manager

 

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Retreating into your own mind is a scary thought for many people.  Why?  Because they have a host of thoughts going on that cause them discomfort, stress, and pain.  So, how could Marcus Aurelius say the following?

“People look for retreats for themselves, in the country, by the coast, or in the hills . . . There is nowhere that a person can find a more peaceful and trouble-free retreat than in his own mind. . . . So constantly give yourself this retreat, and renew yourself.” – Marcus Aurelius

The context in which Aurelius said the above quote was in his writing about how many of the things people concern themselves with are small and insignificant in the grand scheme of life and the universe.

However, when it is you who has the concern, the problem, the challenge, along with the stress and pain associated with it, that’s as real as it gets.  It’s as if that concern, problem and pain is the present, even if it’s something happened in the past or something that hasn’t happened in the future.

People use a variety of things to quiet those nagging thoughts.  They never allow themselves to be without noise so they can drown out their own thoughts.  The car’s sound system blasts out songs and podcasts so they don’t have to hear those thoughts ruminating.  They make phone call after phone call so they don’t have time to think.  They watch TV shows and movies marathon-style to occupy their thinking.  They go from one Social Media site to another to keep from hearing their own thoughts.

Yet, as Aurelius pointed out, and those who have found peace within their own minds through various methods can attest, your mind can be the most restorative place you can ever be.

How to make your mind a place of retreat

Meditation, yoga, and mindfulness are a few ways people attempt to make their mind a peaceful place.   Others have used drugs, like LSD, marijuana, and ayauasca.  And many amazing changes have happened through those modalities.

What I have found working with clients for over 30 years is that the reason the mind becomes a villain, instead of a peacemaker, is the accumulation of stress. By removing the aggregated stress, the mind is able to get out of survival mode and back into the at-ease state it’s meant to be in.  (For an in-depth discussion on Theory of Mind and Consciousness, see my article HERE).

This is like pushing a “reset button”, releasing the pent-up stress and allowing the mind and body to truly relax.  Once in that state, then a person is at their baseline and can begin tapping into their full potential and all their possibilities.  All that energy they had been expending on fighting off negative thinking is now used for growth.

That may be finding the confidence, power, focus, and certainty they needed to create their definition of success. It might be dissolving past hurts, habits, hang-ups, and limiting beliefs that had been holding them captive to the past and causing relationship problems (personally and professionally), low-performance in their jobs, and a general feeling of being “stuck”.

There are many articles here on ThriveGlobal.com that share how people start creating their mind into a place they can go for a retreat of peace and introspection.  I encourage you to find what works for you, just like the person in the video below has.  If you want to learn how she made her mind a place of retreat, feel free to contact me!

For more information, contact Dr. Lewellen at 972.900.9207 or ed@trans-think.com

Dr. Edward Lewellen is an expert in creating methodologies for people to learn to use their mind; their beliefs, thoughts, and behaviors, and put them back in control of their lives and become top-producers. He is a Master Executive Coach, leadership and sales expert, and keynote speaker for some of the largest global organizations.

Author of:

Life Mastery: The Fully Functional Life

The 90-Second Mind Manager

 

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Have you ever experienced that “voice” in your head? Everyone has. Many have wondered; Why does it seem to nag us with mostly negative thoughts? Let’s look into the human mind to discover the answer as it can dramatically change your life!

Consciousness

What “Consciousness” is has been debated for
centuries and we still don’t have a definitive answer to this day. The simplest
definition I’ve found is “Being aware that we are aware.” As an
example, when you look in a mirror, you know it’s you. You recognize you and
you know you are separate and distinct from every other person. This is due to
the parts of our brain called the Fusiform Gyrus and the Insular Cortex. The
Fusiform Gyrus is for facial, number, and letter recognition and the Insular
Cortex tells you that you are you and not someone else. As the name suggests,
it insulates you. The Insular Cortex also attaches social emotions to faces and
sensations within the body.

Theory of Mind (ToM)

According to Neuroscientists at MIT, ToM is the ability to
“read” other people’s minds; it’s our ability to hold beliefs, and
it’s the ability to consider such things as the vastness of the universe and
God. ToM primarily involves the Right Temporal Parietal Junction (RTPJ), which
develops around 8-years-old. This small region of the brain is located just
above and behind our right ear. ToM also involves other important areas of our
brain, such as Mirror (Predictive) Neurons, which are subdivided into three
distinct areas; short-term, mid-term, and long-term. We learn to anticipate, or
predict, what other people are going to do based on previous experiences and
patterns. When we see a person raising their hand in a specific way, we predict
they want permission to speak. When they raise it in a different way, we predict
they are going to strike another person. The mid and long-term Mirror Neurons
go much deeper. They predict and interpret thoughts, intentions, and behaviors
in others; past, current, and future.

Mirror Neurons also cause us to mirror and empathize with
the feelings of others. When you see someone in a movie get shot by a bullet,
pierced with a knife, or harmed in some other way, you find yourself holding
onto the same body part where the person was harmed. When you watch a sporting
event and someone falls, gets hurt, or wins the event, you “feel”
what they are feeling. Interestingly, the only thing keeping you from believing
it actually happened to you is the Insular Cortex, it isolates you from
thinking you are someone else and experiencing what they are experiencing.

The Voice in Your Head

This amazing tool we have in our head, our brain, is
extremely complex. Yet, we are beginning to understand it much better. That
voice in your head is consciousness and part of being conscious is Theory of
Mind. You are conscious that you have beliefs. You are conscious of what you,
and other people, are doing, saying, feeling, and thinking. You are conscious
of the contemplation of God, the universe, and of life. Because we are
conscious and we contemplate these things, we form beliefs, which are rules and
generalizations for life we form based on what we are taught and have
experienced. These beliefs create our thoughts and our thoughts create our
behaviors.

Because these are our beliefs and we have formed them, this
means we can control them. Most people, though, allow themselves to become
victims of their beliefs and thoughts. In fact, most societies teach us that we
have no control over our beliefs and thoughts. We are taught that it’s ‘just
the way we are’. This creates a victim mentality. Let me give you a few
examples:

“People don’t like me and are always talking negatively
behind my back”

“I might as well eat that piece chocolate cake, I’m
already fat”

“I can never talk to my spouse about my feelings. They
never understand me”

“I’m so depressed. Life just isn’t worth living. I
should kill myself. Everyone would be happier if I was gone”

“I know what I want to do is a sin, but it would feel
so good. I really, really want to do it. It must be the Devil making me feel
this way, because I know it’s wrong and I just can’t stop myself”

“I’m no good at my job. I try really hard, but I can’t
get ahead. I might as well give up. I’m useless”

Having been a pastor for many years, I’ve also had people
tell me the following true-life stories:

“God spoke to us and told us to sell all our belongings
and become missionaries” (The couple came back a few months later broken
in spirit and financially)

“God told me in a dream that I should leave my husband
and kids to marry another man” (The woman had been planning for months to
divorce her husband when, suddenly, she was given this dream. Her life turned
out terribly)

“God chose me to be a special vessel and wants me to
tell the church to follow the directions He’s given me” (This person had
recently fallen out of favor with church leaders and had been removed from a
special position within the church. This special “choosing” of him gave him a
sense of value again.)

“While I was driving, God told me to let go of the
steering wheel because He wanted to show me that He’s in control of
everything” (This woman had an accident and barely escaped with her life)

My point is that what I have experienced working with
thousands of people over the years is that the voice in our head is our own
beliefs and thoughts ruminating. It’s Theory of Mind out of control. And,
because we are not taught that we can control our thoughts, we believe we are
victims to them. Being a victim and under someone else’s control is also the
easy way out if there is something we want to do, but we have been told it is
prohibited.

So, then, people can say, “It wasn’t me; it was them,
they, him, her, God, the Devil”. It was someone else who influenced their
thinking and caused them to behave in a certain way. (I realize that there is a
theological discussion that can be had around whether, and how, God and the
Devil speak to people. My intent here is to share that, in my experience, it
has been people’s own internal dialogue causing the situations and not someone
from the spirit realm)

What can we do to regain control of our beliefs and thoughts?

Be aware that negative beliefs and thoughts will insidiously
take over when positive beliefs and thoughts are absent. How is it that the
negative override the positive? Negative beliefs and thoughts carry a more
powerful emotional impact than positive; therefore, they more easily engage
your thinking.

First, pay attention to what you pay attention. Where attention goes, energy flows. The more you think about something, the more mental, emotional, and physical energy you give it. When you find yourself daydreaming, what is it that you find yourself thinking about? You may find that you’re dwelling on thoughts that are self-sabotaging and limiting. If you want to identify what you think about most, take the time to make a note on your phone’s calendar each time you catch yourself thinking about positive and negative things. This will give you an idea of what your thought pattern is.

And, there are techniques that I use to rewire the brain to

think positive more consistentlyto have emotions and release them quickly (in less than 90 seconds!)to look at situations with no emotion, only intellectuallyto let go of hurts, habits, hang-ups, and limiting beliefsand other life-changing mental transformations!

Would you like to learn more? Contact me TODAY at 972.900.9207 and ed@trans-think.com.

Dr. Edward Lewellen is an expert in creating
methodologies for people to learn to use their mind; their beliefs, thoughts,
and behaviors, and put them back in control of their lives and become
top-producers. He is a Master Executive Coach, leadership and sales expert, and
keynote speaker for some of the largest global organizations.

Author of :

Life Mastery: The Fully Functional Life

The 90-Second Mind Manager