Jonathan Heatt's Blog: Teaching Snapping Turtles - Posts Tagged "gonzo"

I was cleaning my phone today (a 21st century chore), and came across several texts that I sent to misc people the past few years that made me chortle. So I figure I'd share them.

These texts were sent all hours of the day & night...and most for no sane reason at all:

-I got restless bowel syndrome.

-My farts smell like a Calcutta sewer system.

-I'm in the front yard forming like Voltron.

-Tuck those chins in soldier.

-What do you call two lesbian gymnasts going at it? Lickety splits.

-My stomach's growling like Cujo.

-Gary Coleman used to shower at Penn State.

-I need a trebuchet to get off the couch.

-My liver feels like Chuck Norris just sparred with it.

-My kidneys feel like Jet Li been using them as speedbags.

-Found the perfect hooker for you: a Syrian refugee with ringworm.

-Just made the best ribs ever. Tender as twat!

-U silly sucker, go get me my ends!

-I should produce a series of found footage pornos and title them Penisnormal Activities.

-Chevy Chase has a twin brother named Ford Follows.

-What is it called when a dude eats a sick snatch? Flu Man Chew.

-My gonads are like nomads.

-Loose stools stink ships.

-Rodents are on the loose and the world is out of mousetraps.

-I sent a 3 lb package of Kush to you. Deliver it to Purple Queefle Eater at Lyman Harbor Sept 1st or there's gonna be Bad Trouble.

-The Deal has been made and your name is on the line. Haitians w/uzis are the recipients. Dreads.

-My brain is a high-powered relic beyond disrepair that runs on fumes.

-Sharted yesterday after eating too much sweet corn. No time to be forcing a fart. Finna box up these boxers and mail them to you for posterity purposes.

[There's more gonzo texts. I'll post Part 2 next week]

I'm developing my own style/genre of writing tentatively called The Illogical School of Irrationality. I got the idea thinking about AI and how people are now using AI to write books. The only things that will separate original writers from the AI crap are humor and poetry, the more illogical or irrational the better.

AI cannot duplicate those unique traits that only come from the human mind. On a philosophical level, we live in a chaotic world rife with corruption and evil, so thinking opposite of that is a rejection of such a world and yearning for a better one.

We are constantly besieged by mind-control methods of propagandized politics, mass media, putrid pop culture, and ad-induced materialism that tell us what to think. To be illogical today is a badge of honor.

Historically, rationality has been weaponized. Why did people freely follow orders and march into concentration camps during WWII? Because "authorities" told them to and it was the rational and logical thing to do. Why do people today take the mRNA vaccines and boosters when they clearly don't work and cause heart issues? Because the authorities said so and it is the logical and rational thing to do. Why do people pay taxes and not revolt? Because authorities say so and it is logical and rational to pay even though we have no say where the money goes.

So, I'm starting my own style of writing that is opposite of that, hence the name The Illogical School of Irrationality. It probably won't win me any publishing awards, but it's rejuvenated my writing.

Bedouin in a Fallen Desert, my next poetry book, will be the first official book written in that style.

To the manipulated masses it seems perfectly rational to follow the experts, who are really Judas Goats leading them to authoritative prisons. Bill Gates, Peter Thiel, Sam Altman, Elon Musk, and Zuckerberg are just a few, yet they follow orders like me and you. Bankers and Industrialists dictate the news. Lies are what they spew. I thought you knew?

Mossad/CIA/DARPA tell you what to do. A basic set of rules yet never question who rules over you.