To be honest, I don't know where to start except to acknowledge that I have not blogged in a really long time. Anyone who knows me knows that I frequently ask and answer my own questions, so here it goes.

1. Did I ever stop writing entirely?
Absolutely not. Some people need to visualize things. I need to write through things to make sense of them or at least attempt to make sense of things.

2. Am I still proud of Holding On and Letting Go?
Yes, absolutely. I adamantly believe that mental health needs to be talked about more openly. Holding On and Letting Go does that, and I am absolutely grateful to everyone who has reached out to me after reading it to thank me for writing so honestly about mental health and grief. I will always have the softest spot for those characters.

3. Why the radio silence?
Honestly, several reasons. First, life happened which is to say things did not go according to plan. Second, while I fully acknowledge I’m lucky to have had my first book published so young, I also felt muzzled a little bit as a female in my late 20s. Young females get a lot of mixed messages. It’s okay to make some noise but not too much noise. It’s okay to have opinions as long as they're the right opinions and not offensive. Before I ever signed a book contract, I signed a Cardinal Clause to teach at a Catholic school which basically meant I acknowledged that I represented Catholicism in and out of work hours. It was a little challenging to do that when my personal beliefs don’t always align with the Catholic Church’s beliefs. While trying to navigate external obstacles, I was also trying to navigate some internal ones. Was I actually a decent writer or was it all just a fluke? Prior to publishing that novel, I would have never put “writer” in the same sentence as my name. To be honest, I still wouldn't do that. I see myself more as a human being from Pittsburgh. Labels are overrated.

4. What has changed to make me break radio silence and return to my name?
Absolutely everything. In the past few years, my life has changed dramatically in a lot of ways. The world has changed in a lot of ways. Mainly, I’m not an anxious female in my 20s who is interested in being a people pleaser anymore. If I had to identify a tipping point for me, I would say it was when a male contractor made me say “please” if I expected him to answer any of my questions. He would not have done that if I was a male. Truly, I was speechless for the first and only time in my adult life. That one chauvinistic contractor both solidified and amplified any ideas I had about about gender inequality in this country. I not only have a loud voice when I speak, but I also have a very strong and identifiable voice in my writing. Going along to get along is a privilege, but it is also apathetic. I don’t think I have or even want the luxury of being apathetic anymore.

Now, on a good day, I get called a "badass" for my willingness to speak up for people who are less privileged than I am. On the other 20 something days of a month, I'm "mean," "aggressive," "brash," and "too much." There are some other less pleasant words in there, but alas, there are some swear words I won't use or touch. I don't want to be a "badass" or "brash." I certainly prefer the former to the latter. With that said, I primarily just want to be "a decent human being," but I don't know if I will see that title in my lifetime.

5. What have I been writing?
Honestly, a lot across different genres. The only two genres I won’t go anywhere near are historical fiction and erotica. I don’t read books in those genres. I would put history as my weakest subject; as for erotica, it’s a strong but polite “not for me” in having any interest in reading or writing it.

Instead, I have been working on two contemporary novels, two YA novel, a satire, and an anthology of poetry. As someone who actively avoided literature classes focused on poetry in college, I can honestly say I didn’t see that last turn of the screw coming. Now, I find myself writing poetry whenever I have a few minutes. It forces me to be be a little more precise in my language and creative in my phrasing. Likewise, 35 year old me would like to thank the overly ambitious teenage me who wrote my own melodies out on sheet music while playing the piano. I totally forgot that I ever did that, and I was shocked when I found the sheet music in late August. Playing around with poetry and music has made me more aware of cadence and pacing. Unfortunately, the only real way to grow and improve is to stretch even when it's scary and uncomfortable. Up until this year, I didn't dare set a foot on the poetry or nonfiction terrain. I appreciated it from a safe distance with binoculars, and I wasn't interested in sticking any of my extremities outside of the vehicle.

6. What’s next for me?
Everything and anything. Like everyone else, I did not see 2020 coming. I can't predict the election results or how the year will end. I do know that 2021 will see me return to publishing as I have some stories to tell and things to say. I also know I won't ever publish under a pseudonym again because I've hit the point where I'm willing and able to stand by the things I write.

You can follow me on Twitter @KA_Coleman.