K.A. Coleman's Blog

To be honest, I don't know where to start except to acknowledge that I have not blogged in a really long time. Anyone who knows me knows that I frequently ask and answer my own questions, so here it goes.

1. Did I ever stop writing entirely?
Absolutely not. Some people need to visualize things. I need to write through things to make sense of them or at least attempt to make sense of things.

2. Am I still proud of Holding On and Letting Go?
Yes, absolutely. I adamantly believe that mental health needs to be talked about more openly. Holding On and Letting Go does that, and I am absolutely grateful to everyone who has reached out to me after reading it to thank me for writing so honestly about mental health and grief. I will always have the softest spot for those characters.

3. Why the radio silence?
Honestly, several reasons. First, life happened which is to say things did not go according to plan. Second, while I fully acknowledge I’m lucky to have had my first book published so young, I also felt muzzled a little bit as a female in my late 20s. Young females get a lot of mixed messages. It’s okay to make some noise but not too much noise. It’s okay to have opinions as long as they're the right opinions and not offensive. Before I ever signed a book contract, I signed a Cardinal Clause to teach at a Catholic school which basically meant I acknowledged that I represented Catholicism in and out of work hours. It was a little challenging to do that when my personal beliefs don’t always align with the Catholic Church’s beliefs. While trying to navigate external obstacles, I was also trying to navigate some internal ones. Was I actually a decent writer or was it all just a fluke? Prior to publishing that novel, I would have never put “writer” in the same sentence as my name. To be honest, I still wouldn't do that. I see myself more as a human being from Pittsburgh. Labels are overrated.

4. What has changed to make me break radio silence and return to my name?
Absolutely everything. In the past few years, my life has changed dramatically in a lot of ways. The world has changed in a lot of ways. Mainly, I’m not an anxious female in my 20s who is interested in being a people pleaser anymore. If I had to identify a tipping point for me, I would say it was when a male contractor made me say “please” if I expected him to answer any of my questions. He would not have done that if I was a male. Truly, I was speechless for the first and only time in my adult life. That one chauvinistic contractor both solidified and amplified any ideas I had about about gender inequality in this country. I not only have a loud voice when I speak, but I also have a very strong and identifiable voice in my writing. Going along to get along is a privilege, but it is also apathetic. I don’t think I have or even want the luxury of being apathetic anymore.

Now, on a good day, I get called a "badass" for my willingness to speak up for people who are less privileged than I am. On the other 20 something days of a month, I'm "mean," "aggressive," "brash," and "too much." There are some other less pleasant words in there, but alas, there are some swear words I won't use or touch. I don't want to be a "badass" or "brash." I certainly prefer the former to the latter. With that said, I primarily just want to be "a decent human being," but I don't know if I will see that title in my lifetime.

5. What have I been writing?
Honestly, a lot across different genres. The only two genres I won’t go anywhere near are historical fiction and erotica. I don’t read books in those genres. I would put history as my weakest subject; as for erotica, it’s a strong but polite “not for me” in having any interest in reading or writing it.

Instead, I have been working on two contemporary novels, two YA novel, a satire, and an anthology of poetry. As someone who actively avoided literature classes focused on poetry in college, I can honestly say I didn’t see that last turn of the screw coming. Now, I find myself writing poetry whenever I have a few minutes. It forces me to be be a little more precise in my language and creative in my phrasing. Likewise, 35 year old me would like to thank the overly ambitious teenage me who wrote my own melodies out on sheet music while playing the piano. I totally forgot that I ever did that, and I was shocked when I found the sheet music in late August. Playing around with poetry and music has made me more aware of cadence and pacing. Unfortunately, the only real way to grow and improve is to stretch even when it's scary and uncomfortable. Up until this year, I didn't dare set a foot on the poetry or nonfiction terrain. I appreciated it from a safe distance with binoculars, and I wasn't interested in sticking any of my extremities outside of the vehicle.

6. What’s next for me?
Everything and anything. Like everyone else, I did not see 2020 coming. I can't predict the election results or how the year will end. I do know that 2021 will see me return to publishing as I have some stories to tell and things to say. I also know I won't ever publish under a pseudonym again because I've hit the point where I'm willing and able to stand by the things I write.

You can follow me on Twitter @KA_Coleman.

I don't like goodbyes. I don't think many people do. In fact, I fear that I will be too emotional to write this particular goodbye in two weeks. Rather than write an exceptionally sad post about leaving Pittsburgh, I would rather focus on people and this city have given me.

To My Parents-- Though we will live in different states for the first time, I know I will be okay and our relationship will stay strong. Though I will be the first to admit I am spoiled, you have also taught me how to stand on my own two feet and to hang in there even when things are tough. Every good part of me comes from one of you, and I know that will stay with me no matter where I live. Thank you for staying on the emotional roller coaster of raising me. I know I did not make it easy. Mom, you will forever be the voice in my head telling me to do the right thing even when I really don't want to do it. I love you both.

To My Friends-- We will be okay. Distance has separated us before, and we have survived it. I know you will answer my random texts even if we haven't spoken in months. I know you will be there when I need you. I know I will be there when you need me. Friendship, at its best, is beautiful and unwavering. I'm so incredibly lucky and grateful to have you for friends. You have an open invite to visit DC. I will miss you all so much. I couldn't replace any of you even if I tried which we all know I won't do.

To My Coworkers-- Honestly, I didn't go into this job looking to make friends. I'm a little bit of a Ron Swanson. Despite my dripping sarcasm and my best efforts to remain aloof, a few of you snuck under the friendship radar. Sincerely, thank you for being there through the better and worse days. Thank you for listening to me without judgment or gossiping about me. Thank you for answering my midnight texts about whether or not tomorrow was indeed a dress down day. I'll miss you.

To Current and Former Students-- Thank you. You have taught me to think before I speak as you will remember whatever I said even when I inevitably don't. You have made me laugh on days I didn't think I could laugh. You have given me so much hope for the future. I hope that you are brave enough to chase your dreams. Here are some of the things we forget to tell you in the classroom. We do worry about you. We always want the best for you. Yes, even when we are yelling, we still want the best for you. We hope that you are strong enough to be yourself. We remember you long after you graduate, and we hope that you are happy and doing something you love. This goodbye may actually be the toughest because I don't know how many of you I will see again. Please know that I'm always rooting for you. Just from a different state now.

Pittsburgh-- I have loved and hated you. I love that most people are friendly here, and it's almost impossible to leave the house without running into someone I know. I hate that it is often cold and raining. Ironically, I am writing this on a very sunny day. I'm sure it will be beautiful the day I leave. I'm a Pittsburgher. I have a feeling that is going to stay with me no matter where I go. Pittsburgh has been the backdrop to all of my greatest successes. The city has also witnessed some of the hardest days of my life. In the end, Pittsburgh has given me a backbone of steel which is a very fitting parting gift. Go Pirates! Go Pens! Hail to Pitt!

With all of that said, Virginia, the bar is set high for you. You're going to have to work a little bit to earn my love. I have a feeling the food and shopping will help. I would have said history, but I really do like food.

Pittsburgh, may we meet again.

When I was considering doing this series of interviews, Susie Meister was an easy choice. Susie Meister began her reality career when she was just 18 years old on MTV's Road Rules. Susie went on to compete on five MTV Challenges and an additional season of Road Rules. As a fan of the show but someone who would never want to live in a house with strangers, I was always impressed with how Susie handled herself on these shows. On television in general and reality television especially, we tend to see several stereotypes of women perpetuated: the pushover, the weak link, the slut, the drunk, and the mean girl. What continually impressed me about Susie was that she made it very hard for producers to put her in any of those categories. She continually won elimination rounds and competitions. She stood up for herself with no hesitation. One of my favorite Challenge moments was when Susie basically threatened to sit on the start line if a male on her team didn't start to be respectful of her earned spot in the final challenge. Maybe more importantly, Susie presented herself as an articulate and strong woman. It is what she has done beyond the scope of The Challenge that I find most impressive. She has a doctorate in religious studies from the University of Pittsburgh. On average, studies show that approximately five out of ten students who begin a Ph.D finish it. It's no easy feat. In addition to being a proud mom, Susie hosts her own podcast series which I highly recommend as the podcasts are a great mix of humor and intellectual discussion. She is also currently working on writing a book.


What was the first thing you wanted to be when you were a child?
SM: I always wanted to perform. I loved being on stage--singing, acting, hosting--even when I was a youngster.


You have such an interesting background. While appearing on several Challenges on MTV, you also completed your doctorate at the University of Pittsburgh. What made you pursue those two things?
SM: I decided to go on Road Rules when I was 18 because I saw it as a great way to see the world and get in front of an audience. After my first season I realized that I wanted to education and credibility for my life after television. Religious Studies came naturally because I grew up very religious and loved studying it. I'm glad I got to do both things!


There are plenty of barriers and stereotypes for women in academia and on television. Did you ever face any? If so, how did you handle them?
SM:I have experienced lots of stereotypes (e.g. blonde, young, female...) and biases (e.g. men are "stronger") in real life and on the shows. They aren't fair, and I really resent them, but I just try to overcome through example. I know that I'm capable and competent, and try to show that. I'm not good at everything, but we all have gifts and talents that are separate from our gender.


What are your goals now?
SM: I'm working on lots of projects, and really enjoy bridging the gap between my academic work and my pop culture interests. I'm writing a book called Being Jesus, where I interview the actors who have played Jesus to see how it affected their faith, life, etc... I also pitch lots of shows to networks that deal with religion in varying way. I love being a wife and mom, and I also love having a career. I do everything better when I have time to pursue my own professional interests.


What is the biggest obstacle you have had to overcome?
SM: The biggest obstacle I have is my own inner monologue that so many of us have. Thoughts of inadequacy or wanting to quit are everyone's biggest challenge. If you can dull that voice and listen to the one that says to do your best every day, then you'll go places. Just keep going.


Who are some of your female role models?
SM: I love Lisa Ling. Her journalism is amazing, and her work with people who otherwise wouldn't have a voice is tremendous. I love Diane Sawyer for the same reasons. I'm inspired by female comedians and authors. Women who speak their voice and don't let their opinions be muted by media, men, society. Those women rock!


What advice would you give to a 13 year old girl?
SM: I really feel for girls growing up now with social media and online bullying. I think the pressure to be "perfect" is more intense than ever. What makes a girl (anyone!) really special though is when they feel comfortable with who they are. I'm not always good at this, but I certainly try every day. I hope teenage girls don't get caught up in "keeping up with the Kardashians," but instead try to keep up with their best selves.


You can follow Susie on Twitter @Susie_Meister. Her twitter account is genuinely funny and one of my favorites. You you can find her podcasts on both iTunes and her website, http://www.susiemeister.com. A huge thank you to Susie for answering these questions. Personally, I don't keep up with the Kardashians, but I do listen to Susie's podcasts.

Next week, we will hear from an endocrinologist.

These next two women and twin sisters are flat out heroes. Between Cara and Danielle Pozun, they have served multiple tours with the Air Force over seas, including three tours in Afghanistan. Danielle graduated from the Air Force Academy, and Cara graduated from West Chester University. Both are currently Captains in the Air Force. I don't know that I can accurately put into words how strong these two women are which is saying quite a bit as I really enjoy words. While I complain about planking for a minute, they are running full marathons in gear with weighted bags. While I get annoyed by the lack of respect given to the comma, they are fighting for our country and human rights. They give me a great deal of perspective. I am and will always be grateful for the sacrifices they make. The sacrifices they and their family make are significant, and I am sincerely in awe of both of them. Let's talk about what it really means to fight like a girl.


What was the first thing you wanted to be when you were a child?

Danielle: I wanted to be a doctor or chef in the Army.
Cara: I think I wanted to be a scientist in 5th grade. I really liked my teacher and actually enjoyed science. Those feelings went away quickly as I realized all of the science genes went to my brother, Zach. I enjoy the science of the human body and topics such as Anatomy and Physiology, but I can’t comprehend the concepts of chemistry. Anyways, I wanted to be a scientist and then there was a long period of time when I wanted to be an actress which also went away when I realized I couldn’t act!!



What made you get into the Air Force? Your bravery and athleticism astounds me. I know how many marathons you do. I tried to do half of your workout one day with you, and I could barely climb stairs for a week after that. I suspect I would make it two minutes in the Air Force. Maybe less.

Danielle: When I was about 8 or 9, my cousin Joe commissioned in the Army and became a Green Beret. I wanted to be just like him. Then, after going to the Air and Space Museum in D.C, I decided I was going to join the Air Force.
Cara: You would make it in the Air Force! I think I always wanted to be in the military. I wasn’t sure it what capacity, but I knew it was a good fit for me. I think that had to do a lot with my cousin Joe, who would have Danielle and I grab on his legs as he did pull-ups from a tree. He wrote me a letter when he was in basic, and I clearly remember seeing military time in the corner and it was really interesting to hear his stories. Danielle always wanted to go to the Academy, so she talked to me. In between my first and second semester of college, I decided to apply to an Air Force ROTC unit and join the Air Force.



What are your goals now?

Danielle: In June, I will switch to the Marine Corps, and my goal is to be an expert at my job and take care of my Marines. After the military, I plan to start a n0n-profit organization helping at-risk teenagers.
Cara: I’d like to continue to further my education and get a master’s degree, and I want to keep running marathons and ultra marathons. My 2015 goal is to run the Arkansas Traveller 100 mile race here in the Ouachita National Forest. I’ve also been taking Shanty to dog school and she’s about to start the Good Citizen Class. My goal (andDanielle’s) is to get her certified as a therapy dog. They have opportunities for her to be a therapy dog at the Arkansas Children’s Hospital, and there’s a program called “Tail Waggin’ Tutors” that helps children who have difficulty reading. Basically, they read to a dog because dogs are nonjudgemental so they feel more comfortable!



What is the biggest obstacle you have overcome?

Danielle: I struggled with eating issues for years. It took me a long time to realize that the number on the scale doesn't make me any more or less of the person I want to be. I've learned to be more compassionate and forgiving toward my body.
Cara: Going through Undergraduate Pilot Training was a huge challenge for me. Very rewarding, but very challenging. We were always reminded by our instructors that we were only three flights away from being washed out of the program. It was really hard to manage my time with the mass amount of things I had to study and regurgitate and then go demonstrate in the airplane. Most of the time, I felt like I was treading water, which is what they expected from us, but it was a challenge. I’m glad it’s over. :)



Who are some of your female role models?

Danielle: I worked for a a female General who led the entire Libyan Air Campaign in 2011. For months, she survived on 2-3 hours of sleep per night and sometimes slept in her office. She was under a significant amount of pressure from the President and government, but she always remained calm and thought through every decision. In the midst of this, she still managed to tell us every day that she was proud to be our commander and proud of our efforts. She was the first female to lead a large-scale campaign, but never faltered.
Cara: Definitely the females in my family… my mom, Danielle, you. At work, I’ve been lucky to have a mentor who is a few years older than me and is my “go-to” for a lot of advice. I think there are a lot of very strong women in the world right now. Athletes, politicians, teachers, doctors, etc. Women who are using their talents to better the world and society.



What advice would you give to a 13 year old girl?

Danielle: Don't be afraid to fail. Remember that your life begins at the end of your comfort zone. Step outside what you're used to and reach for your deepest desires. There will always be people who tell you that you can't do something...forget about them. Listen to the people who tell you that no matter the obstacle, you are strong enough, smart enough, and good enough to achieve greatness. And finally, "Think Global. Act Local." You don't have to find the cure for cancer to change the world. Start small. Use your talents and do what makes you come alive.
Cara: I would tell her to ultimately love herself, accept her flaws, and embrace who she truly is. I would encourage her to find things that make her happy and pursue them. I think there are a lot of strong young women out there to follow as role models, and it’s a good time to be a 13 year old girl. The “glass ceilings” are being shattered by women who don’t agree with society’s expectations of women and I think it’s an exciting time in history for women to follow their dreams!


Since Cara and Danielle were exceedingly humble in their answers, let me say that I can't even imagine the courage and dedication it takes to do their jobs. Moreover, they both take the time to volunteer despite having very busy schedules. I'd like to thank them for all they do.

Next week, we will hear from Susie Meister who has a PhD in religious studies. Known from her days on MTV's Road Rules and The Challenge, Susie now hosts one of my favorite podcasts in addition to working on writing her first book.

As I mentioned in a previous blog post, every Tuesday and Thursday will be dedicated to one female who is changing the world in honor of National Women's History Month.

The first woman I interviewed was Taylor McCorkle. Since she was incredibly humble in all of her answers, let me give you some background. I've known Taylor for five years. In those five years, I've seen her be extraordinarily successful in and out of the classroom, but she has never once bragged about her accomplishments. In fact, she answered these questions on a bus ride home from an Ivy League track meet on a Saturday night. She failed to mention that she set a new school record for UPenn that very same day while also placing in two races. If I was that fast, I would make strangers on the street watch me sprint. Taylor's humility and ambition are just two of the things that make her worth watching. Without further ado, I give you Taylor McCorkle.

What was the first thing you wanted to be when you were a child?

TM: When I was a child, I always wanted to be a basketball player. Basketball was and still is my favorite sport, and I love it with all my heart. However, in high school I learned that I was better at sprinting than at basketball, so I decided to pursue my track career in college.


What made you get into running? Please keep in mind the last time I full out sprinted was when one of my nephews let the dog into the street. I could never do what you do.

TM: I began running as a member of my middle school's cross country team. Unfortunately, it was no secret that my legs and endurance were not fit for cross country running. My coach, upset because I frequently walked parts of the trails on meet day, told me that I would never be fast or have a career running. Her words actually motivated me to join my high school track team. I originally joined it for endurance to help me in basketball which I also played in high school. I planned to quit the track team after my freshman year because I was never a fan of running. However, my high school track coach, George, convinced me to continue running track, and I'm so glad he did because now it means everything to me.


What are your goals now?

TM: My current goals are to 1. Do well in school. I think that is one of the most important goals you can have because education is your future. You always have to keep that in check and be on your game when it comes to grades. 2. Prepare for outdoor season. My team (UPenn) just had its indoor championship meet. We are gearing up to kill it in the outdoor season and I could not be more excited! 3. Be happy, because that's the best thing you can do for yourself. Just be happy with yourself and your life.


What is the biggest obstacle you have overcome?

TM: The biggest obstacle I have overcome is The University of Pennsylvania. Coming into this Ivy League institution as a recruited athlete is a bit scary. The coaches basically get you into the school if they want you bad enough, and that's kind of how things worked with me. I'm not sure that I can say that I would've gotten into this school if I hadn't been recruited. With that being said, I thought I wouldn't be able to handle the pressures of an Ivy League school. Thankfully, it's really not as bad as it seems. My grades are perfectly fine, and yes, I do have late nights and there are times when I wonder why I chose to come to an Ivy League school. With that said, I also love Penn. I love it because it challenges me and forces me to work hard for what I want both in the classroom and on the track. Penn is a division 1 school. During track season, we are barely at school, but we are still expected to compete well and finish our school work on time. Yes, it's a challenge, but who wants something that comes easily to them?


Who are some of your female role models?

TM: My three female role models include my mom, my nana, and you Ms. Coleman. My mom because she's simply amazing. I think everyone looks up to their mom in some way. I love her because of all the sacrifices she's made for me and my brother. She's truly an angel and my everything. My nana because she's my best friend. I can talk to her about anything, and I admire her for her perseverance. She has lost one of her two sons, and she suffered from bladder cancer. She's just an amazing fighter. Lastly, I admire you because I know you've been through a lot too. I don't know exactly what goes on, but I know it's not fun. However, you came into school so so happy and lively everyday and I wish I could be the same way. You're amazing.


What advice would you give to a 13 year old girl?

TM: You're young. Enjoy life. Yes, boys suck. You'll have some heart breaks, but try to break their hearts before they can break yours. Just kidding. Be nice, ladies. Be happy because life goes by quickly, and it would kill me to know that you wasted it being sad. If something in your life isn't making you happy, let it go. You don't need negative weight holding you down. Love, love, love with all your heart. Laugh. Seriously, some of my fondest memories are when I almost peed my pants. Girls, it's OKAY to be yourself. Do not let anyone tell you otherwise. Be strong and be independent. Make wise decisions and be aware of your surroundings. Never be afraid to ask for help. Enjoy the little things in life. Go on adventures. Experience what the world has to offer, and DREAM BIG, LADIES. Attack your goals head on, and don't stop until you achieve them!


You'll appreciate this one. What song do you like to listen to before a race?

TM: On competition day, before I turn on my loud, slightly explicit rap songs, I listen to two songs. They are both titled "Who You Are" and one is by Jessie J and the other is by a Christian group called Unspoken. These two songs are not pump up songs at all, but they convey a good message. They basically tell me that I am good enough to compete in whatever meet I'm at that weekend. They tell me that I deserve to perform well. And if I'm having a bad day, they tell me that "it's okay not to be okay", but that "you never fall too hard that you can't get back when you've lost who you are" Remember that ladies. I like these songs because they give me confidence and peace of mind before I race.


You can follow her @tay_mccork.

Stay tuned for more interviews with women changing the world. Next week, I will be talking to a woman who has served multiple tours overseas with the Air Force.

I often worry that I'm not doing enough. I'm not sure if every person person begins to wonders these things around age 30 or if it's just me. Seriously, I have been trying to save the world since I was six years old. I look at kids and teenagers and the images they see all over the media, and all I can think is we're setting them up for failure. For every app created to retouch blemishes, brighten a smile, enhance eyes, and reduce size, we are telling millions of children/teens that they are not good enough the way they are. For every actress we shove in a bikini unnecessarily, we are handing incredibly impressionable minds a loaded gun. There are over 30 million eating disorders in the United States alone. How did we get here? And how do we recover?

As someone who has been objectified, it doesn't feel all that great. I've been cat called and honked at more than a few times. The more times I've been cat called, the more creative my swearing has gotten. In college, I tutored a guy who kept trying to inch his hand up my leg. Eventually, I asked if he would like to keep that hand. When I was 20, a guy proudly told me where I rated on a scale of 1 to 10 of "hotness". I'm a person. Not a number. I have lost count of how many strangers have said vulgar things to me Facebook/Twitter. With all of that said, there is the even uglier side of objectifying someone. I've been accused of being too thin, too small, and too pale. I've been accused on more than one occasion of having an eating disorder. Yes, I am pale, and no, I have never had to face an eating disorder. I inherited a very quick metabolism, and I come from Irish farmers and Austrians/Slovaks who I'm sure did something. With that combination, I'm lucky I'm not transparent in the winter. Thank you for pointing out my combination of genes to me though. There is nothing fun about being reduced to a combination of body parts.

When a female is reduced to the sum of her looks, we completely dismiss personality, intelligence, compassion, and strength. Appearance is temporary; it's everything else that sticks with you for a lifetime. I would rather be known for having a voice and doing things for others than having a butt that can balance a glass. I would rather be known for being smart than what size I wear. Hell, I would even prefer to be known for being unapologetically irreverent than any part of my appearance. While I didn't have a hand in choosing my genes, I did work extraordinarily hard to get to where I am today.

I can't change history and the ways females were presented. I can't change the fact that females often get left out of the narrative or shoved in as an aside. I truly wish I could, but even with my imagination, I can't rewrite history. What I can do to honor all of the women who were forgotten in the past is honor all of the women who are making history today. These women are breaking records and stereotypes. They are a truly impressive group of human beings.

Stick around for the next few month to hear their stories and what they have learned in their own words as they were gracious enough to take time from their hectic schedules to answer some questions for me.

Follow me @ KA_Coleman on Twitter.

I wish I had the chance to tell her...

1) Don't wait for someone else to validate your existence. Self-esteem comes from within you.

2) You are beautiful on the inside and outside, but the inner beauty matters more and stays with you far longer.

3) Dignity and trust can't be bought.

4) It's okay to cry sometimes. It's okay to feel every emotion. Even if I could make the world perfect for you, I wouldn't. Sadness and anger bring about change. Change is good.

5) Never let someone tell you that you can't do something. You can. And you will.

6) You're stronger than you know, but I will always be there to catch you anyway.

7) Be passionate about everything you do.

8) You will break someone's heart, and someone will break your heart. When it mends, your heart will be stronger.

9) A mistake is not the end of the world, and I won't love you any less for it.

10) Never trust a girl who says she can't get along with other females. Half of the population is comprised of females. There's something wrong when a person can't befriend half of the population.

11) Never trust a boy who says all of the right things. The good ones will get awkward and tongue tied around you.

12) Make a mess. Even when I inevitably put you in a dress, don't be afraid to get dirty. Life is far too short not to play when you get the chance. Clothes can always be washed.

13) Likewise, laugh at yourself. Laugh as much as you can. Laugh until your cheeks and stomach hurt.

14) Don't ever pass up the chance to sing or dance in your bedroom or the car.

15) Expect to win. Learn to lose gracefully.

16) Fail at something. I assure you the world won't end, and your life won't be ruined. Learning to get back up after a loss is so important.

17) Stand by your beliefs. Sometimes, they are all you have, and sacrificing who you are is never worth it. Stand up for people who don't always have a voice. You come from a long line of very loud people. Use your voice for good.

18) Sometimes, there isn't a right decision. There is just a choice. Make one and don't look back again.

19) You can't fix people. Some people truly believe the "grass is always greener" somewhere else. It's not true. Walk away from those people. Don't let another person's unhappiness become yours.

20) My beliefs don't have to be your beliefs. I don't expect you to be just like me. I do expect you to believe in baseball. It's in your blood. Don't fight it.

21) Try not to be close-minded. The world would be an awfully boring place if we were all exactly alike. Embrace differences.

22) Treat everyone with kindness. Do the right thing even when it's not easy. Do the right thing even when no one is watching. We all share this planet, and ultimately, as humans, we have responsibilities to one another. No one does it alone.

23) When you're sad, sing Nat King Cole's "Smile" under your breath. It has always been my go to song when I didn't think I could get through something difficult. You will get through the hard things even when it feels like every piece of you is breaking and splintering. Things will eventually get easier, I promise. And life is always worthwhile.

24) Before being in any friendship or relationship, you have to stand on your own two feet. Learn how to be alone. Learn how to be happy alone.

25) You will have bad days and good days. You will do great things, and I will love you unconditionally everyday.

These are the things I wish I would have had the chance to tell my daughter.

As adults, we either erase our teenage years from our memory or focus solely on the good times. I'm in the latter group. Largely what I remember from high school is positive: sleeping between two friends after a scary movie, looking for loopholes on field trips, wearing post-it notes that said wildly inappropriate things in public, sharing food in any given situation, playing badminton in a backyard pool, laughing at the not so hidden innuendos in 50 cent songs, running after school, singing in the car, etc. Realistically speaking, I was a teenager for seven years. The odds that I was happy every single day of those years are low. Add to it that I'm more of dark and twisty girl rather than a rainbows and unicorns type of girl, and those odds of me being happy every single day went from slim to none quickly. As an aside, even if I could become the always cheerful and ever so bubbly girl, I wouldn't want it whatsoever. First, everyone has a little darkness and a little light at the core of his/her being. No one is perfect, and I don't pretend to be so.

I don't remember the reasons I was upset as a teenager. I suspect it was probably the normal stuff: a grade on a test, a poor performance when it counted, an argument with a parent, realizing someone wasn't really a "friend", feeling left out, etc. I say "the normal stuff" because most of us who have gone through the teenage years have actually been in those situations. I remember my parents telling me that everything would be fine and I'd be alright. I also remember that I was an average teenager. My response fell somewhere on the "how do you know that?" to "I don't believe you" scale. I should probably call my parents and thank them for handling my bratty years. My parents were right. Though I never saw their crystal ball, they accurately predicted my survival.

Now, I sit here as an "adult". My first book is centered around teenage characters. I work with teenagers. How am I supposed to get teenagers to believe that things will be okay? It's perhaps one of the worst Catch-22s. I know things are going to be okay because if I army crawled my way through adolescence, I am certain anyone can do it. With that said, being an adult puts me behind enemy lines. I'm not in the trenches anymore, so my understanding of being a teenager now is somewhat invalidated. I didn't have a cell phone in high school. I don't remember the exact year, but I know my family had dial up internet and AIM when I was in high school. I was in college before I figured out what "lol" meant. I didn't have to spend time worrying if a bad picture of me would surface or bothering to take the perfect Instagram selfie. In that regard, I have no idea what it feels like to grow up with so much social media.

The bigger picture of adolescence has stayed the same though. Everyone has at least one glaring insecurity. Likewise, everyone has been burned by a friendship or a relationship in their teenage years. Everyone has felt the sting of a loss or bad grade despite the large amount of effort. Everyone has at least one moment where things seem bleak. That awful moment when things feel out of control isn't the point though. Everything that comes after matters. It's learning to pick yourself up again. It's knowing not to compare your life to your friend's life because that doesn't measure your worth. It's that moment when you realize you are more than enough and always have been.

To be honest, I think the reason I teach high school and write is that I know it's easier to stand back up if you have someone offering you a hand. Both teaching and writing allow me to potentially help someone, and if I can walk away from all of this knowing I helped one person, that is enough for me. Ultimately, there are always people who are willing to help if you just look for them. There are also many better tomorrows to come even after the worst day. To quote Billy Joel, "the good ole days weren't always good and tomorrow ain't as bad as it seems".

You can find me @KA_Coleman on Twittter or https://www.facebook.com/WriterKAColeman on Facebook.

I still don't have an Instagram account....

Stereotypes. We all know them, right? I'll use myself as an example as I don't want to offend anyone. I'm a female. I have natural blonde hair and blue eyes. I tend to wear preppy clothes. I'm average height and thin. With all of that said, let's stereotype me. I'm a blonde female, so I must be ditzy and awful at math, driving, and just all common sense. I've had people accuse me of having an eating disorder, and it wasn't in a "let's get her help" sort of way. I fit the girl next door image, so I must be happy. The preppy clothes could signify money. The reality of who I am? While I didn't grow up in poverty, I grew up in a neighborhood where four people just recently got shot. I'm not wealthy. Never have been. Never will be. I don't think most people would refer to me as a ditz. I'm happy to play along though if someone automatically assumes I'm an idiot. In reality, I like math and problem solving. As for my weight, I have the metabolism and diet of a 14 year old boy. I love food and only counted calories once for a health project. Finally, as for the happy image? While I do like to laugh and joke, I've also struggled with severe depression and anxiety. To put it bluntly, I don't fit any of the stereotypes that typically get applied to me. And then, I consider all of my family and friends. None of them seem to fit into just one box either. If people don't fit into the boxes, why do they exist?

The only answer I can form is that labels are easy. Rather than look at a person as whole being who is human, we categorize people by appearance, religion, politics, really anything that we can easily latch onto when we meet someone. Why? It only takes a matter of seconds. Actually getting to know someone takes time, effort, and energy. It can also be a little heartbreaking. I don't know anyone who has never been hurt or faced a challenge.

When I was writing Holding On and Letting Go, I promised myself I wouldn't create characters that just further emphasize all of the stereotypes that were so readily at my fingertips. The girl next door? Struggling in darkness. The mean cheerleader? Has her reasons. The class clown? Not as funny at home. The popular guy? Not so great at saying all of the right things at the right times. Holding On and Letting Go isn't the story of a girl who needs a boost in popularity or self-esteem, nor is it the story of the perfect guy coming in the rescue. I see it as the story of a group of people who collide. None of the characters come without history, and that history plays a large role in what the collision looks like. I want readers to ask questions as they read. When I wrote it, I just kept reminding myself that I didn't have to tie the story with an immaculate pink bow. Life is not a perfect pink bow.

Rather than give my religious or political beliefs, let's just say I believe in kindness and compassion. Even the smallest act or even attempt of kindness still demonstrates kindness. If there is always a "right" answer, sometimes I don't know it. As people, we collide on a daily basis. It's up to us to decide what we want to come from the collision. Do you want to crash through things and people like a wrecking ball (Miley Cyrus pun totally intended)? Or do you want to offer someone a hand? I tend to prefer the latter option.

And those perfectly tied bows? Sometimes, they unravel too.

Follow me on Twitter @KA_Coleman or like my author page on Facebook at www.facebook.com/WriterKAColeman.

At this point in my life, I doubt I will take on the voice or character of a parent. Here's the thing. I'm not one. As much as I love my nephews, I can't even begin to fathom what a parent must feel for his/her own child. I know my parents love me unconditionally, and I'm very grateful for how well they raised me. I try not to judge parents because I have no concrete proof that I could actually do it. I'm a magnet for small children, but that doesn't mean I'd be a great parent. I'm very hesitant to tackle that voice because I'm not entirely sure I could get all of the nuances right. I do have close to 29 years of experience being a sister, so I felt a little more capable of capturing that dynamic.

It also seems to be one that is often overlooked in books and television. Obviously, we've all read the story where two brothers fight for the same girl, and occasionally, we're treated to a group of female siblings. Even that story seems to be the same though; there is always one wild sister and one calm and respectful sister. We don't often get to see brother/sister relationships. Those relationships can be a little harder to define. As someone with an older brother, we never shared each other's clothes. We never fought over friends. With almost a nine year age gap between us, we were never even in the same school at the same time. By some odd set of circumstances, I only ever had one teacher who knew my brother, my AP Government teacher. Even in that case, the teacher coached my brother in baseball. He never had my brother in the classroom. All signs indicate that I shouldn't be close to my older brother. He got engaged when I graduated high school. I had just finished my freshman year of college when he got married. In the middle of my senior year of college, he and his wife had their first little boy. Beyond the fact that we were hitting milestones at very different times in our lives, we like different things. He loves baseball and sports. On a good day, I care about sports because I lost control of the remote. I love all suspense and horror movies. He does not. I love dogs; my older brother tolerates them. To top it off, we look nothing alike besides both having blue eyes. How can we possibly have a bond as siblings?

Despite the differences strangers see immediately, there are the smaller similarities that shine through if you watch us interact. We have the same sense of humor, so we play off of each other well. Without necessarily talking about it, we gravitate toward the same television shows. Politically, we are on the same page the majority of the time. I never worry about asking him to help someone because we were both raised to be extraordinarily compassionate. We both picked careers where we help people daily. Neither of us looks away when things get hard, nor do we back down even when we probably should.

And then, there are things even I struggle to put into words. We have 29 years of shared history, values, and memories. There will always be a part of me that looks up to Craig because he is my big brother. I slept on the floor of his room when I watched too many scary movies. I followed him around as a kid even when it meant running because he was always in training mode for baseball. Even now, I'm incredibly proud to call him my brother. What I think gets overlooked sometimes is the fact that even though I might be younger, I feel protective of him. It doesn't just work in one direction. While he certainly prevented me from physically drowning when I learned how to swim, I go straight to defcon 5 when something is going on in his life out of the norm. I remember being in the hospital once as a child and hearing my brother say he wished it was him instead of me. Even then, in my drug induced haze, I didn't wish that at all. Why would I ever wish that on someone I love so much? Now might be a good time to mention that Craig got all of the calm genes that were floating around in the Coleman gene pool.

When I went to write about the relationships about siblings, it felt natural to me because it has always been such a large part of my life. Holding On and Letting Go doesn't reflect my relationship with Craig. In many ways, I see it as a ballad to the unique bond that siblings share. The relationships between siblings acts as the heartbeat of the story. It may not come up in every conversation or chapter, but it is always there beating in the background. The central character, Emerson, has to continually ask herself, "How do I continue to live when a large part of me died with my little brother?". It's a devastating question to even consider.

As my brother once said, "So what do we[Kelly and I] have in common? Passion. To help people. To stand up and fight for what we believe in and to treat everyone the same no matter what color their skin is, what religion they believe in, or what characteristics they may have. In this way, it is evident we are siblings. And that we are John and Mary Coleman's children. Our parents have always judged people by only one thing and that was how you treated their children and now grandchildren."

My brother is right, and I still don't enjoy admitting when that happens. I wrote the book because it was my dream. I published the book and am speaking honestly about it because I hope it helps someone else. I can't stand the idea of anyone feeling alone.

Blood may make Craig and me siblings, but it's not what makes us family.