My entire life I have been attracted to women far more than men. When I was younger that tension felt awkward but I have grown to understand it through maturity. When I was in high school I had two friends that were girls. We would often hang out together but through normal teenage issues, we would drift in and out of each other’s lives. One of the girls had a strong attraction to me but I was naive at the time to what all her attention meant. I was 17 when I left my mother’s house the strange thing was I met my husband and instantly fell for him. It would be years later before we both remembered how we had met when I was 12 and he was 14. We had a tremendous amount in common and he understood my need for girls. We had our first girlfriend just a few months after meeting and it was a very different feeling for me. I had never dated anyone due to problems at home so I had to learn not just how to handle one relationship but multiple ones. After we were married she drifted out of our lives. There would be a series of girlfriends before my old highschool friend came back around. 

It started with an email that became calls back and forth I thought we would become friends again. She had a girlfriend and said she was a lesbian. Then one night something happened that changed not only her and my relationship but how I would come to view lesbians. Her girlfriend started in on how I needed help because I was confused by my sexuality. At first, I thought she was making a sarcastic joke but the conversation soon turned dark then ugly. That night I spent two hours with both of the women telling me how I was hurting the LGBT cause and that no one can be bisexual. Now it could have been they were just trying to lure me into their relationship which is something my husband stated. It would take years before I realized that just like the monogamous crowd with LGBT there is a current of disgust between lesbians and bisexual women. 

While this was my first encounter with being judged by self-proclaimed lesbians it would not be the last. Even after the last few years with the strong liberal push, I see a tremendous amount of ridicule coming from the groups that claim to fight against bigotry. My personal take from all these experiences is that all people judge others that are different from them. I think some of these emotions come from jealousy but also from wanting the world to mirror their own lives. While I have been labeled with the term bisexuality it is not what I feel inside. I love people for who they are not what they are. I chose to surround myself with stable individuals that are loyal to their self-made clan. Currently, my husband and I have been married for 30 years we have outstood both of our parents' first marriages. Our girlfriend has been in our life for over 16 years. We still get told how these relationships never survive and perhaps it will all fall apart. I have been lucky in how the universe gave me two great people who have stood together through many hard life issues. There are many things I regret the people I have loved will never be one of them.