If you’ve tried everything to upgrade an area of your life with no success, it’s time to step back and look at the people you are hanging out with. Think about the five people you spend most of your time with. Are they positive? Do they leave you reaching for the stars? Do they challenge you to go higher? Are they living their best? Are they motivated, determined, take-action kinds of people?

Or are they whiners? Naysayers? Victims? Do they have martyr complexes? Do they worry for you and about you? Do they complain and gossip and make excuses for their behavior, their lack of success, their situations, their lives?

You’ve heard the saying “like attracts like,” or “you can tell a lot about a person by whom she spends time with.” Or even “if you want to be a better tennis player, play tennis with someone better than you.” There’s even the line from Don Quixote that goes “Tell me thy company, and I’ll tell thee what thou art.”

These nuggets of wisdom point to a universal truth: Your success is influenced by those around you. Even obesity researchers—such as those scientists at Yale who published the famous study— have found that if you hang out with overweight people, you have a 57 percent chance of becoming overweight yourself. A similar study found that if a friend gained or lost weight, you were more likely to do the same.

I challenge to think about who you call friend. Is it time to find a few new, more inspiring chums to hang out with? Individuals who can help you create better health? Push you to higher heights? It may be difficult at first to find these new friends, but keep looking. They are out there. In the meantime, consider getting support from an inspiring holistic health practitioner, take a group class at the gym, or enroll in a whole foods cooking class.

Practice reaching out to people who are already successful and going where these inspiring people mingle. Your success may depend upon it.

Resources

— Want to learn more about this phenomenon? What Got You Here Won’t Get You There: How Successful People Become Even More Successful, by Marshall Goldsmith

— The Healing Power of Friendship: How to Create Your Best Life Through Female Connection (Galleria Publishing), by Deborah Olson. Women thrive on connection, and research studies continue to show that we are happier and healthier when we share close connections with other women. The Healing Power of Friendship will help you avoid toxic friendships, understand the role expectations play in women’s friendships, and learn how power dynamics can hurt or heal these special relationships.

— Belong: Find Your People, Create Community, and Live a More Connected Life (Workman Publishing), by Radha Agrawal. Looking for a tribe to call your own? Here’s how to create one!

— Here to Make Friends: How to Make Friends as an Adult: Advice to Help You Expand Your Social Circle, Nurture Meaningful Relationships, and Build a Healthier, Happier Social Life (Ulysses Press), by Hope Kelahar, LCSW, acknowledges that sometimes it seems as if everyone has a big, happy, fulfilling social life, full of lifelong friendships…except you. As we grow older and school friendships fade, it can be difficult to meet new people and cultivate meaningful friendships. Here’s help.

— Toxic Friends/True Friends: How Your Friends Can Make Or Break Your Health, Happiness, Family, And Career (William Morrow), by Florence Isaacs. Explore the complex interplay of affection, obligation, and competition in women’s friendships and shows how these dynamics emerge between close, casual, or collegial friends confronting life’s ups and downs — career demands, single life, marriage, divorce, retirement, and more.

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