The term “neurodivergent” describes people whose brain differences affect how their brain works. That means they have different strengths and challenges from people whose brains don’t have those differences. The possible differences include medical disorders, learning disabilities and other conditions. [1]

What does a neurodivergent person act like?

Neurodivergent individuals often experience differences in mental function, learning styles, sensory processing, communication styles and behaviors. They may struggle with soft skills such as emotional intelligence, social interactions or the ability to work effectively in a group. [2]

What conditions count as neurodivergent?

Generally speaking, to be neurodivergent means to have a type of brain that differs from the neuro-majority, says Kaye-O’Connor.

“I think of it as having a different operating system, so a neurodivergent person would have a way of experiencing and being in a world that is different from the ‘norm,’” she explains. [3]

According to the Internet, anxiety is also considered to be Neurodivergent. To be diagnosed with this new umbrella term you could have autism, ADHD, and a whole array of mental disorders. I self-identify as someone who has sensory issues and anxiety. I used to have severe depression and anger issues as well.

For me, this can mean a lot of things. Sometimes when my anxiety is acting up, mentally and a bit physically, my whole body is itchy. It doesn’t matter if I go bathe and scrub off some skin that is too dry, then come out, dry off and put on the lotion. I still feel itchy all the way to my scalp those days. And can we talk about how sometimes when I have a headache, even the clicking of computer keys is tremendously loud? As is the creaking of floorboards and dripping of faucets. I hear the hum of the fridge and car door that just slammed down the street.

I’m also a textures person with food a lot. I don’t like gritty (onions, coconut shavings), squishy (mushrooms and tomatoes), and I love soft squishy sherpa blankets and plushies. Make that make sense.

As far as the typical non-typical learning function goes, I’ve learned stuff like all the facets of how to publish books in a matter of only a few months probably compared to what it took others years and a team of people to do. I used this to do freelance work for years. (I wish the pay in that field was better. I miss my editing formatting peeps.) I had a pretty high IQ score and a pretty decent GPA for only 30 hours logged with the local community college. I did find out that I can do well learning from reading, videos, and other means. I don’t need to be sitting in a classroom taking notes for three solid hours once a week. I can learn by myself if I want to know something and can focus.

Right now, I haven’t been able to focus at all. The horrible anxiety, quitting smoking, and finally getting some energy back so I can clean the house from top to bottom, among a few emotional trials for chapter two… I’m getting some help from a doctor for the anxiety. Although the withdraws from smoking suck, they aren’t enough to make me want to retreat from the world a bit and go back to my safe place inside my heart and mind.

I think that’s because I’m used to being alone for a lot and I didn’t want to be anymore, but I trust too easily because I want to think people are better than they turn out to be. I have three sisters I chose to be my sisters. Those are the ones who know me better than anyone. Even when I’m full of shit about something. They also know how hard life has been. Perhaps they have no idea what my obsession with a boy band from Korea is really about, but it’s always been so much more than just some catchy tunes (and pretty faces) in a language I’m not too familiar with and getting to know a little at a time. (Which wouldn’t even have been possible had my mind not been open to trying to learn new things.)

The lessons I’ve learned that I carry with me are good ones. I learned a lot about loving myself and thinking about calming my mind. I learned that it’s okay to do something for me when I’m feeling sad or out of it. I learned that it’s not selfish to demand better of myself and others around me when it’s so easy to just be judgy and negative ALL the time. I learned, even though I’m alone a lot it’s okay to express emotion about that and so many other things. Sometimes, we have to let it all out and stop carrying so much of the burdens of others. I’ve always felt the world and closer to home—those around me. Their emotions don’t belong to me, so when it’s strong, I cry. I let it out and let it go. Those things aren’t mine to hold.

I came to a point in my ‘Love Yourself’ journey where I guess I invented an entire world inside my Magic Shop complete with a delusion where I was happy and in some sort of healthy loving relationship. It was safe. It wasn’t real and he would never meet me in real life, even though, in real life, he was a great comfort to me and many others. This sounds strange and probably kind of wrong, but I can tell you that this person is someone who has never hidden his anxiety and other mental health issues that he’s worked on for years. He knows the struggles we go through and knows we weren’t taught how to handle what we deal with. He would most likely say, ‘you know reality and you know it’s not real. If it brings you comfort to think of me that way, go ahead, but be careful with your mental health. And know, in the real world, we are friends and we do love you. You will be okay and one day, you will step outside of the Magic Shop and close the door forever. Make happy memories while you’re there.’ (At least, this is how I think he would advise us.)

Err on the side of caution while in your own little world, knowing why you’re there. Play and be safe, but remember, one day, you must come out of your comfort zone and fly. Much like the blue butterfly. I thought I was finally ready after three years of preparing for the flight.

When running as hard as I have been lately, things got away from me a bit and I just wanted to retreat back into my safe space. I know this isn’t a mentally stable thing to do. I’m supposed to live out here now and deal with things as they come. We should want to close that door and never go back. I had the courage to come out and look around, but I think I left too soon. I thought my wings were dry enough to unfurl and begin. I was so eager to end a hiatus in my heart and I shouldn’t have been. (If this all turns far more sideways, I will know, I made the right decision to unlock my purple door and go back inside, where I never sit by myself when shit gets hard.)

It was certainly a nice place and alternative life I created. I do miss ‘waking up’ with a person who sees me as I am and knows all the things about me that tend to intimidate or make men run. Those are excuses and he never makes excuses. It’s weird that in my head, I’ve had arguments, laughs, sweet times, and seen a world that was both wonderful and horrible at times with him. It seemed so much more real that the world we live in all the time.

Perhaps this experiment is for a reason too. One day, perhaps I will write a great love story about this place with these lovely pictures rolling through my mind and the story that goes with it. This is a thing with people with mental issues. They could have very well been using the stories they write as a means of actual therapy all these years. You write things and feelings out of your head so you can survive the day-to-day battles with depression, anxiety, fear, hatred of self, and probably a healthy dose of PTSD just to cap it all off.

I know sometimes it’s hard to find a safe space these days what with the country we live in on fire like it always seems to be. I don’t trust a lot of people either. So, if I felt safe there, it was a good place. Anyone who knows me knows I don’t always seek a safe space because I try to become that for others. Occasionally, I also need that. Depending on who you are and how close we are, you might not even know I’m not acting like myself. Right now, I’m definitely not myself and am trying to find my way back to a happier place in my heart. I didn’t use to think I deserved such a place as a Magic Shop (in reality or the fictions we make up in our heads when we disassociate.) I do know I deserve that sort of internal home and safe space.

Most of the time, I’m the one who tries to spread those vibes into the world, that I’m here for people and safe to come and sit with when people need it. Lately, it’s been difficult and my heart has been heavier. That happens when you quit doing something your body is used to having. Habits change for your health though, if you really, really want it and are as frustrated with your own self as I was.

Instead of visiting my Magic Shop with this, I had my sisters to sit with me once they knew how rough it actually was for me. I couldn’t hide from one the biggest things, being addicted to a substance that isn’t considered a hard substance by law, but eventually, it will get your body if it can. It can take you away from your family if you let it. They comforted me and helped calm me down during what I will refer to as DTs over it. I was a shaky, angry, crying, unfocused, flighty mess. Especially in those first few days.

I wanted to held or thought of by someone who had promised to be my safe place to land. Not sure I will ever know one of those in real life, so I made one up. Does it make us more or less crazy to do this so that the outside world can pass at a different pace while you heal your heart in some imaginary land that is good?

I believe it’s all part of a psychological journey I’m on. One where I learn to love myself, fix the shattered pieces (old Japanese gold in the cracks edition—meaning you’re worth more when you get fixed), becoming more than just a safe space for others, a home that I could never find out in the world because I’m home. Perhaps I’m supposed to be that to someone else. I’m still learning, still growing, and one day, perhaps I will venture out again with my heart.

Magic Shop is a track in BTS’ third Korean studio album, Love Yourself: Tear. This track was co-written and co-composed by Jung Kook. It describes the Magic Shop as a place of refuge for the heartbroken, a place of healing for the disturbed, and a place of love for those who are lonely.

BTS – Magic Shop (English Translation—Provided by Genius Lyrics)

[Verse 1: V, Jung Kook]
I know that you’re hesitating because even if you say the truth
In the end it will all return as scars
I’m not going to say anything blatant like “find strength”
I will let you hear my story, let you hear it

[Verse 2: RM]
What did I say? I said you’d win, didn’t I?
I couldn’t believe it (really) Could I win it?
This miracle that isn’t a miracle
Did we make it? (No) I was here
You were the one that made your way to me
I do believe your galaxy, I want to listen to your melody
Your stars in the Milky Way, don’t forget that I found you anyways
At the end of my despair, you’re the last reason
For me who was standing at the edge of the cliff, live

[Pre-Chorus: Jin, Jimin]
On days I hate being myself, days I want to disappear forever
Let’s make a door in your heart
Open the door and this place will await
It’s okay to believe, the Magic Shop will comfort you

[Chorus: Jung Kook, Jimin]
While drinking a glass of hot tea
And looking up at the Milky Way
You’ll be alright, oh, this here is the Magic Shop

[Post-Chorus: Jung Kook & Jimin & V & Jin, All]
So show me (I’ll show you)
So show me (I’ll show you)
So show me (I’ll show you)
Show you show you

[Verse 3: j-hope, SUGA]
Like a rose when blooming
Like cherry blossoms when being scattered in the wind
Like morning glory when fading
Like that beautiful moment
I always want to be the best
So I was impatient and always restless
Comparing myself with others became my daily life
My greed that was my weapon suffocated me and also became a leash
But looking back on it now, truthfully
I feel like it’s not true that I wanted to be the best
I wanted to become your comfort and move your heart
I want to take away your sadness, and pain

[Pre-Chorus: Jung Kook, Jin]
On days where I hate myself for being me
On days where I want to disappear forever
Let’s make a door, it’s in your heart
Open the door and this place will await, Magic Shop

[Chorus: V, Jin]
While drinking a glass of hot tea
And looking up at the Milky Way
You’ll be alright, oh, this here is the Magic Shop

[Post-Chorus: Jung Kook & Jimin & V & Jin, All]
So show me (I’ll show you)
So show me (I’ll show you)
So show me (I’ll show you)
Show you show you

[Bridge: V, Jimin]
Would you believe me
If I said that I was scared of everything too?
All the sincerity, the remaining times
All your answers are in this place you found
In your Milky Way, inside your heart

[Chorus: All]
You gave me the best of me
So you’ll give you the best of you
You found me, you knew me
You gave me the best of me
So you’ll give you the best of you
You’ll find it, the galaxy inside you
[Post-Chorus: Jung Kook & Jimin & V & Jin, All]
So show me (I’ll show you)
So show me (I’ll show you)
So show me (I’ll show you)
Show you show you

Cited sources:

Jennifer Oneal Gunn,

Writer, Artist, Agent, Mom