I remember when God began teaching me about forgiveness. The first thing I remember Him saying to me about it was, "Kim, you can forgive someone slamming your fist into a wall." He wasn't telling me that was the way to forgive. He was telling me that forgiveness begins with a choice.

I remember thinking that if I forgave someone then I was feeling like I was telling them that what they did was ok. Well, there were a lot of things done to me in my childhood that will NEVER be ok. What God began showing me, and yes this took serious faith, was that forgiveness was to free me from the bondage of hatred and bitterness of the wrong committed against me.

The reason I said it took serious faith is because God did not explain to me WHY He wanted me to choose to forgive, He just let me know THAT He wanted me to forgive. I had to trust that He knew more than me and that this forgiveness thing was for my good. That was NOT easy.

So, what He meant by, "You can choose to forgive someone slamming your fist into a wall." was that you can be at your highest level of rage and still make the choice to forgive. Please understand that when I first started learning about forgiveness, this did not come easy. I may make it sound like it was or is easy, but it is not. You have to force yourself to make this decision. It's like standing on a high dive with a pool under you and closing your eyes and jumping, trusting that you will be ok when you hit the water. Most of us have to force ourselves to do such a thing at least in the beginning.

Once you make the choice the first time and start realizing the results, it gets a little bit easier each time after, until it almost becomes second nature.

Forgiving yourself is probably the hardest person you will have to forgive, but we are all different, so maybe not. It was for me, at least one of the hardest. The other one was the rapist that raped me as a child, Russell.

Here's what God taught me about forgiving myself. If God forgives me, who am I to not forgive me? See, it's actually pride that seeks to keep us bitter towards ourselves, at least in part. We think we know more than God so; therefore, we don't deserve forgiveness from ourselves, and God can choose to forgive us if He wants, but we know better. WRONG! The truth is if we do not forgive ourselves, God will not forgive us. Unforgiveness can keep us out of heaven and send us straight to hell. It's that serious of a matter.

So, forgiving the person that raped me. My book tells the story, and it's a good story, very difficult to walk through though. Though I forgave Russell, I did not seek him out to tell him or to strike up a relationship with him again. I have zero desire to EVER see that "man" again. I do not care whether he knows that I forgave him. I did not forgive him to set him free, I forgave him to set me free and as long as I am free, he is in God's hands and God will do with him what He chooses. So, what am I saying? Not everyone you forgive will need to know that you have forgiven them. You don't have to allow them back in your life just because you forgave them. It's ok to forgive and let sleeping dogs lie. Forgiveness sets you free, not your offender. Mercy sets the offender free, and God will not always have you show the offender mercy. Always seek God first before you step out to tell someone you forgive them or allow them back in your life. Just because the forgiveness changed you doesn't mean it has or will change the offender.

Now where I am in this forgiveness journey is proactively forgiving people. Such as my husband. If I imagine the worst offense he could do to me or our marriage and choose to forgive him for it before it happens or in case it happens, then if it happens the memory of me forgiving him beforehand comes back to me and makes it easier to really forgive after the offense has been committed.

We all know that the Bible says that offenses will come. If you grew up like I did, one thing you have done is look for the offense to come. Well, instead of looking for it to come, just know that it will and choose to set yourself free before it does. It really does work. I promise.

Have a great day. Kim