More than 20 years ago, my family lost five close relatives within a two year period. I remember the feelings of being overwhelmed with grief. But having lived through that experience of compounding grief, I find myself in a very different position today as my family has had two losses in a matter of two months.

In October 2023, I took a class called Write Your Way Through Grief, as a way to help me navigate the recent loss of my mother. It was extremely therapeutic to write daily about grief, especially because as a culture it’s awkward and uncomfortable to talk about death and in general loss.

As I poured out my feelings, thoughts and emotions on the page, I noticed how sharing those things opened the window for others to share with me how they felt about experiencing loss. Writing opens the doors for grief to come through, whether your reading or writing.

A few days ago I lost my brother-in-law. His death was sudden and accidental, although he had been struggling with his health for over a year. The question that comes to my mind from an outside perspective is – How do you handle this much adversity all at one time? Most would agree two deaths of loved ones within two months is emotionally difficult to navigate.

My answer is noticing the feelings in the moment, not being afraid to face the pain and sadness and recognizing there will be times when it’s okay to numb yourself. Numbing is in fact a way of coping. As mentally healthy as I am, I too have moments when I have to detach and focus on what I have to do to get through my day. Compartmentalizing is a healthy way to deal with difficult circumstances.

As I have recently learned with the death of my mother, as cold as it sounds, life goes on. The world doesn’t stop when we lose a loved one. But sometimes it feels like it should stop. As if we who are experiencing loss need for others to take a moment and acknowledge what we are going through is difficult. Generally speaking, I think most people understand, because every single person has dealt with loss in some fashion.

Numbing emotions is a defense mechanism to uncomfortable and painful emotions. Grief is about as uncomfortable as you can get. Having multiple losses in such a short amount of time is like standing in the middle of a train track and hearing the whistle of a train coming right at you. All you can do in the moment is react in a way that helps you survive.

Someone had written a social media post about how much I’ve had to go through in a two year time period. The truth is I’ve dealt with so much adversity in my life that I’ve built up an incredible amount of resilience. The old adage that says, “That which doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger,” couldn’t be anymore true.

We cope and we deal with what’s in front of us, in the ways we have learned over time. Sometimes we make healthy choices and other times we lean on negative habits. As I’ve walked this pathway the past few months, I’ve chosen to take the healthy path. Has it been easy? No. There have been times when it would have been far easier to revert back into negative coping strategies. It turns out one of the benefits of having been through my own mental health challenges, is that I’ve examined ways in which to manage my mental health.

Life is tricky sometimes. Don’t feel as if you’re alone in the struggle. Everyone has some level of emotional difficulty in life, no matter what they have or what they don’t.

Writing has taught me much about myself, my history and my present. As I explored the deep levels within my own psyche, I’ve grown in my ability and compassion to understand others.

At the end of the day, if we live long enough we’ll be dealt cards that sometimes seem like we’re beat before the hand is over. The key is learning to navigate adversity, regardless of what life throws at you. Believe in yourself that you can make it through and know everything will work out in time.

Amy Gamble is a National Award winning Mental Health Advocate, former Olympian and author of the book Unsilenced: A Memoir of Healing from Trauma. (Available on Amazon November 30, 2023)

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