Are You Full of Life? Or Full of Fear?
November 4, 2024 | Issue No. 4
I have been afraid of water for as long as I can remember. And this isn’t that unique, as most of us carry a deep fear that we hold close. The fear is so deep, we can’t even put our finger on where it began, we just know it’s roots exist in every part of our being.
I’ve had to face fear a lot recently. Whether it’s been through very scary health issues, parenting, or stepping into what I said I wanted for myself (aka growth) my fears have showed up over and over again. And every time fear shows up, it asks me the same question: Will you allow this fear to keep you from taking the next step?
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For most of my life the answer has been a resounding YES. Yes, I will allow this fear to keep me safe, and I will allow this fear to keep me small, and I will allow this fear to keep me from being exposed, and vulnerable, and overwhelmed. Because…life is already pretty scary sometimes, am I right? Like, I genuinely feel at capacity with fear most of the time.
But last year I had a shift. And it started with the water. I had a deep desire to enjoy swimming. My husband and my oldest daughter are great swimmers, and completely unafraid of the water. I watched them jump in and play all kinds of games, and I wanted to join so badly. But fear. No matter how many swim lessons I’d taken or the fact that I knew I could swim well enough to jump in and have a great time, I still wouldn’t take the step. I answered yes to fear again and again, succumbing to the fact that sometimes there are things we want to do with our lives, that we just can’t because we are made with a fear that makes it harder to choose to do the thing. I rationalized fear with all the right wellness lingo, and I believed my story fully.
But it wasn’t true. And whenever I was at a beach I still had that same desire and dream to go in. And so I was faced with the fear and the truth. The fear, that said I was not made to do the very thing that truth told me I really wanted to do.
In life, we’re met with fear often. Sometimes it’s fully justified fear because of experiences we’ve had that hurt. And other times we haven’t even had a negative experience, but our fear is trying to protect us from the potential of being hurt. We do this with romantic relationships, jobs, moving homes - so many things. And we make excuses. And we add to our stories and our fears with any belief or thought that we think we’ll need to convince ourselves that it’s true.
All in the name of protection.
But we aren’t keeping ourselves safe when we choose to not live fully. No matter how scary the next step may be.
And as I stood in the ocean, ankle deep at best, considering whether I was ready to face my fears, I knew that I didn’t want to carry my stories about the water any longer. Even if it was true that I wouldn’t like swimming, it would have to be because I gave it an actual try. Not because of a fear.
It’s probably not normal to go from fear of the ocean to surfing, but that was my experience and honestly I’m so grateful because, there is nothing like riding a wave. I’d never even been underwater in the ocean before, and there I was, on a board, riding a wave and feeling free, feeling strong, and feeling…like a kid. I hadn’t had that much fun in years. I hadn’t smiled that big in years. And then came the tears. Tears for what felt like lost time, tears for all the time I could still have, tears of joy because I was having the best time. Tears for things I’ll never know because it’s just part of the language of the ocean. Salt water.
I don’t even remember what my fear of the water was. I don’t remember the story I was telling myself. I don’t remember the story I was telling others. I don’t remember because I don’t believe that it was ever true. I put the shield down. And opened myself up to a new reality.
And I’m wondering for you, are there any fears that you know you’re ready to put down? Are there any fears that you carry as protection that actually keep you from experiencing the fullness of your life? Are there any fears that you’ve inherited that don’t belong to you, and you’re ready to put down?
Fear is an instinctual protection that we all have to keep us safe and alert us when things are wrong, dangerous, or really need our attention. But, there are many things that we fear that we don’t need protection from. We just need to lean in and be comfortable being beginners. Learning. And Surrendering.
When we feel safe enough to lean in, we quiet our fears. And we step bravely into ourselves x
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Powerful Moments from the last month:
I had my first mammogram/ultrasound in October along with a Prenuvo scan, which is a full-body radiation free scan that can detect early cancer and give you so much information about your body. A big part of mental wellness that we often miss is our annual visits, and the stress that accumulates from being behind on them or from feeling like we don’t have time for them is real!
If you need to schedule your appointments, take this as a sign to do that now! And if you’re interested in a Prenuvo scan, Save some $ and learn more.
I have been drinking my tea and minding my business. And let me tell you, it is FREEING.
Even if you only do it for 15-20 minutes, I encourage you to find some time to drink your fave beverage outside. No phone (even though I did *quickly* take this photo lol), no distractions. I sat outside for 3 hours and only got up for the bathroom or to refill my tea. This creates a nervous system shift that is beautiful. Try and let me know!
As I shared, your girl really got brave and surfed. I will never be over how healing this was for every part of my body and for every little Yas that lives in me.
Yes to doing the scary things, and most importantly, having fun along the way.
I got to hike upstate NY this month and it was everything I needed to transition into Fall.
I hope you feel encouraged to explore what fear means to you. Maybe share your thoughts below? I’d love to hear it.
I’ll see you in the next newsletter, Dec 4. Chat soon xx
PS. I’m having a workshop in DC in a few weeks you don’t want to miss! GET YOUR TICKET
Gather with Yasmine Cheyenne is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
