I suppose it’s time…. been rather overdue in fact. Not really sure how to start this little blog but why not just dive straight into it.  

*Currently Playing: Tennessee Whiskey by Chris Stapleton* 

Changing the story behind the name ‘Beluv’ because yes originally it did mean Brunner/Love but the downfall of having the last name Love has damaged me beyond repair and thankfully for me, I didn’t use the ‘correct’ spelling of the names and as the 2024 year closes out; I will continue to embodied the true meaning of God’s Word. Embracing the greatest of them all which is love.  

BE LOVE  

Originally, I definitely wanted to start a blog years ago and really didn’t think I would be able to truly maintain a blog site. I change names by the minute…. or at least I use to. I’m so thankful to have fully embraced my name as Katrina Chanice. So used to my childhood nickname (Niecy) amongst family members while obtaining an entirely different nickname (Quan) in high school. The only thing that made it a little weird is that I’m using my mom’s name and my middle name. At first, I didn’t want to take away from her but today (Christmas Day 2K24) I realized there was nothing to take away from her. She passed away 6 years ago. It’s an inheritance at this point. Whatever was meant for her is now meant for me. All good vibes of course. Positive energy and blessings on blessings.  

I could’ve wished her a happy heavenly birthday yesterday because we shared a birthday. It was devasting 6 years ago in 2018. It’s was a hard pill to swallow in 2019 but by 2020 it was simply me knowing she’d be proud. I cherish our memories. I learned a lot from her and as I finally start to sparkle in my own light, it’s ironic to say that me and my mom had a sisterly relationship. She was my best friend. We talked about everything. Good and bad….. for hours! Nothing truly toxic about our relationship. Maybe the setup. Maybe the environment. No matter how it changed…. she was unapologetically her and in that sense I am fully my mother’s daughter.  

*Currently Playing: T-Shirt & Panties by Adina Howard* 

She loved the art of dance and music as do I. She loved to talk about the celebrities and their lives. I prefer to admire their work and keep it moving. Anything more is impossible right? *giggles* Yeah it was until I wrote a book and then a lot changed. Granted my ‘mini blog’ on X formerly known as Twitter did indeed draw in attention that I once again….. underestimated the popularity of my silly self. So when people started to make themselves known on X, years ago really but definitely last year….. I hated it so much because I wasn’t in a good space. Then the this whole CPS case because of being homeless only made it worse for me to ‘entertain’ even the idea of being noticed by these amazing people. It’s not about approval by anybody. It’s simply recognition. The most amazing feeling was knowing that I was now fully inspiring people that inspire me. How as creatives we’ve found something in common. It’s really amazing. I love it here in the Land of Delulu.  

*Currently Playing: Same Girl by Usher & R. Kelly* 

It’s how the reality hit so hard about the fake pages. My achy breaky heart just thinking about the turmoil and heartache that we’ve all gone through because of evil people. Makes it hard to walk outside and ironically it became my favorite pastime. To walk the streets of Jackson in 2K24 in the same way I walked these same streets 20 years ago was actually really funny because of how amazed people were that I was real. As if I never existed before 2K24. One thing I understood was that I had leeches that I had to let go of as well that needed to let go of me. I’ve been burning bridges since the beginning of 2021. It’s okay to not go back no matter how bad things get.  

*Currently Playing: Addictive by Truth Hurts* 

I feel as though I’ve navigated through these troubled waters rather gracefully. Even though it’s looking like there’s a boatload of men at my disposal….. I have nobody. Receiving attention from childhood crushes has always made me blush something terrible. I have truly only been nervous around Showout because all I see is Tutu in him but it’s not something that he has confirmed and he probably never will. I mean that’s okay. Confirming to be Tutu will confirm a lot of other things still floating in the air. Might be too much for him to bare. Me on the other hand…. I love the truth. I love honesty. No matter how wild and crazy it is. Regardless of how my mom and grandma appeared to others, to me they both never shied away from the truth with me and every piece of truth only made me adore them even more.  

Imagine my surprise to hear Meme (the evangelist) telling me how she was crying rocking back and forth loading a shotgun ready to unalive my mom who was only 16 at the time. When my mom told me, it was definitely to make my grandma look bad. But the beauty in God and how The Reverend and Evangelist raised me to love God for being God. When I asked Meme if she’d done it. She took full accountability while revealing that she was simply tired of her own daughter. Constantly getting suspended and running up and down the streets all times of night. And well…. I laughed because the final straw was dirty dishes. My grandma almost unalived my mom over dirty dishes.  

*Currently Playing: Love Of My Life (An Ode To HipHop) by Erykah Badu & Common* 

When the stories turned to my mom and her baby daddy…. it wasn’t hard to believe that they constantly broke into her storage units stealing furniture on some Bonnie & Clyde vibes against her own mother. From what I witnessed on my own, I never negated the story of her baby daddy being her pimp. I understood the assignment. I loved her for who she was….. Trina, the woman that gave birth to me. She was actually pretty cool and there are a many days that I miss our conversations but never a day that I am too down and out because she’s no longer with the living. With life comes death and time definitely heals all wounds.  

Currently sitting amongst strangers and it’s the loyalty to people that would turn on you for $5 funky ass dollars that simply amaze me. These people took me in and as always it goes left. Not complaining….. simply observing. Forcing me into a relationship and I’m no longer concerned with the why or even the who. I get tired of saying no more than once. I get tired of turning down the same guy multiple times in multiple ways.  

*Currently Playing: Please by Toni Braxton* 

I have made it very well known or at least I thought I did that the only man that I truly want is Lester Reuben Walls aka Showout bka Tutu….. and I sit back watching guys go out of their way to sabotage our relationship from existing and yet Showout isn’t going out of his way to be with me. I’m simply expressing love on the internet. No reason to mess over me simply because I love that man. I can fully love him and express that love through art on the internet as much as I want. I am also perfectly capable of falling in love and having a wonderful relationship with somebody that’s not Showout. I never once denied that fact.  

Sadly when these guys that I absolutely don’t want try so hard…. it makes me want Showout even more because now I’m missing something I never had. That was until a different guy finally caught my eye and for whatever reason I definitely like everything I see and happy to finally see somebody other than Showout. As I said when I love…. I love hard and it takes time to fully give myself to a man. It also takes time to let that man go. No love lost.  

I’m only heartbroken by Showout because I see him as Tutu and that’s a relationship I would’ve loved to pursue as an adult that never happened. So a lot like The Best Man with the roles reversed because I’m the writer and the bestfriend that I wanted so badly ran off to be with another. And life goes on….. 

*Currently Playing: I Don’t Wanna by Aaliyah* 

So this new crush….. it’s something really strange in the way he makes me feel. I do not like rushing into relationships and yet I could see myself fully involved with this man within days. Oddly enough he does not make me nervous the way that Showout does. In which there’s nothing wrong with being nervous around somebody. Only meant that we needed to hang out more and probably address the elephant in the room of him being my childhood sweetheart. The fact that this new crush doesn’t make me nervous simply awaken the wild and crazy teenager that I once was.  

Before visiting Cali and going to California Adventure Park with my babies, pushing through being homeless, while still fully promoting all of my artwork….. I hadn’t fully come away from the previous watered down version of myself. Now that I have; it’s just confirmation into this Golden Era.  

*Currently Playing: My Love Is Like.. Wo by Mya* 

Transparency….. I’ve been praying over my new crush since 2021 and was really hurt by the understanding that in his previous relationship, he was being used for attention and his resources, that he was being cheated on, that he was a GREAT MAN with a HUGE HEART being taken advantage of by a bih that could cry on cue. Just for her to tarnish his name by telling vicious lies causing the public to view him in a negative light.  

I hate to see a good man… a good and fine man being mistreated! So I prayed for him and just admired him from a distance. Praying that his businesses prospered and that he’d soon see himself as the GREAT MAN that not only I see but God sees. I’m living in the Land of Delulu so yeah I feel like he’s uh been admiring me from a distance too. Praying over me and whatnot. Ready for shrimp and lobster towers so that we can TALK for hours and hours…..  

It’s all in the kiss as I LOVE to kiss…. preferably French