This is what one of my dearests said to me the other day, after I told her about my latest trip to visit as many other dearests as I can. Plus time all by myself, just for me, being lovingly, joyfully, playfully with me.

“You’re such a role model, even without trying to be one.”

She was commenting on the way I take care of myself. The way I look for my joy and savor my joy. Whatever joy and every joy I can.

The way I love myself First Most Always™️ and will not stop loving myself First Most Always™️.

It’s been quite a journey of finding, accepting, and loving myself.

Decades ago, I didn’t even know I didn’t. I didn’t know the intensity and depth of self-loathing and self-revulsion that was carved into me. The low rumblings that may have started with the violence I experienced and witnessed at a very young age and the molestation and body violations that were/are there but that remain fuzzy and vague. (This is something I’ve never explicitly declared in writing, but we’re only as sick as our secrets as I shared with someone newly in recovery recently.)

That was sharpened and strengthened and widened and deepened and expanded and exacerbated and inflamed and reinforced and carved deeper deeper deeper and harder harder harder into me by my cult upbringing and the “pickling” of my brain.

And that I’ve intentionally, mindfully, compassionately, and First Most Always™️ly lessened and eased and soothed and exorcised and rewired, especially in the last few years. Exponentially in the last few years.

So much so that I definitely don’t think about being a role model. I just focus on what can and will bring me joy and how I can and will share that joy with others and with the world.

I, as you all know, highly recommend this level of self love and care and compassion and joy and beauty and appreciation and First Most Always™️ness to everyone, and I’d love to speak with you – or in front of any multitudes and audiences you have for me – so that we can all find our way to this self joy as well.

I’d love to hear your thoughts, and please share this post with others if it resonates with you. Let’s start a movement of loving ourselves First Most Always™️!

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