“To me it is far more important to know where you really are than where you hope to go someday, for the way your life is constituted it is certain that you, more than anyone else, will always wind up some other place than where you wanted to get.”--Gershom Scholem, as read in his book, WALTER BENJAMIN, The Story of a Friendship 

I just came from Nate n’ Al’s with Alan, Gloria and Jack.  Alan is now at the computer studying for his Series 7 Test that he will be taking in Glendale, CA on October 8th.  Alan is trying to give me assignments like plan the itinerary for our trip to Italy and Madrid.  What he doesn’t realize is that I already spent hours doing a portion of the itinerary and he hasn’t even looked at what I’ve come up with so far.  Whatever.  It’s nerve-racking.  There are other things I want to do.   

I just finished a book called NIGHTSWIMMER the other night.  I am currently reading the book called FINDING FLOW by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi (try pronouncing that one!). It’s a book about the Psychology of Engagement with Everyday Life.  I find it quite fascinating to read.  It reminds me that the quality of one’s life is ONE’S OWN CHOICE.  We have our productive maintenance and leisure activities.  FINDING FLOW as I am finding is the culmination and exhilaration of one’s FAVORITE activities.  I think some of my ways of FINDING FLOW are through running, the gym, reading and writing.  I really believe those are MY FANTASTIC FOUR favorite activities.  Oh yes, the combination of listening to music while running or doing exercise adds some zest to my activities. 

Since September 20th when I last wrote in here, I’ve seen a few more movies.  While I enjoy movies as a leisure activity I’ve come to find more flow in my life by exercising, reading and writing.  I suppose I cannot ignore my love for creating (as in painting and ink drawings).  It’s calming therapy.  Movies and TV add an element ‘at the time of experiencing them’.  In a week or so the movie or TV show is long gone and, in many cases, ‘forgotten’.  I’m finding that when I read or write I CONCENTRATE more and learn new things.  I increase my vocabulary and gain new insight from my own personal perspective.  When I exercise (run/gym) I gradually FEEL and SEE the results from changed improvements in my body.  This is ideal and it makes me feel more alert and better about myself.  

When Alan and I went to see the movie GUINIVERE at the Writer’s Guild we invited Linda Rubin to sit with Alan and I as she was there (it was a LAFTA event).  She, in fact, got me enrolled as a LAFTA (LA Faculty and Teachers Association).  I don’t think Alan can stand her at times.  I’d say he despises Linda because some of her traits and characteristics are things that he abhors in himself.  I get that.  She is cheap and likes to brag about her accomplishments in making money in the stock market or whatever.  I admit she can be overbearing but she is uniquely intelligent.  She just doesn’t know when to keep her mouth shut.  

We saw STILL BREATHING, a movie we watched at home via video.  It was a romantic story with two of my favorite stars: Brendan Fraser and Joanna Going.  It’s one of those ‘fate meant for us to be together’ romance stories that often sweeps me away. 

Last night, Alan picked a film called ROMANCE.  We went with Jack and Gloria to the theaters to see it.  Boy oh boy...it was an ‘eye opener’ in terms of explicit sex, fantasy and full-frontal nudity.  It was amazing, a tad uncomfortable watching with Alan’s mom and stepdad but we’re all grown-ups, right?  It was a bit too explicit for me but it’s worthing seeing ONLY ONCE.  

One evening last week, Alan, Jack, Gloria and I attended the University of Judaism for a lecture and multi-media presentation about the survivors of the VOYAGE OF ST. LOUIS (On May 13, 1939 more than 900 Jewish refugees fled Nazi Germany by leaving Hamburg, sailing toward what they thought would be a safe haven.  This is the story of their ill-fated odyssey).  It was truly fascinating and sad.  It struck me how important family really is and how we ALL tend to forget this.  Maintaining contact with one’s family with an occasional phone call, email, postcard, Holiday greeting is important.  I’m fortunate to be reasonably connected to family mores than most.  I believe that I am. 

On October 1st Alan and I took our client, Bill Willcox to lunch.  He is currently our biggest client with almost $2.5 Million in assets.  It’s sad because he has children and they don’t seem to care much about him.  Bill says, “I never hear from children.  They live in Lake Tahoe and other places that escape me.”  When he was my client at Charles Schwab & Co. I always felt he wished he was the son he had.  He never told me that in those exact words, but one can sense these things.  Bill is an example of a man in his seventies who is lonely and has no family to speak of.  I remember his eyes watering when he and I spoke about his wife who had died about five years ago.  He has recently seemed to find interest in his retired nurse neighbor, Mary.  It seems they are going on a five-day trip to Sedona, Arizona.  Alan and I were glad to hear that he was taking this trip.  

The night of October 1st Alan and I went to Susan’s house (Alan’s ex-wife) as we were invited to a 50th Birthday party for her friend Ilene Straus.  Her father was there, and he told us, “I’m very lucky that my five children always like having me around.”  It was just the opposite of what Bill Willcox had told me.  What a contrast in families.  Then again, Ilene’s father seems more personable and social.  With Bill it is tough making conversation with him at times.  He has a back condition and goes to a chiropractor two times a week and an acupuncturist.  Like Alan said, “Bill doesn’t care about his money.  At this point, HEALTH is key for him—just being able to wake up and live each day.”  This was a profound statement by Alan.  I’m not so sure Bill knows how to enjoy his money.  I think the best way to enjoy money is to spend it on activities that create memories—even if it is as simple as packing a lunch and taking it to the beach shoreline to eat it and people watch, perhaps have a bit of conversation, play frisbee or simply read a Vanity Fair or Businessweek magazine.  I also believe in giving and seeing the joy and smile the receiver feels.  This is rewarding. 

3:30 PM, Sunday, Oct. 3, 1999 

I just wrote several cards to some people who continue to maintain such good contact with me. They are: 

Marie Antoinette Anaya  

Barbara Reynolds 

Monica Small Rady 

Reed & Deanna Campbell 

Edna Maestas de Garcia 

Paloma Alquier 

Notice—cards and letters from these special people are in this scrapbook off and on. They’re too sweet to keep me updated the way they do—and vice versa.  

Time for veggies on the roof. 

Here is what I wrote to PALOMA: 

3:00, Sunday Afternoon – October 3, 1999 

Dear Paloma, 

I saw another French film last night. WOW! It was very explicit with sex fantasies and frontal nudity. Have you seen it? The girl reminded me of you, knowing how sexual you are. How come you never asked me to tie you up? Only kidding, of course! It sure is the talk of L.A. + N.Y. this weekend though: ROMANCE. 

How are you, Alexandre – Jonathan? I was looking at a photo taken in 1996 by Luis of me, you, your dad, your stepmom + Luis’ girlfriend, Bernadette, at that time… Memories.  Does Bernadette still live on the Seychelle islands? 

What are you up to? As you know, we will be leaving Oct. 10th for Rome… then to Positano from 10–13 to 10–15, Florence 10–16 + 17, Milan 10–18 + 19 + then MADRID 10/20–10/24. Too bad you won’t be visiting your dad during that time… You could’ve gone to dinner with us + a show or something. Maybe the next time. 

Oh—here’s a postcard of that movie Romance. I sure would not call it a romantic film though—ha-ha. It was quite surprising to me—I am still thinking about it. Does that mean it was a good movie? Ha-ha 

Not much else is going on. We’re trying to keep our existing clients happy + trying to find new clients… maybe we will find a new client in Italy or Spain… You never know! 

Your e-mail doesn’t seem too responsive. Why don’t you e-mail me again at: ARMIJO59@HOTMAIL.COM. Perhaps I don’t have the correct one for you. 

It’s time to go on the roof for a veggie snack. I already went running today—so that’s good. 

Guess what! Halloween is right around the corner again! Our anniversary. When are you going to Vegas again? I guess it’s not easy with Jonathan in school now, etc. 

Thinking of you— 

Love, 
Michael Armijo 

 

11:40 AM, October 4, 1999 

I just rapidly went through my e-mail at home. My cousin Mary Ann Gehling is still at it. I think she’s obsessed and in awe of me. I have been e-mailing her about my runs (every other day) and my pelican sightings. 

She told me she looked in the encyclopedia for pelicans because she’s never seen one. I must be adding to her life in some ways. I’m happy about that though. I like when she writes to me, but she gets on my nerves when she rants and raves about my sharing my emotions and feelings. I think I do—but she’s never satisfied. 

She’s a strange woman in many ways. I’ll just take it in stride. At least she maintains contact. 

 Alan read in the NY Post last night that Jean-Georges, the ultra-famous French chef in Manhattan, bought a loft at 66 Leonard! He’ll be our neighbor—and rumor has it that he may open a new restaurant on the ground floor of the Textile Building. That would be so cool! 

I wonder who bought the $7 million penthouse though. 

I feel behind the times without a photo scanner! 

I received a few photos from Monica Small Rady today from Missouri. I love the shot of her dog, Sinbad. It’s something I must do. 

Last night I checked my Yahoo Auctions & found that someone won the 16 Dark Shadows paperbacks I own for $77.50. I e-mailed the winner but haven’t got a response yet. So, we’ll see how well this auction pans out. 

I was trying to sell one of my collectibles (Portrait in Taffeta Barbie) for $15 but no one is bidding. 

Today, Mattel stock is down 4 points to $12.875. Thank God I sold my shares at 39 or so a couple of years ago. The CEO, Jill Barad, certainly has her days numbered. It looks like little girls have moved on from Barbie to MTV + NSYNC. Fads change. 

Alan & I are getting a bit more into the TV scene this season. We like HBO’s Sex and the City and ABC’s Snoops and The Practice. I like WB’s Felicity. These TV shows are even better than a lot of movies showing out there! 

I’m getting aggravated because Alan is studying for the Series 7, and he just falsely accused me of monopolizing the computer. He’s such an ass sometimes!  I said I was going to the gym alone, and he thinks I’m “abandoning” him and adding to his stress and anxiety about having to take the test this Friday.  Well, I’m letting him study, and I’ve been telling him to study more. If anything, I deserve credit for that. 

 I ordered a couple of CDs on MP3 from two artists that I never found. It cost me $16—but I got one CD with Amsterdam German flavor and one from Denmark by young groups that sound like NSYNC & Boyzone. So, I’m excited about getting those. 

In addition, I ordered an 80’s compilation of tunes from CDNow, which included the song called Just A Gigolo—an old tune I used to hear during my long middle-bike riding days. That song made me accelerate. It is so upbeat. I love it.  It’s by a group called BARBIE AND THE KENS. 

I subscribed to a year of The Financial Times Weekender, and I haven’t received one issue yet! Unbelievable. I’ve spoken to Allison, Kim & Deanna—checking with their distributor. Of course, I’ll be in Italy + Spain soon—so let’s see if they can get it right this time. 

My cousin Mary Ann Gehling is now a grandma for the 4th time. She has 3 grandsons and now a granddaughter, Megan Rose. 

Sometimes I feel like I’d like to have a child. Actually, I do have one. The sperm donation in 1985 with the Bay Area Sperm Bank in Oakland, California was successful in impregnating a woman. I do have a child somewhere and I know it was a girl born around August 1985. 

I’m fortunate because Alan’s daughters Lauren & Carrie are like my girls. And my brother’s kids are like my own too. I really have nothing to cry about, do I?  I have kids in my life.   

My cousin Patrick Markus (Cecelia’s son) bought a new house in Cave Creek, Arizona. I sent them a little journal/house book of sorts from Felissimo in NYC. They sent me this thank-you card of acknowledgment. Although I don’t see many of my cousins frequently, I feel it’s the right thing to do to maintain at least “a thread” of contact now and then.  I’m so happy replied. 

Now, the Garcia Reunion 2000 is still a possibility come August 2000. I wrote Edna Maestas in Santa Fe a few of my ideas yesterday. Let’s see what kind of input she’ll offer. 

Photo: My New Journal book gift from Lauren and Carrie

I’d like to have a party in Las Vegas, NM, on a Friday; a potluck picnic on Saturday at Murphy Lake; and a Sunday tour of the town of Mora, New Mexico. This way, there will be 3 events to participate in.  It’s not an easy event to navigate. 

I just referred to my first page of this new Memoir Journal scrapbook. It was June 3, 1999. It’s been almost exactly four months of thoughts, pictures, feelings, letters, cards & other memorabilia.  I’m having fun with this. I’ll be able to start my next book soon. My next book was gifted to me from Lauren & Carrie. They knew that I’d write in it & I will. 

Someday, I will read & look back at all these entries. I hope I will laugh & maybe even cry. All I know is—the details to this fun book and future books are who I am & what I care about.  And—to whomever takes the time to read through all of this—I have a message for you: God bless you for caring & taking an interest in my life. We all go through stresses & hurdles in life. I hope my notes here add sparks & awakenings to someone searching… like I am continuously searching. 

‘Fixed meditation may do a great deal towards defining our longing or dread.  We are NOT always in a state of strong emotion, and when we are calm, we can use our memories and gradually change the bias of our fear, as we do our tastes...like VISION.” --George Eliot, DANIEL DERONDA