‘Every life contains many millions of decisions.  Those choices lead to different outcomes.  If you had done one thing differently you would have a different life story.’--Matt Haig, in his book, THE MIDNIGHT LIBRARY 

Monica Small who is now married to her new Christian husband is living in Saint Louis, Missouri.  That’s a place I’ve never been (nor do I have much desire to do so).  She sent an artsy postcard of “Lilly Anne and the Fish Parade” by Joe Sorren: 

Hi Michael and Alan, 

Thanks again for the postcard from the Golden Door.  What a nice reminder of the upcoming change from Summer to Fall.  I’m already seeing a lot of things I want to photoshoot. 

Love, 

Moni 

Monday, October 4, 1999 

This is a photo of Alan Neil Freeman. He was born on April Fool’s Day 1952. He’s no fool though. He’s left-handed which means he actively uses the side of his brain others don’t. 
Alan and I met on Nov. 20, 1989. We will be a couple for 10 years next month! On our anniversary we will be in Paris, France. He’s such a good planner. He knows how to make me happy. I love it when I wake up in the morning and he says, I have an idea. 

Photo: Alan Neil Freiman

Even if the idea is something as simple as going to Peet’s Coffee for a latte cappuccino & slice of banana nut bread. When he has an idea, it always pertains to us doing something worthwhile. Alan makes my life exciting. I make Alan’s life exciting. We feed off each other. I learn from him. He learns from me. 

We crave knowing the latest business craze or the newest internet idea. Most important is that we make each other laugh & share a sense of humor. He’s sensitive. I’m sensitive. We have more excitement ahead of us with the New York City Tribeca loft being available soon. It will add another dimension to our life. 

Alan and I are even running a business together now: Verona Capital Management — named after a city in Italy we both love & experienced in October 1998. Alan is my significant other. If I hadn’t moved to Los Angeles from Northern California in Nov. 1989 our paths may not have crossed. We are lucky… luckier than most. I must keep reminding myself of that fact! 

This is a photo of my mother, Virginia Marie Armijo, at age sixteen. In this photo I see a sweet, innocent schoolgirl from a very smalltown (Cerrillos, New Mexico.). She was born on Sept. 6, 1935. Growing up, she was more of a mother to me. I always saw my mom as a friend. She’s still my friend. I love her very much. She knows I love her. She loves me. 

Photo: Mom, Virginia Marie Lucero-Armijo

I just had a flashback of the trip I took her on in New York City. We took the horse carriage ride around Central Park. For a smalltown girl from Cerrillos, NM, I’m sure New York City was an eye-opener for her. We had such a great time on that trip. 

Now — Alan, my mother + Alan’s mother, Gloria Weiner Freeman Cohen depart on Oct. 16th (THIS MONTH!) for a wonderful European trip to Italy + Spain. My mother’s knowledge of Spanish will come in handy (I hope).  I know the dialects make a difference. 

I call my mom almost every day. She married my dad, Joe Nelson Armijo, on June 15, 1957. My father died on 8-29-1987. They were married 30 years. I know she misses him, but she still has me, her son + friend. She’s also got my brothers. She’s got 6 grandchildren. She’s really a lucky woman in her own right. 

When I see her 16-year-old smile in this photo + the gleam in her eye — I can see her today at age 64 with the same smile + the same gleam in the eye. No, she’s not perfect. There’s that New Mexico Lucero — stubborn factor. If she has a point of view — good luck changing her mind unless you use some gentle, loving persuasion. 

October 5, 1999 

My cousin, Mary Ann in Colorado Springs sent me this card with the gorgeous autumn leaves. In this card she reveals why she likes me. 

Mary Ann surprises me. I didn’t even remember this book — but I apparently sent Mary Ann a book for her birthday in Nov. 1998 called Finding Flow by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi about The Psychology of Engagement with Everyday Life. Then, she recently sent the book back to me with this yellow stick-’em note. 

Well, I just finished the book. I highlighted the lines that impacted me: 

“To live: it must mean to live in fullness, without waste of time and potential, expressing one’s uniqueness, yet participating intimately in the complexity of the cosmos.” 

“What makes a life… serene, useful + worth living? The actual quality of life — what we do, and how we feel about it — will be determined by our thoughts and emotions; by the interpretations we give to chemical, biological, and social processes.” 

Whether we like it or not, each of us is constrained by limits on what we can do and feel. To achieve excellence, we must first understand the reality of the everyday with all its demands + potential frustrations. 

Give and take a few hours, most people sleep 1/3 of the day, and use the remainder to work, travel + rest in the same proportions as baboons do. 

“Like the rest of us, he must pull his trousers on one leg at a time.” 

Thus the limitations on attention, which determines the amount of psychic energy we have for experiencing the world, provide an inflexible script for us to live by. 

How a person lives depends in large part on sex, age, + social position. So while the main parameters of life are fixed, & no person can avoid resting, eating, + at least some work, humanity categorizes that determine to a content of experience. 

This is a lot to take in all at once, but she didn’t stop.  Here are more key points she had to share about FINDING FLOW:  

The Joy of Solving Problems 

Inspired by Frank Offener: “If I can solve it, it is fun. Isn’t solving problems what makes life interesting?” 

Life is about embracing challenges rather than avoiding them. 

Attention, Control, and Flow 

The crucial skill is learning to control attention. 

The activity itself—not the outcome—matters most. 

Flow comes when we focus deeply on what we do. 

Common Good and Commitments 

A good life requires working for the common good, appreciating religion, art, and ineffable aspects of life. 

Modern danger: people are so enamored with themselves that they avoid commitments. 

Commitment and responsibility to humankind give life meaning. 

The Problems with Jobs 

Jobs are often resented because: 

They feel pointless. 

They are boring and lack variety. 

They are stressful, undermining flow. 

Successful people manage attention by prioritizing, delegating, and tackling tasks strategically. 

Relationships as a Source of Meaning 

Alongside work, relationships shape the quality of life. 

Balance is needed between the rewards of work and those of relationships. 

“A genuine flow of conversation is one of the highlights of existence.” 

Happiness and Growth 

It’s not enough just to be happy; the goal is to be happy while stretching our skills, fulfilling our potential, and doing excellent work. 

Amor Fati – Love of Fate 

Accept ownership of one’s actions, even when imposed from outside. 

Learn to love even the difficulties—this shapes resilience and wisdom. 

“Our actions reverberate through time and shape the evolving future.” 

Reflection and Self-Knowledge 

Reflection is vital but must be skillful; otherwise, it worsens problems instead of solving them. 

Develop the habit of reflection on life with an upbeat, forward-looking mood. 

Self-knowledge allows us to transform ego into a helper and ally. 

Building a Fulfilled Life 

Act as if the future of the universe depends on your choices—even if they seem small. 

The self can become a rock upon which to build a fulfilling life. 

Creativity and self-awareness are essential for a purposeful existence. 

Final Emphasis 

The formula for greatness is Amor Fati—to not only endure what life brings, but to love it. 

“If I want to learn more about those who make things beautiful, then I must learn to see as beautiful what is necessary.” 

Cousin MaryAnn Montoya-Gehling also sent an email to me and Cousin Linda in Idaho.  In a nutshell these are the key points she shared.  She was writing from home after a spur-of-the-moment trip to the GARDEN OF THE GODS with “Honey” (that’s what she calls her husband:  

The visit: Gorgeous fall day.  We walked the trails, revisited the old pavilion site, and noticed new park signage that echoed wording from our book about “if these rocks could speak”—flattering, if a bit like uncredited borrowing. 

Signature Rock: They re-found the name W. Rice and reflected on family pioneer history. 

Phoebe Hart Wells: Tender remembrance of their dear friend (granddaughter of “Fatty” Rice)—her help with photos, her quiet strength while ill, and her recent passing; sorrow at not seeing her one last time. 

Visitor Center stop: Quick check on their book and displays; warm welcome from staff (Rob) who announced, “The Gehling's are here!” — She and “honey” helped correctly place Phoebe’s family photo. 

Home slice: A nearly scorched roast salvaged; drop-in visit from MaryAnn’s sisters: Dottie & Jean returning from the Pueblo Chile festival with pink baby gifts. 

Family news: Megan’s birth planned for an induced labor (induction so mother, Rosemary, can have pain relief after stopping a blood thinner). Everyone’s betting on her looks; there are hopes for a redheaded, gray-eyed baby to round out the family palette. 

I received a postcard of MAZZARO from 1924, a watercolor by Paul Klee that is held at the San Francisco Museum of Art.  It was sent to me from Barbara Reynolds: 

Michael, 

I don’t remember ever seeing this “KLEE” before.  You know that Klee is the first artist that I remember.  I saw his work at an old UC Berkeley Museum probably in the 1960s.   

It’s a heat wave, nice for earing dresses.  I’m glad I have a ceiling fan.  Thanks to David for his encouragement.   

We had a fire drill at work at 370 3rd Street yesterday afternoon.  The whole building met at Yerba Buena Park.  Have you been there yet?  Knowing it would take a while for ren-entry to the building.  I dashed to the Museum of Modern Art bookstore looking for postcards.  What a delight that I found this one. 

Yeah, my cousin Rosie will be stopping at my place on October 18th and 19th with her friend, Joanna, en route from Southhampton England to Kauai, Hawaii.  I hope this is clear.  I absolutely love the jerky bus rides to work, now the vies of the bay are delightful. 

Love, 

Barbara 

10/6/99 

I’m going to a wedding in Santa Clara, CA with my mom on Friday, October 8th.  It’s for Dean Edward Gonzales and his fiancé, Renee.  Dean’s mom, Margaret A Espinosa-Gonzales is mom’s cousin.  I was just on the phone with mom and said, “We’ll just make the best of it.”  Edward Spinosa and his sisters Mabel and Margaret will be there so that’ll make it more fun.  

Alan wrote a postcard for me today: 

10/6/99 

Dear Michael, 

I don’t know how to tell you this, so I’ll just come out with it.  You’re the only one in the world I could have two breakfasts with and not be bored.  You never disappoint me with any lack of excitement as I do feel weak today.  

I should nap later.  Hopefully, you will nap with me, and we could have a little ‘romance’.  I’ll miss you when you go to the wedding, but I’ll be studying hard for the Series 7 test.  Next week at this time we will be in Rome! 

Love, 

Alan 

October 6, 1999, Wednesday 

Alan and I just had an argument. I asked him to take care of a single task regarding a lead we received in the Pasadena area. He was slow to react. The prospect wanted our website and didn’t leave the telephone number. It took me to call 411 to acquire the telephone # and make the call. Alan did come up with the idea to call Gloria to have our 3-page website informational faxed to the prospect. Alan was resentful of the way I spoke to him regarding this entire issue. He wanted an apology from me. Instead, I read him excerpts of the previous 4 pages about Flow & the Psychology of Everyday Life. 

Now, he just came out of the shower and asked if I wanted to make up. I said, “Yes.” We shook hands as our hands were held. He brought up negativity by suggesting that we should (perhaps) not be in business together if it was going to affect our personal happiness. Maybe he’s right… maybe we should be independent of each other when it comes to work. I just feel he’s not contributing or sharing in the work, and I don’t think it’s fair. He’s studying for his Securities exam again. 

Soon we will depart for a steak at The Palm in Beverly Hills with Jack & Gloria, and then we will move on to see SUNSET BLVD, starring Petula Clark. Hopefully tonight’s entertainment will smooth things over for us. After all, we have been together 24/7 lately. If we weren’t at each other’s throats occasionally, something would be wrong. 

I called George Rego today—just realizing that it was his 67th birthday. He’s so nice. He always says he loves me. Good ol’ Uncle George. I need to make him some money again. 

October 10, 1999, 5am Pacific Time 

Alan, Gloria, my mom & I are in flight, almost ready to land in Paris—it’s about 2pm Paris time right now. 

My eyes feel weary. I probably slept less than 30 minutes during this 10-hour flight. 

The stretching exercises & excess water drinking helped. Once we arrive in Paris—at the airport—maybe we’ll find a good pain au chocolat before we must get on the plane again for the additional 1 hour or so to Rome, Italy. 

I plan to take a chronology of photos on this trip. Hey—I need to take one of us on the plane now… time to get the camera in the transport bag. 

‘Look at that chess board we put back in place.  Look at how ordered, safe, peaceful it all looks now, before a game starts.  It’s a beautiful thing.  But it is boring.  It is dead.  And yet, the moment you make a move on that board, things change.’  In CHESS, as in LIFE, possibility is the basis of everything! --Matt Haig, in his book THE MIDNIGHT LIBRARY