For my first installment of Indie Life (hosted by the awesome Indelibles), I wanted to take some time to talk about an emotion that has been overwhelming me lately as I move forward on this somewhat new journey of self-publishing.
Loneliness. 
I follow the blogs of several successful, traditionally published YA authors. And honestly, I've been wanting to un-follow them for a long time. Even though I'm confident with my decision to self-publish and I believe it was and is the best choice for me at the moment, it still hurts to see all of those authors acting all chummy and bff-y at the many wonderful writing conferences and book signings and general Big 6 awesome-ness that they get to share together. I wanted that. I wanted that so badly. Their world looks so happy and they all seem to support each other. And it's not just their fellow authors. Many of them are also super-tight with their agents and editors and constantly talk about how "thankful" they are to have them work on their book and how they just "couldn't do it without them." These authors have all the support they could ever want, and they have an entire cheer team with them as their dreams unfold perfectly before them.
I don't have that.
All I have is me, sitting all alone at my computer each day, trying to figure out what the hell I'm supposed to do next. I don't have a cheer squad (well, my husband and family are always there, but none of them are writers, so it's different. They cheer out of obligation, which is sweet, but just not the same). I know part of this is my own fault. I'm extremely introverted, and I need to push myself more to get out of my shell and network with more self-published authors. Unfortunately putting a book out all on my own took away that chance to work with agents and editors and the teams of people that would be there to support me--it's on my shoulders to find this all on my own. And that idea scares the crap out of me. Not only do I have to try and figure out how to sell my book, but now I have to try and figure out how to find my own support team for it as well?
It's an overwhelming concept. And I wasn't counting on it when I first decided to follow my dreams of becoming a writer.

Sadly, the whole thing feels like high school all over again. Granted I was never a complete outcast, but I was never one of the cliched "cool" kids either. I was just...there, floating around and doing my own thing. It didn't suck, but I still felt a pang of regret knowing that I never got to take part in any of those stereotypical "epic" high school parties. It's just a piece of life that I sort of missed out on. And here I am, almost thirteen years later, and I still feel like the same shy, introverted teenager watching from the sideline as the cool kids have fun and enjoy all the awesome things they have in their life. I'm hoping this will pass. I'm hoping that someday in the near future, self-publishing won't be the "un-cool" kids, and someday we'll be able to attend all of those awesome conferences and feel happy and welcomed as a vital part of the literary world. 
I hope that one day I truly feel like I fit in.
I know that traditionally published authors have bad days too. I know that their life isn't always as perfect as I may mold it to be in my own head. I hope one day we can break down the lines between self-published and traditionally published and really support one another. We are all writers working towards telling memorable stories--no matter how those stories are shared with the world.
But until then, I still feel lonely sometimes.
When I'm having my lonely days, it's hearing from my readers that makes me feel better. The readers that couldn't care less that I self-published my novel. The readers that have fallen in love with my characters and my story and want more. They make it all worth it, and they make this journey just a little less lonely. 
So thank you, dear readers.