There are many aspects to developing a relationship with a man, but there are a few that are especially important. To begin, when you meet a man and make a connection, he is dating you because there are qualities about you he finds unique and intriguing, and especially attractive compared to other women he meets. He feels a spark with you and it is this spark that will continue to make him desire you. As time passes, it is important to keep this spark alive because without it, a relationship can become flat.

I once heard two men on the street talking about how the biggest problem with women is that they become less exciting with time. One said, “I love the beginning of a relationship because there are so many things to discover about my girlfriend. That’s when I’m really into her. Then it starts to fizzle and I’m about to hit a year and the excitement isn’t there anymore. You’re with this woman and it feels like there’s no longer anything exciting about her and you don’t want to be with her anymore.” His friend’s response was, “I know exactly what you mean.”

It doesn’t have to be this way. Every woman has it within her to be the woman who keeps a man intrigued. For all the times a man says he can’t find a woman who excites him for long, another man says his wife is the most amazing and sexiest woman he knows, whether she is thirty, forty, fifty, sixty or seventy years old. The common trait these women share is that they have an enticing energy to them and independent spirit. Others enjoy their company and they are doing interesting things with their lives. With age, the wiser and more confident they’ve become, and the more comfortable they are with themselves. These women also each have individual traits that make them stand out.

This is why it is key to continue to blossom as an individual and independent woman from the beginning of the relationship into the future, as the relationship grows. A man will feel secure and happy in a relationship if he sees a woman wants to be with him because she loves him for who he is. Not because he can take care of her financially or because he could be the father to her children. By remaining independent and having aspects of you that continue to identify you as an individual, you will keep a man intrigued and amazed by you. A man finds it sexy when a woman is accomplished because it shows she is an incredible person who has chosen to be with him. He likes a woman who values his opinion and turns to him for advice, but is not dependent on him. This brings security and balance to the relationship, and eliminates much pressure and stress that can often develop in a relationship.

As you are independent, you have to allow a man the freedom to be himself as well. Neither person in a relationship should be overbearing or controlling. What gives a relationship long-term strength is when each person can be themselves and as a couple, there is a special connection neither has with anyone else. A relationship isn’t about changing each other to conform. It’s about two individuals coming together and growing with each other to make one another stronger as a pair. Feed off of each other’s strengths so that each is a better person by having the other in their life.

It’s also important to stay in the present. One of the quickest ways to sabotage a relationship is to have your mind in the future, especially during the first year of a relationship. It’s sad to hear a woman say years later, “I wanted to get married and have a family. He was there so I thought we should move forward quickly. Looking back, we weren’t right for each other.” Try not to force the relationship to grow. Allow it to evolve naturally. The first year together in a relationship is one of the most exciting times, enjoy your time together in the present.

As you grow together, continue to make time to be intimate with each other so that you keep the passion alive. Not every moment of a relationship will always be filled with passion, but creating intimate moments will help each other remain close to one another. To help keep a man physically passionate about you, continue to look your best, as you did in the beginning of the relationship, so that he still desires you. Don’t allow yourself to become complacent with diet, how you dress and exercise. Also continue to have good, positive energy so that he wants to be close to you all the time. Be the woman whose physical beauty and subtle sex appeal coupled with sharp intellect keeps his desire alive for years to come.

As time passes, continue to always make a point to be thoughtful and kind. This is someone who you especially care about and want to treat the way you would like to be treated. Don’t be afraid to communicate with each other and share your feelings in an articulate, thoughtful manner. It’s not about always being right, it’s about being able to come to a mutual understanding. A healthy relationship shouldn’t have tension and anger. Respect one another, support each other, create a stress-free environment and be able to laugh together. Your relationship should feel like a retreat – a place where there is comfort during hard times and where life is embraced during good times. Some of the most special and memorable moments in your life should come from being together.

By doing these things, you will develop a strong relationship with a man. Every day you will become closer to each other and your connection will grow deeper. Your dedication and devotion will create an irreplaceable bond that will be unique to the two of you.

Yours in Spirit,

Hanako

Author of The Geisha Secret