Are You A Bad Boyfriend Owner?
But Greg and Amiira, I Have Questions!What The Hell Is Wrong With Men?
Dear Greg and Amiira,
What the hell is wrong with men? Seriously! Every boyfriend I've ever had starts off as this amazing guy who without fail becomes a different person. You know how people say that, "He pulled back the mask and showed his true self?" That has happened to me a few times. I don't mean that the guys I dated were evil but more like they went from being attentive, romantic, reliable to inconsistent, unreliable and lazy. Hour long phone calls become a text that says, "wassup?" plans to go do something become me waiting around for hours not knowing where he is then when he finally shows up I'm mad and he puts it on me that there's a "vibe" between us when we go out. What gives? Is this a case of taking me for granted or just they were just not that into me? I'm really frustrated and don't want to attract and waste time on these kinds of guys.
Sincerely,
Kyra
Dear Kyra,
I'm so happy you asked this question because I totally relate. I've had that same thing happen to me before I was married when I was still dating or in other various states of relationships. It is totally frustrating, I feel you. I also want to admit that it can even happen in marriages. Dynamics just do shift in relationships and being taken for granted absolutely does happen but there's an element of it that is dependent on you. Stay with me because I'm about to go on a round about way to analogy city with this concept. You ready?
You're a bad boyfriend owner...and you're NOT ALONE. I was a bad boyfriend owner and even a bad husband owner. My girlfriend hipped me to this idea and it completely resonated with me. You know how when you come home and a dog jumps all over you and then you give it a treat to make it settle down, go away or distract it so you can have a minute? And you think you're training it to leave you alone BUT ACTUALLY you're training it to keep jumping up on you to get treats. You can turn any good dog into a bad dog by reinforcing bad behavior even if it is NOT your intent. Just like you can turn any good boyfriend into a bad boyfriend (or husband) by reinforcing displeasing behavior with rewards. I'm NOT saying that men are dogs, I'm just saying that you teach people what is acceptable to you. If you're boyfriend doesn't show up, make the effort or do what he said he would do, then it's up to you to communicate to him that it doesn't fly. If you give him the treats without giving him the conversation about what you need from him (to be on time, call when he says, make the effort, etc..) you're actually reinforcing the idea that it's okay for him to not come through for you, be unreliable or be a bad boyfriend. I want to clarify that I'm not talking about using sex as a weapon, being unforgiving or being a bitch. I'm encouraging you to speak up, communicate openly and ask for what you want instead of growing silent resentments or unknowingly help your boyfriend along the path to taking you for granted.
Amiira xx
Dear Greg and Amiira,
What the hell is wrong with men? Seriously! Every boyfriend I've ever had starts off as this amazing guy who without fail becomes a different person. You know how people say that, "He pulled back the mask and showed his true self?" That has happened to me a few times. I don't mean that the guys I dated were evil but more like they went from being attentive, romantic, reliable to inconsistent, unreliable and lazy. Hour long phone calls become a text that says, "wassup?" plans to go do something become me waiting around for hours not knowing where he is then when he finally shows up I'm mad and he puts it on me that there's a "vibe" between us when we go out. What gives? Is this a case of taking me for granted or just they were just not that into me? I'm really frustrated and don't want to attract and waste time on these kinds of guys.
Sincerely,
Kyra
Dear Kyra,
I'm so happy you asked this question because I totally relate. I've had that same thing happen to me before I was married when I was still dating or in other various states of relationships. It is totally frustrating, I feel you. I also want to admit that it can even happen in marriages. Dynamics just do shift in relationships and being taken for granted absolutely does happen but there's an element of it that is dependent on you. Stay with me because I'm about to go on a round about way to analogy city with this concept. You ready?
You're a bad boyfriend owner...and you're NOT ALONE. I was a bad boyfriend owner and even a bad husband owner. My girlfriend hipped me to this idea and it completely resonated with me. You know how when you come home and a dog jumps all over you and then you give it a treat to make it settle down, go away or distract it so you can have a minute? And you think you're training it to leave you alone BUT ACTUALLY you're training it to keep jumping up on you to get treats. You can turn any good dog into a bad dog by reinforcing bad behavior even if it is NOT your intent. Just like you can turn any good boyfriend into a bad boyfriend (or husband) by reinforcing displeasing behavior with rewards. I'm NOT saying that men are dogs, I'm just saying that you teach people what is acceptable to you. If you're boyfriend doesn't show up, make the effort or do what he said he would do, then it's up to you to communicate to him that it doesn't fly. If you give him the treats without giving him the conversation about what you need from him (to be on time, call when he says, make the effort, etc..) you're actually reinforcing the idea that it's okay for him to not come through for you, be unreliable or be a bad boyfriend. I want to clarify that I'm not talking about using sex as a weapon, being unforgiving or being a bitch. I'm encouraging you to speak up, communicate openly and ask for what you want instead of growing silent resentments or unknowingly help your boyfriend along the path to taking you for granted.
Amiira xx
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