There is no correct way to cope with loss. Loss doesn't just come in the form of death. Loss can range from a friendship to a relationship to health to a stage of life. As people, we grow and age. Though some life events are exciting, you still have to say goodbye to life as you previously knew it. Sometimes, you lose people or parts of you in the process. We continually have to learn how to cope with goodbyes and changing. I don't know that there is one proper way to grieve. If so, I certainly haven't learned it yet.

With each goodbye I've said, I've grieved in a different manner. When I was 21, my three year old dog's spine fused together. If you know me, you know that I love dogs. I see them as extra family members. We had put down other dogs when I was growing up, but those dogs had lived to their life expectancy. It was easier to let them go knowing they had good lives. When Molly (named after the lyrics to "Obla Di Obla Da") died, I couldn't bear to hear about dogs or see people with their pets. I remember someone in my grad school class on a kick about puppies the same day I had to put Molly to sleep, and I remember wondering just exactly how hard I could punch someone. Luckily, a friend scooted the puppy-loving grad student away from me. I actually shut down my Facebook for months because I couldn't look at pictures of people cuddling with their pets. I cried, but I kept moving. I was in grad school and student teaching. It hurt, but I fulfilled my obligations at the time. I probably would have curled into a ball, but I didn't have a choice.

I do at least have some amount of choice in terms of when to let go of friendships but that doesn't make it easier. Friendships tend to fade away. Not many of my friendships have ended on too horrible of notes. For me at least, I am only really capable of actually maintaining a handful of friendships. People get busy. People move. Not all friendships last forever, and that is okay. The hardest part of losing a friendship is that it becomes a chapter of your life that you can't really reminisce about with anyone. Given a family move, I didn't really retain any close friends from grade school which is okay. I wish them all well, but my life took me in a different direction. I still talk about that part of my life with my family and friends, but they weren't there in the moment. It's the equivalent to telling a really funny story to someone who wasn't present when the event happened, and you end in the, "well I guess you had to be there" type of sentence. With that said, I am very much in love with my life now, but my point is that it is normal to feel sadness when you leave something behind you. I'm certainly not the same person I was in grade school, but I wish my friends and husband could have known that person. Or not. I was kind of a brat as a kid.

From previous posts (read the one on mental health awareness), we all know I didn't handle losing my health well. I took it for granted. One day, I had my health. The next day, it was gone. It destroyed me, and I could not explain to anyone just how lost and alone I felt. Not only did I lose my health, but I lost my self-esteem and part of who I was. Even with my love of words, I don't think I can accurately describe how much that event changed me. I also can't imagine how frustrating that time period was for the people who love me. Watching a loved one suffer can only be described as torturous. You can see the other person's pain, but what do you say to make it better? Can you say anything to make it better?

In Holding On and Letting Go, I focus on Emerson's grief and her varied attempts to cope, but Emerson is not the only character in the story feeling the pain of loss. Her old friends and family lost the Emerson that they knew. What I love most about the story is watching other characters attempt to stand by Emerson in completely different ways. I don't think any of their attempts are completely right or wrong. I wish I had the right answer for how to handle loss, but I don't. I don't know that anyone does.

Young adults deserve to have a seat at the table when it comes to the discussion of loss because we can't protect them from it. I do know that it always helps to know that you're not alone when you're in pain. I hope the book provides someone at least that much comfort.

As for me, all I'm certain of is that life goes on.

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