Today's Edition
Greetings, citizen, and welcome to Today's Edition, the Bunker's most trustworthy source of news and current events!
And now our top stories this weekstretch.
The annual Shark Swim hosted last weekstretch by the Mystic River Racetrack and Casino in T-4 sector was an astounding success. Held over the course of three daystretches, vast crowds swarmed the facilities to observe the spectacles. There had been some concern that environmental irregularities outside the Wellness Pyramid – located on the main artery leading to the festival grounds – would hamper attendance, but these treacherous nay-sayers were proven wrong by the event. Citizens behaved with the restraint and discipline such large gatherings require, waiting patiently for a place in one of the three queues at the gated entrance. By all accounts, no queue ever swelled past the patriotic and mandatory limit of twenty-five persons. Rumors that some citizens never made it into the festival grounds even though they had purchased a ticket are subversive and unfounded. This yearstretch's Shark Swim champion, citizen Hamar Quail, has not been seen in public since his coronation and subsequent Fifteen Minutes of Fame. However, a fanclub has been set up on X.net where loyal citizens everywhere can demonstrate their enthusiasm for the Bunker's most accomplished athlete without having to fawn over him in person. You are invited to participate!
On a related note, famed celebrity manager, citizen Milfred Roth, was spotted in the vicinity of the Mystic River Racetrack and Casino accompanied by a Thought Leader from Central Management. Holed up in a mobile executive suite, he could easily be seen through the curved and elegant plastex walls as he urgently made calls on his PA and fired people. Some have therefore speculated that a terrible disaster must have unfolded in T-4 sector. Rest assured, citizens. Nothing could be further from the truth. Citizen Milfred was scheduled to put in an appearance at the Shark Swim, but due to a sudden and unforeseen corporate merger and the attendant redundancies, he was unable to make the appointment. The Thought Leader, too, was not present in her official capacity but merely as a spectator. The Shark Swim event was a resounding success.
And now a word from our sponsors.
Avatar Technologies is a name you trust. Our eye-catching array of fashionable, protective gear is a fixture in the Bunker's corridors. That's why we'd like to bring your attention to our newest product, Safe Step! Safe Step is the latest and greatest in double-soled, hermetically sealed work boots. No viscous substance known to humankind – not water, not Vitamim, not even brown sludge! – can permeate the tough, outer skin. A new addition to our regular line of personal protection kits, we think you'll be proud to own a pair. There's certainly nothing better that comes in so many appealing textures and colors. Safe Step boots from Avatar Technologies. They'll keep your feet trendy – not to mention firmly attached to the rest of your body.
We would now like to draw your attention to the Bunker's emotionally powerful and riveting public service documentary, What Would Carlton Smickett Say? Homeland Security is a valuable if imposing organization. As long as there are traitors among us, its unique blend of services and expertise cannot be missed. For this reason, it is regrettable when citizens play games that interfere with the smooth operation of its investigative apparatus. Knowingly submitting false or misleading claims, tips or other such nonsense is no innocent prank. Lives are at stake. Your forms have to be read and processed, which slows down the legitimate business at hand. So before you decide to jump on the bandwagon, think again. Homeland Security is no joke. That's surely what Carlton Smickett would say.
On a lighter note, a dance troupe consisting solely of Wards of the State will be entertaining shoppers outside the entrance to the metro station in corridors X-8/AA-455 and X-8/AA-463. These cute and adorable adolescents are just irresistible in their sparkly outfits and tassels. See for yourself as they buck and sway to various artistic renditions of the Anthem of the Patriot!
And now for some public service announcements.
Homeland Security has put out an advisory stating that reports of disappearances in the vicinity of the Wellness Pyramid or Mystic River Racetrack and Casino will no longer be tolerated. Any citizen submitting a 'Missing Person Information Request' Form 0x000108D3 with reference to T-4 sector will immediately be fined one hundred credits and fitted with a constraint.
The Color of the Patriot is wildfire.
Thank you for your time and attention, citizen. Remember, today is the same as any other! Greetings, and until next weekstretch.
---------------------
Interested readers can find out more about the Bunker in my sci-fi adventure novels, Thank You For Your Cooperation and Your Call Is Important To Us.
And now our top stories this weekstretch.
The annual Shark Swim hosted last weekstretch by the Mystic River Racetrack and Casino in T-4 sector was an astounding success. Held over the course of three daystretches, vast crowds swarmed the facilities to observe the spectacles. There had been some concern that environmental irregularities outside the Wellness Pyramid – located on the main artery leading to the festival grounds – would hamper attendance, but these treacherous nay-sayers were proven wrong by the event. Citizens behaved with the restraint and discipline such large gatherings require, waiting patiently for a place in one of the three queues at the gated entrance. By all accounts, no queue ever swelled past the patriotic and mandatory limit of twenty-five persons. Rumors that some citizens never made it into the festival grounds even though they had purchased a ticket are subversive and unfounded. This yearstretch's Shark Swim champion, citizen Hamar Quail, has not been seen in public since his coronation and subsequent Fifteen Minutes of Fame. However, a fanclub has been set up on X.net where loyal citizens everywhere can demonstrate their enthusiasm for the Bunker's most accomplished athlete without having to fawn over him in person. You are invited to participate!
On a related note, famed celebrity manager, citizen Milfred Roth, was spotted in the vicinity of the Mystic River Racetrack and Casino accompanied by a Thought Leader from Central Management. Holed up in a mobile executive suite, he could easily be seen through the curved and elegant plastex walls as he urgently made calls on his PA and fired people. Some have therefore speculated that a terrible disaster must have unfolded in T-4 sector. Rest assured, citizens. Nothing could be further from the truth. Citizen Milfred was scheduled to put in an appearance at the Shark Swim, but due to a sudden and unforeseen corporate merger and the attendant redundancies, he was unable to make the appointment. The Thought Leader, too, was not present in her official capacity but merely as a spectator. The Shark Swim event was a resounding success.
And now a word from our sponsors.
Avatar Technologies is a name you trust. Our eye-catching array of fashionable, protective gear is a fixture in the Bunker's corridors. That's why we'd like to bring your attention to our newest product, Safe Step! Safe Step is the latest and greatest in double-soled, hermetically sealed work boots. No viscous substance known to humankind – not water, not Vitamim, not even brown sludge! – can permeate the tough, outer skin. A new addition to our regular line of personal protection kits, we think you'll be proud to own a pair. There's certainly nothing better that comes in so many appealing textures and colors. Safe Step boots from Avatar Technologies. They'll keep your feet trendy – not to mention firmly attached to the rest of your body.
We would now like to draw your attention to the Bunker's emotionally powerful and riveting public service documentary, What Would Carlton Smickett Say? Homeland Security is a valuable if imposing organization. As long as there are traitors among us, its unique blend of services and expertise cannot be missed. For this reason, it is regrettable when citizens play games that interfere with the smooth operation of its investigative apparatus. Knowingly submitting false or misleading claims, tips or other such nonsense is no innocent prank. Lives are at stake. Your forms have to be read and processed, which slows down the legitimate business at hand. So before you decide to jump on the bandwagon, think again. Homeland Security is no joke. That's surely what Carlton Smickett would say.
On a lighter note, a dance troupe consisting solely of Wards of the State will be entertaining shoppers outside the entrance to the metro station in corridors X-8/AA-455 and X-8/AA-463. These cute and adorable adolescents are just irresistible in their sparkly outfits and tassels. See for yourself as they buck and sway to various artistic renditions of the Anthem of the Patriot!
And now for some public service announcements.
Homeland Security has put out an advisory stating that reports of disappearances in the vicinity of the Wellness Pyramid or Mystic River Racetrack and Casino will no longer be tolerated. Any citizen submitting a 'Missing Person Information Request' Form 0x000108D3 with reference to T-4 sector will immediately be fined one hundred credits and fitted with a constraint.
The Color of the Patriot is wildfire.
Thank you for your time and attention, citizen. Remember, today is the same as any other! Greetings, and until next weekstretch.
---------------------
Interested readers can find out more about the Bunker in my sci-fi adventure novels, Thank You For Your Cooperation and Your Call Is Important To Us.
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