Today's Edition
A fun and happy greetings to everyone out there today! This is Marsha Wong.
And I'm Hillary Binzer. You're reading the latest from Your Edition Today!
The bomb squad – provided by Defense during emergencies when the presence of a live explosive device has come into play – is an invaluable bulwark against the sinister machinations of pure evil which we face today. The disarmament officers who fill the majority of its ranks are determined citizens who regularly expose themselves to the dangers of maiming, dismemberment, or a sudden case of whiplash.
Brave guardians indeed, Marsha. That's why it's important to recognize these stalwart protectors of our liberty, especially in light of the current terrorist onslaught. Citizen Marcus Ames of I-15 sector, for example, stands out from the pack. Having distinguished himself in fourteen incidents over the last two weekstretches alone – including single-handedly deactivating an incendiary device at the Institute of Marketing and Public Diplomacy in A-4 sector with only three secondstretches to spare – a Mark of Excellence has been entered into his Permanent Record.
I'm curious, Hillary, how you arrived at the pronunciation “Ames”. The spelling suggests something more along the lines of “Imiz”, don't you think?
Well, Marsha, if you refer to the Guidelines on Grammar and Orthography handed down by Control after careful deliberation, you will find that sounding out a word based on its graphemes will not always yield the correct, patriotic pronunciation.
I am well aware of the Guidelines on Grammar and Orthography, Hillary.
Well, perhaps you should pay more attention to them instead of mauling citizen Marcus Imiz' name.
You mean Ames.
Moving right along, a spate of vicious cybot attacks has caused J sector to be put on lockdown indefinitely. Originally confined to cleanbots, medibots and the stray, traitorous helpbot, this coordinated assault escalated precipitously over the last sixteen hourstretches. Legions of flybots, killbots, and other heavily armed movebots reportedly broke out of storage and are still on the loose. Normally well secured behind magnetic force fields and deprived of their power supplies, they took the peaceful citizens of J sector by complete surprise.
The number of victims is staggering and still on the rise. Iconic among them is the young and innocent Yolanda Smirch. How could you neglect to mention her sad and terrible fate, Hillary? Tears come to my eyes just thinking about it. A steadfast and productive resident of J-11 sector, her passing should not go unnoticed. All we know of her comes from the PA found smashed to bits under one of the bunks in the Lower Quarters. A professional reconstruction of events by highly regarded actors employed by Human Resources suggests she was gang-raped to death by a mob of oversized industrial equipment, including a hydraulic squeegee. Details are sketchy, but it would seem the ringleader was none other than Epsilon clearance citizen and confirmed neophyte of the God and Freedom Church, Mildred Grimmith, also of J sector and the supervisor of a team of highly regarded actors employed by Human Resources.
Actually, Marsha, you interrupted me before I could mention her. As I was about to say, encrypted data extracted from the PA in question has called the veracity of the entire story into doubt. First of all, no body was ever found, nor any traces of her DNA. Surely, being gang-raped by power tools would leave some kind of forensic trail. In fact, it's not even certain if Yolanda Smirch ever existed at all. There is no entry for her in the Communal Registry. Instead of becoming the witting tool of criminals intent on defrauding the public, perhaps next time you'll –
Well, that's all the time we have for you today. Stay tuned for another dispatch of Your Edition Today! as soon as we can get it to you.
And remember: we are citizens of the Bunker. Each and every last one of us.
---------------------
Interested readers can find out more about the Bunker in my sci-fi adventure novels, Thank You For Your Cooperation and Your Call Is Important To Us.
And I'm Hillary Binzer. You're reading the latest from Your Edition Today!
The bomb squad – provided by Defense during emergencies when the presence of a live explosive device has come into play – is an invaluable bulwark against the sinister machinations of pure evil which we face today. The disarmament officers who fill the majority of its ranks are determined citizens who regularly expose themselves to the dangers of maiming, dismemberment, or a sudden case of whiplash.
Brave guardians indeed, Marsha. That's why it's important to recognize these stalwart protectors of our liberty, especially in light of the current terrorist onslaught. Citizen Marcus Ames of I-15 sector, for example, stands out from the pack. Having distinguished himself in fourteen incidents over the last two weekstretches alone – including single-handedly deactivating an incendiary device at the Institute of Marketing and Public Diplomacy in A-4 sector with only three secondstretches to spare – a Mark of Excellence has been entered into his Permanent Record.
I'm curious, Hillary, how you arrived at the pronunciation “Ames”. The spelling suggests something more along the lines of “Imiz”, don't you think?
Well, Marsha, if you refer to the Guidelines on Grammar and Orthography handed down by Control after careful deliberation, you will find that sounding out a word based on its graphemes will not always yield the correct, patriotic pronunciation.
I am well aware of the Guidelines on Grammar and Orthography, Hillary.
Well, perhaps you should pay more attention to them instead of mauling citizen Marcus Imiz' name.
You mean Ames.
Moving right along, a spate of vicious cybot attacks has caused J sector to be put on lockdown indefinitely. Originally confined to cleanbots, medibots and the stray, traitorous helpbot, this coordinated assault escalated precipitously over the last sixteen hourstretches. Legions of flybots, killbots, and other heavily armed movebots reportedly broke out of storage and are still on the loose. Normally well secured behind magnetic force fields and deprived of their power supplies, they took the peaceful citizens of J sector by complete surprise.
The number of victims is staggering and still on the rise. Iconic among them is the young and innocent Yolanda Smirch. How could you neglect to mention her sad and terrible fate, Hillary? Tears come to my eyes just thinking about it. A steadfast and productive resident of J-11 sector, her passing should not go unnoticed. All we know of her comes from the PA found smashed to bits under one of the bunks in the Lower Quarters. A professional reconstruction of events by highly regarded actors employed by Human Resources suggests she was gang-raped to death by a mob of oversized industrial equipment, including a hydraulic squeegee. Details are sketchy, but it would seem the ringleader was none other than Epsilon clearance citizen and confirmed neophyte of the God and Freedom Church, Mildred Grimmith, also of J sector and the supervisor of a team of highly regarded actors employed by Human Resources.
Actually, Marsha, you interrupted me before I could mention her. As I was about to say, encrypted data extracted from the PA in question has called the veracity of the entire story into doubt. First of all, no body was ever found, nor any traces of her DNA. Surely, being gang-raped by power tools would leave some kind of forensic trail. In fact, it's not even certain if Yolanda Smirch ever existed at all. There is no entry for her in the Communal Registry. Instead of becoming the witting tool of criminals intent on defrauding the public, perhaps next time you'll –
Well, that's all the time we have for you today. Stay tuned for another dispatch of Your Edition Today! as soon as we can get it to you.
And remember: we are citizens of the Bunker. Each and every last one of us.
---------------------
Interested readers can find out more about the Bunker in my sci-fi adventure novels, Thank You For Your Cooperation and Your Call Is Important To Us.
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