Today's Edition
A fun and happy greetings to everyone out there today! This is your host, Marsha Wong, and you're reading the latest from Your Edition Today!
Hillary Binzer, normally my co-host here at Your Edition Today!, has gone mysteriously missing. Her ominous absence is a serious blow to journalistic integrity. If anyone has information concerning her disappearance or knows where to recover the body, please report as soon as possible to your local Homeland Security substation. Until a replacement has been found, I will have to assume full responsibility for accumulating and reading out the news to you. This is a burden I do not take on lightly. But given the grave terrorist threat facing us today, what loyal citizen could do otherwise? I appreciate your sympathy and support. I am confident I will rise to the occasion.
Moving on to the latest dispatches, the bomb squad based in I sector is being investigated for possible infiltration by a treacherous mole. As I'm sure you well know, this arm of Defense is a revered institution in the Bunker. Its brave disarmament officers risk life and limb to save ordinary citizens like us from the scars of burning napalm and white phosphorous. The presence of a mole in its ranks is therefore especially worrisome.
Citizen – give me a stretch as I try and get this name right – Mar K. Al-Imiz of I-15 sector, recently awarded a Mark of Excellence for his bravery in the field, is cooperating with authorities and is said to have already named several of his teammates as suspects. I will keep you informed of developments as they occur.
Elsewhere in the Bunker, the citizens of R-6 sector were treated to a terrible surprise three daystretches ago when they reported for their regular shower. A load of new and revolutionary soap produced by the Janelle Group had just been delivered overnight to their cleaning stations. Normally associated with harmless skin cremes, perfumes, and moisturizers, the Janelle Group's recent foray into cleansing products was initially greeted with enthusiasm. However, upon application, the soap produced second-degree burns and respiratory distress. Upon further investigation, it was revealed that the soap was still in the development stages and should never have been released to the public. How exactly – Oh! Hillary! What a pleasant surprise!
Is it, Marsha?
Of course it is! Why are you looking at me like that?
Because the brakes on my autopod gave out this morning during my way in on the transtube. I crashed into a truckpod from Janelle Group carrying crates of experimental soap and was rushed to the medical clinic along with tens of other citizens suffering from chlorine inhalation and scalding.
That's terrible, Hillary. But what makes you think that I would have anything to do with –
Because my autopod has a recorder on it, Marsha. You didn't know that, did you? After the last time you sabotaged my car I decided to have one installed. The feed is a bit grainy but you're easily identifiable. After a bit of digital enhancement, that is.
Well, that's all the time we have for you today. Stay tuned for another dispatch of Your Edition Today! as soon as we can get it to you.
And remember: we are citizens of the Bunker. Each and every last one of us.
---------------------
Interested readers can find out more about the Bunker in my sci-fi adventure novels, Thank You For Your Cooperation and Your Call Is Important To Us.
Hillary Binzer, normally my co-host here at Your Edition Today!, has gone mysteriously missing. Her ominous absence is a serious blow to journalistic integrity. If anyone has information concerning her disappearance or knows where to recover the body, please report as soon as possible to your local Homeland Security substation. Until a replacement has been found, I will have to assume full responsibility for accumulating and reading out the news to you. This is a burden I do not take on lightly. But given the grave terrorist threat facing us today, what loyal citizen could do otherwise? I appreciate your sympathy and support. I am confident I will rise to the occasion.
Moving on to the latest dispatches, the bomb squad based in I sector is being investigated for possible infiltration by a treacherous mole. As I'm sure you well know, this arm of Defense is a revered institution in the Bunker. Its brave disarmament officers risk life and limb to save ordinary citizens like us from the scars of burning napalm and white phosphorous. The presence of a mole in its ranks is therefore especially worrisome.
Citizen – give me a stretch as I try and get this name right – Mar K. Al-Imiz of I-15 sector, recently awarded a Mark of Excellence for his bravery in the field, is cooperating with authorities and is said to have already named several of his teammates as suspects. I will keep you informed of developments as they occur.
Elsewhere in the Bunker, the citizens of R-6 sector were treated to a terrible surprise three daystretches ago when they reported for their regular shower. A load of new and revolutionary soap produced by the Janelle Group had just been delivered overnight to their cleaning stations. Normally associated with harmless skin cremes, perfumes, and moisturizers, the Janelle Group's recent foray into cleansing products was initially greeted with enthusiasm. However, upon application, the soap produced second-degree burns and respiratory distress. Upon further investigation, it was revealed that the soap was still in the development stages and should never have been released to the public. How exactly – Oh! Hillary! What a pleasant surprise!
Is it, Marsha?
Of course it is! Why are you looking at me like that?
Because the brakes on my autopod gave out this morning during my way in on the transtube. I crashed into a truckpod from Janelle Group carrying crates of experimental soap and was rushed to the medical clinic along with tens of other citizens suffering from chlorine inhalation and scalding.
That's terrible, Hillary. But what makes you think that I would have anything to do with –
Because my autopod has a recorder on it, Marsha. You didn't know that, did you? After the last time you sabotaged my car I decided to have one installed. The feed is a bit grainy but you're easily identifiable. After a bit of digital enhancement, that is.
Well, that's all the time we have for you today. Stay tuned for another dispatch of Your Edition Today! as soon as we can get it to you.
And remember: we are citizens of the Bunker. Each and every last one of us.
---------------------
Interested readers can find out more about the Bunker in my sci-fi adventure novels, Thank You For Your Cooperation and Your Call Is Important To Us.
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