"I'm optimistic. I'm in good spirits. I'm blessed to be alive!" is what you try to tell yourself. But in the back of your mind you know it is going to come back. This phase of optimism is short lived because that dark cloud creeps back up on you. It hovers over you and keeps a close eye on you like a predator should. I've been well acquainted with this dark cloud since I was old enough to talk. Countless panic attacks, countless counseling sessions, countless nights of crying myself to sleep... And don't even make me count how many times I've self-mutilated. "But you're such a beautiful girl. What do you have to be depressed about?" Mmm I don't know... Maybe the fact that I was molested by my father when I was a preschooler. Or maybe the fact that I lost my nana when I was 8 and I had to carry the weight of knowing she was going to die because I had a dream she was going to die a week before it happened. Or maybe the fact that most of my childhood was spent being an adult because my mom was rarely home and someone had to care for my little brothers. I guess when you're "such a beautiful girl" you have not a care in the world right? WRONG! It doesn't matter how pretty you are on the outside if you feel ugly on the inside. Don't worry... This is not an invitation to a pity party. Fucked up things happen all the time, that's just life. But let me ask you something... Where does some of the greatest art come from??? PAIN! Think about it. I'm sure some of your best work came from a painful place or during a painful time in your life. You have to understand that diamonds are made under pressure and gold is tested with fire. I hate to tell you this, but that dark cloud will NEVER go away for good. Your real goal should be to figure out how you're going to use that dark cloud to make diamonds.