Rachel > Rachel's Quotes

“You! You tricked me! I never want to see you or that bottle of liquid arsenic again!”

I chucked the empty moonshine jug at him. Or tried to. It missed him by a dozen feet.

He picked it up in astonishment. “You drank the whole bloody thing? You were only supposed to have a few sips!”

“Did you say that? Did you?” He reached me just as I felt the ground tip. “Didn’t say anything. I’ve got those names, so that’s all that matters, but you men…you’re all alike. Alive, dead, undead—all perverts! I had a drunken pervert in my pants! Do you know how unsanitary that is?”

Bones held me upright. I would have protested, but I couldn’t remember how to. “What are you saying?”

“Winston poltergeisted my panties, that’s what!” I announced with a loud hiccup.

“Why, you scurvy, lecherous spook!” Bones yelled in the direction of the cemetery. “If my pipes still worked, I’d go right back there and piss on your grave!”
― Jeaniene Frost, Halfway to the Grave

“Bath toys are reserved only for the oldest, more lethal vampires.”
― Jeaniene Frost, Eternal Kiss of Darkness

“Then you remember the dream,” Mencheres stated. “That bodes ill.”
 
The fear of that made my reply snappy. “Hey, Walks Like An Egyptian, how about for once you drop the formal stuff and talk like you live in the twenty-first century?”
 
The shit’s gonna splatter, start buggin’, yo,” Mencheres responded instantly.
 
I stared at him, then burst out laughing, which was highly inappropriate considering the very grave warning he’d just conveyed.”
― Jeaniene Frost, Destined for an Early Grave

“Now, this is where I draw the line! It's bad enough everybody in town's going to be thinkin' I'm sleeping with a depressed, lice-ridden, hemorrhoidal foreigner who likes to be tied up and might be pregnant, although-since she's just about cornered the market on condoms-I don't know how that could have happened. But I will not-you listen to me, Emma!-I absolutely will not have anybody thinkin' a woman of mine needs a vaginal moisturizer, do you hear me?”
― Susan Elizabeth Phillips, Lady Be Good

“I don't love you anymore", she whispered. "I don't love you at all." His throat closed. "It's all right, sweetheart. I love you enough for both of us.”
― Susan Elizabeth Phillips, Kiss an Angel

“I married a damned cereal killer”
― Susan Elizabeth Phillips, Nobody's Baby But Mine

“Gracie: You have an unusual house. Have you lived here long?
Bobby Tom: A couple of years. I don't much like it myself, but the architect is real proud of it. She calls it urban Stone Age with a Japanese Tahitian influence. I sort of just call it ugly.”
― Susan Elizabeth Phillips, Heaven, Texas

“Did you eat my Twinkies?"
She gulped. Keeping her eyes glued to the whip, she said, "Exactly what Twinkies are we talking about?"
"The Twinkies in the cupboard over the sink. The only Twinkies in the trailer." His fingers convulsed around the coils of leather.
Oh, Lord, she thought. Flayed to death for a Twinkle.
"Well?"
"It, uh — it won't happen again, I promise you. But they didn't have any special marking on them, so there was no way I could tell they were yours." Her eyes remained riveted on the whip. "And normally I wouldn't have eaten them— I never eat junk food-—but I was hungry last night, and, well, when you think about it, you'll have to admit I did you a favor because they're clogging my arteries now instead of yours."
His voice was quiet. Too quiet. In her mind she heard the howl of a rampaging Cossack baying at a Russian moon. "Don't touch my Twinkies. Ever. If you want Twinkies, buy your own.”
― Susan Elizabeth Phillips, Kiss an Angel

“No marshmallows. "I don't believe this! I'm going to write the president of General Mills! Don't they have any quality control?"
"I'm sure it's just a fluke"
"Doesn't make any difference whether it's a fluke or not. It shouldn't have happened. When a person buys a box of lucky charms he's got expectations”
― Susan Elizabeth Phillips, Nobody's Baby But Mine

“They've drunk everything in the house, including a pitcher of African violet plant food I'd just mixed up and was stupid enough to leave on the counter."

Tremaine punched Eddie in the shoulder. "I told you it tasted weird."

Eddie shrugged. "Tasted okay to me.”
― Susan Elizabeth Phillips, Match Me If You Can

“I want you to tell me how this normally works. Do we hunt down the Dark Ones? Do we have a scheduled battle with the Big Bad Dark One? Do I need to run up and hit him in the face with a glove and declare a duel? What?”
― Nichole Chase, Mortal Obligation

“Have you ever chopped down something with an ax? Not fun. I now have serious doubts regarding George Washington and his cherry tree.”
― Tammy Blackwell, Fate Succumbs

“There's an old adage about everything looking better in the morning light. I'm guessing that whoever thought of that had never been punched in the face.”
― Tammy Blackwell, Destiny Binds

“I supposed that if I had a third eye in the middle of my forehead she would want one of those too. “You don’t want a fake orange tan, Munchkin.”
“Yes, I do,” she insisted. “It’s pretty.”
Alex was amused. “Oh, I think so too. Very pretty and informative. I have always wondered what the female Oompa-Loompas looked like.”
― Tammy Blackwell, Destiny Binds

“I no longer believed in the idea of soul mates, or love at first sight. But I was beginning to believe that a very few times in your life, if you were lucky, you might meet someone who was exactly right for you. Not because he was perfect, or because you were, but because your combined flaws were arranged in a way that allowed two separate beings to hinge together.”
― Lisa Kleypas, Blue-Eyed Devil

“She thought it over, but couldn’t see any immediate loopholes other than the threat of her inner slut emerging, and she could darned well control that little bitch.”
― Susan Elizabeth Phillips, Natural Born Charmer

“Disagreements over money are the biggest cause of divorce."

She waved her hand. "Absolutely no problem. Your money is our money. My money is my money." She wrote away.

"I should make you negotiate with Phoebe.”
― Susan Elizabeth Phillips, Match Me If You Can

“She's as plastic as you are. If you ever have kids, they'll come out of the birth canal with Fisher-Price stamped on their butts.”
― Susan Elizabeth Phillips, Match Me If You Can

“It runs in the family. And don't expect me to be ashamed. Yankees lock away loony relatives, but down here, we prop 'em up on parade floats and march 'em through the middle of town.”
― Susan Elizabeth Phillips, Ain't She Sweet?

“I've been in love with you since the very beginning. You asked why there isn't anyone else in my life, and the reason... is you.”
― Julie James, Practice Makes Perfect

“So, Beav, tell me about yourself."
"I'm Blue."
"Sweetheart, if I had your dubious taste in men, I wouldn't be too happy, either."
"My name is Blue. Blue Bailey.”
― Susan Elizabeth Phillips, Natural Born Charmer

“I can feel you
staring at me,” he said in the softest wake-up voice I’d ever heard. “I only
hope you’re a girl and not one of the drunken guys.”
― Piper Shelly, Play With Me

“Maybe you'll win when hell freezes over."

He raised an eyebrow.

"That could be easily arranged.”
― Aimee Carter, The Goddess Test

“You're a prefect? Oh Ronnie! That's everyone in the family!"
"What are Fred and I? Next door neighbors?”
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

“I must have your promise, Coach, that you won't hurt her."
"I promise."
"You spoke a bit too quickly for my taste. I don't quite believe you."
"I'm a man of my word, and I promise that I won't hurt her.When I murder her, I'll do it real quick, so she won't feel a thing."
Viktor sighed. "That's exactly what I was afraid of.”
― Susan Elizabeth Phillips, It Had to Be You

“I guess we're oil and water. (Phoebe)

I'd say we're more like gasoline and a blowtorch. (Dan)”
― Susan Elizabeth Phillips, It Had to Be You

“There you are," he said when she bobbed up. "I was getting worried."
"What are you doing?"
"Waiting till you're ready to drown." He smiled and eased back down on the seat. "And then I'm going to save your life. Dan did it for Phoebe and I'm going to do it for you."
"Dan didn't try to murder her first!" she screamed.
"I go the extra mile.”
― Susan Elizabeth Phillips, This Heart of Mine

“Are you upset that you can’t stomp around like a caveman and pee on my leg?” I poked his shoulder. “I’m not a tree, Your Highness.”
― Nichole Chase, Suddenly Royal

“I'm not going to wear a red dress," she said.
"It would look stunning, My Lady," she called.
She spoke to the bubbles gathered on the surface of the water. "If there's anyone I wish to stun at dinner, I'll hit him in the face.”
― Kristin Cashore, Graceling

“What’s your name?”

“You just can’t take a hint, can you?”

“That’s kind of a mouthful. Do you happen to go by a nickname?”
― Jessa L. Gilbert