Wesley Reeves > Wesley's Quotes

“The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, 'You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I’m just not close enough to get the job done.”
― George Carlin

“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so?
There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.”
― Drew Carey

“The Devil got landed with a shitty job, he has to deal with assholes everyday, he's probably bored as hell.”
― Gerard Way

“You don’t need no gun control, you know what you need? We need some bullet control. Men, we need to control the bullets, that’s right. I think all bullets should cost five thousand dollars… five thousand dollars per bullet… You know why? Cause if a bullet cost five thousand dollars there would be no more innocent bystanders.
Yeah! Every time somebody get shut we’d say, ‘Damn, he must have done something ... Shit, he’s got fifty thousand dollars worth of bullets in his ass.’
And people would think before they killed somebody if a bullet cost five thousand dollars. ‘Man I would blow your fucking head off…if I could afford it.’ ‘I’m gonna get me another job, I’m going to start saving some money, and you’re a dead man. You’d better hope I can’t get no bullets on layaway.’
So even if you get shot by a stray bullet, you wouldn't have to go to no doctor to get it taken out. Whoever shot you would take their bullet back, like "I believe you got my property.”
― Chris Rock

“When you make music or write or create, it's really your job to have mind-blowing, irresponsible, condomless sex with whatever idea it is you're writing about at the time. ”
― Lady Gaga

“It’s a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it’s a depression when you lose your own.”
― Harry S. Truman

“A liberated woman is one who has sex before marriage and a job after.”
― Gloria Steinem

“The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house.”
― Jeff Foxworthy

“My job is a decision-making job, and as a result, I make a lot of decisions.”
― George W. Bush

“Your job is to focus on my personal happiness, she said, & I've got big plans, so break time is over. ”
― Brian Andreas

“Negative results are just what I want. They’re just as valuable to me as positive results. I can never find the thing that does the job best until I find the ones that don’t.”
― Thomas A. Edison

“Whenever you are asked if you can do a job, tell 'em, 'Certainly I can!' Then get busy and find out how to do it.”
― Theodore Roosevelt

“All paid jobs absorb and degrade the mind.”
― Aristotle

“Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry, you can't have a baby brother, because that would mean that Daddy had sex, and that's never going to happen again.”
― Christopher Moore, A Dirty Job

“The secret to enjoying your job is to have a hobby that's even worse”
― Bill Watterson, It's a Magical World

“If I could have any job in the world I'd be a professional Cinderella.”
― Susanna Kaysen

“Internet porn makes everything more reasonable -- once you've realized there is a massive subculture of upwardly mobile people who think it's erotic to see an Asian woman giving a hand job to a javelina, nothing else in the world seems crazy.”
― Chuck Klosterman

“Your job is the relentless pursuit of who God made you to be. And anything else you do is sin and you need to repent of it.”
― Rob Bell, Velvet Elvis: Repainting the Christian Faith

“My main problem with cops is that they do what they're told. They say 'Sorry mate, I'm just doing my job' all the fucking time.”
― Banksy, Banging Your Head Against a Brick Wall

“Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you can repeat words! And they don't even have to be true!”
― Dave Barry

“Jeff: You know, you don't have to do this.
Walter: Yeah, I could get a real job.
Jeff: What would you do?
Walter: I wanna be a greeter at Wal-Mart.
Walter: What the hell's so funny?
Jeff: At Wal-Mart, what would be your opening line?
Walter: Oh.
Walter: Welcome to Wal-Mart. Get your shit and get out!
Walter: Have a nice day!”
― Jeff Dunham

“Live. And Live Well.

BREATHE. Breathe in and Breathe deeply.

Be PRESENT. Do
not be past. Do not be future. Be now.

On a crystal clear, breezy 70 degree day,
roll down the windows and

FEEL the wind against your skin. Feel the warmth of
the sun.

If you run, then allow those first few breaths on a cool Autumn day to

FREEZE your lungs and do not just be alarmed, be ALIVE.

Get knee-deep in a novel
and LOSE track of time.

If you bike, pedal HARDER and if you crash then crash
well.

Feel the SATISFACTION of a job well done-a paper well-written, a project
thoroughly completed, a play well-performed.

If you must wipe the snot from your
3-year old's nose, don't be disgusted if the Kleenex didn't catch it all

because soon he'll be wiping his own.

If you've recently experienced loss, then
GRIEVE. And Grieve well.

At the table with friends and family, LAUGH.

If you're
eating and laughing at the same time, then might as well laugh until you puke.

And if you eat, then SMELL.

The aromas are not impediments to your day. Steak on
the grill, coffee beans freshly ground, cookies in the oven.

And TASTE.

Taste every ounce of flavor.

Taste every ounce of friendship.

Taste every ounce of Life.

Because-it-is-most-definitely-a-Gift.”
― Kyle Lake

“If you're going to try, go all the way. This could mean losing girlfriends, wives, relatives, jobs and maybe your mind.”
― Charles Bukowski

“What's so funny about peace, love and understanding”
― Elvis Costello

“A lot of people ask me if I were shipwrecked, and could have only one book, what would it be? I always say, "How to Build a Boat.”
― Stephen Wright

“To answer your question, you want me because I'm made of awesome.”
― Gena Showalter, Heart of Darkness

“Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.”
― Hedy Lamarr

“Remember the days when you let your child have some chocolate if he finished his cereal? Now, chocolate is one of the cereals.”
― Robert Orben

“Whatever you do, in the privacy of your own rain shower, is your own business”
― Gregory David Roberts, Shantaram

“The Guide says there is an art to flying", said Ford, "or rather a knack. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.”
― Douglas Adams, Life, the Universe and Everything