Charley Davidson Humor Quotes

“The funny thing about GPS was it didn’t always send you in the right direction.
I knew that if I took a right and took Twelfth instead, I’d get there faster, so I turned right. Ozzy did not approve.
“Wut the foock?”
Did he just say the F-word?
“Ya not even foocking listening.”

“Ha! This is great,” I said to the dead naked guy. He ignored me. Ozzy was so entertaining”
― Darynda Jones, Fifth Grave Past the Light

“The dead guy looked at me with wide eyes. “I can’t move my legs.”
I snorted. “You can’t move your arms either, or your feet or your freaking eyelids. You’re dead.”
― Darynda Jones, First Grave on the Right

“You take everything onto your shoulders like that guy who holds up the world, and you shouldn’t. You’re not nearly as muscular.”
― Darynda Jones, First Grave on the Right

“I was freaking her out, but someone had to do it, damn it”
― Darynda Jones, Fifth Grave Past the Light

“My plans often went awry. Much like my thoughts. Hold the phones. Maybe SATAN had A.D.D. too. It would explain a lot.”
― Darynda Jones, Fifth Grave Past the Light

“Cookie&Charley Coffee moments:

“You did your dishes with shampoo?”

“It was either that or my apricot body scrub.”

“No, good call. A little shampoo won’t hurt you.”
― Darynda Jones, Fifth Grave Past the Light

“Our relationship was a lot like underwear in a dryer without a static control sheet. One minute we were floating through life, buoyant and carefree. The next we were attached at the crotch”
― Darynda Jones, Fifth Grave Past the Light

“I was busy perusing the suicide notes and waiting for Belvedere's water to finish its treatment when I heard a thud from Cookie's office. Then a mousy squeak. The a throaty moan.

"Cookie," I said, wiggling my fingers at Belvedere to get him acquainted to with our strange ways, "are you masturbating?"

"No, I got a paper cut."

Oh, I didn't see that coming.”
― Darynda Jones, Seventh Grave and No Body

“The rush of adrenaline helped. Not a lot. I still needed a caffeine fix, but at least I was awake enough to realize I quite possibly had my underwear on inside out. Something didn’t feel right down yonder.”
― Darynda Jones, Fifth Grave Past the Light

“Charley's "FOR THE LOVE OF":

“Oh,FOR THE LOVE OF gravy”

“Just be honest with me, FOR THE LOVE OF applesauce, Gemma.”

“But FOR THE LOVE OF marinara, I typed, don’t shoot anyone.”
― Darynda Jones, Fifth Grave Past the Light

“I felt like the girl who showed up at a formal dinner party in jeans and a Pink Floyd T-shirt. Probably ’cause I did that once.”
― Darynda Jones, First Grave on the Right

“Gemma was so determined for me to deal with my PTSD, but I thought I was doing pretty well with it. We were friends now. I had my incontinence under control ”
― Darynda Jones, Fifth Grave Past the Light

“Holy mother of banana cream pie. They had pictures.”
― Darynda Jones, Second Grave on the Left

“Okay but he has a case for you," she said again, her voice singsong.

"Don't care."

"It's right up your alley. There's been a rash of suicide notes."

"That's not right up my alley. That's, like, two blocks over from my alley.”
― Darynda Jones, Seventh Grave and No Body

“suddenly I’m that chick from Fatal Attraction. Next thing you know, I’ll be boiling rabbits.”
― Darynda Jones, Fifth Grave Past the Light

“You know, I was thinking about my in-laws." I strolled closer, craving his heat. And his scent. And the power that continuously hummed through him like an infinite source of energy. "You know, from your supernatural side? By being married to you, I am Satan's daughter-in-law, Jehova's sister-in-law, and Jesus's aunt by marriage.”
― Darynda Jones, Eleventh Grave in Moonlight

“I don’t know. You just seem different now. Distant. Like you have PTSD.”
I knew from where I spoke. My TSD got P’d when I was tortured by a monster named Earl.”
― Darynda Jones, Fifth Grave Past the Light