Darynda Jones Quotes

“For the first time in my life, I was in a shoot-out. A real, honest-to-goodness shoot-out with a bad guy. And, apparently, we both sucked.”
― Darynda Jones, Second Grave on the Left

“Let me express how much I don't care on a scale from one to bite me”
― Darynda Jones, Third Grave Dead Ahead

“That’s the thing about things. They tend to happen.”
― Darynda Jones, Second Grave on the Left

“Pretending to drink coffee was similar to faking an orgasm.”
― Darynda Jones, First Grave on the Right

“Gemma Davidson,” she answered, her voice as groggy as I felt.
“Where are you?” I asked.
“Who is this?”
“Elvis.”
“What time is it?”
“Hammer time?”
“Charley.”
“Did you text me? Did your car break down?”
“No and no. Why are you doing this to me?” She was funny.
“Check your cell.”
I heard a loud, sleepy sigh, some rustling of sheets, then, “It won’t come on.”
“Not at all?”
“No. What did you do to it?”
“I ate it for breakfast. Check the battery compartment.”
“Where the hell is that?”
“Um, behind the battery door.”
“Are you punking me?” I heard her fumbling with the phone.
“Gem, if I was going to punk you, I wouldn't simply turn off your phone. I would pour honey in your hair while you slept. Or, you know, something like that.”
“That was you?” she asked, appalled.”
― Darynda Jones, Third Grave Dead Ahead

“You take everything onto your shoulders like that guy who holds up the world, and you shouldn’t. You’re not nearly as muscular.”
― Darynda Jones, First Grave on the Right

“My real mom died when I was born—hemorrhaged to death while giving birth to
me, which has never been one of my favorite memories—and Dad married Denise before I’d turned a year. Without even asking my opinion on the
matter. Denise and I never really clicked.”
― Darynda Jones, First Grave on the Right

“Okay but he has a case for you," she said again, her voice singsong.

"Don't care."

"It's right up your alley. There's been a rash of suicide notes."

"That's not right up my alley. That's, like, two blocks over from my alley.”
― Darynda Jones, Seventh Grave and No Body

“He reminded me of Gerald Roma from grade school, who used to burn ants with a magnifying glass. He was never quite right. It was weird that he spontaneously combusted during finals week our freshman year in college. Payback was a bitch.”
― Darynda Jones, Fourth Grave Beneath My Feet

“The point is, stories can be all lengths. Never underestimate the power of “less is more.”
― Darynda Jones