Cop Humor Quotes

“Just shut your mouth, you ignorant twat."
"Aw, Dallas, he called me a twat. How come you get to be a bitch, but I only get to be a twat."
"It's the rank," Eve told her. "You'll make bitch one day."
"Thanks. That means a lot to me.”
― J.D. Robb, Festive in Death

“It all jibed, and the books would close on Jasper as death by misadventure. Unofficially, Eve labeled it death by stupidity, but there wasn't a place on the sheet for that particular observation. - Lt. Eve Dallas on a drunk fall off the roof”
― J.D. Robb, Visions in Death

“Eve “I shopped,"she said
Roarke "Dear God! Are you all right? Should I call for the MTs?"
Eve "Smartass.”
― JD Robb

“[Feeney] "Nearly blew ourselves up about an hour ago, right, Roarke?"
Roarke rose and tucked his hands in his pockets. "I never doubted you for an instant Captain."
"Like hell." In tune with his man, Feeney grinned. "If you weren't saying your prayers, boyo, I was saying mine. Still, I can't think of many others I'd be pleased to be blown to hell with."
"The feeling's nearly mutual."
"If you two have finished your little male bonding dance, would you care to explain what the hell I'm supposed to be looking at here?" [Eve]”
― J.D. Robb, Rapture in Death

“Well, hell, Eve. If you need to run off to you dressmaker, or take your cat to therapy, Peabody and I can handle this minor matter of murder."
Eve lips stretched in a vicious smile. "Bite me, Casto.”
― J.D. Robb, Immortal in Death

“. Either MacKay was making up for his earlier lapse of professional sangfroid, or he was just very slow on the uptake: either way, he was so mind-meltingly leisurely and methodical in his questioning that bludgeoning him to death with his own notebook would probably have counted as justifiable homicide. He wrote slowly, too, requiring several repetitions of all but the shortest sentences. Overall, I reckon he had the right stuff to be an officer.”
― Mike Carey, Vicious Circle