Dry Humour Quotes

“So Caymen..."
"So, Xander..."
"Like the islands."
"What?"
"Your name. Caymen. Like the Cayman Islands. Is that your mom's favourite place to visit or something?"
"No, it's her third favourite place. I have an older brother named Paris and an older sister named Sydney."
"Wow." He opens the bag, takes out a muffin, and hands it to me. The top glistens with sprinkled sugar. "Really?"
I gently unwrap it. "No.”
― Kasie West, The Distance Between Us

“A lot of people don’t get my humor. My mom calls it dry humor. I think that means “not funny,” but it also means I’m the only one who ever knows it’s a joke.”
― Kasie West, The Distance Between Us

“I’m a policeman, he thought, not a moral judge, nor a Peeping Tom.”
― Mark Ellis, The Embassy Murders

“I’d rather not see their eyes. Eyes can say so much. Theirs say, ‘I want to steal your soul so don’t turn your back on us.”
― Kasie West, The Distance Between Us

“And more’?”

The name of the store is Dolls and More. He’s asking what others have before him once they come into the store and only see dolls. I nod. “Dolls and more dolls.”
― Kasie West, The Distance Between Us

“Cold feet under a warm blanket, steam over an empty mug--rain splatters on dry window pane--open journals of closed memories... tears of laughter and joy of pain... schmaltz of diametric morning.”
― Val Uchendu

“We all shook hands, and the policeman, having retrieved a piece of chewing-gum from the underside of a chair, where he had parked it against a rainy day, went off into a corner and began to contemplate the infinite.”
― P.G. Wodehouse, The Inimitable Jeeves

“I dread it, but you know, I get to feeling sorry for myself, and then I think of you and remember it could be worse.”
― Virginia Evans, The Correspondent

“Who said that?" asked Sir Grummore.
"But the sword said it, like I tell you."
"Talkative weapon," remarked Sir Grummore skeptically.”
― T.H. White

“Good Morning. You're in trouble.”
― Roger Zelazny, The Great Book of Amber

“Russ told Harlene to patch Mark through to Clare’s if and when he turned up anything.

“I’d love to know how you managed to work Reverend Fergusson into this one,” Harlene said.

“Reverend Fergusson manages to work herself into these things all on her own,” he said. “She doesn’t need any pushing from me.”
― Julia Spencer-Fleming, Out of the Deep I Cry

“In the past, a lady of fashion would seductively smoke a long cigarette in an ivory holder; the modern idol of the betel age will probably be the same lady, but this time elegantly spitting out three table-spoons of blood-red betel-spit into an artistically crafted spittoon through teeth blackened by decades of chewing. When such a body offers you a little ground limestone, be aware that this is a gesture of the most genuine friendship.”
― Vojtěch Novotný, Notebooks from New Guinea: Field Notes of a Tropical Biologist

“What is this?” she asked with a half-grimace on her face.

“Rabbit.”

“I wouldn’t have guessed that in a million years.”

“Yeah,” he growled. “But I’ve never cooked before.” He took a spoonful, trying to keep the foul-tasting mix down.”
― Steven Raaymakers, A Canticle of Two Souls

“Great. Just flipping fantastic. He’s like a warm English fire after being caught in the rain, and I’m like a hillbilly tractor stuck in the mud.”
― Brooke Gilbert, The Paris Soulmate

“It is never too late to be what you might have been. — George Eliot
The biggest single problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place. — George Bernard Shaw”
― Jenny-Anne Fennell, MUTE SWANS: A moving family drama about marriage, secrets and second chances