Ironic Humor Quotes

“Even though I dislike being kicked by others, I do enjoy the feeling of kicking others”
― Yana Toboso, Black Butler 3

“[The Void Which Binds] actual but unaccessible presence in our universe is one of the prime causes for our species elaborating myth and religion, for our stubborn, blind belief in extrasensory powers, in telepathy and precognition, in demons and demigods and resurrection and reincarnation and ghosts and messiahs and so many other categories of almost-but-not-quite satisfying bullshit.”
― Dan Simmons, The Rise of Endymion

“I hope I know my own unworthiness, and that I hate and despise myself and all my fellow-creatures as every practicable Christian should.”
― Charles Dickens, Barnaby Rudge

“Jon hung a quiver from his belt and pulled an arrow. The shaft was black, the fletching grey. As he notched it to his string, he remembered something that Theon Greyjoy had once said after a hunt. "The boar can keep his tusks and the bear his claws," he had declared, smiling that way he did. "There's nothing half so mortal as a grey goose feather.”
― George R.R. Martin, A Storm of Swords

“I will not sulk about having no boyfriend, but develop inner poise and authority and sense of self as woman of substance,complete without boyfriend, as best way to obtain boyfriend.”
― Helen Fielding, Bridget Jones’s Diary

“You know what really wears you out? People telling you that you look tired all the time!”
― Stewart Stafford

“Some people stride toward a better future. Others have chauffeurs.”
― Ljupka Cvetanova, The New Land

“If you'd told me even a year before...that I'd wind up whispering my sins in the confessional or on my knees saying the rosary, I would've laughed myself cockeyed. More likely pastime?Pole dancer. International spy. Drug mule. Assassin.

I drive under a sky black as graphite to meet my new spiritual director...a bulky Franciscan nun named Sister Margaret, patiently going blind behind fish-tank glasses that magnify her eyes like goggles.”
― Mary Karr, Lit

“Graham had a lot of trouble with taste. Often his thoughts were not tasty.”
― Thomas Harris, Red Dragon

“Doakes had a first name! It was Albert - had anyone ever really called him that? Unthinkable. I had assumed his name was Sergeant.”
― Jeff Lindsay, Dearly Devoted Dexter

“Imagine thinking you have any say over how someone else lives or works.”
― Brandi Wells, The Cleaner

“It's a sad day when you count a man lucky for only losing a left hand and part of his ass.”
― Dean M. Cole, Ambush

“O, jadna moja Marjeta, počela je odma plakati stara Marjetina mater, jer se Marjeta nije to jutro vratila s ispaše, a cijele je noći grmilo. Kad u nas grmi, ljudi se sklone pod koji zaklon i čekaju jutro pa se u selo vrate tek ujutro. A dogodilo se, ne jednom, da ih grom pokosi na tom našem brdu, pa se nikad ne vrate. Brda su ovdje kod nas gola, nema stabla, sve samo sitno grmlje, i kad hodaš tuda po oluji, grom nema koga nego tebe pogoditi. Zato se u ovom kraju uvijek puno vjerovalo u boga i imalo jedan poseban odnos s bogom. Pred bogom se ništa nije skrivalo i uvijek mu se glasno molilo. Jer nema puno mjesta gdje bog tako često i tako precizno pogađa sve koji su mu nevjerni.”
― Želimir Periš, Lapis Histriae 2012

“[...] it's all very well planning what you will do in six months, what you will do in a year, but it's no good at all if you don't have a plan for tomorrow.”
― Hilary Mantel, Wolf Hall

“Me can read good.”
― Eliza Crewe, Crushed

“¿Sabes lo que le dice la mantis hembra a la mantis macho después de hacer el amor? Fue bonito mientras duró.”
― Lucian F. Vaizer, Seis almas, seis destinos: Morir no te salvará del horror

“They call you lazy when you don't bother trying and unrealistically ambitious when you try hard.”
― Torron-Lee Dewar

“No, I work for the newspaper, the Miami News. The hip-hopper's stare was blank. "What channel?" The future of my chosen profession looked bleak.”
― Edna Buchanan, Suitable for Framing

“My parents never swore in front of me. Not then. The fuck is mine, added for emphasis, a lie that tells the truth.”
― Lg Thompson

“PUBLICISTA 3: ¡Se va usted a forrar a costa del televidente!
JEFE: Ya, aunque el público quizás piense...
PUBLICISTA 1: ¡Se equivoca completamente!
PUBLICISTA 2: ¡El público nunca piensa!
PUBLICISTA 3: ¡Ni queremos que lo haga!”
― Ernesto Martín Martínez, Basura TV - Tecnozombies

“Maybe heaven is a place for execution and hell is just a test for good
Maybe she had a reason for what she did to us that I can't see.”
― Devashish kaushik

“Sometimes it can be better to live with the fear of it, than to die doing it, whatever Logen's father had told him.”
― Joe Abercrombie, Last Argument of Kings

“Corpses had always been a poor reward for all the effort it took to make them.”
― Joe Abercrombie, Last Argument of Kings

“If I could go back in time, I would collect all of it - sneaker sole, the shoelace, the buttons, and the twin key. I would give it all to her.”
― Shelby Van Pelt, Remarkably Bright Creatures

“Ironia este medicament, nu numai pentru a-i binedispune și a-i lumina pe ceilalți, ci și pentru sine, căci autoironia este un instrument puternic pentru a învinge tentația narcisismului. Narcisiștii se privesc mereu în oglindă, se machiază, se privesc iar, dar cel mai bun sfat e ca în fața unei oglinzi să râdem întotdeauna de noi înșine.”
― Papa Francisc, Spera. Autobiografia

“A Humanidade leva-se demasiado a sério. É o pecado original do mundo. Se o homem das cavernas soubesse rir, a História teria sido bem diferente.”
― Oscar Wilde, O Retrato De Dorian Gray